leaving

i just got back from a gathering celebrating my bday and 2 other's at brewerkz. met up with my suppossedly "best friend" in secondary school over there. its ironic that we give our friends titles like "best friend" or "best bud" only to realise that once time has passed, they are your "best" anymore. but then again meeting up with him was gd cos at least we still have shit to talk about so hurray, no weird silence. but then again, i was enjoying their company so much that the thought of not being able to meet them as easily as i can now when i'm in oz was enough to make me feel sian.
i'll be leaving in a day's time and i'm starting to feel the emo-ness of it all. i can see from my mum's eyes that she's kinda sad. which makes me feel sad too. but i know i have to do this; and i can only hope that she will understand and not be sad. looking at all the well-wishes from my relatives written on cards, i think i better not fuck up there.

sigh

23

yay i have hit level 23. total time played : 0318 hrs 00 min!
so exciting. its so ironic that we all look forward to birthdays but when the birthdays are really here we begin to whine about being old and shit. no exception for me though. i've stopped celebrating my birthdays since the age of 21 (but i still look forward to them) mainly because i've probably "grown up?" it's like the attitude of "oh alright it's my birthday...yay let me be happy today and tomorrow everything will be normal again" kinda sad..but then again, who ever throws a birthday celebration for himself? it's your friends that do it for you (not hinting here, but think about...makes lots of sense)

anyway i just got back from a long overdue meet up session with 2 of my poly classmates. it's kinda funny how we haven't seen each other for like 2 years (cos of ns) and then suddenly i log on to friendster and see a message from one of my them saying "eh got msn anot?" and it was dated dec 2005. wtf~! seems that i seldom check friendster....and then after that we suddenly agree to "meet up and see each other". It was damn fast and super effective lead time was like..1 day? wow. fastest friends award goes to them : chris & weirong. we had dinner at this place called "manhatten something"(a chip of fish and co) at PS. Food was alright except they said fish & co was better. (to me everything's ok cos i eat to live and not the other round). watched "fun with dick & jane" and later has this talk cock session at starbucks.

i had to leave to meet 2 of my ns buddies at holland v. more caffeine and Häagen-Dazs ice cream ensues b4 meeting another of my uber friends. she baked a cheesecake for me leh waaaah so touched! thx gal.

oh well. i'm feeling weirdly weird right now maybe...tho its my birthday tdy, the fact that i'll be leaving my friends and family for Oz on sun makes me kinda sad? and the fact of the hard ass process of finding permanent accomadation and making new friends just makes me want to ARGHHHhhhhH.

because eventually , everything is emotional.
sigh

reunion

just got back from the much needed reunion dinner with the family. well it was the same as every year but i guess it ended kinda fast. din really get to talk to everyone as we were spread across 2 table. so much for a "reunion" when it's not even a union of tables? wtf. after the dinner i went to emo chinatown for an emo time with my parents and uncle (and his family) oh well something inside me wanted to hang out with them. call it weird but i guess it's called "family ties" ? or maybe cos thinking about the fact that i'll not be seeing them for 10 months made me want to spend time with them now. humans. they only miss something when it's going to be taken (taken) away from them. but then again. you never miss what you never had. irony? oh well fuck it. life is an irony anyway.

guess what i found on urban dictionary on the entry for World Of Warcraft the game that i've been playing lately:

WOW

Acronym for World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft consumes every part of your life until eventually you have no friends because when they come over to visit you don't pay any attention to them and your "real" friends are the ones you talk to on vent while playing WOW, you lose your girlfriend because she no longer exists next to Warcraft, you start smoking in your room because your too involved in the game to go outside, lose all interest in going outside or having sex, you lose your job and eventually have to move home with you parents...I left my boyfriend because he left me for WOW.


true. true.

a different light

ivalice just hit 60 2 days ago


light so bright
i failed to see
the night


yup. Now what happens next after 60? i'm beginning to find it meaningless.

its been confirmed. i'll be leaving for the island on the 12th of february.
no more dark forces
no more fines
no more shit

i hope it'll be fun there looking at all the smiling faces in the various prospectuses should suggest so.
but obviously most happy things are lies.

for those who will miss me,
you ought to.
for those who didn't care
bless you
for those who don't know me
there will be more chances
for those over there
hope we have fun.

oh no not so soon?!

every week seems to have a theme
every day, and endless dream
but somehow perception loses its steam
locking me in life's ironic dream
grey skies still delight me
and i comfort in the night


maybe that's why i don't see the light.

