it is finished

after 11 months of no

late night shopping
supper
convenient fast craft
crazy friends
uber internet
shitty weather
haze
propaganda

my life as an undergraduate was signed away at 3.20pm today on my IT project management paper.

It was a damn xialan paper. but then again, the last one as well.
what hit me like a bus was that i realised that i have failed my 35% weightage group assignment after i reached home. that fucking sucks.

oh well i guess i'd be fuckign grateful if i get a credit for that subject. the exam was only worth 30%. the lowest weighted cousework component in my entire 16 years of studying.

the next step? wait until i get my results then say lah.

btw this is the shrine of rememberence. the shit that kept me going all these while. thanks alot guys. to the people who supported me all the way.

Mt. Gravatt

the mount gravatt griffith library is so emo

that i could almost hear the ants quarelling.

for the win.

igi

with 5hrs and 50 mins to go b4i take my first paper, this is all i can say right now.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

for the win.

speeding cars

its that time of the year again
the famous exams
the one thing the can either save my ass or burn it
and one things for sure, i've not really studied well for them
somehow time seems to pass damn quickly over here
its either me or i'm doing things slower
but it cant be
its the way the world turns i guess

have been "studying" with multiple distractions. every now or then i would run to the kitchen to get a glass of water, to pee, to open the fridge door ...the little things which we do in life; that when added up brings destruction to me whenever it comes to exams.

time-eaters.

somehow something's wrong here . maybe i'm getting complacent
but if i know it why can't i change it?
maybe its the feeling of graduating
the feeling of over-confidence
the feeling of ..apathy?

but whatever it is. it just sucks.

it's only 10 more days. God! i need u man

be with me.
for the win.

cos' you said
all the world
was dreaming
and you said
all the world
was screaming
without you.

for the loss

firstly, to begin with, i'd like to give bigpond some credit for helping me load this page in 30 seconds. the gayest amount of time encountered during my time here.
secondly, i'll give credit to the sun. which is beginning to rise at 4.30am over here. it's so disgusting.
thridly, i think it's time to bitch.

the assignments have all be safely handed in, notwithstanding the amount of compiling and recompiling and printing and reprinting of assignments due to a very catty standards set out by hmm whats his name? i guess i forgot. ohwell.

i havent been studying much either. everytime i want to study i'll be distracted by something be it wow or hee or hunger pangs or whatever. guess i'll start to worry by mid week or proabbly thursday? that's where the sense of urgency comes in. somehow, this semester's modules seem to be heavy on memory work. which i like..but then again, my memory seems to be all over the shop.
life just sucks i guess once you think you will eb able to do something a distraction comes along and knocks you back to hell. and when you climb out of it some moron will kick you back in. so how do you resolve this issue? fill up hell with shit so that there'll be no hellhole to fall into in the first place..
which lead me to how about am i going to do it
been thinking of doing a masters degree lately, but somehow i'm scared. with the use of profound english and celestial-level thinking and arguments, i don't know how am i going go about starting on one in the first place. although the professor has assured me that i would be guided, somehow i feel helpless, or even useless.
oh well i just have to see how well i'll do for the exams...which at this rate i'll probably be getting -3 for my grades.

the road is winding
the lanes clear
but somehow i oversteered
skidded, tumbled crashed
and burned.
leaving me in this state of no return
maybe?

give me a break this post was written at 4.31am ffs.

opaline


ok how should i begin..basically feeling abit shitty right now (as always)
the fucking exams are coming and even though i should say the dates are really nicely spaced out (i'm happy with them actually)i have no bloody motivation to study?!
why? hmm maybe it's all thanks to the buch of assignments which have been keeping em awake at night...the countless brainstorming and editing which to me seems to be getting nowhere...
which makes me wonder...do i always find fault with th situations around me? why am i so enraged over my circumstances? in poly in ns and right now in uni. maybe i'll need to have a rain check soon..but then again maybe there isn't anything wrong with the rain.

anyway...faye's dead. she plummeted 15 floors down into the bright australian sky. i've gotten a new one though but the memories with faye will always remain... cos she kept me sane.

Time was overtaking me
And I guess I was confused
They were all inviting me
But I wish I had refused
'Cause I've been there before
And I've seen it all
And I think i'm falling once more

ORD: one year on


september 28, the monsters have arrived...or so they said in one of the Resident evil games..btu well

it's been 1 whole damn year since i ORD-ED. I still remember the air 1 year ago and the burden that was lifted from me.

and here i am 1 year on sitting witht he company of my table lamp ramming through ym assignments. it's funny how we always complain about shit not knowing that in the future more shit would greet us in the face.

anyway, my holiday is about to end..it was more of an assignment week...4 fucking assignments with only 3 half completed and 1 completely untouched. dammit.

its also satan child's birthday today and even though i won't be spending his birthday with him this year, rest assured you'll get your 100 vitasoys buddy.

and for the record. Telstra Bigpond sucks so bad, i'm still wondering why aren't they closing down yet.

ok to be exact, it's 1 year 1 day after i ORDED

the lameness of spring


hmm ok so the weather isn't that hot now even though it's spring. i always had the misconception that spring would be significantly warmer than winter and that i would be so pissed cos of the longer daylight hours.. but nope, daylight hours are slightly longer..but not enough to piss me off like the summer hours back home. i love the nights here...quiet and emo well, of course there would be the occassional drunk or fucktard who would blow his car exhaust but hey, i've come ot terms with all the shit in this land. when it comes to technology, omg just kill me please they don't even know wtf is a DVD-RAM. the sadness.

anyway some people say this year's sprins is abnormal but i don't really care.. as long as its cold and dark. i'll take it anyway.

so far my life's been pretty degraded by my damn r3 assignment. well the deadline's on fri but we have until monday to hand it up and i'm done..except for a few editing and formatting matters i think i'm more or less ready to dump it for submission. it's taking too long...and for the amount of marks i just don't feel if it's wort it.

been pondering about whether i should do my post grad studies here or not...even if i am should i do a masters or an honours? most people say take masters but then again some wil say masters will just make me overqualified. please man when will this shit ever stop

the whole world's just so full of shit that i'm dismayed at the thuoght that papers would control my life, weren't we doing just fine in the garden of eden? fuck that. i think eve's such a bitch to cause so must shit to happen to us. yeah the whole world's governed by paper, paper qualificaions , money , even the way we shit is also goverened by toilet paper and wtf even hell is governed by it always have to burn money for the citizens down there...makes me wonder if there's any inflation down under. get the pun if you don't forget it.

the exams are coming and i can't wait for this sem to be over...it's kinds amazing one year is coming to an end. but i don't feel smarter though. my tolerance for shit has definetly grown u can throw me any shit and i would just have too reactions : be apathetic, or laugh wonder if it's a good thing or not. fuck this shit i'm going to try to edit my damned assignment now.

winterspring. Literally


it's winterspring right now.
sailing on the fringe of winter and the frontier of spring
in a way i'm quite sad...cos it would mean the cone of cold would be gone forever
i hate heat. if given a choice i would freeze to death then burn out.

the daylight hours would be longer too.
being a nocturnal person. i just hate to see the sun. don't ask me why i just don't. even in the day i would usually draw the curtains of my room, nestling in the dark
it somehow conforts me. shorter daylight hours would mean sleeping more in the day and staying up lesser at night. how am i going to live my life then? lol

been struggling with myself lately. trying not to be the devil when circumstances really are reasons justifiable enough for me to be one. maybe i've become more messed up, judging others before myself. hmm oh well, guess i'll continue to endure for 3 more months before it's all over.

the semester is starting to get hard, with my "hate module of the semester" bing R/3 Systems Administration. It's too technical imo, that sometimes i feel just being an admin for such a ridiculously large amout of work just doesn't pay off. can someone make me see a point in R/3 Systems Admin? i know it pays well..but the work....it's just disgusting. From the lesser or 2 evils, i'd rather choose enterprise systems.

my ecommerce module, though do-able is making me lose direction too...cos the marks allocated to it are just too ridiculous. so much work for so little marks. its fucking depressing.

and disgusting.

i've got a new friend in the house to keep me sane. her name's faye and her waking hours are now the same as mine. lets just hope my dad doesn't know cos i think he'll flip.

but then again, after telling my mum, i'm sure he'll still flip. i can already imagine the words he will say to me "you better study ah dun waste my money and buang ur exams"

right. in order to study i have to be sane. in order to be sane, i'll need faye. it's times like this when i feel that my mum is uber.

