just another night

just got back from watching Van Helsing. Damn bloody good show I must say. I think i have a crush on Kate Beckinsale arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. anyway shan't talk to much today cos' i want to show how boredom can really drive 2 people in office nuts. Ladies and gentlemen, meet daren my friend who also holds an office job in the spf --similar to me.

the story you are going to read is false. all of the characters are totally fictional. Any resemblence between the characters posted here and real persons, whether living or dead, is entirely coincidental unless explicit notice is given to the contrary for a specific instance. Enjoy.

the rule of the game ? only 4 words can be written in 1 sentence which will be completed by the other person.

Story by johnny and daren

"no more," he said
and left the room,
only to find sponges
all soaked with sprite.
a plague upon this
quiet,shitty office befalls
me. crestfallen, i take
a roadtrip up north
where frogs eat sandwiches
and flying cows sing
songs that enfold me.
i cry, so touched
by my big balls.
The sky was purple
with pink polka dots
like young rabbit's droppings
that drool down my
spanking new P4 computer.
cut me up into
a pretty paper doll
and string me together
like ugly voodoo beads.
this death darkens the
the bluest of skies.
what a daft will.
to speak with mushrooms
is to excrete footballs
and everytime i try
to excrete footballs, i
fall, without my wings
on my arse, with
shards of glass piercing
my broken head. it
gives me great joy
to see grasshoppers swim
on a tuesday afternoon,
in an summer month.
i yearn for oreos
that are blue, not
black, bitter they should
not think anymore about
green eggs and ham,
or eating blue spam.
it's time to end
but not right now
it is five o'clock
in my dreams, but
how is this possible?
is this love? or
a poem too long?
nay, for this is
a fruit of boredom,
or creation, depending on
a boring office day

*end of story cos it was 5pm and i wanted to go home.

pain

light within, wavering soul
darkness falls, weather's cold
whatever i could be
ambitions dwarfed
everytime i try to fly away
i fall
with broken wings
i fall
and every time i try to run
i slip
soon the dreams will fade away
slip away from my mind's grasp
why does the fickle tide move so fast
its ebbing slowly wearing me down
i slip
i slip
i slip
everytime i close my eyes
i see her face
she's haunting me
like a living ghost
crushing and suffocating me
i'm not living nor am i dead
why won't she just die instead.

of cycles and loops

i just watched "50 first dates" with my computer tonight (monday night cos it's already tuesday morning) and even though its a movie it reminded me that at least what i'm doing nowadays is not as silly as what Lucy's dad and brother are doing for her; but one thing's definetly for sure : both have pointless outcomes. maybe i should count my blessings for having a boring office job compared to the other kids who are always out chioning in a jungle and training for a useless war (we'll all still be dead) hmm..lets see other than that..i also have a few f-up superiors who are great for levelling up my tolerance levels for nonsense and unreasonable qualms, great peers who also share my shitty plight and so much extra time which i usually waste away.

every night i lie in bed
thinking what my life is going to be
and every time i try to fly away
i get shot down, blown away
all's left is but the chaff
what will i be
a rhyme without reason
a song without emotion
or a pretty flower on the wall
bright shining star, made to stand out
and everytime i close my eyes
i see Uncertainty
its haunting me

everything's pointless
all's but an act

quoting the famous words of Ozzy Osbourne : of all the things i miss, i missed my mind the most

that feeling of lan lan-nes (translation :being unable to do something when something shitty goes wrong)

i woke up this morning to the 5am sky cos i had volunteered my services for sai kang work for SPANS at PA. Woke up at 5 cos i was suppossed tio meet my friends at 6am at clementi mrt stn and what did you know.. apparently the first bus was able to get me there on time, but not my friends. the first train would only arrive at 6.10am and they stayed at boonlay and jurong east. wtf man i ended up waiting for them -> lan lan.

after meeting up with them to go to office, everyone except the driver was early and we couldn't get to pa on time --> lan lan

arrived at pa and i was tasked to be the waterboy as well as carpark warden with another friend of mine -> that wasn't too bad until some lame ass indian shithead thought that he was a big fuck and backed his car into a reserved lot by reversing over the cordon tape and walked away -> lan lan

after everything was done i went back to office and after showering and all i called my dad to check if he was in the area (cos he usually goes to bt merah to eat after chuirch svc with my mum) and i thought that maybe i could hitch a ride back home from them. he told me he was at home already. and so i proceeded back by the shitty public transpot.

