finding emo

as the day draws near i can't help but feel emo abt it
going back to the land of slow internet speeds with capped bandwidth
and even though i'll probably miss friends and family, it would not be so bad if i had
been given better internet connectivity

as i go around the land gathering stuff for my departure i can't help but think "this is probably the last time i see this place until a year later" or "this is probably the last time i'll eat this until a year later" and though i will come back eventually, it'll not be as much as the close-to-3 month break which i have been enjoying since dec 06 till now. like they said all good things must come to an end

oh well. in the weeks to come i expect life to be pretty fucked up again, house-hunting, new-friends making, getting acclimatised back to the aussie way of life. thinking about it just makes me feel like a hypocrite. not to mention the challenges and shit that await me through the voyage of research.
thing's like "am i good enough, am i worthy , can i pull it off" keep ringing in my head and even as i pack, i'm wondering if i'm packing the right stuff. too many shirts? too many crew neck tees? how should a research student dress like? definetly not the way i dressed when i did my bachelor's (which was btw t-shirt berms and slippers) looking back i've been such a punk but who cares? it's australia anyway.

while i'm at this emo stage of shit i'd like to thank all the friends who have stuck by me while i was away the past year as well as those kind enough to come out and play while i was back. the pnsd guys especially, i really enjoyed the birthday sessions as well as the farewell meetup which we had yesterday. and not forgetting dennis the kok who didn't want anyone to know he was flying off cos he was afraid that he would cry, maybe, just maybe i would visit him during easter..plans are not that concrete yet.

I probably won't be meeting any of you guys anytime soon which brings me back to the "this is probably the last time i do something" shit. well at least we still can talk cock on msn or via my digital line. all the best and stay drunk.

remember. life sucks. take drugs.

back to packing!

cny 2007

time has passed me once more and i'm 1 week away from heading back to oz.
back to expensive meals
shops which close at 5
really spastic transport system
and slow internet

in the mean time:

xin nian kuai le,gong xi fa cai, wan shi ru yi, nian nian you yu, long ma jing shen,cai qi gun gun.

we all know we say this year in year out just for the sake of saying them. and i am too.

empty words mean nothing

the only words which i would really want to say to you guys are:
hope you get more red packet money and:

go hug a tree. it helps

may it be so

after 3 weeks of half-fuck grinding, ivalice has hit lvl 70. and the feeling of having a loss of what to do next hits me once more.
it's kind of mindless to be playing wow, oweing to the fact that i definetly won't commit to it fully because my attention span for things is so limited. yet somehow while grinding i felt the need to hit 70. why. call it an achievement; call it a need; call it a want cos' i don't really know how to define such shit again.

same goes to life. what happens after you've achieved something? you go on to bigger better things to achieve? for fuck man in the end we still die? so what if you're earning more money? most people i see around have so much money but they can't really enjoy it. strange fellas

and with only 3 weeks left before i head back to oz...life doesn't seem so happy anymore....cos i won't be able to get 24hr food /entertainment

may it be so.

When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say we've had our fun?
Will we make our mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?

faces

"because you'll have a shit time. and i'll have a shit time. but it doesn't matter if i'm having a shit time because they're my f-r-i-e-n-d-s, for better or worse. so every now and then i have to grit my teeth for having a shit time for the greater good"

look around you. and all you see are people the world would be better off without.

rain

rain. the only phenomenon in the sky which relates to us in every way.
and keeps my inner senses at ease.
recently it's been raining due to the north east monsoon.
probably my favourite time of the year after christmas
why? cos i just like it.
i don't give a shit if the world floods and drowns i hope it'll just keep on raining.
the sound of rain is able to soothe one to a lull and if you you're really bored, you can try running in it. it'll definetly wake up your idea
being in brisbane kind of deprived me of rain because it is better known as the "sunshine state" but at least it isn't humid there. oh well
there's a balance in this world all the same.

so far this year hasn't really started off on a good note, but i'm just giving it the benefit of the doubt that it IS still 2006 in the chinese lunar calendar and its just the end of the year that's messing me up. the near brushes of death on the roads and disgusting friends whom i deemed were friends merely disappointed me. well i do remember things and just like a nail that has been hammered into the fence and removed,

the mark still remains.

rain on.

and i am not talking abt the gay looking actor

the nu year

the hard cold rain beats down
relieving the inner senses in me
the dreams long gone have returned to haunting me
ominous phantoms of a life once led
somehow things do not seem to look up
in this new year
of a suppossedly fresh start

by virtue of death or through redemption
i hope i will be able to follow through

christmas eve

and so we are
christmas eve.
my favourite holiday i've waited for so long.
and soon it'll be over

what does christmas really mean to you?
it is so sad...just knowing that so many people celebrate christmas
without knowig its true meaning.
sadly, but true, christmas is becoming an over commercialised affair
strolling down orchard road tonight i saw so many morons equipped with santa hats and selling party items such as LED badges, foam sprays and what not