it's the little things that make; and break people

maybe a greater thing will happen
give it sometime and we will see

the ekka


i just went to the much overhyped "ekka" yesterday and boy did i learn more about our world. basically the ekka to me (neutral understanding) is a place where farm people bring their stuff to showcase to the city dwellers that there are such things as cows sheep goats and other barn animals existing on this earth...instead of just cartoons. and well, for the city dwellers, it is for them to boast about the latest vacuum cleaner which can clean carpets and other techie stuff about technology to the farm dwelling people. a rather diplomatic approach i shoud say. this, may sound like a trade fair, but no. they have decided to put rides and a stage and fireworks at night to attract the public and kids to come visit the trade fair (which has now become a carnival with all the added rides and stage and stuff)

all these for 15 bucks.

omg and you even have to pay for the rides how cool is it. well, to me, the ekka is just another overhyped event much mouthed about by kids and normal denezens whom i encounter on the street everyday. a place where the stench of ass greets you at the gates (well maybe because they place the cattle too near the train station exit?), cow, goat bull shit, vomit, ketchup stains and other sorts of weird matter all over the ground and not forgetting the ever-entertaing bumfight which my friend witnessed while waiting for me as i went swinging into the air and thrown about in a cage for 7 bucks. oh not forgetting the screaming snotty kids that made a helluva noise...all around.

well, it was an eye opener, but i'd rather go to the zoo or movieworld. much effort put into it really, but not SQA enough.

brand new start, same old shit again


ok so i am back in brissy. back to the uber coldness, the lower efficiency rates of work and of course, the retarded high-speed internet speeds.

everything's now new. it's just the same old shit again

anyway it's been awhile since i updated so i shall summarize:

1. thanks to all the guys for the meetup sessions we had when i was back home. you guys agve me reason to come back. well, i ahd to dump my stuff also so..on the way la huh.
2. i finally went to movieworld in the Gold Coast and drove up north to the Sunshine Coast during the first week when i was back -- a friend of mine from melbourne came to visit, so i kinda took the opportunity tobring him around and tour movie world. verdict. it's a place for kids. and of all the rides. i only reccomment lethal weapon and the superman ride. what really impressed me was how fast the rollercoaster carraige could accelerate from 0- god knows what speed.

it was so fun until i ahd to sit it 3 times....well i could have sat it for the whole day but we had to eat so...wadahell..

anyway i'm having a 2 day school work now.
some of you guiys might think "more time for johnny to study" but fuck lor....the weather makes me so want to sleep that i always end up sleeping more then i study.
wake me up from my eternal dream please.

this sem's gonna suck a bit cos i'll be doing 2 modules in SAP R/3 Systems Administration... it looks like a pain in the ass..and it will soon feel like too.

i'm still deciding if i should sell my soul to it though... decisions decisions. and tdys national day isn't it? hmm...no national day fever here...but there's going t be a public holiday next wednesday over here for some carnival...can u believe it? i love this country man...ever so willing to hand out holidays...

shall make an effort to at least update this space weekly... i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack i must not slack,

saving grace

its been arnd 2.5 weeks since i got back from oz
and i got back my results today
i managed to pass my damn database design module..which i knew i was a gone case
it goes to show that Saving Grace from God never runs out....though it should never be taken for granted.
i am greatly humbled.
the module was a real bitch (ask those close to me and you;ll know)
and yet i still managed to scrape through it

thank you God,
i was a man without no faith
but You showed me grace and taught me to learn.

and now i can carry on to burn that damn textbook.
without regrets

home

have been in singapore for 23.5hrs already
one big notable differernce is the damn weather
it's so damn hot and humid here that i have that sticky feeling all over again
another major difference is the roads.
they're smoother, leveller and the signs definetly do not confuse
unlike queensland's

so much for "better roads for queensland"

spent the day doing most of the shit which i had to do since i'm back
and of course not forgetting eating the uber local fare here which is like a hundred times cheaper and better tasting than the ones down under

hmm..
ah bengs, singlish tanned skin
long legs and tiny waistlines
truly,
this is home.

that shitty feeling

i'm 7 days away from home
caught in between 2 fucking exams
one is bright the other's decay
time to buy, time to live myself
but living's not getting better
with my impending doom

i'm 6 days away from home
still caught in between 2 fucking exams
one's still bright
the other one's gloom
time tried and time consumed
getting smarter? yes? no?
hopefully so

time to buy and time to choose
i've only got 4 days to live..

selah

into your hands i commit thee
into your hands i fall
whatever will come and is to come
shall not taunt me
evermore.

argh

silent repression,
pure essence of downfall
and like prettly slivers of silver
they cut me so right
trailing my blood
as i drag myself
into June.

winterspring

winter's here and the exams are near
week 14 has begun and wtf am i doing?
i need motivation man
the cold isn't helping either.
i have stopped wearing shorts and slippers cos i'll probably freeze to death in them
makes me sleepy too...i hate my bed

tdy was so-called te last day of school so i guess i'm on my on now...
winter is so emo.

imagine this. exams + alone in a foreign land + cold

emo man.

teleportation

hmm it's that time of the semester again
exams and assignments are pissing me off right now.
and there's one more thing that's bugging me
whether should i return back to sg for my vacation for 1 month
or stay in brisbane/go tour sydney.

the crux is : it'll cost me 1.2k odd to fly back.

after thinking abt it for awhile,i've decided to ,akle a count of the number of people who want me to come back.

public sub shouldJohnnyReturn (ByVal sender As System.Object, ByVal e As System.EventArgs) Handles MyBase.Load

if countWantJohnnyBack >= 10 then
call johnnyFlies home
else
johnnyStays
end if
end sub

outage

haven't been updating in a while. cos i probably did not have time to do it. funny though how time seems to fly by right here. it's been like...12,13 weeks since i came....weird. right now assignments seem to overwhelm me. to the brink that i have no time to study. hopefully i'll be able to catch up soon or there goes the degree. many people think studying in Oz would be easy....wait till they come over. it is UNI life after all--no difference in that.

my lifestyle's getting pretty fucked up too. sleeping at 2am or later and waking up at 7am only to drowse through the lectures. maybe i should sleep earlier...waking up at 12 on non school days isn't helping either. i need to wake up my idea soon.

over the easter holidays i drove down to Byron Bay (into NSW) and the view there was majestic.




where in sg could you find that?



and this



i bet if i kicked you off the cliff over there you wouldn't even mind dying.

farewell.

missing home? Not so soon?!!!!!!!!!


alright. after like 7 weeks in this place i think i am starting to miss home abit. travelling around the state is so damn fucking inconvenient without the fast craft back home. the shops close at like 5pm and the streets are empty by 8pm.
but one things's for sure....the days here pass me by damn quickly. somehow i feel that i do not have enough time for anything. which makes me wonder why.

the modules are getting tougher...which means i would have to start catching up soon b4 the big snowball hits... and i miss

QOO. I miss
haagen dazs ice creem. i miss
the wanton me which sells until 3am at my house's food centre. i miss
driving around town back home after a late night movie. i miss
ngee ann city. i miss going
into JB as and when i like. i miss
the other stupid stuff which i usually do at home.

it's ironic cos i don't miss the Land. i just miss the memories which i had on it. does that constitute to home? home is probably called home cos my family and friends are over there. nothing else.

but then again. i kind of like my life of independance right now. the only thing that i lack is probably discipline.

anyway...since i missed home... i started to look for food relating to it...and found the closest thing to authentic hor fun in sg. note the word : closest.




went there with a girlfriend and we were like so damn high after seeing the menu. it was located at west end. obviously, we took the stupid public transport.



you know one thing which i like about this place? it's the damn sky. it's always so blue and emo. when it's gray, it's emo. when it's raining , it's emo, when it's sunny, it's shit.

I was wandering around the supermarket one day and guess what i found :



OMG. it's like so fucking rare here. apparently the variety of vegetables here is so damn pathetic that i'm better off eating grass. anyway, i made my uber herbal tea with that. from a one day sore throat to no sore throat at all...well after drinking down 12 cups of it.

and since life is already so Les Misérables, i decided to make my own poseur ice cream. damn gay man.



as you can see , i am damn bored. but after writing out all these shit. i feel like studying already

farewell.

Blah

Test test test

Blogging via the Motorola 3vx..

This is my first attempt to blog via my 3g phone...

