a future so bleak

i've suddenly got the inspiration to write again
not because i was inspired, but i was de-inspired to a stage that i have to let this out.
the world is suddenly ugly again
it has switched its mask overnight
from nice
to heart wrenching

a friend of mine just fell away
disregarded himself from the rest of the gang
in mortal flesh his presence still holds
but mindfully he has left
the only remnant being his grey matter.

how longer will people stay
how long more till they hold sway
is it that hard to walk the path of righteousness
and its rewards better than happiness?

everyday i battle with my inner self
to do the right things, refrain from those wrong
i've had more victories but defeats are looming
enstranged boy in enstranged society

just what do people want
just what do i want

answers in life are paradoxes
actions of joy will become actions of sorrow
actions of grief will become actions of comfort
why is the world so messed up
why does it ever exist in the first place.
friends,family,lovers,children
they all vanish when you die.

here with me

in my head
i have dreams
i have visions of many things
questions flooding my mind

pictures fill my head
i feel so trapped instead
but trapped doesn't seem so bad
this dysfunctional me

in my heart I had hope
built on dreams that somehow wouldn't show
answers to love lost
visions fill my head

i felt so trapped instead
but trapped didn't seem so bad
this timid me

it doesn't mean anything
the way i act
the way i fret
but I am still trapped

I need her here with me
I need her here with me