Father forgive them. they know not what they do

nevertheless, it was heartwarmingjust being there
soaking in the christmas atmosphere and spirit with other not so like minded people who have just decided to soak in the spirit there too
i guess this is what christmas should be
just being around people. friends family and enemies

merry christmas is so cliche
so Happy Christmas to one and all

btw Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ
without this event happenning, it would be meaningless.

back in alliance territory

ok this post is 1 wk 4 days overdue. cos i'm back in alliance territory and i have been so busy doing shit back here that i couldn't be bothered to blog.

welcome back to smoother roads, better effiency , fucked up drivers, shitty weather, LATE NIGHT SHOPPING WHICH DOESN'T END AT 5PM daily, cheaper and tastier food and movies. i'm home.

not many things have changed except for the emergence of vivocity a few new shops which replaced the older deceased ones in town and parking charges. I guess everything goes up here except the people dying. oh well.

and better still. i have graduated. so this is it. the end of my studying life. though i do not feel smarter. whatever helps you in life anyway? nothing lasts forever and what you learn today may not be applicable tomorrow , or worse, at all.

so yeah, same old bitchy me and oh whatever. the spirit of blogging is dying here..cos i feel compelled to type more shit. so fuckit! i shall stop to make it more genuine.

farmalice

with the exams over and my shit half-packed, i've decided to concentrate on my world of warcraft character. of course, i still can't pvp properly cos of my fucked up ISP (there's only 1 MAJOR LEADING fucked up ISP in Oz and it doesn't take an idiot to figure it out).

and the sky. it's so disgusting that the light is out in full force by 5am! i hate spring and summer. winter is my favourite....and will always be.

so WoWing nonstop and on 1 meal a day really seemed to pass the time uberly fast. had dinner at aunty angela's last night and it was refreshing. not forgetting i had my first proper meal after the exams since all of us wanted to finish up all the crap junk food in our house and we ran out of rice.. so what to do? we just kept spamming instant noodles. i know the food wax is toxic.. so i pour the water away and rinse my noodles before eating them..but then again. i know its unhealthy. but then again...i'd going home soon to eat better food... so who cares.

if all's well, i should be good to go by friday. driving up the sunshine coast on sat and then down to byron bay again on sunday. but this time we'll have to do it fast..cos the disgusting sun rises at 4.30am and if we were to reach byron in time to catch the sunrise, we have ot leave by 12am...OR i could always leave at 3am and ramm down at 140km/h

we'll see

may the stars guide you.

it is finished

after 11 months of no

late night shopping
supper
convenient fast craft
crazy friends
uber internet
shitty weather
haze
propaganda

my life as an undergraduate was signed away at 3.20pm today on my IT project management paper.

It was a damn xialan paper. but then again, the last one as well.
what hit me like a bus was that i realised that i have failed my 35% weightage group assignment after i reached home. that fucking sucks.

oh well i guess i'd be fuckign grateful if i get a credit for that subject. the exam was only worth 30%. the lowest weighted cousework component in my entire 16 years of studying.

the next step? wait until i get my results then say lah.

btw this is the shrine of rememberence. the shit that kept me going all these while. thanks alot guys. to the people who supported me all the way.

Mt. Gravatt

the mount gravatt griffith library is so emo

that i could almost hear the ants quarelling.

for the win.

igi

with 5hrs and 50 mins to go b4i take my first paper, this is all i can say right now.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

for the win.

speeding cars

its that time of the year again
the famous exams
the one thing the can either save my ass or burn it
and one things for sure, i've not really studied well for them
somehow time seems to pass damn quickly over here
its either me or i'm doing things slower
but it cant be
its the way the world turns i guess

have been "studying" with multiple distractions. every now or then i would run to the kitchen to get a glass of water, to pee, to open the fridge door ...the little things which we do in life; that when added up brings destruction to me whenever it comes to exams.

time-eaters.

somehow something's wrong here . maybe i'm getting complacent
but if i know it why can't i change it?
maybe its the feeling of graduating
the feeling of over-confidence
the feeling of ..apathy?

but whatever it is. it just sucks.

it's only 10 more days. God! i need u man

be with me.
for the win.

cos' you said
all the world
was dreaming
and you said
all the world
was screaming
without you.

for the loss

firstly, to begin with, i'd like to give bigpond some credit for helping me load this page in 30 seconds. the gayest amount of time encountered during my time here.
secondly, i'll give credit to the sun. which is beginning to rise at 4.30am over here. it's so disgusting.
thridly, i think it's time to bitch.