went back home only to NOT FIND my dad's car in the carpark and no one at home. fuck. he lied to me. --> lan lan

after so much thought i just realised that nothing much can be done if a person does something against things they call rules, morals,protocol. so what if you complain about him and so what if justice has been done? can it bring back a life; can it bring back the love; can it undo the damage or rid the scars; can it buy back wasted time;missed opportunities and the list goes on... the fucking answer is NO. they always say "the customer is always right"-> which in itself that statement is already eternally wrong.

LAN LAN- the mother of all sianess (translation : boredom; apathy).

what is deemed socially unacceptable
is usually in itself ironically socially acceptable

i think i will be able to complile my blog into a thesis very soon with all this bitching.

ordinary day

woke up this morning at 1+pm feeling disoriented and messed up. maybe it's because of the previous night's episode with the runaway kid case and the flu medicine. turned on my cell phone to be greeted by 2 messages : one inviting me to go china black tonight with the guys and another by david to follow him to go and buy his track shoes for walking. the former was out of question cos i remembered i had to do sai-kang tomorrow to earn off hours and no way woud i be able to wake up so damn early if i were to party.

as i didn't feel like staying home i decided to accompany david to get his shoes--and mine too as i've felt i've reached the stage of getting walking shoes instead of wearing track shoes to go out all the time like your average poorly-dressed-singaporean-guy-who's-always-wearing-happenning-OP- t-shirts-and-levis-jeans. ok so i am guilty of that too but i have my reasons. what are they? well....since i am a slave to the nation and report to work in office (ok i am a lucky slave to the nation compared to other slaves) i don't see a point to dress up nicely unless i want to hook all my other MALE colleagues OR my older-than-me by at least 6-10 yrs FEMALE supervisors and have extra maritial affairs with them. And so that is my reason.

we went to orchard to chk out the shoes (and the chicks with ugly boyrfiends) but did not find what we wanted there. so just like any other ordinary street-smart people we decided to go to queensway to check it out cos every average street smart person would know queensway is one of the places where you will be able to bag the best deals if you know whivh shops to go to and bargain.

i finally settled for a pair of gola shoes cos in my opinion it's unique and not overcommercialized or rather "spoilt". (Think nike. everwhere you go u see them.) and it can be matched easily. for the record the pairs which i actually had to choose from were from adidas,puma and diesel. puma did not have my size, adidas appeared weird and diesel apparead gay if you were to look at them from the top-view perspective. so what the heck.

getting bored of describing my shopping experience. i dunno but i feel that this entry is SO SO SO SO SO like a typical teeny bopper's blog bragging about their shopping spree shit. anwyay after that i left david cos he wanted to wait for his parents to come and buy the shoes with him so that he would not have to pay for them (what the fuck man?) for my uncle's place to celebrate his bday.

birthday was cool although i almost died from eating a hard to chew piece of fudge cake made by my auntie's friend and of course being such a diplomatic person i said it was yummy haha! but i soon regretted that cos she said she would make one for me (wtf again) that's it i will never lie again.

back home now fiddling with the com and writing this shitty blog entry and although i so much want to s\clear my table i just feel like sleeping. thinking of tomorrow's sai kang is enough to piss me off cos i have to wake up at like 5am?!?!? dammit. but what the heck i'll be gettign 8 hours.

people in the SAF say money cannot buy freedom
but i say time can. if you're in the SPF

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bye! (warning explicit lyrics inside)

it's a shitty day today. went to office half dead cos i was on flu medicine only to be greeted by 2 shitloads of work which was not actually within my job scope. being the only SA around at the moment i had no choice but to clear it. as i was slowly soaking in the quietness of the office, the silence was broken by the humming of a next door neighbour. (lets just call her "the hummer" from now on to protect her identity)

ok, so my peace was disrupted and so i went over to my colleague's place for a chat.( since office hours have not officially started it was legal) our conversation was broken by *ahem* the hummer. she questioned me in front of everyone about whether i finished her work or not in a "you owe me" tone of voice which i so blatantly replied "yes". afterwhich she lan lan-ed walked back to her workstation.

