a tribute to sam
today (or rather yesterday) marks the demise of a *good buddy/friend/colleague/ass of mine (* delete where applicable; for best results, do not delete at all).
Nope he didn't die, he just went to hell to regroup.
ah well, in actual fact he's probably enjoying life now that he has gotten his damned Pink IC back after disruption from NS. In a way it's kinda irritating knowing that he enlisted an intake later than me but still left an "intake earlier" than me. but either way, this post is dedicated to him.
i remember the times when we bitched about the amount of shit work we had to do
i remember the times when i almost killed him
with all his whininess and trival antics
i remember the times when he messed up all my ninja lunch missions by saying "eh i have to get back on time lah"
i remember the times we stayed back in office to complete the damn websites
i remember the countless chilling out sessions we had with the others
i remember the bitching and whining he showered upon me when he was drunk
and not
i remember the many favours he did for me whenever ART was concerned
and the many favours i did for him when he had to scan documents to softcopy form
but now there won't be any more of such times cos Red Bull finally gave him wings.
anyways i hope he finds happiness now that freedom has been returned to him, may he even get a girlfriend.(haha)
but then again. 70 days more to my brand new sunset.
disruption is just a save game.
a block of memory stored in a PS2 memory card
ORD is when the game really ends.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
apathy
life's still the same even though i've slightly more then 2 months left before it finally returns to normal and, although the dc visit episode has blown over, i'm still left with traces of shit of the event. work is endless they say and results ALWAYS (if not,) often unappreciated.
a colleague of mine kinda lost it today when a comment was made that he should do this and that when it was actually not under his purview. in fact, he had already taken the extra mile to help the bitching party by getting a certain task done for them. See, unappreciated. another colleague of mine was given the shit job of sourcing for potential speakers for an event; sad to say or rather, i was kinda appalled when he told me that the people he called were so fucking slack that they gave him professional remarks like "who gave you my number? ", "actually i don't like to give such talks but since we are a health organisation i am obligated to " and the likes. professionalism at it's finest i guess. makes me wonder how much work is really done in the office these days.
apathy. it's in our blood.
no matter how prim and proper you try to be, the majority of everyone else won't really give a shit, appreciate, or even care to notice that you're doing the right thing and if you're lucky, they'll even give those misfits who fail to follow the "system" a candy bar or two; sometimes with a cherry on top.
so this is how it feels
reaching for heaven
kissing the sky
tasting bitterness all around
for a lifetime on high
so this is what it is
lying forever
in the water of a pretty pool
filled with human stools
life's still the same even though i've slightly more then 2 months left before it finally returns to normal and, although the dc visit episode has blown over, i'm still left with traces of shit of the event. work is endless they say and results ALWAYS (if not,) often unappreciated.
a colleague of mine kinda lost it today when a comment was made that he should do this and that when it was actually not under his purview. in fact, he had already taken the extra mile to help the bitching party by getting a certain task done for them. See, unappreciated. another colleague of mine was given the shit job of sourcing for potential speakers for an event; sad to say or rather, i was kinda appalled when he told me that the people he called were so fucking slack that they gave him professional remarks like "who gave you my number? ", "actually i don't like to give such talks but since we are a health organisation i am obligated to " and the likes. professionalism at it's finest i guess. makes me wonder how much work is really done in the office these days.
apathy. it's in our blood.
no matter how prim and proper you try to be, the majority of everyone else won't really give a shit, appreciate, or even care to notice that you're doing the right thing and if you're lucky, they'll even give those misfits who fail to follow the "system" a candy bar or two; sometimes with a cherry on top.
so this is how it feels
reaching for heaven
kissing the sky
tasting bitterness all around
for a lifetime on high
so this is what it is
lying forever
in the water of a pretty pool
filled with human stools
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
In The Deep
Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep
Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep
Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep
Life keeps tumbling you heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep
Sunday, July 03, 2005
work on a sunday
i wasted my sunday at a shitty launch event today
it was held at the former CDANS Bt batok clubhouse
apparently SPANS (for Police NS kids) and CDANS (For SCDF NS kids) have decided to merge cos the top brass think that it was cool and we were forced to attend this heavenly event to show that we support this union of 2.
we were showing forced support.
and so we had to go..for awhile before i decided that it was too stupid and decided to leave for office to clear up some work shit which was due tomorrow.
and of course, to earn the extra hours for an ealier ord.
and to prove that i was there, below's a picture
i wasted my sunday at a shitty launch event today
it was held at the former CDANS Bt batok clubhouse
apparently SPANS (for Police NS kids) and CDANS (For SCDF NS kids) have decided to merge cos the top brass think that it was cool and we were forced to attend this heavenly event to show that we support this union of 2.
we were showing forced support.
and so we had to go..for awhile before i decided that it was too stupid and decided to leave for office to clear up some work shit which was due tomorrow.
and of course, to earn the extra hours for an ealier ord.
