aimless

i just woke up from 8 hours of much desired sleep
somehow i feel refreshed and somehow i feel cheated
i kind of messed up my biological clock and mealtime
lunch tastes weird at this hour. the bean sprouts taste sour, the steamed egg stinks
and the rice soggy
right now i feel so aimless there are many things that i can do right now
but it is just so hard to choose

arbitary solace

here i am sitting in a spacious hall at a friend's place
with 4 jokers areound me either focused on the sony black box right in front of me
or on the 14 inch ACER monitor
i don't know why i am up at such an ungodly hour
i don't know why am i actually here
i don't know what am i going to do right after i complete this entry
but all i do know is that
it's great to be away from home

it's funny how parents can still hold such tight constraints on a 19 year old
so funny that i term it strange
in the beginning i thought that my parents were complete bitches
perpetually bitching me and "running" my life
but it is only until today, tonight
that i realise that there are people worse off than me
it's true that maturity is an essential aspect in a parent's trust for a child
it is also true that maturity does not come with age
but little do most parents know that they have to put their child's life on the anvil
to be forged and shaped by the furnace of life in order to grow

not many people think the way like me
i do not blame them
neither do i blame myself
for that makes up a person's individuality
for without it
humans would be mere robots of society

what is life actually
birth, childhood,school,work,marriage,family,birth,death
is it that cyclic or is it worth more
it is all up to us

the path of life has already been planned
the outcome destined
is is only the journey that is unknown

not many people may see things the way i do
some may term me eccentric,weird,spastic or downright cynical
but hey
that's me, johnny

out of reach

long way from home,
lost by an echo, i'd never of known
i've got pictures to prove i was there,
but you don't care
here's me overseas, across a pond by the Dover peaks
i've smuggled myself into new nationalities, you think yo'd be proud of me
there's room to believe, out of mind, out of sight, out of reach
start over is no way to begin

-get up kids

painful joy

in deafening silence a hermit dwells
actor of life, survivour of the swells
he aches , he weeps in silent grief
for his heart has been stolen by a thief
the thief supreme, the thief discreet
for this is on thief timely unique

in deafening silence a warrior dwells
child-like is he among the quells
he's lonely, yet composed
of health hale
despite Life's hails

in defening silence a young man weeps
of life's toils and pleasures to meet
he wonders why, he wonders how
how hard he wonders
time will not tell

perhaps life was meant to be discovered
perhaps pain was meant to be felt
perhaps love was meant to break us
perhaps joy was meant to heal
perhaps hope is comforting

but in the end we all break down
when reality kicks in

what is heartbreak without pain
what is pain without wounds
what is memory without scars
what is life without memory
nothing. indeed. nothing.

AUGUST IN BETHANY

with the sounds of the ocean crashing 7:30 friday
evening everything comes tumbling down i choke
back each tear that bleeds i'd rather rest forever in
your arms i'd rather stay here than go but i know
that i should leave as i sit here helpless don't go
you said you wouldn't you said you couldn't i think
of our time together is it fading am i dreaming
everything you said lives on i cherish our memories
i want to kiss your tears away tonight it's hard to
give up the one you never thought you'd leave don't
go your eyes see through my soul don't go you say
as i walk out the door.

brett detar

obsession

it's 4 + in the morning and i am stil awake
not because of insomia
but because of the ps2
in my house is a clown who like me,
have decided to game for the whole night once more
the difference : he has school...and i don't

i'd most probably be skipping my lecture tomorrow
1 hour of lecture half hour of leaning; in my opinion

i've started to wonder abt the meaning of life once again
how it all adds up
how it all began
it's going to be another though provoking month
pray for me