the genelogy of morals

i just finished watching a film called "samsara"
in my opinion it is sort of an allegory to buddha (yes siddharta gautama's life)
well i'm not into buddhist shit but the show has left me thinking though
basically the story speaks of a young man who was involved in the monastry since the tender age of 5
apparently after serving 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days worth of meditation
he gained nirvana and got a degree for it (whatever)
however, the story begains to get interesting when he sees a woman breastfeeding her child by accident
and thus began the moral degradation of him.

he began to question his faith , on why he had to be a monk since 5 years old when buddha himself gave up
his worldly ways at the age of 29.
to cut the story short, he left the monastry to become a world man
married the girl he liked, had a family, farmed etc until one day, his fellow ex-monk-mate
paid him a visit with a message from his dead mentor
the message said "would you rather satisfy a thousand desires or conquer just one?" (or something like that)
which left him thinking.
after much though, he decided to leave his family and go back to become a monk.
now i know its his choice but i think it's super selfish of him lor since he already had a family and stuff like that
anyway, so off he went to shave his head and change into his buddhist garb and was walking towards the monastry
when he saw his wife at the gate
with the look of disappointment and tearing eyes she mentioned "yashodhara"
yashodhara was the wife of siddharta gautama(or buddha as he is famously known)
she begain reiterating the story of how siddharta gautama had left his family (yashodhara, his wife and rahul his son)
to give up his worldy ideals and gain enlightenment (sounds familiar?)
and ultimately buddha
he had left his family silently one night. without saying a word
she continued to say that yashodhara had been showing compassion to the ailing
and sick long before siddharta did and questioned him on who can say that siddharta owed
his enlightenment to her
whoa this part was the killer man (see it to believe it)
anyways, the story ended with the confused chap seeing the answer to the question
"how can you prevent a drop of water from drying up?" which was "by throwing it into the sea"
i don't know about him but i perceived it as blending in to your circumstances
and since that his circumstance was that he already had a family, then bloody hell return to it and stop being a monk

this has perhaps been the longest entry since i started blogging. i'm just blogging for the record since the movie has left some sort of impression on me. the question of moral obligation vs current circumstance. if anyone reads this (though i don't think anyone would) and feels offended then i'm not sorry. cos this is my damn private space. i repeat. samsara rocks.

the day's business

the year's birthday celebration was a quiet one
spent in the dingy restaurant of swensen's orchard point with a handful of good friends
not that i had few good friends, but because most of them were either in ns jail
or couldn't make it because i didn't really plan on celebrating it big this year
a great time of idyllic chatter saw us through the entire meal before we decided to end it simply
by going home. sounds pretty lame or boring but at least it's something different from the previous years for the record.
somehow i've reached the state of nothingness. where nothing really matters much when it comes to outcomes.
call it bad call it good but i just call it emo

the day is slowly seeping through the sieve of time
what started with an unnatural wake up call by my parents to get ready for chuch
attending my church's 24th anniversary (and getting really woken up by being placd right in front of the stage)
a simple lunch at alexandra village
and the above mentioned dinner is coming to an end
in a few hours this great/good/ok/bad/shitty day (please do not delete as necessary as the day consists of many parts of the adjectives) is coming to an end
tomorrow would be my neighbour's birthday and probably a few others whom i've probably lost contact but still remember
and what is left of today would only be a fragment of time

this is me. aged 20 years born in this earth
raised up to face the world
ever learning from mistakes and the evils of this world
ever striving to distinguish friends from actors
ever searching for the one true love
ever pursuing the knowledge of this earth
for better , for worse, forever after more.

hooray. it's my birthday

many people fear growing older for me it's just the passing of time however as i grow older every year i feel that everything is reaching a standstill everything isn't as fresh as it was anymore everything is just so mundane the christmas of last year just came and went the new year wasn't as bad but the recent chinese new year was just so stale so unnatural so much so that it has also affected my mood to celebrate my birthday if i ever was going to anyway everything has seemed to have lost its meaning for me its just as if my world has just crashed everything which was once fresh is now so stale and cliche is this it is this how i am going to spend the rest of my life with so little possibilies of living it like i used to maybe its time i started to reflect on my past and present life configuration