Now I truly understand  why my aunt does not like to sleep.  With each new dawn brings on endless possibilities of achievements.  But once that ability of being able to accomplish something gets snubbed out like a flame thru an illness or some wicked twist of fate, the chances of reversion are not next to zero, but heart wrenchingly low.
I too do not like to sleep.  I hate the day,  the pointless hustle and bustle or absurdity and masks as faces.  But alas i am in this system. So i walk between the day and night.

This morning as i face the sea,  it is just a another day for me,  but a struggle for another. The waves come and go,  pure energy which fades with each ebbing flow.  The purpose?
None.
Like the absurdity of my daily life.

Wait it out

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
In the shatter of us collapsed.
That cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says: "Time heals everything."
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
Turning the sign around;
We're closed to the Earth 'til further notice.
Stumbling cliché case -
Crumpled and puffy-faced -
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles.

All I want: only one street-level miracle.
I'll be a an out-and-out, born again from none more cynical.

Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here cold?
We'll be long gone by then.
And lackluster in dust we lay
'round old magazines.
Fluorescent lighting sets the scene
For all we could and should be being
In the one life that we've got.

maybe tomorrow

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

simulation

is it alright to draw less
and take up a humbling role
when the spark inside of u screams no
its a traffic jam in the mind these days
endless wakefulness in the night
dreaming in daylight
between the lines covered by
the greyness of the shadows

it feels like drowning in ice water
unseen pressure which stings in the chest
every breath deeper
every sigh heavier
in love,
in pain;
all over again.

life wasn't meant to be like this was it
the decisions we make and actions we take
do they not seem to matter in the end
well to me at least.

It's all an irony, this thing called Life
keeping up false appearances,
false behaviour
false smiles, laughter and demeanour
why do we even follow The System knowing it all.

Adam was a failure. and so was Eve.
after gaining the knowledge of good and evil
it appears that their descendants
did not benefit from it

Life in SG - 10 mths on

It's a beautiful day, but I'm stuck inside.
Staring at this screen, working 9-5.
How I hate this job, coz the days do drag.
They work me like a dog, and the moneys bad.
Cheer up cheer up, don't be blue.
Don't forget it's hometime soon.
We'll make it through another working day.
I need a holiday.
I need a holiday with my friends.
I'm working everyday.
I'm working everyday for the weekend.
Looking at my watch, for the millionth time.
The days go slow, and then the evenings fly.
When I'm outta this place, and the days been won.
I'm going out with my friends, I'm hanging out in the sun.
Cheer up cheer up, don't be blue.
Don't forget it's hometime soon.
We'll make it through another working day.
I need a holiday.
I need a holiday with my friends.
I'm working everyday.
I'm working everyday for the weekend.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
I wish it could be sunday when I wake up every day.
But I need you, yeah I need you.
Yeah I need you more than I can say.
Yeah I need you, yeah I need you.
Yeah I need you more than I can say.
More than I can say.
Yeah I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, more than a holiday.
Yeah I need you, I need you, I n-n-n-n-need you, I need you more than I can say.
More than I can say

-Scouting for girls (I need a holiday)

Disintegration

rows of speeding cars
within the valley of
seething stars
my journey's a lonely one
waiting at the brown painted church
trembling yes?
or is it the weight of the road
feeling of sickness inside of me
sighs away
stay close to the foorpath
said I today.

3am

if a picture could paint my life complete
what would it be
a beautiful sunset of a coastal scene
a lush landscape with waterfall and trees pterodactyls flying
city life with moon lit drives
rolling hills and riverine streams
if i could dream it why can't i see it
the paints of every day are the same
same palette new brush
make my mind and heart rush
overtime and over sight
the canvas rots with Death's delight
an island adrift will end up somehwere
and pain eventually, become a balm itself
thoughts abound in Slumber's shift
the solutions meant only for the Morning shit.
i ask the stars above my bed
but all they got burnt out instead.
coasting and cruising is all i've ever done
will my life be ever more fun