igi

with 5hrs and 50 mins to go b4i take my first paper, this is all i can say right now.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

for the win.

speeding cars

its that time of the year again
the famous exams
the one thing the can either save my ass or burn it
and one things for sure, i've not really studied well for them
somehow time seems to pass damn quickly over here
its either me or i'm doing things slower
but it cant be
its the way the world turns i guess

have been "studying" with multiple distractions. every now or then i would run to the kitchen to get a glass of water, to pee, to open the fridge door ...the little things which we do in life; that when added up brings destruction to me whenever it comes to exams.

time-eaters.

somehow something's wrong here . maybe i'm getting complacent
but if i know it why can't i change it?
maybe its the feeling of graduating
the feeling of over-confidence
the feeling of ..apathy?

but whatever it is. it just sucks.

it's only 10 more days. God! i need u man

be with me.
for the win.

cos' you said
all the world
was dreaming
and you said
all the world
was screaming
without you.

for the loss

firstly, to begin with, i'd like to give bigpond some credit for helping me load this page in 30 seconds. the gayest amount of time encountered during my time here.
secondly, i'll give credit to the sun. which is beginning to rise at 4.30am over here. it's so disgusting.
thridly, i think it's time to bitch.

the assignments have all be safely handed in, notwithstanding the amount of compiling and recompiling and printing and reprinting of assignments due to a very catty standards set out by hmm whats his name? i guess i forgot. ohwell.

i havent been studying much either. everytime i want to study i'll be distracted by something be it wow or hee or hunger pangs or whatever. guess i'll start to worry by mid week or proabbly thursday? that's where the sense of urgency comes in. somehow, this semester's modules seem to be heavy on memory work. which i like..but then again, my memory seems to be all over the shop.
life just sucks i guess once you think you will eb able to do something a distraction comes along and knocks you back to hell. and when you climb out of it some moron will kick you back in. so how do you resolve this issue? fill up hell with shit so that there'll be no hellhole to fall into in the first place..
which lead me to how about am i going to do it
been thinking of doing a masters degree lately, but somehow i'm scared. with the use of profound english and celestial-level thinking and arguments, i don't know how am i going go about starting on one in the first place. although the professor has assured me that i would be guided, somehow i feel helpless, or even useless.
oh well i just have to see how well i'll do for the exams...which at this rate i'll probably be getting -3 for my grades.

the road is winding
the lanes clear
but somehow i oversteered
skidded, tumbled crashed
and burned.
leaving me in this state of no return
maybe?

give me a break this post was written at 4.31am ffs.

opaline


ok how should i begin..basically feeling abit shitty right now (as always)
the fucking exams are coming and even though i should say the dates are really nicely spaced out (i'm happy with them actually)i have no bloody motivation to study?!
why? hmm maybe it's all thanks to the buch of assignments which have been keeping em awake at night...the countless brainstorming and editing which to me seems to be getting nowhere...
which makes me wonder...do i always find fault with th situations around me? why am i so enraged over my circumstances? in poly in ns and right now in uni. maybe i'll need to have a rain check soon..but then again maybe there isn't anything wrong with the rain.

anyway...faye's dead. she plummeted 15 floors down into the bright australian sky. i've gotten a new one though but the memories with faye will always remain... cos she kept me sane.

Time was overtaking me
And I guess I was confused
They were all inviting me
But I wish I had refused
'Cause I've been there before
And I've seen it all
And I think i'm falling once more

ORD: one year on


september 28, the monsters have arrived...or so they said in one of the Resident evil games..btu well

it's been 1 whole damn year since i ORD-ED. I still remember the air 1 year ago and the burden that was lifted from me.

and here i am 1 year on sitting witht he company of my table lamp ramming through ym assignments. it's funny how we always complain about shit not knowing that in the future more shit would greet us in the face.

anyway, my holiday is about to end..it was more of an assignment week...4 fucking assignments with only 3 half completed and 1 completely untouched. dammit.

its also satan child's birthday today and even though i won't be spending his birthday with him this year, rest assured you'll get your 100 vitasoys buddy.