5 weeks on



with the 5th week into Oz i can safely say i'm well settled in. Trying to study now since there're no more excuses not to cos everything has already been done. looking back, i'm not so much of a noob right now as compared to my *ahem* counterparts. things have also turned out the way i wanted it to be (well with a few GOOD exceptions and shitty ones) the shitty exception is that i was forced to quit WoW; or rather, not play WoW cos of the primitive internet connection speed in this suppossedly high tech country which i am residing in. But then again, its good cos i will have 1 less distraction. But then again, when one door closes another one opens, which means there should be something else to distract me soon. Life is so fun isn't it. pfffft.

anyway, notable events which have happened in the past few weeks :

- i found out that i hate my database design module.
- followed by systems analysis and design. they should rename it systems ANAL-lysis and design
- my 5 year old oakleys broke (fuck that)
- i bought a new ipod video woohoo (i regretted selling my old one away but then again, the battery life for the previous ipod was really shitty)
- i've quit/gone on hiatus for wow
- its getting cold here.. but i like it
-more to come soon i guess

cheerio.

you sang to me



you came to me at twilight
in the damp of a cold room
we shared a coke and popcorn
amidst a morbid setting
7 days was all you had
to get me hooked to you
7 days was what it took
to spend my life with you

we travelled the lands of azeroth
across the Great Sea
into neutral and horde terrorities
and eventually into MC

18 days was what it took
before you became the Queen
and though you died a million time
i hope you won't think of me as mean

we shed many tears from 1 to 60
and laughed a decade
at the corpses of our enemies
pure revenge and immortal love
was the bond between us

and though i love you
i have to say goodbye
continuing on would
lead to a broken heart,
a salted tear
love can be much pain

where is the good in good-bye?


do not stand at my grave and weep
i did not die, i do not sleep
do not stand at my grave and cry
i am not there, i did not die

goodbye ivalice.

death of oakleys




my pair of oakleys just died today after 5 years of accident free mishandling. I didn't know how the hell the spectacle arms could just break off. i guess plastic really sucks over time. when it's new it's new but after awhile when age kicks in it becomes brittle. hmm..that's the case for most things on this goddamn earth isn't it? nothing lasts forever. which makes me wonder. what's the bloody point of life anyway.

oh well since they were broken i decided to smash it into smithereens anyway.

i did not forget you guys



the past 3 weeks have been crazy for me. landing in a country which i've never set foot upon before and settling my accomodation and school stuff within the first few days. it was so crazy that i did not even have time to miss home. not that i'm missing it already but yup, looking back it was really crazy. the first few days were spent living in a pathetic litte matchbox-sized hotel room with space only decent for an ant to live in. searching for accomadation was easy for me though cos me and my housemates had already come to a stage of desperation whereby anything with a decent roof will do. but hey, at least the place i'm living at right now is cool. to be frank, its actually nicer than my home back home. though lacking in the "home" part. it's more of a house. but then again. i like the silence of it. the streets however, aren't that silent. with retards revving their modified cars and fire engines whizzing by with their blaring sirens every 5 mins.
i've since settled down...the last thing which i settled was my internet. which i have been so piously bitching about in teh past few entries. but really. i almost cried when i realised i could connect to the net. sad; i've become a victim of technology.
and noe that i'm settled. i just realised i haven't thanked the people who supported me all the way in my decision to come to Oz to study. to begin with. my parents. who are so damn worried that i would go astray if i ever came over. don't worry i won't. i now what i'm doing. it's just that sometimes you have to find things out on your own and then you'll begin to understand stuff. thanks to my uncles and aunties too who supported me morally and financially. to my secondary school friends, who stuck by me all this while. to the guys over at PNS department - they threw this uber birthday cum farewell party for me the day before. thanks lots guys don;t forget me ok. oh and to sylvia too who purposely flew to brissy to help me get settled and carry my 17 inch lcd screen over from sg. and to jess too whole came up from GC to help with my household establishment shit. you guys were dolls.
to all the people who sent me off at the airport that day. I'm sorry i couldn't talk to you guys all at one time and that i had to leave before one of them could arrive at the airport cos the plane was about to leave. yeah thanks for coming even though u guys knew i was going away for 1 year only. i'll be back at the end of the year dun worry. in the meantime i guess Msn will be our main mode of contact or skype or maybe the phone? but phone charges here are spastic. 37 cents for half a minutes wtf. truly satanic man.

alright i shall end here. watch this space for it will continue to be my source of sanity.

because eventually, everything is emotional.

I is for Internet and Internet is for me


WOOHOOOO my fucking Internet is finally up after 2 weeks of stupid time wasting by the ever promising ISP. thanks for the lousy service B***P*** you guys really HELPED A LOT by delaying the activation. anyways i spent 2 fucking hours trying to configure the damn network cos the stupid modem refuses to have its DHCP disabled. guess that's what you get when u use modems provided by stupid ISPs sigh.
oh well. my life can be considered back on track right now...all i need now is my textbooks ...

sunrise changes our lives

YAY. 10 days since i signed up for Internet and still no Internet. Makes me wonder if the POND has any more fishes still residing in it...cos at this rate i think most of the fishes would have left or died after being disgusted by such "excellent" service.

anyway here i am back in school camping in after heading home from a lecture at 9am. and i just got back from The Gold Coast too. fun 2 days though i wished it had been longer. the waves were awesome ...so much that i think i MUST be able to surf before i leave this island.

we had rented a car; a 2005 mitsubishi lancer,wondered why they wouldn't lend me the one with the V6 engine though. "oh you're underage" was what i got. i wanted to tell them "hey i've driven a damn LANDROVER down a 20m steep slope before and am still alive you noob" but hey, i resisted the urge. The drive was simple though the boring part was the speed limit. i remember having to jam the brakes after overtaking this 18 wheeler who was occupying the middle lane cos there was a cop camping to take my neoprint. Wonder if i got shot anot.

arrived in GC, went to pick up jess from griffith uni where she was the tourguide for our stay. whacked harbourtown's esprit and surf shops for clothes (to blend in with the locals) and then we went to surfers to check into our hotel. surfers is small. but its definetly more interesting than brisbane. the shops close later (say arnd 8-9) and there's the Great Sea. the surf, the smell of salt; not forgetting the emo-ness of it all. i forgot where we had dinner...oh some nan hai place and after that we drove down to colangatta.... located just at the fringe of Queensland and NSW to check out the night sky there. again. it beats singapore's mount faber/marina south and what have you HANDS down. we got bored so we drove into NSW and took some stupid pics b4 heading back to the hotel to crash

woke up at arnd 5 to check out the sunrise . the 1st proper one i ever saw. (the ones at west coast park are utter rubbish) not forgetting the beach was DAMN cold. 5am for a sunrise at surfers compared to a 7am one in sg? surfer's beat hands down.
went back to sleep and woke up at 11am(what a bloody waste of time) and so we drove to carrera market at i dunno where for breakfast and shop for stuff. din get anything tho cos there was nothing i liked. ok i liked the kantana blade but there was no one to use it on anyway. headed to Pacific Fair where i had to ram through the whole damn shopping centre cos we had like only 3 hrs to spare. and it was damn big.
at night we went to this place to check out glow-worms ...think it was nurimba national park or something. the journey up was damn cool
dark roads and starry skies and cruising at an average of 80km/h. it was like initial d. curvey narrow roads. fun. must do it again sometime. the nature reserve was surprisingly, well paved..or rather cemented, but you still need a torch light ; or panasonic fx9 camera (bright LCD screen!) to navigate your way around. but alas, we could not take pictues cos duh, it was too dark.
finished that little nature episode and we went to eat dinner at some chinese place at like 10pm? where david's brain obviously left the building cos for some strange reason, he was built to stay awake and sober before 10pm. oh well. drove to "The Spit"; another emo place where you can see stars (actually you can see them almost everywhere as long as the city glow is absent). after we got bored we headed back only to find our lot ws taken.. so we chucked the car somewhere else ..b4 heading to bed.
woke up sunday morning and drove back down to boring brisbane. "why did u go to brisbane?" a friend once asked. i'm asking myself this right now too.

a different light indeed

and so we called up the internet company after the promised "it'll be connected in 2-3 days". and so we weren't connected. after an annoying 20 minutes we were told "oh one of our staff forgot to activate you account. we can only do it next monday". good job guys. so 2-3 days actually means 9-10 days here? does it apply to my assignment due dates as well ? cos if it is i'll be so damn glad.