and to prove that i was there, below's a picture
Saturday, July 02, 2005
she
She hangs out every day near by the beach
Having a Heineken falling asleep
She looks so sexy when she’s walking the sand
Nobody ever put a ring on her hand
Swim to the oceanshore fish in the sea
She is the story the story is she
She sings to the moon and the stars in the sky
Shining from high above you shouldn’t ask why
She is the one that you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
Oh, she must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world
She puts the rhythm, the beat in the drum
She comes in the morning and the evening she’s gone
Every little hour every second you live
Trust in eternity that’s what she gives
She looks like Marilyn (not the one in my office), walks like Suzanne
She talks like Monica and Marianne
She wins in everything that she might do
And she will respect you forever just you
She is the one
That you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
She must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty
She is like you and me
Like them like we
She is in you and me
She hangs out every day near by the beach
Having a Heineken falling asleep
She looks so sexy when she’s walking the sand
Nobody ever put a ring on her hand
Swim to the oceanshore fish in the sea
She is the story the story is she
She sings to the moon and the stars in the sky
Shining from high above you shouldn’t ask why
She is the one that you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
Oh, she must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world
She puts the rhythm, the beat in the drum
She comes in the morning and the evening she’s gone
Every little hour every second you live
Trust in eternity that’s what she gives
She looks like Marilyn (not the one in my office), walks like Suzanne
She talks like Monica and Marianne
She wins in everything that she might do
And she will respect you forever just you
She is the one
That you never forget
She is the heaven-sent angel you met
She must be the reason why God made a girl
She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty all over the world
She is so pretty
She is like you and me
Like them like we
She is in you and me
Sunday, June 26, 2005
bright lights & finer days
been walking in the rain for quite some time
tonight was different
i'm walking without lights
but it doesn't matter
i've become a creature of the night
feelings for The Goddess are slowly dying
fade to grey, like sweet blood
blending with this rain
i let go and there was no one
to catch me as i fell
in the distant i see the bright
cold lights of the city
the friendly nonchalant drone of vehicles
at this ungodly hour
i'm home
here i go. scream my lungs out
let the whole world know
she could have been The One
been walking in the rain for quite some time
tonight was different
i'm walking without lights
but it doesn't matter
i've become a creature of the night
feelings for The Goddess are slowly dying
fade to grey, like sweet blood
blending with this rain
i let go and there was no one
to catch me as i fell
in the distant i see the bright
cold lights of the city
the friendly nonchalant drone of vehicles
at this ungodly hour
i'm home
here i go. scream my lungs out
let the whole world know
she could have been The One
Saturday, June 25, 2005
suikoden 4 stinks
due to the fact that my fastcraft was wrecked from an earlier accident, i had nothing to do on this lonely friday night ...and so i decided to hit the ps2. Which later led to me to want to settle my suikoden 4 score after losing to it a month ago.
and so i leveled up from 50+ to 70+ in 4 hrs...
kicked the final bosses's ass
and got a fucked up ending.
nothing was spoken about the rune of punishment...what happened to it and crap.
fucked up ending la damn dulan.
and so i habve decided never to touch another suikoden game again.
as for the dvd, i think i shall smash it..will post pics up if i do....
i hope Xenosaga II doesn't suck
due to the fact that my fastcraft was wrecked from an earlier accident, i had nothing to do on this lonely friday night ...and so i decided to hit the ps2. Which later led to me to want to settle my suikoden 4 score after losing to it a month ago.
and so i leveled up from 50+ to 70+ in 4 hrs...
kicked the final bosses's ass
and got a fucked up ending.
nothing was spoken about the rune of punishment...what happened to it and crap.
fucked up ending la damn dulan.
and so i habve decided never to touch another suikoden game again.
as for the dvd, i think i shall smash it..will post pics up if i do....
i hope Xenosaga II doesn't suck
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
perhentian
in a much better mood now. for those who don't know, i've returned from my p.perhentian diving trip. officially and advanced diver now although i can only dive up to 30ft before my sinus starts bleeding and i attract sharks.
it's disappointing, to know that i have such a low threshold as 30ft when it comes to diving. it's as good as telling me i will never be able to dive again. sadness.
anyway the trip was bittersweet. though more bitter than sweet. first, the fake tix and then the disappointment of the island being so bloody overcommercialised. really peeved t the fact that the island was dotted with resorts, leaving it barren and no longer emotionally rustic. fuck. tioman was better. probably the most comforting thing was that the dives were fun sans the bleeding whenever i cam up after the deep dives. my dive buddy was cool too though we kept messing eacher other's dives up. hah we kept on floating to the surface when our tanks were empty but oh well.
perhaps the best dive for me was the night dive; where i experienced the abyss of darkness. somehow, i felt safe down there at 30 feet. me and my buddy and the rest of the clowns with darkness engulfing us. it somehow formed a blanket of protection; leaving me safely away from the exposure of the world. but alas it only lasted 40 minutes. saw a giant sea turtle; it was very docile, being so graceful and not afraid of us all, a sturgeon, puffer fishes and a few schools of barracudas.