and for the record. Telstra Bigpond sucks so bad, i'm still wondering why aren't they closing down yet.

ok to be exact, it's 1 year 1 day after i ORDED

the lameness of spring


hmm ok so the weather isn't that hot now even though it's spring. i always had the misconception that spring would be significantly warmer than winter and that i would be so pissed cos of the longer daylight hours.. but nope, daylight hours are slightly longer..but not enough to piss me off like the summer hours back home. i love the nights here...quiet and emo well, of course there would be the occassional drunk or fucktard who would blow his car exhaust but hey, i've come ot terms with all the shit in this land. when it comes to technology, omg just kill me please they don't even know wtf is a DVD-RAM. the sadness.

anyway some people say this year's sprins is abnormal but i don't really care.. as long as its cold and dark. i'll take it anyway.

so far my life's been pretty degraded by my damn r3 assignment. well the deadline's on fri but we have until monday to hand it up and i'm done..except for a few editing and formatting matters i think i'm more or less ready to dump it for submission. it's taking too long...and for the amount of marks i just don't feel if it's wort it.

been pondering about whether i should do my post grad studies here or not...even if i am should i do a masters or an honours? most people say take masters but then again some wil say masters will just make me overqualified. please man when will this shit ever stop

the whole world's just so full of shit that i'm dismayed at the thuoght that papers would control my life, weren't we doing just fine in the garden of eden? fuck that. i think eve's such a bitch to cause so must shit to happen to us. yeah the whole world's governed by paper, paper qualificaions , money , even the way we shit is also goverened by toilet paper and wtf even hell is governed by it always have to burn money for the citizens down there...makes me wonder if there's any inflation down under. get the pun if you don't forget it.

the exams are coming and i can't wait for this sem to be over...it's kinds amazing one year is coming to an end. but i don't feel smarter though. my tolerance for shit has definetly grown u can throw me any shit and i would just have too reactions : be apathetic, or laugh wonder if it's a good thing or not. fuck this shit i'm going to try to edit my damned assignment now.

winterspring. Literally


it's winterspring right now.
sailing on the fringe of winter and the frontier of spring
in a way i'm quite sad...cos it would mean the cone of cold would be gone forever
i hate heat. if given a choice i would freeze to death then burn out.

the daylight hours would be longer too.
being a nocturnal person. i just hate to see the sun. don't ask me why i just don't. even in the day i would usually draw the curtains of my room, nestling in the dark
it somehow conforts me. shorter daylight hours would mean sleeping more in the day and staying up lesser at night. how am i going to live my life then? lol

been struggling with myself lately. trying not to be the devil when circumstances really are reasons justifiable enough for me to be one. maybe i've become more messed up, judging others before myself. hmm oh well, guess i'll continue to endure for 3 more months before it's all over.

the semester is starting to get hard, with my "hate module of the semester" bing R/3 Systems Administration. It's too technical imo, that sometimes i feel just being an admin for such a ridiculously large amout of work just doesn't pay off. can someone make me see a point in R/3 Systems Admin? i know it pays well..but the work....it's just disgusting. From the lesser or 2 evils, i'd rather choose enterprise systems.

my ecommerce module, though do-able is making me lose direction too...cos the marks allocated to it are just too ridiculous. so much work for so little marks. its fucking depressing.

and disgusting.

i've got a new friend in the house to keep me sane. her name's faye and her waking hours are now the same as mine. lets just hope my dad doesn't know cos i think he'll flip.

but then again, after telling my mum, i'm sure he'll still flip. i can already imagine the words he will say to me "you better study ah dun waste my money and buang ur exams"

right. in order to study i have to be sane. in order to be sane, i'll need faye. it's times like this when i feel that my mum is uber.

