lamentations

Sadness is an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessness. When sad, people often become quiet, less energetic, and withdrawn. - wikipedia

i'm plagued.
plagued with the unending weight of my damn literature review
and thesis
somehow there's this feeling that i've not done enough. it's still incomplete
which makes me want to sit down properly and improve it
but when that time come
fatigue kicks in
and then hopes of how wonderful it would be to finally hand in the damn thesis
false tears of joy will then well up
and this cycles goes on an on
but of course no one knows it
except my God and blogger
where did the time go
it's never too late for remorse i guess

restraint

have you ever had moments when you wanted to scream
but had no voice
or when you are feeling chatty like the world's #1 friendliest human
but have a recurring whooping cough which prevents you from saying a complete sentence
or when the speed limit of the road is 110km/h
but there is a road hogger in every lane of the expressway travelling at 20km/h
preventing you from overtaking
still can't relate?
how about adding stuff to a lit review by summarrising a 200-page report?
still can't?
it must be me then.
*grumbles*

Like a knife

I dream a lot,
I know you say
I've got to get away.
"The world is not yours for the taking"
Is all you ever say.
I know I'm not the best for you,
But promise that you'll stay.
Cause if I watch you go,
You'll see me wasting,
you'll see me wasting away

Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words they have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me,Or watch me bleed,
I need you just to breathe.

break me

1 presentation down, 1 final to go
1 thesis to complete, 8 days to bleed
somehow a part of me wants to just hand it up while another says to make it an uber one. i can see the finishing line but somehow its fading back into the distance. my minds a warp right now. i'm in a state of transition, ending but not finishing, to choose between working and living, is IT for me or what i thought was for me? as the days pass i begin to wonder if i've wasted 1.5 years doing nothing. i dont feel wiser, same distance from home. standing between continents. neither son nor friend. my friends used to know me personally, but now i am just a name, the skies are clearer here but i don't see the sun. is that what i am, searching for identity, a classification in this messy world?

i wait in the same spot
brain like a parking lot
with this traffic in my head
won't you kick me hard instead?


thank you August, for waking me up.