sentosa

i just got back from a 3D2N chalet at sentosa this afternoon. technically i just got back from yet another reckless biking session with my usual group of buddies. as i wonder about what to include for this entry, the only thing which comes to my mind is the fresh impression of the chalet which i have just came back from. my expectation of the chalet was one of relaxation, sun, sand, video games, chat sessions, blading ,injury and escape. escape from my ensnared mind, escape from the every pressured life back on the mainland. if it was entitled that phrase in the first place. at the end of it, escape was missing. the sun was missing and the sane was missing. i'm back in my pigeon hole, in my own emo mindset so fixed beyond self. things don't always go our way whenever we want it. if it did, this wouldn't be called The World. there's just so many things which i want to do right now. anything except being bound by circumstances. anything except the government. anything except the law. if only i had just one day which i could do anything i want without being scrutinized and ostracised. that would be called my world. i'm beginning to hate writing blogs as they are becoming more cheesy to me. anyway. i'm tired of writing this entry. i shall end with this last sentence. Sentosa is a really emo place and it'll be really enjoyable with the people you are closest to being on it with you. fare well.

aneurysm

i think i'm losing it. my world has once again crumbled. there's just so many
things to do, things to complete, but yet so little time
that , just like any other cliche, sounds so lame (and yes this is another cliche too)
but it's so very true to me right now.
the longer i stay in this eternal waking dream
the longer i suffer from it
it's the kind of feeling so undescribable, but yet so real
the feeling of waking up each day just for another day
the feeling of meeting the same old people, and strangers to
the feeling of getting angry, and happy and angry once more
the feeling of craziness, depression..and yet deeper depression
the feeling of cars whizzing by along the roads
people on the streets
the feeling of every other ordinary day
i repeat
every other ORDINARY day
when will this endless pointless cycle end
when will people start to understand
that life is more than just living and living and living
for the sake of living alone
everyday people pass me by
not every knowing why
what they're every living for
not everyone knows
but not everyone doesn't ever know either
the headache is killing me.
fare well

where is my sense of urgency

ok let's face it. my PWA test is today at 11.30am
i have an SA test tomorrow
and an NA test on wednesday

by right i should be mugging for my pwa test as it is by far the hardest fo the three
but i am not. why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?
could it be so easy that i don't have to study ?
nope. i'm drowning in it
but i don't know why i just dun have that sense of urgency
it's weird. i've felt like this before..but not so slack until this state what...

sigh.

it is a good day to die.

in retrospect

a week of vacation has just passed me by
in retrospect, i had done nothing during the week except :
sleeping no later than 5am;
waking up no earlier than 2pm except on 2 days (wed and friday)
reading and completing 2 books :
frank mccourts's angela's ashes
john grisham's the summons
spending no more then 4 hours of the entire week studying
watching a movie with 2 cheesy short stories
in retrospect, i wish i hadn't slept and woken up so late
in retrospect i wished i had studied more
in retrospect i wished i had freed my soul

it's strange how we can be at peace with ourselves at one time
while simultaneously destroying ourselves in some other area of our life
cheesy?

in retrospect, i wished i had more time...to read more
haha