it's the little things that make; and break people

maybe a greater thing will happen
give it sometime and we will see

the ekka


i just went to the much overhyped "ekka" yesterday and boy did i learn more about our world. basically the ekka to me (neutral understanding) is a place where farm people bring their stuff to showcase to the city dwellers that there are such things as cows sheep goats and other barn animals existing on this earth...instead of just cartoons. and well, for the city dwellers, it is for them to boast about the latest vacuum cleaner which can clean carpets and other techie stuff about technology to the farm dwelling people. a rather diplomatic approach i shoud say. this, may sound like a trade fair, but no. they have decided to put rides and a stage and fireworks at night to attract the public and kids to come visit the trade fair (which has now become a carnival with all the added rides and stage and stuff)

all these for 15 bucks.

omg and you even have to pay for the rides how cool is it. well, to me, the ekka is just another overhyped event much mouthed about by kids and normal denezens whom i encounter on the street everyday. a place where the stench of ass greets you at the gates (well maybe because they place the cattle too near the train station exit?), cow, goat bull shit, vomit, ketchup stains and other sorts of weird matter all over the ground and not forgetting the ever-entertaing bumfight which my friend witnessed while waiting for me as i went swinging into the air and thrown about in a cage for 7 bucks. oh not forgetting the screaming snotty kids that made a helluva noise...all around.

well, it was an eye opener, but i'd rather go to the zoo or movieworld. much effort put into it really, but not SQA enough.

brand new start, same old shit again


ok so i am back in brissy. back to the uber coldness, the lower efficiency rates of work and of course, the retarded high-speed internet speeds.

everything's now new. it's just the same old shit again

anyway it's been awhile since i updated so i shall summarize:

1. thanks to all the guys for the meetup sessions we had when i was back home. you guys agve me reason to come back. well, i ahd to dump my stuff also so..on the way la huh.
2. i finally went to movieworld in the Gold Coast and drove up north to the Sunshine Coast during the first week when i was back -- a friend of mine from melbourne came to visit, so i kinda took the opportunity tobring him around and tour movie world. verdict. it's a place for kids. and of all the rides. i only reccomment lethal weapon and the superman ride. what really impressed me was how fast the rollercoaster carraige could accelerate from 0- god knows what speed.

it was so fun until i ahd to sit it 3 times....well i could have sat it for the whole day but we had to eat so...wadahell..

anyway i'm having a 2 day school work now.
some of you guiys might think "more time for johnny to study" but fuck lor....the weather makes me so want to sleep that i always end up sleeping more then i study.
wake me up from my eternal dream please.

this sem's gonna suck a bit cos i'll be doing 2 modules in SAP R/3 Systems Administration... it looks like a pain in the ass..and it will soon feel like too.

i'm still deciding if i should sell my soul to it though... decisions decisions. and tdys national day isn't it? hmm...no national day fever here...but there's going t be a public holiday next wednesday over here for some carnival...can u believe it? i love this country man...ever so willing to hand out holidays...

shall make an effort to at least update this space weekly... i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack,

saving grace

its been arnd 2.5 weeks since i got back from oz
and i got back my results today
i managed to pass my damn database design module..which i knew i was a gone case
it goes to show that Saving Grace from God never runs out....though it should never be taken for granted.
i am greatly humbled.
the module was a real bitch (ask those close to me and you;ll know)
and yet i still managed to scrape through it

thank you God,
i was a man without no faith
but You showed me grace and taught me to learn.

and now i can carry on to burn that damn textbook.
without regrets

home

have been in singapore for 23.5hrs already
one big notable differernce is the damn weather
it's so damn hot and humid here that i have that sticky feeling all over again
another major difference is the roads.
they're smoother, leveller and the signs definetly do not confuse
unlike queensland's

so much for "better roads for queensland"

spent the day doing most of the shit which i had to do since i'm back
and of course not forgetting eating the uber local fare here which is like a hundred times cheaper and better tasting than the ones down under

hmm..
ah bengs, singlish tanned skin
long legs and tiny waistlines
truly,
this is home.

that shitty feeling

i'm 7 days away from home
caught in between 2 fucking exams
one is bright the other's decay
time to buy, time to live myself
but living's not getting better
with my impending doom

i'm 6 days away from home
still caught in between 2 fucking exams
one's still bright
the other one's gloom
time tried and time consumed
getting smarter? yes? no?
hopefully so

time to buy and time to choose
i've only got 4 days to live..

