timeless

it's been awhile again since i last updated
well i don't really "update" often unless i have real thoughts worth penning down
think "the pensive" in harry potter
(so ok i digressed for awhile)
life's good ( i can't believe i'm saying this) but yeah
what with spending my long earned ord holiday season doing whatever i want.

for the record i went on a reading spree and managed to complete reading 11 books in the span of 23 days. (i didn't read everyday though) and yes, i sold out by reading harry potter.

to my surprise it was quite entertaining reading it... no wonder the world's reading it.

right now i'm taking a break. i'm abstaining from books until maybe next month though i've actually started on xenosaga ii yesterday.

the good thing about not working is that you can enjoy "timelessness". try sleeping at 6am and waking up at 12pm and you'll find that your day is longer!

ord loh.

plain morning

awoke with red eyes to a grey morning
the perfect morning for a sleep in but i remembered i had to go to jb with a colleague of mine.
i forgot to tell my mum i'll be going out and so she bought me lunch..or brunch which i obviously had to eat before i leave now
and so i started to watch full metal panic second raid and eat brunch. (usual way i have my meals).
i was happilly eating when suddenly a cane frog hoped across my keyboard and startled me.wtf man where did it come from? my only guess was that my dad went to secretly feed my snakehead which i was starving for 3 days for the efficacious method of making it savage.
i watched it hop hop hop and stop, swuang my hand over it and it got scared and started to hop off the table and wow, it didn't die. as i was eating i didn't want to get my hands dirty by catching it....neither did i want to let it escape and let my whole house go apeshit over a damn frog...after comtemplating on what to do i spotted my stack of double a paper, and decided i would just stall for time....and so i took aim, estimated the amount of force and distance required to hit the frog and dumped the whole rim of paper over the frog. maybe i'll clean it up after i get home...not before giving my dad a piece of my mind.

heat

it's better to burn out than to fade away...


I'm awake, you're still sleeping
The sun will rise like yesterday
Everything that we are now
Is everything we can't let go
Or its gone forever, far away
I hope tomorrow is like today
Don't you go away tomorrow
I don't think I could handle that
You're probably dreaming that you're flying on
Then you start to fall
But then you rise
and shine forever
Don't go away
I hope tomorrow is like today

a new lease of life

for once after a million posts,
i can finally say that life doesn't suck.
but only now.
for the moment

it's been, shit. i've forgotten how many days since i've started on my block leave... and am enjoying it. been able to roam around the world and practically do anything which i want without having to worry about the damn office. the feeling's great. it's almost as if i've unlocked the cheat code to "GOD MODE". i've even managed to watch all the damn tv dramas which have been rotting in my hardisk -- and cleared alot of diskspace after deleting them too. not forgetting being able to finish reading the stack of books which have been piling up in the corner of my desk.

though many a time i would wake up at 7.30am and worry "oh fuck! do i have to work today?" and then i will be reminded that i'm not due until the 19th. cool.as to why i keep on waking up at 7.30am, i think its the damage done to my brain during my stay in office.

work hazards. heh.

anyway, caught "the maid" today. not a bad story. the maid is quite pretty lor. but the interesting part of the story is that there's a twist... which kinda made me damn sian after they reveal it to you. damn xialan indeed.

ending now cos dun feel like writing anymore.

a picture paints a thousand words

so long and thank you for the fish

just returned from the airport.
i was late in sending a friend off this time but at least i still made it. now i'm only afraid of getting shot by hidden speed guns along the ecp. felt abit embarrassed cos she and her whole fan club was waiting for me to arrive before she went through the gates.

we barely spoke for 5 minutes, but hey. at least we said goodbye.

tdy's the 1st day of my 2 mth long block leave
and obviously, it was great. woke up breathing the 1pm west coast air and ate some sub standard hup seng economic rice bought by my mum...which reminds me, i should learn how to cook from her soon. the rest of the day was spent at sim lim doing price "research" for a laptop and a camera before heading back home and to the airport. nothing exciting happened... but there'll be more to come.

the moment i stepped into the terminal,
i knew i had to go on another trip.

breakdown

It's magic", she says to me.
My hand to her waist as she approaches sweetly.
It's enough when I see that look in her eyes,
It's enough for me to paralyze.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

"It's tragic", she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye,
was enough for me to realize.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever going to come?

So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered "I love you".
But I couldn't take it any longer, no I couldn't stand.