a different light. indeed

right now my days are spent mulling around the house. although school starts in like 4 days i can't do anything cos of the stupid internet connection. will probably head down to school with my lappy to d/l the notes. i should be heading down to the Coast if the monkeys are willing to go.

waiting

and so here i am back at the library like a destitute who's gone to the shelter for his free bowl of soup. damn my internet connection connection is still not active and i feel so useless without it.
went around town yesterday to get some clothes and was utterty disgusted when i realised i couldn't fit into almost ALL of them wtf!. my boardshorts size is like 30 and it's already hanging on my hips and the smallest size they had there was like..34. well done. guess i'll have to buy kids clothes or eat potatoes and junk food everyday. but luckily, i managed to find right sizes for tops at "Cotton On" i think it's like our equivilent at giordano. 2 polo tees for A$30. so COTTON ON FTW. i shall make it my anchor store. hopefully the factory outlets at Gold Coast will have my size if not i'll just have to cry more.

i miss my cable modem

it's been 8 days since i've arrived. since then i ahve moved into a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment on queen street (the equivilent of orchard road) and it takes me abt 20 minutes to get to school (on foot + bus) . The bus is, amazingly, FREE. the words which most people like to hear. so i guess i'll be saving quite abit on transport. But then again, i intend to get a mountain bike as the streets are kinda questionable when it gets as early as 8pm.
right now i still need a fan, a study lamp, a bicycle?, an the much needed INTERNET CONNECTION. just living without it makes me want to die. Will probably need clothes to cos i look to un-local to blend in with the people there. oh whatever. should be driving down to gold coast this weekend if everything works out well.

save me. I NEED INTERNET

starting out

and so here i am in Oz. the land down under. and the ozone hole just above it. it's my 4th day here. i actually had internet access right from the first day (courtesy of QUT) but the thought of blogging comepletly slipped my mind.
the people here are cheery, they usually greet me b4 i can greet them, thus dispensing the "racist" tag which so many people have told me about. but then again, i might not have met the racist people yet...there's bound to be some. somehow. surprisingly, the public transport here doesn't suck as well. Thery're almost very punctual and there are even timetables printed out for u. so in a way, they have no excuse not to adhere to the time tables. but then again, this is the CITY. not too sure about the suburbs though.oh. they also wash the streets in the CBD like EVERYDAY but cos its summer and waters scarce this season, they limited the frequency of washing i think.
things here are generally more expensive than back home though they may appear to be the same pricing due to PPP (product price parity. Bet you guys don;t know that). basically it's some economic term which means the price of something in country a would be almost the same as country b. but when u convert the currency over, the item bought from country b may be more expensive or cheaper than country b. oh whatever.
generally, a bottle of coke costs like..2-3 bucks here. a typical meal 7-8 bucks. the only cheap things here are probably juice and milk and meat (though i havent really seen how cheap they are yet). transport is quite ex as well but thank god i have a free loop service to school. but it's only up to 5.50pm only though ...any later that that i would have to take the payable public transport.
i'm still living in my dingy hotel and will move out only tomorrow. things should be more settled after that then.
special thanks go out to "aunty angela" , one of my aunts friends who invited me to her house for dinner on the first day i set foot on Oz. showed us around too but i doubt i'll be able to go out of the suburbs in future cos getting there is such a bitch without a car. brisbane's CBD is smaller than Shenton Way. But its definetly bigger then Sg.
oh well getting bored. update u guys again

where is the good in goodbye

just returned from a party thrown for me by the pnsd guys. Really touched by them as so many of them cancelled their prior appointments or rushed over (if they couldn't cancel) just to celebrate my belated birthday and bid me farewell before i head for Oz. Thanks guys.. for being there , for the cake, for the beer , for the food, for the company, for the laughter, for the tease , for the emo-ness, for the jacket which you guys kept on forcing me to put on (4 times! wtf) for the soft black hairy musht strap, for the samurai blade keychain, for the win. (tho' you guys tried to make me cry with the reiterations of "eh this is the bigggest turnout leh" , "eh see everyone cancelled their appointments to come here leh" ,"eh see got pweety girls came for this event leh (like real)", "eh this eh that")
this has by far been the most memorable birthday celebration for me (tho i didn't really like being the centre of attraction SHY LAH)

for the honourable mention :

thank you

kelvin
zavier
zavier's cousins (dunno their names sorry)
ddk
erina
fabian
michael
ruixiang
charlie
shengtao
Yu-Ann & Girlfriend
Jiawei
Pao shan & Friend (dunno your name sorry)
edwin
samuel
mingwen
jeremiah
weiyuan

for being there.

leaving

i just got back from a gathering celebrating my bday and 2 other's at brewerkz. met up with my suppossedly "best friend" in secondary school over there. its ironic that we give our friends titles like "best friend" or "best bud" only to realise that once time has passed, they are your "best" anymore. but then again meeting up with him was gd cos at least we still have shit to talk about so hurray, no weird silence. but then again, i was enjoying their company so much that the thought of not being able to meet them as easily as i can now when i'm in oz was enough to make me feel sian.
i'll be leaving in a day's time and i'm starting to feel the emo-ness of it all. i can see from my mum's eyes that she's kinda sad. which makes me feel sad too. but i know i have to do this; and i can only hope that she will understand and not be sad. looking at all the well-wishes from my relatives written on cards, i think i better not fuck up there.

sigh

23

yay i have hit level 23. total time played : 0318 hrs 00 min!
so exciting. its so ironic that we all look forward to birthdays but when the birthdays are really here we begin to whine about being old and shit. no exception for me though. i've stopped celebrating my birthdays since the age of 21 (but i still look forward to them) mainly because i've probably "grown up?" it's like the attitude of "oh alright it's my birthday...yay let me be happy today and tomorrow everything will be normal again" kinda sad..but then again, who ever throws a birthday celebration for himself? it's your friends that do it for you (not hinting here, but think about...makes lots of sense)

anyway i just got back from a long overdue meet up session with 2 of my poly classmates. it's kinda funny how we haven't seen each other for like 2 years (cos of ns) and then suddenly i log on to friendster and see a message from one of my them saying "eh got msn anot?" and it was dated dec 2005. wtf~! seems that i seldom check friendster....and then after that we suddenly agree to "meet up and see each other". It was damn fast and super effective lead time was like..1 day? wow. fastest friends award goes to them : chris & weirong. we had dinner at this place called "manhatten something"(a chip of fish and co) at PS. Food was alright except they said fish & co was better. (to me everything's ok cos i eat to live and not the other round). watched "fun with dick & jane" and later has this talk cock session at starbucks.

i had to leave to meet 2 of my ns buddies at holland v. more caffeine and Häagen-Dazs ice cream ensues b4 meeting another of my uber friends. she baked a cheesecake for me leh waaaah so touched! thx gal.

oh well. i'm feeling weirdly weird right now maybe...tho its my birthday tdy, the fact that i'll be leaving my friends and family for Oz on sun makes me kinda sad? and the fact of the hard ass process of finding permanent accomadation and making new friends just makes me want to ARGHHHhhhhH.

because eventually , everything is emotional.
sigh

reunion

just got back from the much needed reunion dinner with the family. well it was the same as every year but i guess it ended kinda fast. din really get to talk to everyone as we were spread across 2 table. so much for a "reunion" when it's not even a union of tables? wtf. after the dinner i went to emo chinatown for an emo time with my parents and uncle (and his family) oh well something inside me wanted to hang out with them. call it weird but i guess it's called "family ties" ? or maybe cos thinking about the fact that i'll not be seeing them for 10 months made me want to spend time with them now. humans. they only miss something when it's going to be taken (taken) away from them. but then again. you never miss what you never had. irony? oh well fuck it. life is an irony anyway.

guess what i found on urban dictionary on the entry for World Of Warcraft the game that i've been playing lately:

WOW

Acronym for World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft consumes every part of your life until eventually you have no friends because when they come over to visit you don't pay any attention to them and your "real" friends are the ones you talk to on vent while playing WOW, you lose your girlfriend because she no longer exists next to Warcraft, you start smoking in your room because your too involved in the game to go outside, lose all interest in going outside or having sex, you lose your job and eventually have to move home with you parents...I left my boyfriend because he left me for WOW.


true. true.

a different light

ivalice just hit 60 2 days ago


light so bright
i failed to see
the night


yup. Now what happens next after 60? i'm beginning to find it meaningless.

its been confirmed. i'll be leaving for the island on the 12th of february.
no more dark forces
no more fines
no more shit

i hope it'll be fun there looking at all the smiling faces in the various prospectuses should suggest so.
but obviously most happy things are lies.

for those who will miss me,
you ought to.
for those who didn't care
bless you
for those who don't know me
there will be more chances
for those over there
hope we have fun.

oh no not so soon?!

every week seems to have a theme
every day, and endless dream
but somehow perception loses its steam
locking me in life's ironic dream
grey skies still delight me
and i comfort in the night


maybe that's why i don't see the light.