the journey back was somehow fucked up,think "ghost reporting" but one which left me with deep impressions. we couldn't board the bus cos of the fake tix and so we had to wait. while waiting we got to mingle around and joke and shit like that, thus knowing the guys better. and when the bus came. it was a fucking haunted one. with me and another friend being disturbed. no wonderbus driver told us to move to the front during the beginning of the trip. shan't elaborate more cos i'm still pissed over the incident.
somehow, this trip has left me feeling really weird. now that i'm back, i don't really know what to do. events of the trip somehow relentlessly flash back in my mind, leaving me to pine for the time gone by. fark. i've fallen prey to my own ideology:
what good are happy memories if they leave you sad and pining after you think of them
am i that really that afraid of returning to Singapore?
does this land and its people terrorize me so much?
who am i
and where do i come from
in a much better mood now. for those who don't know, i've returned from my p.perhentian diving trip. officially and advanced diver now although i can only dive up to 30ft before my sinus starts bleeding and i attract sharks.
it's disappointing, to know that i have such a low threshold as 30ft when it comes to diving. it's as good as telling me i will never be able to dive again. sadness.
anyway the trip was bittersweet. though more bitter than sweet. first, the fake tix and then the disappointment of the island being so bloody overcommercialised. really peeved t the fact that the island was dotted with resorts, leaving it barren and no longer emotionally rustic. fuck. tioman was better. probably the most comforting thing was that the dives were fun sans the bleeding whenever i cam up after the deep dives. my dive buddy was cool too though we kept messing eacher other's dives up. hah we kept on floating to the surface when our tanks were empty but oh well.
perhaps the best dive for me was the night dive; where i experienced the abyss of darkness. somehow, i felt safe down there at 30 feet. me and my buddy and the rest of the clowns with darkness engulfing us. it somehow formed a blanket of protection; leaving me safely away from the exposure of the world. but alas it only lasted 40 minutes. saw a giant sea turtle; it was very docile, being so graceful and not afraid of us all, a sturgeon, puffer fishes and a few schools of barracudas.
the journey back was somehow fucked up,think "ghost reporting" but one which left me with deep impressions. we couldn't board the bus cos of the fake tix and so we had to wait. while waiting we got to mingle around and joke and shit like that, thus knowing the guys better. and when the bus came. it was a fucking haunted one. with me and another friend being disturbed. no wonderbus driver told us to move to the front during the beginning of the trip. shan't elaborate more cos i'm still pissed over the incident.
somehow, this trip has left me feeling really weird. now that i'm back, i don't really know what to do. events of the trip somehow relentlessly flash back in my mind, leaving me to pine for the time gone by. fark. i've fallen prey to my own ideology:
what good are happy memories if they leave you sad and pining after you think of them
am i that really that afraid of returning to Singapore?
does this land and its people terrorize me so much?
who am i
and where do i come from
Friday, June 03, 2005
speed of sound
it's been awhile since i last wrote an entry
to sum it all
alot of shit has happened since the last post.
i've since gotten my new digicam - the casio exilim ex-Z750
won't say it's the best but at least it has manual functions for me to better customise my pictures.
i still miss my panasonic fx-7 though. the pictures from the exilim appear a tad too saturated when taken...perhaps the only consolation is that i won't be using it forever haha
my cough has since gotten better though i still get the occassional guffaw. it sucks really
perhaps i should take codeine everyday.
life this week in office has been fucked up to the max with me covering mr mia's duties and shit.
though i have an understudy i feel i shouldn't bully him too much by giving him shit to do cos he probably will have like... 21 mths of nonsense in the goddamn dept.
i realised that work never kills a man
it's the colleagues ...come to think of it, i've never really been overloaded with work by any of my superiors....either i'm too zai or...work never really killed a man--> it's the goddamn colleagues. those that shoot arrows and those that shirk responsibility.
life is fucked up.
it takes great talent to make it look cool
looking forward to perhentian man.
on a lighter note i just completed some taiwanese drama caled the "legend of speed" kindly delivered and loaned to me by the idol crazy jess. i don't usually watch such shit but alas....when it comes to cars anything goes...not a bad plot i should say though the sound effects were horrendous...after so many years the taiwanese have failed to understand the meaning of "over-exaggeration"..with the adding of irritatingly loud "deng" and "dang" and "ta da" sounds whenever some unexpected statement or event occurs....
there's a part 2 though.maybe i'll walk around Old Man's Land and check it out tml...
it's been awhile since i last wrote an entry
to sum it all
alot of shit has happened since the last post.
i've since gotten my new digicam - the casio exilim ex-Z750
won't say it's the best but at least it has manual functions for me to better customise my pictures.
i still miss my panasonic fx-7 though. the pictures from the exilim appear a tad too saturated when taken...perhaps the only consolation is that i won't be using it forever haha
my cough has since gotten better though i still get the occassional guffaw. it sucks really
perhaps i should take codeine everyday.
