withdrawal symptoms

i am beginning to experience withdrawal symptoms from FFX.
and it's only freaking 10:16am!

that very existence

ffx has surely spoilt my brain.
this time the story is based on a group of helpless humans wanting to kill "Sin"
the sole enemy which has been terrorizing mankind for many years
everytime they kill Sin, it get's reborn. if that is the case
what is the very use of trying.

anyway like all ff games it has questioned existence.
what is our very existence on this earth for
were we put here for a purpose ...
or do we shout and scream to emphasize our existence which would fail to exist at any moment?
how are destiny,fate,chance , life,death,existence related
do any of the above really exist?
i am still searching.
but the more i search, the more messed up it becomes.
so why search...

morning night

i hate the day today. was woken up at 7.30am by my dad and blinded by the sun
i wonder when my dad would fix the damn venetian blinds.
i feel so damn sleepy now. thankfully it's friday and i'll only have to work for haf a day tomorrow. act. i don't .
i just figured that tomorrow's salary is easy money.
amias will be gone for 4 days and i'll be all alone in the world of ffx with no one to seek advice from
in a way it's cool as my companion has always been loneliness

jaded

i've just to fic again. i've decided to fic regulary from now on now that i have a not-so-impressively-funcational website and blog, I still have to get my butt on the comment system thingy. there's just so much shit to do...but no time to do it.damn. holidays were usually taken granted by me but now that i am working, time is just so precious. i have barely time to do my own stuff--johnny's stuff. also been in pms mode recently i don't know why also. it's all about everything: friends, family, love,hate,disappointment,false hope,delusions,fantasies,dreams,horror and bitter reality. it's all about the world,people,goo vs evil , morals,obligations etc.
i hate this earth. i hate this world.
seriously.
i think i am sufferring from mood swings.
spat.

peace

sitting right here in a half empty office,
i can't help but feel at peace.
this temporal solace i so wanted to have
will be in no time shattered
when everyone comes back from lunch.....

i've got an hour and a half before i look up my supervisor
and boy am i bored
after finishing a few servlets
i can't help but feel slack
after all, i've earned them.

nie's a wonderful place
sadly it's so far away from home
the view from here is quite cool to hate too
anyway...it's time to stop crapping.

where is your peace today?

famous last words

she thought everything was ok
when she turned and walked away
"i'll be fine" was the stereotyped consolation which she received
but in reality
he was not

"it's ok, it's alright, i'm for anything"
blared his famous words everytime
they needed to be known to her

she continued day after day
and he time after time
knowing that true love would allow
for such as these

his body lay cold
invisibly shivering
the life in it has lost meaning
bloodstains and valium accompanied it
not forgetting the dame it so much befit

"it's ok, it's alright, i'm for anything"
the words a-ringing in her ears
negligence is accompanied by a heavy price
even men will be reduced to mice

she thought everything was ok
when she turned towards and walk away
"i'll be fine" was the stereotyped consolation which she received
but in reality
he was not

throbbing pain

had a nip by a shrew
light years before morning dew
mindless people walk me by
oblivious to my silent cry

evil begets evil in this time of day
benovelance is considered hay
why does pain and suffering exist
when the slashing and killing still persists

heartless minds and mindless hearts
always fail to make me start
sin is a common sight to me
my pious joy it tries to rob

in my midst of pain and
hour of disdain
the throbbing pain
it grants me solace

somehow or other
something clicked.

beautiful day

greetings.
i found out today that i did not scrape the paint of the car which i thought i did yesterday
that's a relief.
work sucks but the fact that the world cup begins today is enough relief to empty the streets of town

a bowl of noodles

it's a contradictory day today
my project for attachment is almost done except for more finetuning ---good
i got back my examination results..they weren't too bad----good
i hit a car during parking.---bad
my friend got dismissed from np--bad

funny how often we want the happy times to last while they still are
funny how it doesn't seem that way
funny how one thing can bring u so much joy
only to lead to another sorry
funny how when times are bad we manage to pull through by biting our lips
only to become complacent when we've reached utopia
funny how friends seem so dear to you
that they fall due to your negligence
funny how we can feign innocence
only to experience silent grief in our hearts
funny how nice guys finish last
while the bad guys never die
funny how i can type this out
when my mind is at a total loss

a possible new toy?

i have a dream pda....it's not the latest but hopefully i'll be able to get it by the end of my vtp

unnecessary hype

i just created a webpage for myself today
finally after so many days,months of saying "i will get my page done" to myself has been fulfilled
somehow or other i had to do it not because i have to...but i need to
imagine working mon-sat 8.30-5.30 everyday?!!?
it's not the working hours..well..not entirely BUT what do i get at the end of the month?
pay and...? face the facts..your holidays are actualky wasted on working
anyway, i also completed ff9 today -- > that's somehting to brag about to those people only concerned with vtp and wrk haha!
kk crapping too much already...my boss will be out the whole week this week
WOOHOOO!

trash

worlds apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my worlds apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my worlds apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Cause what I need and what I believe are worlds
apart

And I pray...

To love you- take my worlds apart
To need you- I am on my knees
To love you- take my worlds apart
To need you- broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my worlds apart, take my worlds apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my worlds apart

dunnoth wat day of attachment
i feel damn sleepy
help

5th day of attachment
i still have to work on saturdays..not that i ahve to but want to.
the project's a rather small scale one..but being completely new to servlets and JSP,
it has become a rather big one (to me at least)
i've got nothing to do again...well at the moment
but maybe i'll start thinking about the web interface in about 1/2 hr's time from now..

2nd day of attachment ....it's kinda boring since i'm stuck at the project because i need approval from my superior
my stomach feels queasy..think i'm going to bomb afghanistan later
it's cold over here and rainy too...drat.

this is a stupid message
don't bother to read it
i just got home today
after doing some happenning stuff like
eating a steamboat buffet and then drinking some milky solvent
and then biking the world
this message has been posted because i haven't been posting messages here
byebyeyeyee

where is everyone
sleeping or mugging
why am i alone on icq
what am i doing
tomorrow is my 2nd last paper
what am i doing here
how am i going to survive it
i am a goner
i do not disagree with that statement

woke up this morning to see the messed up sunny sky
ss was a disaster
i hope isdt wun be
but from the looks of it...i'm afraid it'll be

i'm messed up
my exams are in 2 days time and i am still not worried
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME

just witnessed a flying chopping board in the food centre tonight
cool to hate
2 police patrol cars and an ambulance came
i think the show should be rated nc-16