2006

and so yesteryear's christmas has come and gone. it's a pity how so many people think christmas is just a one day affair. it's actually 12 to all you noobies out there.
2005 has passed too though i'm still unable to determine if it has een a shitty year for me anot. for one, it was the year of my freedom from NS. i'v done my time.and now its time to move on. but i do miss the folks back at the department. well, it basically means 2005 gave me more friends to hang out with. so probably , it ain't that bad. on a personal note, i feel that i'm slightly wiser (i ought to be since i'm one year older now) though i remain the same in certain areas : still scared of girls and still can't say no to people who ask me for help. gotta fix this in 2006 i hope. well anyway the future (like in all cliche phrases) scares me. i'll be heading to Oz soon and as tough as i may seem right now, i don't think i will be able to handle the shit overseas. but hey at least i'll try. for one thing, conveniences would definetly be taken away from me. and friends. damn i think i'll miss them despite having msn and all that jazz. tho there's WoW to entertain me, i hope it doesn't destroy me. however excited everyone may be around me, i feel contradicted. 2006 will be a year of adventure. but then again. not all adventures make happy memories.
why am i so morbid?
what will 2006 bring me?
happiness , strife, momories or dreams?
will there be love , or life of lonliness
inspiration or utter disappointment?
oh well,
happy new year folks! --> well at least this is an encouraging note.

christmas '05

ok so this years christmas was a lot more toned down than last year (i recall being totaly wasted last year) but more busy. tracing the events back to the 23rd, it was last minute christmas shopping @ orchard and then heading down to a friend's birthday party at clarke quay's tcc and then to watching narnia and on to woing till the wee hours of 24th dec. woke up at 5pm 24 dec so i guess my christmas eve was more or less wasted. anyways wowed again until like 6+ whereby i had to drop my parents off to a christmas party and went on to marina square to catch king kong. they should rename it king kok cos the scenes were pretty much lame and cmon, how can a chick every fall in love with an ape? anyways i got a call from my dad after than and damn i had to send thme home before rejoining the groups for supper -- or more likely, my dinner and then it was off to wowing till the wee hrs of christmas day. woke up 1pm on christmas day and went to a family party and then off to being show and tell object for my parents friend's party and now i may be heading t another gathering. maybe. damn i still remember needing to go to jb tml.

the return

it's been a while since i last blogged. 29-fricking september. that's like almost 2.5 months. anywayalot of shit has happened since then.
for starters,

1. i went and got a job with at shenton way working as a damn admin assistant. and man it was hell as boring. it really made me wonder if life was just about waking up and going to work everyday only to return home after work and sleep and continue the cycle all over again. cos firstly, you wouldn't have enough personal quiet time for yourself, let alone time with friends ; unless you're talking about weekends. moreover, the job which i got was so damn boring that i was literally STRUGGLING to stay awake every morning. downing double shots of nescafe classic everyday until i was so sure the caffeine intake would affect me in the later years. i just have to take my hat off to te other perm. staff who have been doing the same boring shit for 10 years or less. Friends, i salute you. lucky for me, they decided to end my contract early cos of low sales volume. hooh.

concurrently with the boring job,

2. my main desktop crashed and i lost all my mp3s and photos. fuck SATA technology.

3. i got a new laptop for my further study in OZ. love it

4. and my mage in World of Warcraft ave since hit 51. I would sure bloody wish to hit 60 by the end of the year. Possible? possible.

5. i've gone and returned from bangkok with my NS department. This is the 2nd time whereby i get "sponsored" to go on a holiday by the govt. how great is that. Although it wasn't as good as last years', it was still fun and i managed to bag my bag of good deals.

Christmas is coming. though as much as i would like this year to end, it still pains me to think that christmas would just come and go. damn. it's my favourite holiday. the one which makes you feel that everything is so warm and cheery until it's over and the cold world slaps you back into reality. the feelings good ; and short i know but this is only one of the exceptions where i would do sacrifice anything to make the cause worthwhile.

k enough of this emo shit.

gonna get some rest b4 i grind again.

farewell.

ORD LOH!



and so the day arrived. and so ends another chapter of my life. had actually wanted to blog this at 1201 yesterday but was engaged in the merciless spamming of the sacred words "ORD LOH!" to everyone on my msn contact list.
somehow, i feel a sense of loss. not saying that i love serving ns and doing shit but it's like, after 26 mths of hoping for September 28 2005 and when it's finally here, i don't feel enlightened or special at all. On the contrary, i feel weird maybe due to the sudden relinquishing of duties and not needing to do anything suddenly.
it's a weird feeling. but i like it.
nevertheless i still enjoyed my NS though i kept on bitching about how life sucks and shit like that. i've definetly learnt more than just clerical work and being a cow (just listen and do; don't think).
truly, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

what becomes of me then? well, the model answer would be "get a job for 3 mths" and later f.o to australia. but my real answer would be to slack around first and relax.
hopefully i can do that.

will miss the guys in the office. but that's probably the only bad about ORD-ing

because eventually, everything is emotional

last working day

woke up feeling happy today cos it was going to be my last working day at the office. in a way the feelings kinda different. the sky seemed bluer and the sound of the environment seemed relaxed. yes weird way to describe it but that's the way it is.
when i stepped into the office alot of the guys were kinda surprised that i came back (well thats because i did not have enough leave and so i had to go back for 1 last day) but what really made me laugh was when one of my supervisors (not direct supervisors) said "hey long time no see where did you go?" and when i replied that i was clearing leave and that today was my last day at work she got the shock of her life.
ah. the art of stealth
the look on her face was priceless.
anyway as today was HLS it wasn't really a work day. more like a play badminton and get trashed day. we didn't get trashed though. we got second.

well, after work i went to eat dinner with the usual gang and we later wasted our lives at the cheesy cafe along orchard road.

not bad for a last day...guess the feeling would be more emo on the 28th.

9 days to ord.

Xenosaga II: Jeseits von Gut und Bose


just completed xenosaga 2 spending a total gametime of 34:15:18. real world time : 6 days. The ending's quite ok albeit abit short. Well at least it didn't make me want to smash the PS2 unlike suikoden 4. i think chaos is an evil dude all along ( so glad i didn't train him up as a character) and the ending did mention something abot Kos-Mos "waking up" when some shit happens in Xenosaga episode iii. happilly awaiting it. gonna hit the sack.

Terrace 10 King Palm

after an exciting and action packed time at the chalet. i awoke this morning to cold winds lapping at my back. there was a hurricane at my window and so i got up to close the windows and having felt not sleeping enough i decided togo grab my cell phone to set the alarm and place it under my pillow. problem is: wtf is my handphone? i ended up searching the whole damn house for my stupid handphone and even came online to ask a couple of friends if they had seen it lying around at the chalet (thinking that i may have left it there) -- to no avail.

anyway back to the chalet. it's definetly my last with the guys as an NSF cos i'll be ording soon and obviously, i'll miss them. Note: miss the NSFs and a few regulars. not the office folks. though it rained like half the time, it was still enjoyable with the talk cock sessions, the despatch adventures, night swims and of course the bbq as the grand finale.

in hindsight,its just another happy memory of a time gone by.

argh fug. since my phone's ringing i reckon it must be around the house somewhere. i think i shall go and sleep it off first.

i've been punk'd

saturday and sunday saw me at sentosa helping out at the New Balance Real Run event. all for the glory of earning hours to pave the way for a smoother enjoyable ord. Sad to say, there were alot of slackers who just "helped out" at the event just for the hours, leaving the other hardworking ones the luxury of heavy weight lifting and sai kang. the human race is really cursed. suffice to say, 300,000 years of evolution didn't do us any good with the blood of selfishness and sloth still flowing in our veins. some were seen "eye-powering", "others missing in action" and not forgetting; eating more than they should.

but who cares. ORD Loh.