the story continues and our protagonist (if you still don't know who that is, it is me LAH) continues to mind his own business and do his own work when his boss came over to his workstation (heng he wasn't doing anything illegal).

me : "gd morning Sir."
boss : "morning,have you seen the hummer?"
me: "erm, i think she just left her workstation"
boss : "where did she go? "
me "sir i am not sure. i shall check it out for you and get back to you"
boss: "ok do that and tell her to see me in my office.

and so i called the hummer

me: "hello name ah ?"
the hummer: " yes?"
me : "may i know where are you? boss is looking for you"
the hummer : "oh tell him i will be back in 10 mins"
me: "ok he told me to tell you to see him in his office"
the hummer : "ok"

and so i called my boss and relayed the message to him.

10 minutes passed.

the phone suddenly rang.

me: "hello ?"
boss sounding pissed : "is the hummer back 10 minutes have passed already"
me : hmm..ok sir i shall call her to check again and get back to you"

and so i called the hummer, this time sounding damn kanchong to raise the pressure abit

me: "hello name ah ?"
the hummer: " yes?"
me : "eh are you coming back? boss says 10 minutes have passed and he still sees no sign of you. and he sounds angry"
the hummer : "aiyah tell him i am on my way lah!"
me: "ok lor..byebye"
the hummer : "bye"

and so i relayed the message to my boss

the hummer returned and went to see boss. afterwhich she called me to her workstation for a little talk.
that's it. i knew i was in for some shit whenever that happens.

well to cut things short she scolded me for calling her by name and for saying "eh" cos it sounded really unprofessional and rude and said that my phone ethics spoke of my personality blah blah and although it only appeared that she was scolding me, i wasn't surprised that the whole office heard our conversation. well done man. she just made my shit list.

anyway people who know me would know that i would only call people by their name and say "eh" ,"hey", "yo", "dude" , if i personally know them or know that the other party does not mind. as for the hummer, being my neighbour it is inevitable that i would definetly talk to her casually in office and i SWEAR i ahve called her by name on many occassions without her taking offence (cos if she did she would have already told me earlier). as for the "eh" part i guess she was just too professional for me. so professional that she had to leave office w/o letting anyu of us know to be accountable for her.

and so kids, this is a damn good example of "it doesn't pay to be kind"
i helped her to clear her shit work (she didn't even say please. she expected me to do it)
i called her to tell her that my boss is looking for her (i could have just heck cared and continued doing my own things)
i called her a second time to prepare her for the shit that's awaiting her
and i was her goddamn punching bag, letting her spam me with that fucking pep talk.

whatever.
i don't owe anyone a living.
and like any other ns boy i am going to use all this to train my tolerance for shit and become numb towards the daily office politics, backstabbings and spam sessions.

i foresee dark days ahead. and i'll enjoy it.

time to go for michael's party. he's celebrating it today. =p

copycat

ok i've got a new layout and ok it's copied from someone who already did it...i feel so lame right now but in time to come it should be customised so that it won't be so obvious that it's copied and i won't appear so gay then. anyway since i've already mentioned it here i don't think it would make a hell lot of difference if i did/did not make changes to it. dammit it's fugging 2am and there's still work tml *gone*

somewhere only no-one knows

i walk across the land/aimlessly without a care/tainted dreams in a tainted world/vanilla skies are once no more
with the back of my hand i wiped my face/wiped the perspiration off my gaze/one by one new found friends are leaving me/very soon i'll be all alone/time to wake up/time to get up/time to run the race again/time to kill/ time to heal/
time to put back everything with zeal/i'm all alone/i'm not alone/this feeling's pissing me to the bone/my life's getting old/
my life's getting cold/my life is never what i wanted it to be/deliver me/empower me/change the stars right above me/life's a journey/it is time to wake up/stand tall/i'm going in.

change

just got back from a movie with my colleagues/friends/nsfs *(delete where applicable)
the movie i watched was "dawn of the dead" and although there was a pretty actress in it i kinda felt cheated in a way that the storyline wasn't really sensible (actually most horror flicks aren't sensible) in a way that it was a-la resident evil style where the whole town is zombified and you have your usual motely crew of helpless victims trying to fend for themselves in a usual stereotyped hideout (this time a downtown mall). well in the end they all still died and ok so what if i just spoilt the suspense i think you'd be better off watching barbie or my little pony or even scooby doo considering the $7.50-$8.50 you'd spend on the movie (since i think today is friday and the weekend is near) trust me. although i do not smoke or encourage it, i think if you forked out maybe about a dollar more you'd be better off buying a pack of cigarettes and enjoying them. the movie lasts about 2 hrs. a pack of cigarettes, when well rationed can well last up to 5 days.

the week has also been pretty low profile for me as i followed my code of conduct (think smart, act blur, live longer) except for maybe one or 2 sai kang tasks to do. i also found out my friends email address so we can 'chat' during office hours using our email. life is changing quite well , considering that i'm pushing myself to do things with more effort instead of haphazardly. Well,at least i don't wake up saying "fuck. another *** no. of days to ord" (where *** is the number of days left to ord). i guess in a way ns is probably the only time where you can not worry about anything for 2 years-although risking abit of mental retardation and obeying stupid instructions-which is no different than a cow.

the genology of morals

i just finished watching Dogville on dvd albeit occassional interruptions from the show (dinner/meet friend/feed pets/tv)
and what can i say?
IT IS THE MOST APT MOVIE which sums up the top brass of my office! it really hit the nail man and i can't help
but wonder why am i feeling so elated after watching it. basically it's about :

an expensive high class gal who wanted to to get away from the cannibism of the modern world and
yes her dad is a powerful gangster chief and somehting like that
and so she 'runs away from daddy' in search of her new life forgetting to take off her rose coloured glasses
and assumming that everyone was sugar and spice and everything nice
and then she came to dogville where the people initially did not accept her as she wasn't a PR or citizen there
however in exchange for physical labour (pun intended) they agree to harbour her and slowly accepted her.
but Greed formed in all Mankind
and they asked for more.
one fine day she decided she had enough and revealed all the messed up acts which they did to her
(ok apparently almost the whole town did shit to her by overworking her and screwing her and denying everything)
and the town got panaroid and decided to turn her to the gangsters but not knowing that her daddy was actually mafia king.
she was then given the choice like the Prodigal Son in the Bible
to cut the crap and all-she went back to daddy with power restored to her
and this time evil triumps against evil (at least the lesser of 2 evils)
and she gave the town a blazing end

beautiful.

moral of the story : the world will never be a perfect place if not it would not be called the world.
the toes that you are stepping on today may well be connected to the feet and
ultimately to the ass that you will have to kiss tomorrow.


maybe i should burn a copy for my boss to watch it.

to sidetrack abit yesterday was the 2nd anniversary for my class 3 licence. nothing big but i decided to write it here not to brag but for the record.

a dogville day awaits me tomorrow. hehe

storm

it is nights like these which i yearn for the most
with an eminent storm brewing in the distance
and with the whole household asleep
i used to savour nights of tranquility and undisturbed thoughts
moments of carpe diem and seconds of calm
but they are all gone now.
this is not a stereotyped scene from an RPG nor am i sounding whimsical and writing all these in caprice
it is just me
how long is the night?
i only have an hour left.

sometimes i just want to scream ---> i've already done that
sometimes i just want to run away from it all --> that's not solving the problem

i guess the only thing that i can do right now is wait for time to pass me by
how long is the night
for a nocturnal person like me it is an eternity of Day

where has everyone gone

dad is busy
mum is busy
no one really cares about me

since things are bad
and make me sad

i pack my bag
and don't come back

i don't know what's today's title

as i type :
the power over at cck would have probably been restored
i'm still 83% through ffx-2
and i am getting damn bored of ffx-2

life this week is probably the most irritating one
cos i will be out of office almost everyday for the police workplan seminar exhibition thingy
not that i don't like it...i hate being a mannequin at the booth smiling and answering questions like a receptionist
aiyah..i can't concentrate typing and playing i think i shall end here

bday party

just got back from my cousin's 21st bday and although i pretty much enjoyed myself there i still find it irritating when the "adults" keep on doing a product survey on my mum's son. "oh so how old is he tdy? oh now schooling ah? or ns? oh he's in ns ah how long more to ord" were the usual questions posed to my mum which she so desperately tried to answer the many voices. one thing's for sure : it never fails to amaze me how people will suddenly look at you differently when you tell them you are a police officer.
i like surprising people.