life this week in office has been fucked up to the max with me covering mr mia's duties and shit.
though i have an understudy i feel i shouldn't bully him too much by giving him shit to do cos he probably will have like... 21 mths of nonsense in the goddamn dept.
i realised that work never kills a man
it's the colleagues ...come to think of it, i've never really been overloaded with work by any of my superiors....either i'm too zai or...work never really killed a man--> it's the goddamn colleagues. those that shoot arrows and those that shirk responsibility.
life is fucked up.
it takes great talent to make it look cool
looking forward to perhentian man.
on a lighter note i just completed some taiwanese drama caled the "legend of speed" kindly delivered and loaned to me by the idol crazy jess. i don't usually watch such shit but alas....when it comes to cars anything goes...not a bad plot i should say though the sound effects were horrendous...after so many years the taiwanese have failed to understand the meaning of "over-exaggeration"..with the adding of irritatingly loud "deng" and "dang" and "ta da" sounds whenever some unexpected statement or event occurs....
there's a part 2 though.maybe i'll walk around Old Man's Land and check it out tml...
Sunday, May 22, 2005
i have fallen...
the trial of the rune will end
the time for atonement shall pass
the time for forgiveness shall begin
that is the destiny and the destinies of the 108 who have gathered around you
only to fail once more.
caught the 2nd season finale of The O.C tdy
and like its predecessor...it was l33t.
gonna have to wait for the 3rd season
an agonizing wait it shall be
the trial of the rune will end
the time for atonement shall pass
the time for forgiveness shall begin
that is the destiny and the destinies of the 108 who have gathered around you
only to fail once more.
caught the 2nd season finale of The O.C tdy
and like its predecessor...it was l33t.
gonna have to wait for the 3rd season
an agonizing wait it shall be
Thursday, May 19, 2005
i kissed someone today
2/3rd day out of office today
somehow being back in TRACOM gives me that feel of nostalgia of the life which i once had there. a sad life
anyway i kissed someone today
she tasted like plastic
and somehow her unfeeling lips seemed cold to me
yes. i kissed a dummy
but it was all in the name of first aid....
i realised that if i slept early everynight
i will be able to open my eyes properly the next morning instead of forcing them to stay open.
2/3rd day out of office today
somehow being back in TRACOM gives me that feel of nostalgia of the life which i once had there. a sad life
anyway i kissed someone today
she tasted like plastic
and somehow her unfeeling lips seemed cold to me
yes. i kissed a dummy
but it was all in the name of first aid....
i realised that if i slept early everynight
i will be able to open my eyes properly the next morning instead of forcing them to stay open.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
abs
i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking died
ok i was exggeraing...
i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking crashed my dad's car.
it so happened alot the exit of eng neo ave. where i had to negotiate a right turn into bukit timah road.
lights were green
everything alright
i turned and oh my fucking shit ass there was this piece of renault kangoo on my right cutting into my lane (it was the exreme left lane and i bloody hell well swear that i was in my correct lane)
i horned once. a polite one
the fucker continued to move in
and so i have to call upon good ol' ABS by jamming the brakes.
fuck man i was so pissed that i gave him a very good honking until i think i wore the batterries out. (cos my lights dimmed abit)
fucking ass. damn dulan
but i liked the part where i gave the bastard half a cars-length to jam brake when i cut him back to go into 6th avenue. (bo pian...i had to make the turn lol)
or maybe i was too generous?
fucker. dun let me see you on the roads again.
and he was carrying a family for God's sake
what if they all died?
i'd be so sorry for them
right.
a few seconds later and i would have lost my SQA award.
i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking died
ok i was exggeraing...
i just got back from sending a friend home after attending another friend's grandmother's funeral
and i almost fucking crashed my dad's car.
it so happened alot the exit of eng neo ave. where i had to negotiate a right turn into bukit timah road.
lights were green
everything alright
i turned and oh my fucking shit ass there was this piece of renault kangoo on my right cutting into my lane (it was the exreme left lane and i bloody hell well swear that i was in my correct lane)
i horned once. a polite one
the fucker continued to move in
and so i have to call upon good ol' ABS by jamming the brakes.
fuck man i was so pissed that i gave him a very good honking until i think i wore the batterries out. (cos my lights dimmed abit)
fucking ass. damn dulan
but i liked the part where i gave the bastard half a cars-length to jam brake when i cut him back to go into 6th avenue. (bo pian...i had to make the turn lol)
or maybe i was too generous?
fucker. dun let me see you on the roads again.
and he was carrying a family for God's sake
what if they all died?
i'd be so sorry for them
right.
a few seconds later and i would have lost my SQA award.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
and so it is
just got back from wala wala with the ones that remained steadfast in their decision to go there. it's so ironic that we're guys and some of us can't really make a decision and stick to it right to the end. so sad as it seems that the male species should end up this way. tonight's music was alright tho i preferred last week's session and guess what, i did manage to grab hold of gabriel at the end of his gig. and surprising he still remembers me...looks like my common face was unable to make him not remember me...should be meeting up with him and his buddy together with amias and the gang...the gang which was formed like...5 years ago...wtf
somehow, i'm back into the phase where i'd wanna be proactive...to step into the sun again...