unplesantaries aside, the event was an enjoyable one nevertheless. It's only during such events where i can really joke around with the guys and just be my crazy self. saw lots of chicks too. and also a few brushes with death.

in a way, i'll be kinda sad when i ord. i'll miss the friends made there. the office furniture, the carpet, the fishtank, the stationery. the likeble NSFs, haha guess you should know by now who i Won't miss.

oooh btw i've just been punk'd.
my overstudy was right all along.
hard work doesn't pay.
not at least in that department.

timeless

it's been awhile again since i last updated
well i don't really "update" often unless i have real thoughts worth penning down
think "the pensive" in harry potter
(so ok i digressed for awhile)
life's good ( i can't believe i'm saying this) but yeah
what with spending my long earned ord holiday season doing whatever i want.

for the record i went on a reading spree and managed to complete reading 11 books in the span of 23 days. (i didn't read everyday though) and yes, i sold out by reading harry potter.

to my surprise it was quite entertaining reading it... no wonder the world's reading it.

right now i'm taking a break. i'm abstaining from books until maybe next month though i've actually started on xenosaga ii yesterday.

the good thing about not working is that you can enjoy "timelessness". try sleeping at 6am and waking up at 12pm and you'll find that your day is longer!

ord loh.

plain morning

awoke with red eyes to a grey morning
the perfect morning for a sleep in but i remembered i had to go to jb with a colleague of mine.
i forgot to tell my mum i'll be going out and so she bought me lunch..or brunch which i obviously had to eat before i leave now
and so i started to watch full metal panic second raid and eat brunch. (usual way i have my meals).
i was happilly eating when suddenly a cane frog hoped across my keyboard and startled me.wtf man where did it come from? my only guess was that my dad went to secretly feed my snakehead which i was starving for 3 days for the efficacious method of making it savage.
i watched it hop hop hop and stop, swuang my hand over it and it got scared and started to hop off the table and wow, it didn't die. as i was eating i didn't want to get my hands dirty by catching it....neither did i want to let it escape and let my whole house go apeshit over a damn frog...after comtemplating on what to do i spotted my stack of double a paper, and decided i would just stall for time....and so i took aim, estimated the amount of force and distance required to hit the frog and dumped the whole rim of paper over the frog. maybe i'll clean it up after i get home...not before giving my dad a piece of my mind.

heat

it's better to burn out than to fade away...


I'm awake, you're still sleeping
The sun will rise like yesterday
Everything that we are now
Is everything we can't let go
Or its gone forever, far away
I hope tomorrow is like today
Don't you go away tomorrow
I don't think I could handle that
You're probably dreaming that you're flying on
Then you start to fall
But then you rise
and shine forever
Don't go away
I hope tomorrow is like today

a new lease of life

for once after a million posts,
i can finally say that life doesn't suck.
but only now.
for the moment

it's been, shit. i've forgotten how many days since i've started on my block leave... and am enjoying it. been able to roam around the world and practically do anything which i want without having to worry about the damn office. the feeling's great. it's almost as if i've unlocked the cheat code to "GOD MODE". i've even managed to watch all the damn tv dramas which have been rotting in my hardisk -- and cleared alot of diskspace after deleting them too. not forgetting being able to finish reading the stack of books which have been piling up in the corner of my desk.

though many a time i would wake up at 7.30am and worry "oh fuck! do i have to work today?" and then i will be reminded that i'm not due until the 19th. cool.as to why i keep on waking up at 7.30am, i think its the damage done to my brain during my stay in office.

work hazards. heh.

anyway, caught "the maid" today. not a bad story. the maid is quite pretty lor. but the interesting part of the story is that there's a twist... which kinda made me damn sian after they reveal it to you. damn xialan indeed.

ending now cos dun feel like writing anymore.

a picture paints a thousand words

so long and thank you for the fish

just returned from the airport.
i was late in sending a friend off this time but at least i still made it. now i'm only afraid of getting shot by hidden speed guns along the ecp. felt abit embarrassed cos she and her whole fan club was waiting for me to arrive before she went through the gates.

we barely spoke for 5 minutes, but hey. at least we said goodbye.

tdy's the 1st day of my 2 mth long block leave
and obviously, it was great. woke up breathing the 1pm west coast air and ate some sub standard hup seng economic rice bought by my mum...which reminds me, i should learn how to cook from her soon. the rest of the day was spent at sim lim doing price "research" for a laptop and a camera before heading back home and to the airport. nothing exciting happened... but there'll be more to come.

the moment i stepped into the terminal,
i knew i had to go on another trip.

breakdown

It's magic", she says to me.
My hand to her waist as she approaches sweetly.
It's enough when I see that look in her eyes,
It's enough for me to paralyze.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

"It's tragic", she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye,
was enough for me to realize.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever going to come?

So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered "I love you".
But I couldn't take it any longer, no I couldn't stand.

But the nights brought sparks and the sparks brought flames,
And you had to be sure this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm going to show you if you could just give me tonight.

Tonight...

"Its fragile", she says to me.
The hair in her eyes, she removes it smiling.
There's a wound that I know this song could mend,
A step in time for us will never end.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?

I'm waiting, for the breakdown.
I'm waiting, for the comedown.

2 more months.

the nights are getting warmer

The nights are getting warmer.
The amber light's on, it's going to be over.
To work hard now doesn't make much sense.
So this is my goodbye.
Surprised, because I thought I could stay alittle longer tonight,
but i guess some things weren't meant to be

Goodbye, I'm not going to waste this time,
the light i left behind will keep on burning.
Goodnight, I'm getting off of this helluva ride,
I'm letting go to see if i still feel alive

I'm writing you this letter,
if you'll be honest and see what you've done to me
maybe this letter will have a meaning
nevertheless we still held hands
until the final goodbye shall we part our ways
As the lights just go up all around us,
I can't believe it's becoming to be over.

I'm sitting under falling stars.
Do you miss me from where you are?
maybe our love will come back one day
until then, we have to wait out 64 sunrises

64 surises are all i have
11 sunsets are all i have
Everything you're saying sounds right tonight.
it'll take a miracle

so that's what i'm praying for.

a tribute to sam

today (or rather yesterday) marks the demise of a *good buddy/friend/colleague/ass of mine (* delete where applicable; for best results, do not delete at all).

Nope he didn't die, he just went to hell to regroup.

ah well, in actual fact he's probably enjoying life now that he has gotten his damned Pink IC back after disruption from NS. In a way it's kinda irritating knowing that he enlisted an intake later than me but still left an "intake earlier" than me. but either way, this post is dedicated to him.

i remember the times when we bitched about the amount of shit work we had to do
i remember the times when i almost killed him
with all his whininess and trival antics
i remember the times when he messed up all my ninja lunch missions by saying "eh i have to get back on time lah"
i remember the times we stayed back in office to complete the damn websites
i remember the countless chilling out sessions we had with the others
i remember the bitching and whining he showered upon me when he was drunk
and not
i remember the many favours he did for me whenever ART was concerned
and the many favours i did for him when he had to scan documents to softcopy form

but now there won't be any more of such times cos Red Bull finally gave him wings.
anyways i hope he finds happiness now that freedom has been returned to him, may he even get a girlfriend.(haha)

but then again. 70 days more to my brand new sunset.

disruption is just a save game.
a block of memory stored in a PS2 memory card

ORD is when the game really ends.

apathy

life's still the same even though i've slightly more then 2 months left before it finally returns to normal and, although the dc visit episode has blown over, i'm still left with traces of shit of the event. work is endless they say and results ALWAYS (if not,) often unappreciated.

a colleague of mine kinda lost it today when a comment was made that he should do this and that when it was actually not under his purview. in fact, he had already taken the extra mile to help the bitching party by getting a certain task done for them. See, unappreciated. another colleague of mine was given the shit job of sourcing for potential speakers for an event; sad to say or rather, i was kinda appalled when he told me that the people he called were so fucking slack that they gave him professional remarks like "who gave you my number? ", "actually i don't like to give such talks but since we are a health organisation i am obligated to " and the likes. professionalism at it's finest i guess. makes me wonder how much work is really done in the office these days.

apathy. it's in our blood.

no matter how prim and proper you try to be, the majority of everyone else won't really give a shit, appreciate, or even care to notice that you're doing the right thing and if you're lucky, they'll even give those misfits who fail to follow the "system" a candy bar or two; sometimes with a cherry on top.