selah

into your hands i commit thee
into your hands i fall
whatever will come and is to come
shall not taunt me
evermore.

argh

silent repression,
pure essence of downfall
and like prettly slivers of silver
they cut me so right
trailing my blood
as i drag myself
into June.

winterspring

winter's here and the exams are near
week 14 has begun and wtf am i doing?
i need motivation man
the cold isn't helping either.
i have stopped wearing shorts and slippers cos i'll probably freeze to death in them
makes me sleepy too...i hate my bed

tdy was so-called te last day of school so i guess i'm on my on now...
winter is so emo.

imagine this. exams + alone in a foreign land + cold

emo man.

teleportation

hmm it's that time of the semester again
exams and assignments are pissing me off right now.
and there's one more thing that's bugging me
whether should i return back to sg for my vacation for 1 month
or stay in brisbane/go tour sydney.

the crux is : it'll cost me 1.2k odd to fly back.

after thinking abt it for awhile,i've decided to ,akle a count of the number of people who want me to come back.

public sub shouldJohnnyReturn (ByVal sender As System.Object, ByVal e As System.EventArgs) Handles MyBase.Load

if countWantJohnnyBack >= 10 then
call johnnyFlies home
else
johnnyStays
end if
end sub

outage

haven't been updating in a while. cos i probably did not have time to do it. funny though how time seems to fly by right here. it's been like...12,13 weeks since i came....weird. right now assignments seem to overwhelm me. to the brink that i have no time to study. hopefully i'll be able to catch up soon or there goes the degree. many people think studying in Oz would be easy....wait till they come over. it is UNI life after all--no difference in that.

my lifestyle's getting pretty fucked up too. sleeping at 2am or later and waking up at 7am only to drowse through the lectures. maybe i should sleep earlier...waking up at 12 on non school days isn't helping either. i need to wake up my idea soon.

over the easter holidays i drove down to Byron Bay (into NSW) and the view there was majestic.




where in sg could you find that?



and this



i bet if i kicked you off the cliff over there you wouldn't even mind dying.

farewell.

missing home? Not so soon?!!!!!!!!!


alright. after like 7 weeks in this place i think i am starting to miss home abit. travelling around the state is so damn fucking inconvenient without the fast craft back home. the shops close at like 5pm and the streets are empty by 8pm.
but one things's for sure....the days here pass me by damn quickly. somehow i feel that i do not have enough time for anything. which makes me wonder why.

the modules are getting tougher...which means i would have to start catching up soon b4 the big snowball hits... and i miss

QOO. I miss
haagen dazs ice creem. i miss
the wanton me which sells until 3am at my house's food centre. i miss
driving around town back home after a late night movie. i miss
ngee ann city. i miss going
into JB as and when i like. i miss
the other stupid stuff which i usually do at home.

it's ironic cos i don't miss the Land. i just miss the memories which i had on it. does that constitute to home? home is probably called home cos my family and friends are over there. nothing else.

but then again. i kind of like my life of independance right now. the only thing that i lack is probably discipline.

anyway...since i missed home... i started to look for food relating to it...and found the closest thing to authentic hor fun in sg. note the word : closest.




went there with a girlfriend and we were like so damn high after seeing the menu. it was located at west end. obviously, we took the stupid public transport.



you know one thing which i like about this place? it's the damn sky. it's always so blue and emo. when it's gray, it's emo. when it's raining , it's emo, when it's sunny, it's shit.

I was wandering around the supermarket one day and guess what i found :



OMG. it's like so fucking rare here. apparently the variety of vegetables here is so damn pathetic that i'm better off eating grass. anyway, i made my uber herbal tea with that. from a one day sore throat to no sore throat at all...well after drinking down 12 cups of it.

and since life is already so Les Misérables, i decided to make my own poseur ice cream. damn gay man.



as you can see , i am damn bored. but after writing out all these shit. i feel like studying already

farewell.

Blah

Test test test

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