but i hate the sun.
just got back from wala wala with the ones that remained steadfast in their decision to go there. it's so ironic that we're guys and some of us can't really make a decision and stick to it right to the end. so sad as it seems that the male species should end up this way. tonight's music was alright tho i preferred last week's session and guess what, i did manage to grab hold of gabriel at the end of his gig. and surprising he still remembers me...looks like my common face was unable to make him not remember me...should be meeting up with him and his buddy together with amias and the gang...the gang which was formed like...5 years ago...wtf
somehow, i'm back into the phase where i'd wanna be proactive...to step into the sun again...
but i hate the sun.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
the broker
just completed reading john grisham's latest piece of literature today. it's better than the previous one i guess (the last juror) which totally pissed me off. "the broker" appeared to be boring at the beginning maybe cos i was reading it in office and had to stay low w/o getting caught. anyway it was cool with the protagonisist's signature changing of identities and classic clandestine fleetings from the usual suspects. this is the book which prevented me from boycotting his future books.
i want to travel through time
see your surprise
i'd hold you so tight
i'm counting down the days tonight
138 days to ord!
just completed reading john grisham's latest piece of literature today. it's better than the previous one i guess (the last juror) which totally pissed me off. "the broker" appeared to be boring at the beginning maybe cos i was reading it in office and had to stay low w/o getting caught. anyway it was cool with the protagonisist's signature changing of identities and classic clandestine fleetings from the usual suspects. this is the book which prevented me from boycotting his future books.
i want to travel through time
see your surprise
i'd hold you so tight
i'm counting down the days tonight
138 days to ord!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
goobye darling
nothing much happened this week..maybe cos i was still recovering from the memory of tioman. i've also managed to impart most of the shit which i do in office to my understudy , what's left are the last minute recovery of stunts pulled by others i guess. was suppossed to go "chill out" with the guys yesterday but we ended up wasting most of our time until the part when 11pm arrived when the better of us zipped off to wala wala to check the live band e.i.c out. not a bad band i especially liked their rendition of "the blower's daughter" ....it was emo man.evidently, it turned out that i so happen to know their bassist, gabriel whom i worked with during my spastic years before entering poly...but i don't think he recognises me anymore now so fuckit.
i sold my camera for $450 bucks today. reason cos i wanted to get a higher end one which has an underwater jacket. but after speaking with the dood i realised that having an underwater jacket would only be good for macro pics and not wide angle pics. what was i thinking? anyway i kinda miss my fx-7. i guess it's like everything else after i lose them.
nothing much happened this week..maybe cos i was still recovering from the memory of tioman. i've also managed to impart most of the shit which i do in office to my understudy , what's left are the last minute recovery of stunts pulled by others i guess. was suppossed to go "chill out" with the guys yesterday but we ended up wasting most of our time until the part when 11pm arrived when the better of us zipped off to wala wala to check the live band e.i.c out. not a bad band i especially liked their rendition of "the blower's daughter" ....it was emo man.evidently, it turned out that i so happen to know their bassist, gabriel whom i worked with during my spastic years before entering poly...but i don't think he recognises me anymore now so fuckit.
i sold my camera for $450 bucks today. reason cos i wanted to get a higher end one which has an underwater jacket. but after speaking with the dood i realised that having an underwater jacket would only be good for macro pics and not wide angle pics. what was i thinking? anyway i kinda miss my fx-7. i guess it's like everything else after i lose them.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
renewed ; reinvented
the past 2 days were spent on an island east of malaysia called tioman.
life over there was really an "island life" and not like the one which SDC so blatantly took and branded Sentosa with. the folks there were simple and though they were poor in the eyes of us city dwellers, they were truly happy.
it didn't take me long to realise that i could easily have that kind of life if i just decided to shut myself off from the rest of the world which i live in now. to just drop everything that invisibly tied me to them and escape.
and during those few moments of taking in the salty air and tasting the spray of the sea at 20 knots i decided that to do the latter would be denying myself of being a survivor of the urban jungle. no doubt the island was beautiful, but i have my own waves to battle.
snorkelling, frolicking, dancing in the ocean, i never felt so free to be so helpless in the sea but yet in control. maybe i should run away from home more often. maybe such things in life were meant to make Life less shitty though only for a moment in time.
a pity the island of tioman is dying though, with its obnoxious tourists who carelessly trample and litter its marine sanctuary not forgetting the destruction of her forests for more resorts.
they paved paradise to put up a parking lot.
after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach
once a wave of joy came over me
i paid it great attention
and it collapsed on me
and since then Life seemed so nasty
i could find a life beyond this beach
i'll build a simple house
away from maddenning crowds
simple plans for a simple man
for of what worth when Death arrives
i pay it no attention
and then it supports me.
