fate... changes

i just got back from my 2nd open dive! whahaha
i changed my fate by bitching on my blog
and so the sky cleared.

i have a damn headache now though.

fateless.

fate is for those who cannot change their destiny

i opened my eyes and i am
blinded by the white light
tried to make out the day
tried to make out the time
but all i made out was haze

And I can't stand the sound
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the rain

How could this happen to me
I was supposed to dive
and now with overcast skies
night goes on
As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

soon my phone starts beeping
and everybody calls out to me
their silent anguish
and cheated hearts
lashing out at me
and for the added cut
my buddy's not coming
cos she is sick

I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to return to a point
when i can respawn again

And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

now the sky has cleared....right after this bitching
but i may still be unable to dive

adjusting

it's been a week of adjustment for me...
one thing's for sure : the office is still a zoo.
and now w/o one of my clowniest colleagues, its a challenge trying to feel at ease in the loony bin. i've also started to take the bus back (instead of the mrt and then switching to a feeder bus).
it's hell.
firstly cos the bus smells of axe oil;
secondly, it's full and crowded with old people most of the time. and they always rush for seats and to get on/off the bus. sometimes they make me think that thay are rushing to die by doing that...
thirdly, it takes a bloody half an hour or more to reach home and it's damn slow.
but what to do? no kaki to go home with already.
i'm more or less alone again. with syl and ahpek back in australia (and the other aussie kids); justin's in brunei and more to leave in the near future. (think 110 intake kids). i need to ord soon.

i've been having weird dreams lately. the type that are kinda prophetic. so much that its scaring me once more. namely: car crashes and confrontational fights and on love.

and its strange that lately i've been thinking alot about love. how it spurs and motivates us; influences us to do the most ridiculous things just to obtain that very object of affection; of the passion ignited that to a certain floored extent, can even drive us to kill. to Death does it not end.

but when it's over, it's over.

i once believed in Love. until i gave it away.

and strangly after watching buffy tonight, in the last episode of season 6 ep where Xander tells Willow (who's now bent on destroying the world 'cos she was filled with grief upon the loss of her Love, Tara) he loves her ( as a friend), she woke up her idea and loses her power and eveyone lives happily ever after. Love conquers all huh.

Faith Hope and Love are the 3 greatest things
the greatest is Love.

maybe.

and maybe one day i'll find my way
out of the woods, into the day
where the pain has been embraced
and the tears, dried
that's where i'll want to be
in the silence of the Night.