2006

and so yesteryear's christmas has come and gone. it's a pity how so many people think christmas is just a one day affair. it's actually 12 to all you noobies out there.
2005 has passed too though i'm still unable to determine if it has een a shitty year for me anot. for one, it was the year of my freedom from NS. i'v done my time.and now its time to move on. but i do miss the folks back at the department. well, it basically means 2005 gave me more friends to hang out with. so probably , it ain't that bad. on a personal note, i feel that i'm slightly wiser (i ought to be since i'm one year older now) though i remain the same in certain areas : still scared of girls and still can't say no to people who ask me for help. gotta fix this in 2006 i hope. well anyway the future (like in all cliche phrases) scares me. i'll be heading to Oz soon and as tough as i may seem right now, i don't think i will be able to handle the shit overseas. but hey at least i'll try. for one thing, conveniences would definetly be taken away from me. and friends. damn i think i'll miss them despite having msn and all that jazz. tho there's WoW to entertain me, i hope it doesn't destroy me. however excited everyone may be around me, i feel contradicted. 2006 will be a year of adventure. but then again. not all adventures make happy memories.
why am i so morbid?
what will 2006 bring me?
happiness , strife, momories or dreams?
will there be love , or life of lonliness
inspiration or utter disappointment?
oh well,
happy new year folks! --> well at least this is an encouraging note.

christmas '05

ok so this years christmas was a lot more toned down than last year (i recall being totaly wasted last year) but more busy. tracing the events back to the 23rd, it was last minute christmas shopping @ orchard and then heading down to a friend's birthday party at clarke quay's tcc and then to watching narnia and on to woing till the wee hours of 24th dec. woke up at 5pm 24 dec so i guess my christmas eve was more or less wasted. anyways wowed again until like 6+ whereby i had to drop my parents off to a christmas party and went on to marina square to catch king kong. they should rename it king kok cos the scenes were pretty much lame and cmon, how can a chick every fall in love with an ape? anyways i got a call from my dad after than and damn i had to send thme home before rejoining the groups for supper -- or more likely, my dinner and then it was off to wowing till the wee hrs of christmas day. woke up 1pm on christmas day and went to a family party and then off to being show and tell object for my parents friend's party and now i may be heading t another gathering. maybe. damn i still remember needing to go to jb tml.

the return

it's been a while since i last blogged. 29-fricking september. that's like almost 2.5 months. anywayalot of shit has happened since then.
for starters,

1. i went and got a job with at shenton way working as a damn admin assistant. and man it was hell as boring. it really made me wonder if life was just about waking up and going to work everyday only to return home after work and sleep and continue the cycle all over again. cos firstly, you wouldn't have enough personal quiet time for yourself, let alone time with friends ; unless you're talking about weekends. moreover, the job which i got was so damn boring that i was literally STRUGGLING to stay awake every morning. downing double shots of nescafe classic everyday until i was so sure the caffeine intake would affect me in the later years. i just have to take my hat off to te other perm. staff who have been doing the same boring shit for 10 years or less. Friends, i salute you. lucky for me, they decided to end my contract early cos of low sales volume. hooh.

concurrently with the boring job,

2. my main desktop crashed and i lost all my mp3s and photos. fuck SATA technology.

3. i got a new laptop for my further study in OZ. love it

4. and my mage in World of Warcraft ave since hit 51. I would sure bloody wish to hit 60 by the end of the year. Possible? possible.

5. i've gone and returned from bangkok with my NS department. This is the 2nd time whereby i get "sponsored" to go on a holiday by the govt. how great is that. Although it wasn't as good as last years', it was still fun and i managed to bag my bag of good deals.

Christmas is coming. though as much as i would like this year to end, it still pains me to think that christmas would just come and go. damn. it's my favourite holiday. the one which makes you feel that everything is so warm and cheery until it's over and the cold world slaps you back into reality. the feelings good ; and short i know but this is only one of the exceptions where i would do sacrifice anything to make the cause worthwhile.

k enough of this emo shit.

gonna get some rest b4 i grind again.

farewell.