the assignments have all be safely handed in, notwithstanding the amount of compiling and recompiling and printing and reprinting of assignments due to a very catty standards set out by hmm whats his name? i guess i forgot. ohwell.

i havent been studying much either. everytime i want to study i'll be distracted by something be it wow or hee or hunger pangs or whatever. guess i'll start to worry by mid week or proabbly thursday? that's where the sense of urgency comes in. somehow, this semester's modules seem to be heavy on memory work. which i like..but then again, my memory seems to be all over the shop.
life just sucks i guess once you think you will eb able to do something a distraction comes along and knocks you back to hell. and when you climb out of it some moron will kick you back in. so how do you resolve this issue? fill up hell with shit so that there'll be no hellhole to fall into in the first place..
which lead me to how about am i going to do it
been thinking of doing a masters degree lately, but somehow i'm scared. with the use of profound english and celestial-level thinking and arguments, i don't know how am i going go about starting on one in the first place. although the professor has assured me that i would be guided, somehow i feel helpless, or even useless.
oh well i just have to see how well i'll do for the exams...which at this rate i'll probably be getting -3 for my grades.

the road is winding
the lanes clear
but somehow i oversteered
skidded, tumbled crashed
and burned.
leaving me in this state of no return
maybe?

give me a break this post was written at 4.31am ffs.

opaline


ok how should i begin..basically feeling abit shitty right now (as always)
the fucking exams are coming and even though i should say the dates are really nicely spaced out (i'm happy with them actually)i have no bloody motivation to study?!
why? hmm maybe it's all thanks to the buch of assignments which have been keeping em awake at night...the countless brainstorming and editing which to me seems to be getting nowhere...
which makes me wonder...do i always find fault with th situations around me? why am i so enraged over my circumstances? in poly in ns and right now in uni. maybe i'll need to have a rain check soon..but then again maybe there isn't anything wrong with the rain.

anyway...faye's dead. she plummeted 15 floors down into the bright australian sky. i've gotten a new one though but the memories with faye will always remain... cos she kept me sane.

Time was overtaking me
And I guess I was confused
They were all inviting me
But I wish I had refused
'Cause I've been there before
And I've seen it all
And I think i'm falling once more

ORD: one year on


september 28, the monsters have arrived...or so they said in one of the Resident evil games..btu well

it's been 1 whole damn year since i ORD-ED. I still remember the air 1 year ago and the burden that was lifted from me.

and here i am 1 year on sitting witht he company of my table lamp ramming through ym assignments. it's funny how we always complain about shit not knowing that in the future more shit would greet us in the face.

anyway, my holiday is about to end..it was more of an assignment week...4 fucking assignments with only 3 half completed and 1 completely untouched. dammit.

its also satan child's birthday today and even though i won't be spending his birthday with him this year, rest assured you'll get your 100 vitasoys buddy.

and for the record. Telstra Bigpond sucks so bad, i'm still wondering why aren't they closing down yet.

ok to be exact, it's 1 year 1 day after i ORDED

the lameness of spring


hmm ok so the weather isn't that hot now even though it's spring. i always had the misconception that spring would be significantly warmer than winter and that i would be so pissed cos of the longer daylight hours.. but nope, daylight hours are slightly longer..but not enough to piss me off like the summer hours back home. i love the nights here...quiet and emo well, of course there would be the occassional drunk or fucktard who would blow his car exhaust but hey, i've come ot terms with all the shit in this land. when it comes to technology, omg just kill me please they don't even know wtf is a DVD-RAM. the sadness.

anyway some people say this year's sprins is abnormal but i don't really care.. as long as its cold and dark. i'll take it anyway.

so far my life's been pretty degraded by my damn r3 assignment. well the deadline's on fri but we have until monday to hand it up and i'm done..except for a few editing and formatting matters i think i'm more or less ready to dump it for submission. it's taking too long...and for the amount of marks i just don't feel if it's wort it.

been pondering about whether i should do my post grad studies here or not...even if i am should i do a masters or an honours? most people say take masters but then again some wil say masters will just make me overqualified. please man when will this shit ever stop

the whole world's just so full of shit that i'm dismayed at the thuoght that papers would control my life, weren't we doing just fine in the garden of eden? fuck that. i think eve's such a bitch to cause so must shit to happen to us. yeah the whole world's governed by paper, paper qualificaions , money , even the way we shit is also goverened by toilet paper and wtf even hell is governed by it always have to burn money for the citizens down there...makes me wonder if there's any inflation down under. get the pun if you don't forget it.

the exams are coming and i can't wait for this sem to be over...it's kinds amazing one year is coming to an end. but i don't feel smarter though. my tolerance for shit has definetly grown u can throw me any shit and i would just have too reactions : be apathetic, or laugh wonder if it's a good thing or not. fuck this shit i'm going to try to edit my damned assignment now.

