Thursday, May 29, 2003

oh really

i was bored (as always) and stumbled uppon this trash :

Sunset
Sunset - You are the spark of inspiration, the fuel
of the imagination, and the essence of
destruction. You are one of intense emotion
and passion, a creator and a destroyer.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

nice.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

the words i feel

I've been watching you awhile
Since you walked into my life
Monday morning, when first I heard you speak to me
I was too shy to let you know
Much too scared to let my feelings show
But you shielded me and that was the beginning

Now at last we can talk
In another way
And though I try, I love you,
Is just so hard to say
If I only could be strong
And say the words I feel

My bleeding heart begins to race
When I turn to see your face
I remember that sweet dream
Which you told to me
I wanted just to be with you
So we could make the dream come true
And you smiled at me and that was the beginning

Now at last we can talk
In another way
And though I try, I love you,
Is just so hard to say
If I only could be strong
And say the words I feel

Tell me what you're thinking of
Tell me if you love me not
I have so much I long to ask you
But now the chance has gone
When your picture fades each day
In my heart the memory stays
Though we rant, you're always smiling
And I will hold it long

Friday, May 16, 2003

the matrix reloaded

trust me.
after the screening of matrix reloaded
many more people will start their pseudo philosopical nonsense again.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

bumming ard

it's been 22 days since my exams ended and i just realised that 22 days have just been wasted on bumming around. how time files when you're really having fun. so far over the past 3 weeks i've been madly rushing all over the country's various fish shops in my ever fervent search for exotic fishes. the search is over although i can't really say that i WOULD not be getting any more specimens for my tanks. Have been looking at a breed of cichlids which i've seen before but did not bother to read up on. they're called "apistos" do a search on them if you can bother.

right now my life's a big MESS. so many things to do but it's either i am too caught up with the mad fish craze or i'm tired or basically "nuah". if everything works out and if they really do (my plans) i should be getting a webhosted site soon and then the real blogging would begin.

Friday, May 02, 2003

game over

my game just ended at 1530 hrs today
somehow the exam paper wasn't as easy as it was perceived to be
"fuck!" was heard behind me when i received the paper
"shit!" at the other corner
geez...some last exam paper huh
hopefully i'll pass this damn exam AND my final year project
cos i never wnat to go back to ngee ann to study again
right now all i can do is enjoy while i can
june shall be my judgement come

Thursday, May 01, 2003

final heaven

this is it
the end of the road
the fork which meets the bend
tomorrow is my final exam before i would be officially out of school
somehow i feel sad
not because i'm leaving
but because my polytechnic life wasn't what i initially imagined it to be when i first got the enrolment package from the school
true i made quite a number of friends here..but somehow disappointment manages to sink in
where i would go now, what would i do i guess it's all up to me
the 95 days of free time before i go into PA would definetly not be spent mainly on working
for it is one of those times when a person can legally rest and do what he wants in this shitty nation
(ok the other such time was after the o levels)
oh well, i'm bored i guess
whatever.

Monday, April 21, 2003

this is it

i just handed up my final year project report today
realising the fact that i forgot to add in a few important documents
whatever
it was only at that moment when i handed up the reports that i wondered.
is this it? my 3 years of crap ass poly life gone just like that?

i've about a week more in school before i am considered out of poly (graduated? i don't know)
this period of time would probably make me wonder if i really enjoyed my stay here.

Saturday, April 19, 2003

i am a sinner

as i listen to the never ending printing sounds of my hp 948c printer
i can't help but feel guilty
guilty of the act of killing the trees and wasting ink
yes i am printing out my final year report's 3rd draft.
and this time it's a whooping 119 pages excluding the appendix
single sided double spaced-guess how many pieces of paper that would be..
i'm sorry earth..but if my sup wasn't fussy and commanded such high standards..perhaps the world would not be so warm now...

Saturday, April 12, 2003

preparing for Grand Retour

final year project start date has ended
wireless technology project start date has ended
final year project programming period has ended
final year project demo has ended
wireless technology project demo has ended

now all's left is the final year report
and a wireless technlogy exam
and Grand Retour would be born

Saturday, April 05, 2003

......

woke up this morning with a sorethroat.
me : wat's for lunch ?
mum : fried rice.
me :fuck.
mum : fuck y?
me : i have a sorethroat
dad cuts in.
dad : got fever anot if got fever better see doctor!
me : i have SARS dun worry
silence.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

S.A.R.S

apart from thw on-going war in the middle east
there is an even better thing to talk about today-SARS
everyday and everywhere i go i hear the word "SARS" being mentioned
everyone is so overly sensitive of contracting the disease that looking at them simply makes me laugh
the walking jokes of today are not your comedians, but rather the selfish and most ignorant people of singapore
this isn't the mass slamming of my fellow singaporeans, but rather one pointing at the above mentioned clowns
just today i was sitting a bus back from school when an elderly man started coughing
before i knew it (or rather, 2 stops later) the only people left in the same bus as me were myself, the elderly man and 4 other people
i mean WHAT THE FUCK man did they really have to do that? it's just a normal cough no? morons.
if everyone was so afraid of contracting SARS, why won't they just stay at home? or prolly commit suicide so that chances of getting sick and other dreaded diseases would be 0.
morons.
the least you could do is stop being stupid and eat well, sleep well and have the knowledge to not go to areas which would most likely help u contract it.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

shock and awe

while most of us are sleeping in our beds at this moment
there is a fierce war raging on in teh middle east
who are we then to judge whether who is right or wrong
when we are not taking part in the war

