first day

woke up one morning to a different light
i thought i saw myself in a morbid plight
freeze the moment please
just let me sleep a little longer
but the unrelenting hands of time
threw me out of rhyme
and before i knew it i was standing
on a platform between 2 instances of time.
the sea of drones and endless peons
short skirts office works and endless ties
i heard a voice saying welcome to life
this will be your faithful wife

arrived at the gates of steel and wire
into the sanctum of a carpeted mire
met a few randoms none of my desire
we sat and chat and and perplexed
about our world to come

this time i travelled through space and time
the many visions beguiling my mind
the faces the places the names of all the aces
nothing stuck in my gray slime.

entered at my own risk through the glass doors of eden
met a mermaid along the shore
this isnt too bad i thought to myself
and swam out to sea to find out more

coming to terms



it's been slightly over a month since i returned.

am i happy?

looking back at THAT period of despondency

i guess i am

but insofar nothing much has changed except that i noticed everything thing has

aged since my absence.

and a part of me is discontented with not being a part of the ageing process

but i am glad to be back.



i havent been doing much reflection as of late

where do i go now what happens next

are the questions which constantly haunt

my waking hours

even in sleep i do not slumber

for fear of missing out on that VERY phonecall

which might change my life

sometimes i don't even know what i want anymore

the vast options out there, blurred with generality

life isn't always as serious as it appears to be

but more often than not it really is

in a world which demands only the best



i'm tired of waiting

for what i've been chasing

but there's nothing to hold onto

dice

these days, there's nothing much to write anymore

for life is but a walking shadow

phases and ages and spaces within

they tire and turn the strong to dust

crossroad after crossroad

they fade to grey each time i pass

the invisible road never illumated

until night falls.

breathing is dreaming

and dreaming awake

its nothing like a stomachache

it is finished.

and so it is this silent night
where echos of typing and anguish are heard no more
for it has been done and sent to the binders.
21 months of toil and slackness all amounting to
this feeling of loss and bewilderment
for my compass needle still refuses to set
swaying between the past and the unknown
hopes and dreams will always emerge
but what about reality, this domain?
light was the reason why i became blind

february 9, 2009

been awhile since i last documented anything in this space. not that i had forgotten about it, neither have i been happy enough to not rant here...lazinnessd probably got to me i guess.. so for sake of memory the following events took place in the absence of posting:

- attended ISPIM symposium from 14-17 dec. my first conference alone and green. definetly opened my eyes to the wider world of practice.
- weelip and shawn's wedding on the 21s of dec. yet another fun and happy event which i was a part in.
- christmas 2008. somehow, christmas last year came and went despite me returning to sg slightly earlier as compared to 2007. it's just sad i guess.

and of course the traditional serving of reservist in between to balance out the pain.

things started to get pretty irritating when i had to fly back to brisbane in jan because of my
damn air ticket date which cannot be extended any longer. it's ironic because my work was done for that period --i was awaiting my thesis results. this sucked on an epic magnitutude because not only was i away from home, i was away from home for a retarded reason. as a result, cny 2009 and birthday 2009 were to be spent away from home. the first of both kinds and definetly the most pathetic up-to-date. sadness. to top things up my lease and student visa are about to end and i don't know if i have any time to fix up my thesis... and for the record, my housing rental agent is a megabitch

where will i go from now? i seriously don't know. with so many things just blocking my path its like driving down the autobahn in a bloody hyundai.

-update : i just got some good news that i may be able to graduate soon...but how soon is another question. nevertheless it's the best bday present this yr