But the nights brought sparks and the sparks brought flames,
And you had to be sure this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm going to show you if you could just give me tonight.

Tonight...

"Its fragile", she says to me.
The hair in her eyes, she removes it smiling.
There's a wound that I know this song could mend,
A step in time for us will never end.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?

I'm waiting, for the breakdown.
I'm waiting, for the comedown.

2 more months.

the nights are getting warmer

The nights are getting warmer.
The amber light's on, it's going to be over.
To work hard now doesn't make much sense.
So this is my goodbye.
Surprised, because I thought I could stay alittle longer tonight,
but i guess some things weren't meant to be

Goodbye, I'm not going to waste this time,
the light i left behind will keep on burning.
Goodnight, I'm getting off of this helluva ride,
I'm letting go to see if i still feel alive

I'm writing you this letter,
if you'll be honest and see what you've done to me
maybe this letter will have a meaning
nevertheless we still held hands
until the final goodbye shall we part our ways
As the lights just go up all around us,
I can't believe it's becoming to be over.

I'm sitting under falling stars.
Do you miss me from where you are?
maybe our love will come back one day
until then, we have to wait out 64 sunrises

64 surises are all i have
11 sunsets are all i have
Everything you're saying sounds right tonight.
it'll take a miracle

so that's what i'm praying for.

a tribute to sam

today (or rather yesterday) marks the demise of a *good buddy/friend/colleague/ass of mine (* delete where applicable; for best results, do not delete at all).

Nope he didn't die, he just went to hell to regroup.

ah well, in actual fact he's probably enjoying life now that he has gotten his damned Pink IC back after disruption from NS. In a way it's kinda irritating knowing that he enlisted an intake later than me but still left an "intake earlier" than me. but either way, this post is dedicated to him.

i remember the times when we bitched about the amount of shit work we had to do
i remember the times when i almost killed him
with all his whininess and trival antics
i remember the times when he messed up all my ninja lunch missions by saying "eh i have to get back on time lah"
i remember the times we stayed back in office to complete the damn websites
i remember the countless chilling out sessions we had with the others
i remember the bitching and whining he showered upon me when he was drunk
and not
i remember the many favours he did for me whenever ART was concerned
and the many favours i did for him when he had to scan documents to softcopy form

but now there won't be any more of such times cos Red Bull finally gave him wings.
anyways i hope he finds happiness now that freedom has been returned to him, may he even get a girlfriend.(haha)

but then again. 70 days more to my brand new sunset.

disruption is just a save game.
a block of memory stored in a PS2 memory card

ORD is when the game really ends.

apathy

life's still the same even though i've slightly more then 2 months left before it finally returns to normal and, although the dc visit episode has blown over, i'm still left with traces of shit of the event. work is endless they say and results ALWAYS (if not,) often unappreciated.

a colleague of mine kinda lost it today when a comment was made that he should do this and that when it was actually not under his purview. in fact, he had already taken the extra mile to help the bitching party by getting a certain task done for them. See, unappreciated. another colleague of mine was given the shit job of sourcing for potential speakers for an event; sad to say or rather, i was kinda appalled when he told me that the people he called were so fucking slack that they gave him professional remarks like "who gave you my number? ", "actually i don't like to give such talks but since we are a health organisation i am obligated to " and the likes. professionalism at it's finest i guess. makes me wonder how much work is really done in the office these days.

apathy. it's in our blood.

no matter how prim and proper you try to be, the majority of everyone else won't really give a shit, appreciate, or even care to notice that you're doing the right thing and if you're lucky, they'll even give those misfits who fail to follow the "system" a candy bar or two; sometimes with a cherry on top.


so this is how it feels
reaching for heaven
kissing the sky
tasting bitterness all around
for a lifetime on high
so this is what it is
lying forever
in the water of a pretty pool
filled with human stools

In The Deep

Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep

work on a sunday

i wasted my sunday at a shitty launch event today
it was held at the former CDANS Bt batok clubhouse
apparently SPANS (for Police NS kids) and CDANS (For SCDF NS kids) have decided to merge cos the top brass think that it was cool and we were forced to attend this heavenly event to show that we support this union of 2.
we were showing forced support.
and so we had to go..for awhile before i decided that it was too stupid and decided to leave for office to clear up some work shit which was due tomorrow.
and of course, to earn the extra hours for an ealier ord.
and to prove that i was there, below's a picture

she

She hangs out every day near by the beach
Having a Heineken falling asleep
She looks so sexy when she’s walking the sand
Nobody ever put a ring on her hand