after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach
the past 2 days were spent on an island east of malaysia called tioman.
life over there was really an "island life" and not like the one which SDC so blatantly took and branded Sentosa with. the folks there were simple and though they were poor in the eyes of us city dwellers, they were truly happy.
it didn't take me long to realise that i could easily have that kind of life if i just decided to shut myself off from the rest of the world which i live in now. to just drop everything that invisibly tied me to them and escape.
and during those few moments of taking in the salty air and tasting the spray of the sea at 20 knots i decided that to do the latter would be denying myself of being a survivor of the urban jungle. no doubt the island was beautiful, but i have my own waves to battle.
snorkelling, frolicking, dancing in the ocean, i never felt so free to be so helpless in the sea but yet in control. maybe i should run away from home more often. maybe such things in life were meant to make Life less shitty though only for a moment in time.
a pity the island of tioman is dying though, with its obnoxious tourists who carelessly trample and litter its marine sanctuary not forgetting the destruction of her forests for more resorts.
they paved paradise to put up a parking lot.
after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach
once a wave of joy came over me
i paid it great attention
and it collapsed on me
and since then Life seemed so nasty
i could find a life beyond this beach
i'll build a simple house
away from maddenning crowds
simple plans for a simple man
for of what worth when Death arrives
i pay it no attention
and then it supports me.
after all the birds have left the beach
you have to swim alone
you have to come back home
twenty days turns into twenty weeks
and memories left at sea
have washed upon the beach
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
embrace
embrace me
tighter than ever
i hear your voice on a restless night
the world will drown in blood someday
just let me forget the existence of time
i don't want to know
what the future holds
i don't want to wait anymore
in expectation,surety
defying Providence of all rights
no more reason no more ties
i don't care if its all lies
sing for me
a song that will bind
true love to death
my heart to Thine.
embrace me
tighter than ever
i hear your voice on a restless night
the world will drown in blood someday
just let me forget the existence of time
i don't want to know
what the future holds
i don't want to wait anymore
in expectation,surety
defying Providence of all rights
no more reason no more ties
i don't care if its all lies
sing for me
a song that will bind
true love to death
my heart to Thine.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
it's the care bears countdown: 5,4,3,2,1
the past week has been a crazy one for me
crazy as in crazy
with my new understudy, i feel that i've lost my privacy,
my space, my computer and my chair.
but based on the law of conservation, it means i would have gained a little ounce of freedom. the freedom of asking him to do my shit..which would also at the same time, be preparing him for the happy life he would have in the dept.
another crazy thing which happened was that i took on the "carebear quest" of helping my friend who's studying in australia buy 2 carebears and shipping it off to her (well it's for her friend's friend friend boyfriend girlfriend etc..complicated lah)...
which led me to running around town buying the bears cos like all RPGs (role playing games) you don't usually get the "Treasure" at the same place. and like most rpgs, i bought a wrong carebear but with this being "Life" nothing can be resetted and so she said nmind.
crazy.
i want to find a girlfriend! so that she can buy me Qoo!
the past week has been a crazy one for me
crazy as in crazy
with my new understudy, i feel that i've lost my privacy,
my space, my computer and my chair.
but based on the law of conservation, it means i would have gained a little ounce of freedom. the freedom of asking him to do my shit..which would also at the same time, be preparing him for the happy life he would have in the dept.
another crazy thing which happened was that i took on the "carebear quest" of helping my friend who's studying in australia buy 2 carebears and shipping it off to her (well it's for her friend's friend friend boyfriend girlfriend etc..complicated lah)...
which led me to running around town buying the bears cos like all RPGs (role playing games) you don't usually get the "Treasure" at the same place. and like most rpgs, i bought a wrong carebear but with this being "Life" nothing can be resetted and so she said nmind.
crazy.
i want to find a girlfriend! so that she can buy me Qoo!
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Saturday, April 16, 2005
after the storm
had no time to write lately cos the previous week was full of shit
monday saw me running around the complex facilitating a training session for morons
tuesday nothing
wednesday saw me running around the world again in preparation for the stupid workplan seminar
thu and yesterday was wasted at the seminar
if you asked me..it was a total waste of time. for once i so longed to go back to office
the lesser of 2 evils i guess.
my understudy will report for work in 2 days time...
many green eyed people have questioned me on his oh-so early arrival
i guess all i can say to them is "sorry guys, it's the karma"
after taking so much shit how can the higher powers NOT see my pain?
just too bad huh.
just can't wait for april to be over though
for that will mark the end of my busy period.
period period period...
ever wonder why i said period?
cos...
it's the only time which is enough to piss me off until i bleed.
had no time to write lately cos the previous week was full of shit
monday saw me running around the complex facilitating a training session for morons
tuesday nothing
wednesday saw me running around the world again in preparation for the stupid workplan seminar
thu and yesterday was wasted at the seminar
if you asked me..it was a total waste of time. for once i so longed to go back to office
the lesser of 2 evils i guess.