so this is how it feels
reaching for heaven
kissing the sky
tasting bitterness all around
for a lifetime on high
so this is what it is
lying forever
in the water of a pretty pool
filled with human stools

In The Deep

Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep

work on a sunday

i wasted my sunday at a shitty launch event today
it was held at the former CDANS Bt batok clubhouse
apparently SPANS (for Police NS kids) and CDANS (For SCDF NS kids) have decided to merge cos the top brass think that it was cool and we were forced to attend this heavenly event to show that we support this union of 2.
we were showing forced support.
and so we had to go..for awhile before i decided that it was too stupid and decided to leave for office to clear up some work shit which was due tomorrow.
and of course, to earn the extra hours for an ealier ord.
and to prove that i was there, below's a picture

she

She hangs out every day near by the beach
Having a Heineken falling asleep
She looks so sexy when she’s walking the sand
Nobody ever put a ring on her hand

Swim to the oceanshore fish in the sea
She is the story the story is she
She sings to the moon and the stars in the sky
Shining from high above you shouldn’t ask why

She is the one that you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
Oh, she must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world

She puts the rhythm, the beat in the drum
She comes in the morning and the evening she’s gone
Every little hour every second you live
Trust in eternity that’s what she gives

She looks like Marilyn (not the one in my office), walks like Suzanne
She talks like Monica and Marianne
She wins in everything that she might do
And she will respect you forever just you

She is the one
That you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
She must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world

She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty
She is like you and me
Like them like we
She is in you and me

bright lights & finer days

been walking in the rain for quite some time
tonight was different
i'm walking without lights
but it doesn't matter
i've become a creature of the night

feelings for The Goddess are slowly dying
fade to grey, like sweet blood
blending with this rain
i let go and there was no one
to catch me as i fell

in the distant i see the bright
cold lights of the city
the friendly nonchalant drone of vehicles
at this ungodly hour
i'm home

here i go. scream my lungs out
let the whole world know
she could have been The One

suikoden 4 stinks

due to the fact that my fastcraft was wrecked from an earlier accident, i had nothing to do on this lonely friday night ...and so i decided to hit the ps2. Which later led to me to want to settle my suikoden 4 score after losing to it a month ago.

and so i leveled up from 50+ to 70+ in 4 hrs...

kicked the final bosses's ass
and got a fucked up ending.

nothing was spoken about the rune of punishment...what happened to it and crap.
fucked up ending la damn dulan.

and so i habve decided never to touch another suikoden game again.

as for the dvd, i think i shall smash it..will post pics up if i do....

i hope Xenosaga II doesn't suck

irritated

the theme for this week is irritated
i'm irritated by the routine-ness of my life
the way i wake up every morning
to fucking pepetual 32 degrees of weather
the folks in office (not all. some)
the smell of axe oil in sbs buses
the old folks at chinatown
and davidoff echo

i like changes.change me.

......

I"M SO DAMN SICK OF THIS PLACE!
it's been less than 24 hrs since i came home and the people from office are already hounding me
FUCK MAN

perhentian

in a much better mood now. for those who don't know, i've returned from my p.perhentian diving trip. officially and advanced diver now although i can only dive up to 30ft before my sinus starts bleeding and i attract sharks.
it's disappointing, to know that i have such a low threshold as 30ft when it comes to diving. it's as good as telling me i will never be able to dive again. sadness.

anyway the trip was bittersweet. though more bitter than sweet. first, the fake tix and then the disappointment of the island being so bloody overcommercialised. really peeved t the fact that the island was dotted with resorts, leaving it barren and no longer emotionally rustic. fuck. tioman was better. probably the most comforting thing was that the dives were fun sans the bleeding whenever i cam up after the deep dives. my dive buddy was cool too though we kept messing eacher other's dives up. hah we kept on floating to the surface when our tanks were empty but oh well.

perhaps the best dive for me was the night dive; where i experienced the abyss of darkness. somehow, i felt safe down there at 30 feet. me and my buddy and the rest of the clowns with darkness engulfing us. it somehow formed a blanket of protection; leaving me safely away from the exposure of the world. but alas it only lasted 40 minutes. saw a giant sea turtle; it was very docile, being so graceful and not afraid of us all, a sturgeon, puffer fishes and a few schools of barracudas.

the journey back was somehow fucked up,think "ghost reporting" but one which left me with deep impressions. we couldn't board the bus cos of the fake tix and so we had to wait. while waiting we got to mingle around and joke and shit like that, thus knowing the guys better. and when the bus came. it was a fucking haunted one. with me and another friend being disturbed. no wonderbus driver told us to move to the front during the beginning of the trip. shan't elaborate more cos i'm still pissed over the incident.

somehow, this trip has left me feeling really weird. now that i'm back, i don't really know what to do. events of the trip somehow relentlessly flash back in my mind, leaving me to pine for the time gone by. fark. i've fallen prey to my own ideology:
what good are happy memories if they leave you sad and pining after you think of them

am i that really that afraid of returning to Singapore?
does this land and its people terrorize me so much?
who am i
and where do i come from

disoriented

i thought i had found heaven
until hell drew me back.

112

112.
the intake i was from
the number of days left to freedom
fly~

speed of sound

it's been awhile since i last wrote an entry
to sum it all
alot of shit has happened since the last post.
i've since gotten my new digicam - the casio exilim ex-Z750
won't say it's the best but at least it has manual functions for me to better customise my pictures.
i still miss my panasonic fx-7 though. the pictures from the exilim appear a tad too saturated when taken...perhaps the only consolation is that i won't be using it forever haha
my cough has since gotten better though i still get the occassional guffaw. it sucks really
perhaps i should take codeine everyday.
life this week in office has been fucked up to the max with me covering mr mia's duties and shit.
though i have an understudy i feel i shouldn't bully him too much by giving him shit to do cos he probably will have like... 21 mths of nonsense in the goddamn dept.
i realised that work never kills a man
it's the colleagues ...come to think of it, i've never really been overloaded with work by any of my superiors....either i'm too zai or...work never really killed a man--> it's the goddamn colleagues. those that shoot arrows and those that shirk responsibility.

life is fucked up.
it takes great talent to make it look cool

looking forward to perhentian man.

on a lighter note i just completed some taiwanese drama caled the "legend of speed" kindly delivered and loaned to me by the idol crazy jess. i don't usually watch such shit but alas....when it comes to cars anything goes...not a bad plot i should say though the sound effects were horrendous...after so many years the taiwanese have failed to understand the meaning of "over-exaggeration"..with the adding of irritatingly loud "deng" and "dang" and "ta da" sounds whenever some unexpected statement or event occurs....

there's a part 2 though.maybe i'll walk around Old Man's Land and check it out tml...

i have fallen...


the trial of the rune will end
the time for atonement shall pass
the time for forgiveness shall begin
that is the destiny and the destinies of the 108 who have gathered around you


only to fail once more.


caught the 2nd season finale of The O.C tdy
and like its predecessor...it was l33t.
gonna have to wait for the 3rd season
an agonizing wait it shall be

i kissed someone today

2/3rd day out of office today
somehow being back in TRACOM gives me that feel of nostalgia of the life which i once had there. a sad life

anyway i kissed someone today
she tasted like plastic
and somehow her unfeeling lips seemed cold to me
yes. i kissed a dummy
but it was all in the name of first aid....

i realised that if i slept early everynight
i will be able to open my eyes properly the next morning instead of forcing them to stay open.

abs

i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking died
ok i was exggeraing...
i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking crashed my dad's car.

it so happened alot the exit of eng neo ave. where i had to negotiate a right turn into bukit timah road.
lights were green
everything alright
i turned and oh my fucking shit ass there was this piece of renault kangoo on my right cutting into my lane (it was the exreme left lane and i bloody hell well swear that i was in my correct lane)
i horned once. a polite one
the fucker continued to move in
and so i have to call upon good ol' ABS by jamming the brakes.
fuck man i was so pissed that i gave him a very good honking until i think i wore the batterries out. (cos my lights dimmed abit)
fucking ass. damn dulan
but i liked the part where i gave the bastard half a cars-length to jam brake when i cut him back to go into 6th avenue. (bo pian...i had to make the turn lol)
or maybe i was too generous?
fucker. dun let me see you on the roads again.
and he was carrying a family for God's sake

what if they all died?
i'd be so sorry for them

right.

a few seconds later and i would have lost my SQA award.