Swim to the oceanshore fish in the sea
She is the story the story is she
She sings to the moon and the stars in the sky
Shining from high above you shouldn’t ask why

She is the one that you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
Oh, she must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world

She puts the rhythm, the beat in the drum
She comes in the morning and the evening she’s gone
Every little hour every second you live
Trust in eternity that’s what she gives

She looks like Marilyn (not the one in my office), walks like Suzanne
She talks like Monica and Marianne
She wins in everything that she might do
And she will respect you forever just you

She is the one
That you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
She must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world

She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty
She is like you and me
Like them like we
She is in you and me

bright lights & finer days

been walking in the rain for quite some time
tonight was different
i'm walking without lights
but it doesn't matter
i've become a creature of the night

feelings for The Goddess are slowly dying
fade to grey, like sweet blood
blending with this rain
i let go and there was no one
to catch me as i fell

in the distant i see the bright
cold lights of the city
the friendly nonchalant drone of vehicles
at this ungodly hour
i'm home

here i go. scream my lungs out
let the whole world know
she could have been The One

suikoden 4 stinks

due to the fact that my fastcraft was wrecked from an earlier accident, i had nothing to do on this lonely friday night ...and so i decided to hit the ps2. Which later led to me to want to settle my suikoden 4 score after losing to it a month ago.

and so i leveled up from 50+ to 70+ in 4 hrs...

kicked the final bosses's ass
and got a fucked up ending.

nothing was spoken about the rune of punishment...what happened to it and crap.
fucked up ending la damn dulan.

and so i habve decided never to touch another suikoden game again.

as for the dvd, i think i shall smash it..will post pics up if i do....

i hope Xenosaga II doesn't suck

irritated

the theme for this week is irritated
i'm irritated by the routine-ness of my life
the way i wake up every morning
to fucking pepetual 32 degrees of weather
the folks in office (not all. some)
the smell of axe oil in sbs buses
the old folks at chinatown
and davidoff echo

i like changes.change me.

......

I"M SO DAMN SICK OF THIS PLACE!
it's been less than 24 hrs since i came home and the people from office are already hounding me
FUCK MAN

perhentian

in a much better mood now. for those who don't know, i've returned from my p.perhentian diving trip. officially and advanced diver now although i can only dive up to 30ft before my sinus starts bleeding and i attract sharks.
it's disappointing, to know that i have such a low threshold as 30ft when it comes to diving. it's as good as telling me i will never be able to dive again. sadness.

anyway the trip was bittersweet. though more bitter than sweet. first, the fake tix and then the disappointment of the island being so bloody overcommercialised. really peeved t the fact that the island was dotted with resorts, leaving it barren and no longer emotionally rustic. fuck. tioman was better. probably the most comforting thing was that the dives were fun sans the bleeding whenever i cam up after the deep dives. my dive buddy was cool too though we kept messing eacher other's dives up. hah we kept on floating to the surface when our tanks were empty but oh well.

perhaps the best dive for me was the night dive; where i experienced the abyss of darkness. somehow, i felt safe down there at 30 feet. me and my buddy and the rest of the clowns with darkness engulfing us. it somehow formed a blanket of protection; leaving me safely away from the exposure of the world. but alas it only lasted 40 minutes. saw a giant sea turtle; it was very docile, being so graceful and not afraid of us all, a sturgeon, puffer fishes and a few schools of barracudas.

the journey back was somehow fucked up,think "ghost reporting" but one which left me with deep impressions. we couldn't board the bus cos of the fake tix and so we had to wait. while waiting we got to mingle around and joke and shit like that, thus knowing the guys better. and when the bus came. it was a fucking haunted one. with me and another friend being disturbed. no wonderbus driver told us to move to the front during the beginning of the trip. shan't elaborate more cos i'm still pissed over the incident.

somehow, this trip has left me feeling really weird. now that i'm back, i don't really know what to do. events of the trip somehow relentlessly flash back in my mind, leaving me to pine for the time gone by. fark. i've fallen prey to my own ideology:
what good are happy memories if they leave you sad and pining after you think of them

am i that really that afraid of returning to Singapore?
does this land and its people terrorize me so much?
who am i
and where do i come from

disoriented

i thought i had found heaven
until hell drew me back.

112

112.
the intake i was from
the number of days left to freedom
fly~