my understudy will report for work in 2 days time...
many green eyed people have questioned me on his oh-so early arrival
i guess all i can say to them is "sorry guys, it's the karma"
after taking so much shit how can the higher powers NOT see my pain?
just too bad huh.
just can't wait for april to be over though
for that will mark the end of my busy period.
period period period...
ever wonder why i said period?
cos...
it's the only time which is enough to piss me off until i bleed.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
the understudy
so much has happened within the past days
i've gone back to the Beginning of my existance
and am now back in hellmouth
strangely though everything seems to be getting better
i'm not sure if it's just the ebbing tide of fortune hitting me at it's peak right now
or things have really changed
they definetly did today (or rather yesterday)
when my understudy came.
i did not believe that mine would come so early initially..
but surprisingly, they said he was mine
so what can i say...i mean...COOL.
that's just the beginning though
gotta train him to be a true blue stealth assasin and to cover his ass at all times
so much has happened within the past days
i've gone back to the Beginning of my existance
and am now back in hellmouth
strangely though everything seems to be getting better
i'm not sure if it's just the ebbing tide of fortune hitting me at it's peak right now
or things have really changed
they definetly did today (or rather yesterday)
when my understudy came.
i did not believe that mine would come so early initially..
but surprisingly, they said he was mine
so what can i say...i mean...COOL.
that's just the beginning though
gotta train him to be a true blue stealth assasin and to cover his ass at all times
Friday, April 01, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
look to you
when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away
for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away
for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
look to you
when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away
for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
when i look into the sky above
wonder how my life was made
wonder what am i doing here
wonder how Your love it came to me
when i look into the sky above
the only thing worth looking for
all my fears so far away
all my burdens cast away
for those nanoseconds
all i feel is the presence of Heaven
and when i look back onto this earth
i am thrust back into hell again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
i know you love me
i know you died for me
i know you care
i know you live again
your life for all my sin
now i stand here
in your grace again
so i look to you
so i look to you
no one else will do
no one else will do
Monday, March 28, 2005
discernment
while i was eating breakfast this morning languidly pushing my shrivelled strips of bacon into my raw mouth a thought came to me
"check your singtel globalroam status cos it may be screwed"
i would usually ignore such thoughts cos they aren't necessarily necessary unless in this case i'm flying overseas. and so i checked.
tinkering with the crispy buttons i smsed singtel
and got this message "please check with your operator by dialling 1626"
great.
the power of doubt is so divine indeed.
while i was eating breakfast this morning languidly pushing my shrivelled strips of bacon into my raw mouth a thought came to me
"check your singtel globalroam status cos it may be screwed"
i would usually ignore such thoughts cos they aren't necessarily necessary unless in this case i'm flying overseas. and so i checked.
tinkering with the crispy buttons i smsed singtel
and got this message "please check with your operator by dialling 1626"
great.
the power of doubt is so divine indeed.
chasing the storm
i'm chasing the storm
fighting against
the waves of passion
its wearing me down
this mass of insurrection
breaking my spirit
and mental locomotion
They will see me waving
from such great depths
But everything looks perfect
from far away,
and thus i die with
this wonderful mishap
the shrillest highs
and lowest lows
of a soap opera foretold
i'm chasing the storm
fighting against
the waves of passion
its wearing me down
this mass of insurrection
breaking my spirit
and mental locomotion
They will see me waving
from such great depths
But everything looks perfect
from far away,
and thus i die with
this wonderful mishap
the shrillest highs
and lowest lows
of a soap opera foretold
Friday, March 25, 2005
hope springs eternal
for the past 48 hours i've been viewing a Smogesbord of movies
happy holidays indeed
i need my eye-mo
hah i stumbled upon a poem by alexander pope
looks like i'm not the only cynic here
hope springs eternal in the human breast
man never is but always to be blest:
the soul, uneasy and confin'd from home
rests and expatiates in a life to come
no idea what that meant?
basically it means
life's a bitch until you die
for the past 48 hours i've been viewing a Smogesbord of movies
happy holidays indeed
i need my eye-mo
hah i stumbled upon a poem by alexander pope
looks like i'm not the only cynic here
hope springs eternal in the human breast
man never is but always to be blest:
the soul, uneasy and confin'd from home
rests and expatiates in a life to come
no idea what that meant?
basically it means
life's a bitch until you die
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
hindsight
in hindsight, my hamster orded 2 days ago
in hindsight, i've spent about 20 months
in the national service
in hindsight, i regretted not trusting my judgement
in hindsight, i've cried many times
not forgetting
in hindsight , i've stabbed many others too
a good friend of mine Qimou just collected his pink ic today.
i felt happy for him
and a sense of loss for myself
i no longer have a buddy to go on
"special operations" with anymore
not forgetting the ever adreanline-pumping
"oceans 3" and the many situations of "recovery" when some shit happened to us
he really made my ns stint a less boring one.