and so it is

just got back from wala wala with the ones that remained steadfast in their decision to go there. it's so ironic that we're guys and some of us can't really make a decision and stick to it right to the end. so sad as it seems that the male species should end up this way. tonight's music was alright tho i preferred last week's session and guess what, i did manage to grab hold of gabriel at the end of his gig. and surprising he still remembers me...looks like my common face was unable to make him not remember me...should be meeting up with him and his buddy together with amias and the gang...the gang which was formed like...5 years ago...wtf

somehow, i'm back into the phase where i'd wanna be proactive...to step into the sun again...

but i hate the sun.

the broker

just completed reading john grisham's latest piece of literature today. it's better than the previous one i guess (the last juror) which totally pissed me off. "the broker" appeared to be boring at the beginning maybe cos i was reading it in office and had to stay low w/o getting caught. anyway it was cool with the protagonisist's signature changing of identities and classic clandestine fleetings from the usual suspects. this is the book which prevented me from boycotting his future books.


i want to travel through time
see your surprise
i'd hold you so tight
i'm counting down the days tonight

138 days to ord!

goobye darling

nothing much happened this week..maybe cos i was still recovering from the memory of tioman. i've also managed to impart most of the shit which i do in office to my understudy , what's left are the last minute recovery of stunts pulled by others i guess. was suppossed to go "chill out" with the guys yesterday but we ended up wasting most of our time until the part when 11pm arrived when the better of us zipped off to wala wala to check the live band e.i.c out. not a bad band i especially liked their rendition of "the blower's daughter" ....it was emo man.evidently, it turned out that i so happen to know their bassist, gabriel whom i worked with during my spastic years before entering poly...but i don't think he recognises me anymore now so fuckit.









i sold my camera for $450 bucks today. reason cos i wanted to get a higher end one which has an underwater jacket. but after speaking with the dood i realised that having an underwater jacket would only be good for macro pics and not wide angle pics. what was i thinking? anyway i kinda miss my fx-7. i guess it's like everything else after i lose them.

renewed ; reinvented

the past 2 days were spent on an island east of malaysia called tioman.
life over there was really an "island life" and not like the one which SDC so blatantly took and branded Sentosa with. the folks there were simple and though they were poor in the eyes of us city dwellers, they were truly happy.
it didn't take me long to realise that i could easily have that kind of life if i just decided to shut myself off from the rest of the world which i live in now. to just drop everything that invisibly tied me to them and escape.
and during those few moments of taking in the salty air and tasting the spray of the sea at 20 knots i decided that to do the latter would be denying myself of being a survivor of the urban jungle. no doubt the island was beautiful, but i have my own waves to battle.
snorkelling, frolicking, dancing in the ocean, i never felt so free to be so helpless in the sea but yet in control. maybe i should run away from home more often. maybe such things in life were meant to make Life less shitty though only for a moment in time.
a pity the island of tioman is dying though, with its obnoxious tourists who carelessly trample and litter its marine sanctuary not forgetting the destruction of her forests for more resorts.

they paved paradise to put up a parking lot.





after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach

once a wave of joy came over me
i paid it great attention
and it collapsed on me
and since then Life seemed so nasty

i could find a life beyond this beach
i'll build a simple house
away from maddenning crowds
simple plans for a simple man
for of what worth when Death arrives
i pay it no attention
and then it supports me.

after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach

embrace

embrace me
tighter than ever
i hear your voice on a restless night
the world will drown in blood someday
just let me forget the existence of time
i don't want to know
what the future holds
i don't want to wait anymore
in expectation,surety
defying Providence of all rights
no more reason no more ties
i don't care if its all lies
sing for me
a song that will bind
true love to death
my heart to Thine.

it's the care bears countdown: 5,4,3,2,1



the past week has been a crazy one for me
crazy as in crazy
with my new understudy, i feel that i've lost my privacy,
my space, my computer and my chair.
but based on the law of conservation, it means i would have gained a little ounce of freedom. the freedom of asking him to do my shit..which would also at the same time, be preparing him for the happy life he would have in the dept.

another crazy thing which happened was that i took on the "carebear quest" of helping my friend who's studying in australia buy 2 carebears and shipping it off to her (well it's for her friend's friend friend boyfriend girlfriend etc..complicated lah)...

which led me to running around town buying the bears cos like all RPGs (role playing games) you don't usually get the "Treasure" at the same place. and like most rpgs, i bought a wrong carebear but with this being "Life" nothing can be resetted and so she said nmind.




crazy.

i want to find a girlfriend! so that she can buy me Qoo!

driving : 3 years on

note to self:

tdy marks the 3rd year since i got my driving licence. i'm still reckless and i still like to horn taxi drivers and road idiots but let's not get complacent here ya?
with the words of the sticker in every police vehicle:

why speed? safety is my responsibility.

after the storm

had no time to write lately cos the previous week was full of shit
monday saw me running around the complex facilitating a training session for morons
tuesday nothing
wednesday saw me running around the world again in preparation for the stupid workplan seminar
thu and yesterday was wasted at the seminar
if you asked me..it was a total waste of time. for once i so longed to go back to office
the lesser of 2 evils i guess.
my understudy will report for work in 2 days time...
many green eyed people have questioned me on his oh-so early arrival
i guess all i can say to them is "sorry guys, it's the karma"
after taking so much shit how can the higher powers NOT see my pain?
just too bad huh.
just can't wait for april to be over though
for that will mark the end of my busy period.
period period period...
ever wonder why i said period?
cos...
it's the only time which is enough to piss me off until i bleed.

the understudy

so much has happened within the past days
i've gone back to the Beginning of my existance
and am now back in hellmouth
strangely though everything seems to be getting better
i'm not sure if it's just the ebbing tide of fortune hitting me at it's peak right now
or things have really changed

they definetly did today (or rather yesterday)
when my understudy came.
i did not believe that mine would come so early initially..
but surprisingly, they said he was mine
so what can i say...i mean...COOL.

that's just the beginning though
gotta train him to be a true blue stealth assasin and to cover his ass at all times

fly away

i'm gone. off to the land of the mother tongue.
don't call me. don't bother me. don't throw your shit to me.
clean up your own mess
and don't touch the golden monkey.
i'm doing this for myself
for that tiny speck of sanity which is left
in my tiny fraction of my consciousness.
farewell

look to you

when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away

for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again

so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do

i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again

so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do

look to you

when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away

for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again

so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do

i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again

so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do

discernment

while i was eating breakfast this morning languidly pushing my shrivelled strips of bacon into my raw mouth a thought came to me
"check your singtel globalroam status cos it may be screwed"
i would usually ignore such thoughts cos they aren't necessarily necessary unless in this case i'm flying overseas. and so i checked.
tinkering with the crispy buttons i smsed singtel
and got this message "please check with your operator by dialling 1626"

great.
the power of doubt is so divine indeed.

chasing the storm

i'm chasing the storm
fighting against
the waves of passion
its wearing me down
this mass of insurrection
breaking my spirit
and mental locomotion
They will see me waving
from such great depths
But everything looks perfect
from far away,
and thus i die with
this wonderful mishap
the shrillest highs
and lowest lows
of a soap opera foretold

hope springs eternal

for the past 48 hours i've been viewing a Smogesbord of movies
happy holidays indeed
i need my eye-mo

hah i stumbled upon a poem by alexander pope
looks like i'm not the only cynic here

hope springs eternal in the human breast
man never is but always to be blest:
the soul, uneasy and confin'd from home
rests and expatiates in a life to come


no idea what that meant?
basically it means
life's a bitch until you die

a.d 2k

the past just crept up at this life of mine
will we be able to go back to the beginning
of time?

hindsight

in hindsight, my hamster orded 2 days ago
in hindsight, i've spent about 20 months
in the national service
in hindsight, i regretted not trusting my judgement
in hindsight, i've cried many times
not forgetting
in hindsight , i've stabbed many others too

a good friend of mine Qimou just collected his pink ic today.
i felt happy for him
and a sense of loss for myself
i no longer have a buddy to go on
"special operations" with anymore
not forgetting the ever adreanline-pumping
"oceans 3" and the many situations of "recovery" when some shit happened to us
he really made my ns stint a less boring one.
and now i'll spend 6 lonely months
maybe i should follow my colleague and eat 2 dou sar paus a day
since there're not many heppenning kids to go out with anymore

i hate to lie
though i can't speak the truth
for truth be told
and alliances formed
to dust the kingdom will become
along with it
its laws

i need to ord soon