ORD LOH!



and so the day arrived. and so ends another chapter of my life. had actually wanted to blog this at 1201 yesterday but was engaged in the merciless spamming of the sacred words "ORD LOH!" to everyone on my msn contact list.
somehow, i feel a sense of loss. not saying that i love serving ns and doing shit but it's like, after 26 mths of hoping for September 28 2005 and when it's finally here, i don't feel enlightened or special at all. On the contrary, i feel weird maybe due to the sudden relinquishing of duties and not needing to do anything suddenly.
it's a weird feeling. but i like it.
nevertheless i still enjoyed my NS though i kept on bitching about how life sucks and shit like that. i've definetly learnt more than just clerical work and being a cow (just listen and do; don't think).
truly, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

what becomes of me then? well, the model answer would be "get a job for 3 mths" and later f.o to australia. but my real answer would be to slack around first and relax.
hopefully i can do that.

will miss the guys in the office. but that's probably the only bad about ORD-ing

because eventually, everything is emotional

last working day

woke up feeling happy today cos it was going to be my last working day at the office. in a way the feelings kinda different. the sky seemed bluer and the sound of the environment seemed relaxed. yes weird way to describe it but that's the way it is.
when i stepped into the office alot of the guys were kinda surprised that i came back (well thats because i did not have enough leave and so i had to go back for 1 last day) but what really made me laugh was when one of my supervisors (not direct supervisors) said "hey long time no see where did you go?" and when i replied that i was clearing leave and that today was my last day at work she got the shock of her life.
ah. the art of stealth
the look on her face was priceless.
anyway as today was HLS it wasn't really a work day. more like a play badminton and get trashed day. we didn't get trashed though. we got second.

well, after work i went to eat dinner with the usual gang and we later wasted our lives at the cheesy cafe along orchard road.

not bad for a last day...guess the feeling would be more emo on the 28th.

9 days to ord.

Xenosaga II: Jeseits von Gut und Bose


just completed xenosaga 2 spending a total gametime of 34:15:18. real world time : 6 days. The ending's quite ok albeit abit short. Well at least it didn't make me want to smash the PS2 unlike suikoden 4. i think chaos is an evil dude all along ( so glad i didn't train him up as a character) and the ending did mention something abot Kos-Mos "waking up" when some shit happens in Xenosaga episode iii. happilly awaiting it. gonna hit the sack.

Terrace 10 King Palm

after an exciting and action packed time at the chalet. i awoke this morning to cold winds lapping at my back. there was a hurricane at my window and so i got up to close the windows and having felt not sleeping enough i decided togo grab my cell phone to set the alarm and place it under my pillow. problem is: wtf is my handphone? i ended up searching the whole damn house for my stupid handphone and even came online to ask a couple of friends if they had seen it lying around at the chalet (thinking that i may have left it there) -- to no avail.

anyway back to the chalet. it's definetly my last with the guys as an NSF cos i'll be ording soon and obviously, i'll miss them. Note: miss the NSFs and a few regulars. not the office folks. though it rained like half the time, it was still enjoyable with the talk cock sessions, the despatch adventures, night swims and of course the bbq as the grand finale.

in hindsight,its just another happy memory of a time gone by.

argh fug. since my phone's ringing i reckon it must be around the house somewhere. i think i shall go and sleep it off first.

i've been punk'd

saturday and sunday saw me at sentosa helping out at the New Balance Real Run event. all for the glory of earning hours to pave the way for a smoother enjoyable ord. Sad to say, there were alot of slackers who just "helped out" at the event just for the hours, leaving the other hardworking ones the luxury of heavy weight lifting and sai kang. the human race is really cursed. suffice to say, 300,000 years of evolution didn't do us any good with the blood of selfishness and sloth still flowing in our veins. some were seen "eye-powering", "others missing in action" and not forgetting; eating more than they should.

but who cares. ORD Loh.

unplesantaries aside, the event was an enjoyable one nevertheless. It's only during such events where i can really joke around with the guys and just be my crazy self. saw lots of chicks too. and also a few brushes with death.

in a way, i'll be kinda sad when i ord. i'll miss the friends made there. the office furniture, the carpet, the fishtank, the stationery. the likeble NSFs, haha guess you should know by now who i Won't miss.

oooh btw i've just been punk'd.
my overstudy was right all along.
hard work doesn't pay.
not at least in that department.

timeless

it's been awhile again since i last updated
well i don't really "update" often unless i have real thoughts worth penning down
think "the pensive" in harry potter
(so ok i digressed for awhile)
life's good ( i can't believe i'm saying this) but yeah
what with spending my long earned ord holiday season doing whatever i want.