winterspring. Literally


it's winterspring right now.
sailing on the fringe of winter and the frontier of spring
in a way i'm quite sad...cos it would mean the cone of cold would be gone forever
i hate heat. if given a choice i would freeze to death then burn out.

the daylight hours would be longer too.
being a nocturnal person. i just hate to see the sun. don't ask me why i just don't. even in the day i would usually draw the curtains of my room, nestling in the dark
it somehow conforts me. shorter daylight hours would mean sleeping more in the day and staying up lesser at night. how am i going to live my life then? lol

been struggling with myself lately. trying not to be the devil when circumstances really are reasons justifiable enough for me to be one. maybe i've become more messed up, judging others before myself. hmm oh well, guess i'll continue to endure for 3 more months before it's all over.

the semester is starting to get hard, with my "hate module of the semester" bing R/3 Systems Administration. It's too technical imo, that sometimes i feel just being an admin for such a ridiculously large amout of work just doesn't pay off. can someone make me see a point in R/3 Systems Admin? i know it pays well..but the work....it's just disgusting. From the lesser or 2 evils, i'd rather choose enterprise systems.

my ecommerce module, though do-able is making me lose direction too...cos the marks allocated to it are just too ridiculous. so much work for so little marks. its fucking depressing.

and disgusting.

i've got a new friend in the house to keep me sane. her name's faye and her waking hours are now the same as mine. lets just hope my dad doesn't know cos i think he'll flip.

but then again, after telling my mum, i'm sure he'll still flip. i can already imagine the words he will say to me "you better study ah dun waste my money and buang ur exams"

right. in order to study i have to be sane. in order to be sane, i'll need faye. it's times like this when i feel that my mum is uber.

it's the little things that make; and break people

maybe a greater thing will happen
give it sometime and we will see

the ekka


i just went to the much overhyped "ekka" yesterday and boy did i learn more about our world. basically the ekka to me (neutral understanding) is a place where farm people bring their stuff to showcase to the city dwellers that there are such things as cows sheep goats and other barn animals existing on this earth...instead of just cartoons. and well, for the city dwellers, it is for them to boast about the latest vacuum cleaner which can clean carpets and other techie stuff about technology to the farm dwelling people. a rather diplomatic approach i shoud say. this, may sound like a trade fair, but no. they have decided to put rides and a stage and fireworks at night to attract the public and kids to come visit the trade fair (which has now become a carnival with all the added rides and stage and stuff)

all these for 15 bucks.

omg and you even have to pay for the rides how cool is it. well, to me, the ekka is just another overhyped event much mouthed about by kids and normal denezens whom i encounter on the street everyday. a place where the stench of ass greets you at the gates (well maybe because they place the cattle too near the train station exit?), cow, goat bull shit, vomit, ketchup stains and other sorts of weird matter all over the ground and not forgetting the ever-entertaing bumfight which my friend witnessed while waiting for me as i went swinging into the air and thrown about in a cage for 7 bucks. oh not forgetting the screaming snotty kids that made a helluva noise...all around.

well, it was an eye opener, but i'd rather go to the zoo or movieworld. much effort put into it really, but not SQA enough.

brand new start, same old shit again


ok so i am back in brissy. back to the uber coldness, the lower efficiency rates of work and of course, the retarded high-speed internet speeds.

everything's now new. it's just the same old shit again

anyway it's been awhile since i updated so i shall summarize:

1. thanks to all the guys for the meetup sessions we had when i was back home. you guys agve me reason to come back. well, i ahd to dump my stuff also so..on the way la huh.
2. i finally went to movieworld in the Gold Coast and drove up north to the Sunshine Coast during the first week when i was back -- a friend of mine from melbourne came to visit, so i kinda took the opportunity tobring him around and tour movie world. verdict. it's a place for kids. and of all the rides. i only reccomment lethal weapon and the superman ride. what really impressed me was how fast the rollercoaster carraige could accelerate from 0- god knows what speed.

it was so fun until i ahd to sit it 3 times....well i could have sat it for the whole day but we had to eat so...wadahell..

anyway i'm having a 2 day school work now.
some of you guiys might think "more time for johnny to study" but fuck lor....the weather makes me so want to sleep that i always end up sleeping more then i study.
wake me up from my eternal dream please.

this sem's gonna suck a bit cos i'll be doing 2 modules in SAP R/3 Systems Administration... it looks like a pain in the ass..and it will soon feel like too.

i'm still deciding if i should sell my soul to it though... decisions decisions. and tdys national day isn't it? hmm...no national day fever here...but there's going t be a public holiday next wednesday over here for some carnival...can u believe it? i love this country man...ever so willing to hand out holidays...

shall make an effort to at least update this space weekly... i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack,