surprise surprise

surprisingly i did not have a bad day at all though i was forced to drink a large can of barons shit brew by aloysius and kar kiat and almost made a fool out of myself at spans trying to not let them smell my stench. was really surprised that pple in the office would remember my bday judging from the amount of time i just got to know them.

let's just hope i don't get screwed by mr fat tomorrow at the retreat.

happy ? b'day to me

hah the irony of it all
my icq was flooded with happy bday wishes at teh strike of 12 this morning
and i was refused leave for tomorrow all because of one goddamed retreat which i was to be involved with the co-ordination only.


more rantings to come tlater today.

lenne

endless joy, endless sorrow
endless winds of tomorrow
endless laughter, silent cries
endless hues of the skies
endless tension sleepless nights
cowering darkness, northern lights
endless sadness endless grief
endless tears that i weep

my compass has been broken
i seem to have lost my way

who's lenne?!
why am i so angry
i think i shall go to bed right now

breakout

i'm slowly going under
the days seem long but yet so short
i seem so free yet so busy
in my endless pursuit of learning
can you hear me God?

oblivion

the christmas holiday is gone
the new year holiday is gone
the chinese new year holiday is gone
the hari raya haji holiday is gone
what's left is 2 months of pure shit before the next holiday greets me.

somehow a part of me wants to scream out loud for all the shit i am going through right now
on the outside everything looks fine
but there's actually a great big mess inside of me

...........

sometimes things don't always go the way we want them to be.
it's the minor things that fuck us up.

Happy CNY .

happy CNY guys
wtf am i doing up at 5am?

screwed over .

hey guys and girls it's time to bitch again
tdy's the worst day of my life in 2004 so far i got screwed over twice at the office cos of some really really small shit ....really unbelieveble man there are still people out there who can't differentiate a cd-writer from a cd-r disc oh wth. anyway i was so pissed i decided to take my gary fisher out for spin. and spin it did. i returned home with a punctured tyre apparently acquired after negotiating a sudden drift in the park not forgetting i hit a small kid who was on the cycling track too haha! that really made my day man who told him to walk on a cycling track. argghhhh screw it. it's a new day tdy and i won't let it bring me down.

my life needs a re-org! .

with the new year rolling in and the new change of life at the office my life definetly needs a reorg. what would my after office hours life be like? passive or active? fun-packed or dull? should i take up a part time degree/course? can i cope? all these shit have been running through my mind ever since the first few days of the New Year has passed....i think i'm in for a jolly good ride

farewell 2003 .

the year is coming to an end
a rather good year tough things strarted to screw up towards the end
i acquired a screwed up computer and a messed up xbox which created an impression that the xbox is no better than a calculator
other than that thigns have been alright
my love life is still stagnant ...maybe she will come into my life next year?
things are hard to predict though
anyway screw 2003 be it good or bad
it's time to bring on 2004.

bring it on.

limbo.

as i wait in mindless stupor
the com is drawing lines of lore
i've finally gotten my computer
set it up and gunned it hilther
but what went wrong i do not know
which left me wondering here in limbo

office space

the droning of the air conditioner
fills me in dreamy state
as i lay in the easy chair of my cubicle
i'm a loner, a vagrant, shifting thorough the sands of time
the mere act of pretence being my guide
and protector of my hide

i feel so bored
i think i shall go and shit right now

christmastime has ended once more

and yes christmas day is coming to an end
what an anticlimax to have to work again tomorrow
anyway i managed to get the aprts of my new desktop system tdy minus the lcd monitor and the damn casing. hopefully i can stop using my friend's laptop and begin using the super charged p4 ..... but somehow ...i still feel sad man...wondering what's happenning to me of late....i seem to have lost my drive and passion for the things which matter to me....maybe it's time i settled down and re-evaluate myself... in the meantime i can only enjoy the last hours of christmas day....(although christmas has 12 days..singapore only recognises 1...)

it's christmas time once more

it's been awhile since i had my last christmas.....365 days in fact. and to date many things have happened and changed in my life since then.....this year's christmas is rather different for me. cos i spent the first half of it at home with a gang of close buddies from sec. school....although it sounds gay...we still had a great time witht he ps2, the ever slow outdated laptop and the mandatory booze and snacks....right now everyone is stoned except me....to be continued

where are you christmas

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here in silence
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fills your heart with love

wake me up.

and so here i am sitting in my room at 7.10am wondering what went wrong. i have been posted to the police cantonment complex over at new bridge road and work starts at 8.30am everyday the only problem being---i can't wake up. this isn't the first office job i've held but surprisingly i don't know why i can't wake up or at least wake up without feeling sleepy. wtf man is this what i'll be doing for 2 years? if so i should be in deep shit. things over at the office are crazy right now with alot of admin shit not properly done. i don't even know what's my post and purpose in the dept and even my pass to certain area have not been made. crap i hope i would meet someone at the door later when i report for work.

home.

the parade began with a wet start albeit the prescence of rain. uncertainty engulfec me as i marched towards the front to receive my rank as i was unsure whether my dad and uncle could find me amidst the sea of brown. (you know what i'm talking about.) an inner bonding of faith fuelled me when they put on my rank for me. happiness was what i felt as i did the last march off and ultimetly, a feeling of relief as i knew my days of shit was over

everything happened so fast, that i felt out of control.

but hey. i'm back. back in action

goodbye PA
hello PNSD.

PO PO POP. Goodbye Mangkok

every beginning has an end. today marks the end of my 20-week long training at PA. It however marks a new beginning cos i would be starting on next ns phase in 5 days time. i don't think it would rain later today during the parade since most of the "mana" was used up last night and is still continuing to be wasted right now as i write...perhaps the sky doesn't want to disappoint those who are coming to support me but whatever the case; i'm coming home.

the final 3 days.

going back to camp later and this time it would be my last 3 days in there before i officially pass out on wednesday evening. somehow i wish that it would rain on wednesday so that i would have a passing out ceremony haha. right now the only problem is my exit permit---will i ever see it..will i ever get to fly away or remain in this place for those 3.5 days of understated rest

4 MORE DAYS TO POP !!!...

well it's 2 actually if you minus tomorrow and the actual day. it's great to know that i would soon leave that shithole at thompson road. the very home that wasn't. many people asked me if i would miss them or think about the place. my non-impulsive reply was of course a straight emotionless "NO". However, i would always remember that place as one which helped build up my tolerance for nonsense and the very test grounds for myself in terms of independence whenever i felt lonely, helpless and basically just fucked up about everything. yes. i have passed the test and after all that shit i should be rewarding myself i guess