for the record i went on a reading spree and managed to complete reading 11 books in the span of 23 days. (i didn't read everyday though) and yes, i sold out by reading harry potter.

to my surprise it was quite entertaining reading it... no wonder the world's reading it.

right now i'm taking a break. i'm abstaining from books until maybe next month though i've actually started on xenosaga ii yesterday.

the good thing about not working is that you can enjoy "timelessness". try sleeping at 6am and waking up at 12pm and you'll find that your day is longer!

ord loh.

plain morning

awoke with red eyes to a grey morning
the perfect morning for a sleep in but i remembered i had to go to jb with a colleague of mine.
i forgot to tell my mum i'll be going out and so she bought me lunch..or brunch which i obviously had to eat before i leave now
and so i started to watch full metal panic second raid and eat brunch. (usual way i have my meals).
i was happilly eating when suddenly a cane frog hoped across my keyboard and startled me.wtf man where did it come from? my only guess was that my dad went to secretly feed my snakehead which i was starving for 3 days for the efficacious method of making it savage.
i watched it hop hop hop and stop, swuang my hand over it and it got scared and started to hop off the table and wow, it didn't die. as i was eating i didn't want to get my hands dirty by catching it....neither did i want to let it escape and let my whole house go apeshit over a damn frog...after comtemplating on what to do i spotted my stack of double a paper, and decided i would just stall for time....and so i took aim, estimated the amount of force and distance required to hit the frog and dumped the whole rim of paper over the frog. maybe i'll clean it up after i get home...not before giving my dad a piece of my mind.

heat

it's better to burn out than to fade away...


I'm awake, you're still sleeping
The sun will rise like yesterday
Everything that we are now
Is everything we can't let go
Or its gone forever, far away
I hope tomorrow is like today
Don't you go away tomorrow
I don't think I could handle that
You're probably dreaming that you're flying on
Then you start to fall
But then you rise
and shine forever
Don't go away
I hope tomorrow is like today

a new lease of life

for once after a million posts,
i can finally say that life doesn't suck.
but only now.
for the moment

it's been, shit. i've forgotten how many days since i've started on my block leave... and am enjoying it. been able to roam around the world and practically do anything which i want without having to worry about the damn office. the feeling's great. it's almost as if i've unlocked the cheat code to "GOD MODE". i've even managed to watch all the damn tv dramas which have been rotting in my hardisk -- and cleared alot of diskspace after deleting them too. not forgetting being able to finish reading the stack of books which have been piling up in the corner of my desk.

though many a time i would wake up at 7.30am and worry "oh fuck! do i have to work today?" and then i will be reminded that i'm not due until the 19th. cool.as to why i keep on waking up at 7.30am, i think its the damage done to my brain during my stay in office.

work hazards. heh.

anyway, caught "the maid" today. not a bad story. the maid is quite pretty lor. but the interesting part of the story is that there's a twist... which kinda made me damn sian after they reveal it to you. damn xialan indeed.

ending now cos dun feel like writing anymore.

a picture paints a thousand words

so long and thank you for the fish

just returned from the airport.
i was late in sending a friend off this time but at least i still made it. now i'm only afraid of getting shot by hidden speed guns along the ecp. felt abit embarrassed cos she and her whole fan club was waiting for me to arrive before she went through the gates.

we barely spoke for 5 minutes, but hey. at least we said goodbye.

tdy's the 1st day of my 2 mth long block leave
and obviously, it was great. woke up breathing the 1pm west coast air and ate some sub standard hup seng economic rice bought by my mum...which reminds me, i should learn how to cook from her soon. the rest of the day was spent at sim lim doing price "research" for a laptop and a camera before heading back home and to the airport. nothing exciting happened... but there'll be more to come.

the moment i stepped into the terminal,
i knew i had to go on another trip.

breakdown

It's magic", she says to me.
My hand to her waist as she approaches sweetly.
It's enough when I see that look in her eyes,
It's enough for me to paralyze.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

"It's tragic", she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye,
was enough for me to realize.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever going to come?

So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered "I love you".
But I couldn't take it any longer, no I couldn't stand.

But the nights brought sparks and the sparks brought flames,
And you had to be sure this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm going to show you if you could just give me tonight.

Tonight...

"Its fragile", she says to me.
The hair in her eyes, she removes it smiling.
There's a wound that I know this song could mend,
A step in time for us will never end.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?

I'm waiting, for the breakdown.
I'm waiting, for the comedown.

2 more months.