stressed ?

the area/muscle/tissue under my right eye has been twitching for 2 days already
some superstitious people i've spoken to say it's good luck; some say it's bad luck when i think i may well be dying soon
i checked it up from a website saying its a neurological condition called blepharospasm . OMG my brain is spoilt. Another website said it was stress .
me? stress?
ok lar other than :

1) dragging myself out of the house waking up daily at 7am to get to the office
2) making sure i've got my ass covered in office and staying out of "trouble"
3) wanting to complete ffx-2 by next week (i've only covered 20 hrs of the game so far)
4) wanting to complete the set of C.S Lewis Books which my friend has given me
5) having to convince myself to get my personal website up and running (haven't even reg for the domain yet)
6) having to force myself to learn PHP/PERL for fun laughter peace and joy
7) having to redo the PNS website for PNS (again)
8) constantly finding out what is wrong with me


i am not stressed.

things which i don't understand

i can never understand why this world is so messed up
about why everyone's blood is of the same colour
but yet their minds vary
why the pretty girls are doing with the ugly guys
and that bad things happen to good people.
why do complete pricks get the best of everything
while the humble and good ones wallow in shit
why bosses are always so fucked up
and that people can be so immature at times
on why people only come to me for help
and when i am in my hour of need everyone's dead
its hard lying to myself
that there are others worse off than me
to be contented with the pretty girls + ugly guys system
and the bastard having it everything system
and continuing to help the poor and needy
to be always there when friends call for me
and yes i don't understand
why there are so many poor and destitute people out there
when they should have been given a better life instead of starting off as being pitiful
the mainstream
it's always something which i've always hated
people may say this to me after reading this entry
"what's life without challenges"
you're put in such a situation for character building
to make u you a stronger person

my only answer is

it is life without you

change

the sky has lost its colour
the sun has turned ash grey
but at least i feel serenity
admist the blackened sky

there's a voice in my mind
some things were never meant to be
i've been hearing it over and over again
endearing memories of yesterday
there's a dream to be fulfilled
can never be remembered
but whatever surrounds me now
if i did not love thee
are but oceanic voices.

the reticence of stolidity

some things can never be explained
about why every sky still looks the same
some things can never be explained
about the hours of the day
the consistency of time
and why some people are gay
in every evil in every life
there is always someone in strife
if thoughts could be fully explained
there wouldn't be a need for words
or the fortune teller in the street
some things can never be explained
like the expectancy one feels
while opening a letter
about the bad things which happen to good people
some things can never be explained
of why the fact that love remains
in an imperfect world that kills it

the passion of the Christ

He lay in gethsemene
praying about His death for you and me
the serpent was there to taunt Him
He yielded not, but instead crushed it

the scene switches to the betrayer
30 pieces of silver was what He was worth
he kisses the Lord
and the trial begins

the delirious crowd jeered
insulted and cursed
oblivious to their heinous acts

they stripped Him, struck Him blow by blow
till wat was left were stripes and veal
layers of skin hung off Him
the devil stands by the distance
overjoyed
but a part of him knows
he's already losing the battle

my heart cries
for by His stripes
we are healed

the damage was done
His spirit broken
the unmoving crowed remain unfazed
they wanted Him dead
their desire blase

the via dolarosa was where he walked
that street of shame
that street of death
that street was all he ever had
my heart cries

His destination was golgotha
His final dwelling place in Heaven

nailed to the cross
His blood was tacit of his pain
eloi eloi lama sabathani
his bloodsmeared lips cried out
my heart cries my heart cries my heart cries

with daunting breath
He asked for water
It is finished. It is done

the devil cries
for he has lost the battle

greater-love-has-no-one-than-this-that-He-lay-down-His-life-for-His-friends

something isn't right here

somehow something isn't right somewhere
a heavy sense of foreboding seems to be lingering around me