Friday, March 14, 2003

hold me in your arms

hold me in your arms
never let me go
i want to spend eternity with you

Friday, February 28, 2003

to God be the glory

to God be the glory for everything that has happened to me

Thursday, February 27, 2003

bring me back to life

why the hell am i feeling so spastic today
lethargic and mindless

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

-evanescence

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

I AM WISDOM whahahahahaa

i was so bored that i bothered to take this quiz :

wisdom

Wisdom

oh well, better stop dreaming and get started on my fyp soon
rain

it seems to be raining everyday nowadays.
true i like rainy days cos of the coziness it brings
but it's screwing my life up because i tend to sleep more
not forgetting my ever recurring cough

Saturday, February 15, 2003

the genelogy of morals

i just finished watching a film called "samsara"
in my opinion it is sort of an allegory to buddha (yes siddharta gautama's life)
well i'm not into buddhist shit but the show has left me thinking though
basically the story speaks of a young man who was involved in the monastry since the tender age of 5
apparently after serving 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days worth of meditation
he gained nirvana and got a degree for it (whatever)
however, the story begains to get interesting when he sees a woman breastfeeding her child by accident
and thus began the moral degradation of him.

he began to question his faith , on why he had to be a monk since 5 years old when buddha himself gave up
his worldly ways at the age of 29.
to cut the story short, he left the monastry to become a world man
married the girl he liked, had a family, farmed etc until one day, his fellow ex-monk-mate
paid him a visit with a message from his dead mentor
the message said "would you rather satisfy a thousand desires or conquer just one?" (or something like that)
which left him thinking.
after much though, he decided to leave his family and go back to become a monk.
now i know its his choice but i think it's super selfish of him lor since he already had a family and stuff like that
anyway, so off he went to shave his head and change into his buddhist garb and was walking towards the monastry
when he saw his wife at the gate
with the look of disappointment and tearing eyes she mentioned "yashodhara"
yashodhara was the wife of siddharta gautama(or buddha as he is famously known)
she begain reiterating the story of how siddharta gautama had left his family (yashodhara, his wife and rahul his son)
to give up his worldy ideals and gain enlightenment (sounds familiar?)
and ultimately buddha
he had left his family silently one night. without saying a word
she continued to say that yashodhara had been showing compassion to the ailing
and sick long before siddharta did and questioned him on who can say that siddharta owed
his enlightenment to her
whoa this part was the killer man (see it to believe it)
anyways, the story ended with the confused chap seeing the answer to the question
"how can you prevent a drop of water from drying up?" which was "by throwing it into the sea"
i don't know about him but i perceived it as blending in to your circumstances
and since that his circumstance was that he already had a family, then bloody hell return to it and stop being a monk

this has perhaps been the longest entry since i started blogging. i'm just blogging for the record since the movie has left some sort of impression on me. the question of moral obligation vs current circumstance. if anyone reads this (though i don't think anyone would) and feels offended then i'm not sorry. cos this is my damn private space. i repeat. samsara rocks.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

the day's business

the year's birthday celebration was a quiet one
spent in the dingy restaurant of swensen's orchard point with a handful of good friends
not that i had few good friends, but because most of them were either in ns jail
or couldn't make it because i didn't really plan on celebrating it big this year
a great time of idyllic chatter saw us through the entire meal before we decided to end it simply
by going home. sounds pretty lame or boring but at least it's something different from the previous years for the record.
somehow i've reached the state of nothingness. where nothing really matters much when it comes to outcomes.
call it bad call it good but i just call it emo

the day is slowly seeping through the sieve of time
what started with an unnatural wake up call by my parents to get ready for chuch
attending my church's 24th anniversary (and getting really woken up by being placd right in front of the stage)
a simple lunch at alexandra village
and the above mentioned dinner is coming to an end
in a few hours this great/good/ok/bad/shitty day (please do not delete as necessary as the day consists of many parts of the adjectives) is coming to an end
tomorrow would be my neighbour's birthday and probably a few others whom i've probably lost contact but still remember
and what is left of today would only be a fragment of time

this is me. aged 20 years born in this earth
raised up to face the world
ever learning from mistakes and the evils of this world
ever striving to distinguish friends from actors
ever searching for the one true love
ever pursuing the knowledge of this earth
for better , for worse, forever after more.

hooray. it's my birthday

many people fear growing older for me it's just the passing of time however as i grow older every year i feel that everything is reaching a standstill everything isn't as fresh as it was anymore everything is just so mundane the christmas of last year just came and went the new year wasn't as bad but the recent chinese new year was just so stale so unnatural so much so that it has also affected my mood to celebrate my birthday if i ever was going to anyway everything has seemed to have lost its meaning for me its just as if my world has just crashed everything which was once fresh is now so stale and cliche is this it is this how i am going to spend the rest of my life with so little possibilies of living it like i used to maybe its time i started to reflect on my past and present life configuration