and now i'll spend 6 lonely months
maybe i should follow my colleague and eat 2 dou sar paus a day
since there're not many heppenning kids to go out with anymore
i hate to lie
though i can't speak the truth
for truth be told
and alliances formed
to dust the kingdom will become
along with it
its laws
i need to ord soon
in hindsight, my hamster orded 2 days ago
in hindsight, i've spent about 20 months
in the national service
in hindsight, i regretted not trusting my judgement
in hindsight, i've cried many times
not forgetting
in hindsight , i've stabbed many others too
a good friend of mine Qimou just collected his pink ic today.
i felt happy for him
and a sense of loss for myself
i no longer have a buddy to go on
"special operations" with anymore
not forgetting the ever adreanline-pumping
"oceans 3" and the many situations of "recovery" when some shit happened to us
he really made my ns stint a less boring one.
and now i'll spend 6 lonely months
maybe i should follow my colleague and eat 2 dou sar paus a day
since there're not many heppenning kids to go out with anymore
i hate to lie
though i can't speak the truth
for truth be told
and alliances formed
to dust the kingdom will become
along with it
its laws
i need to ord soon
Thursday, March 17, 2005
empty
just got back from another signature clubbing session with my colleagues
somehow the feeling is always the same
that same feeling of euphoria with the alcohol flowing through your blood
that same feeling of release the loud music provides
that same feeling of security of bathing in the darkness
that same feeling of longing for that one girl whom you might have
a chance with meeting
that same feeling of light-headedness when you've had too much to drink
the feeling of disappointment when you realise that the girl who catches your eye
is lesbian
that same feeling of emptiness when it's all over.
the value of joy has lost its meaning
the value of passion has lost its charm
somehow i'm feeling happy, yet a sense of loss
that choking feeling of emptiness within my soul.
I have a God.
I have a Life.
what am i missing actually?
on a side, i feel like killing the idiot who agreed to buy my md player. re-asking me questions on whether it can record, does it have cable etc when i've actually stated cleary on the web auction.and arguing over the meeting place. this is one of the reasons i'll never venture into the area of "Business". you just have to take so much shit for a pathetic 30 dollars.
so much effort for so little value for money
the law of idiocracy exists for some good reason
so does
the law of conservation
just got back from another signature clubbing session with my colleagues
somehow the feeling is always the same
that same feeling of euphoria with the alcohol flowing through your blood
that same feeling of release the loud music provides
that same feeling of security of bathing in the darkness
that same feeling of longing for that one girl whom you might have
a chance with meeting
that same feeling of light-headedness when you've had too much to drink
the feeling of disappointment when you realise that the girl who catches your eye
is lesbian
that same feeling of emptiness when it's all over.
the value of joy has lost its meaning
the value of passion has lost its charm
somehow i'm feeling happy, yet a sense of loss
that choking feeling of emptiness within my soul.
I have a God.
I have a Life.
what am i missing actually?
on a side, i feel like killing the idiot who agreed to buy my md player. re-asking me questions on whether it can record, does it have cable etc when i've actually stated cleary on the web auction.and arguing over the meeting place. this is one of the reasons i'll never venture into the area of "Business". you just have to take so much shit for a pathetic 30 dollars.
so much effort for so little value for money
the law of idiocracy exists for some good reason
so does
the law of conservation
Monday, March 14, 2005
saddy
the fish tank is gone.
all that remains is just an empty space
wherein lie the ps2 and tv set
I lived my life in darkness
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
until I was bathed in light
everything just didn't seem right
before the day the passion died
before the day my emotions lied
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How she set me free
Brought me out so easily
and so where do i go from here
this overwhelming lifespring of emptiness
I saw a world enchanted
and all i did was take it for granted
the spirits in my room
little balls of light
charming me to retain their sight
but it had to go
the passion has died
holding on would give Pain its pride
You made me believe
but all that remains now
but at least i know now
that i'm not truly
the fish tank is gone.
all that remains is just an empty space
wherein lie the ps2 and tv set
I lived my life in darkness
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
until I was bathed in light
everything just didn't seem right
before the day the passion died
before the day my emotions lied
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How she set me free
Brought me out so easily
and so where do i go from here
this overwhelming lifespring of emptiness
I saw a world enchanted
and all i did was take it for granted
the spirits in my room
little balls of light
charming me to retain their sight
but it had to go
the passion has died
holding on would give Pain its pride
You made me believe
but all that remains now
but at least i know now
that i'm not truly
Friday, March 11, 2005
kill them all
recently i've been plagued my shit
must be owing to the fact that the financial year is coming to an end and everyon'es rushing to clear whatever shit they have collected for the past year
i wish i didn't have to feel this way
i wish that they would all go away
to their musty cells and vinyl boxes
to the darkest depths of hell
away from me
away from virtuality
recently i've been plagued my shit
must be owing to the fact that the financial year is coming to an end and everyon'es rushing to clear whatever shit they have collected for the past year
i wish i didn't have to feel this way
i wish that they would all go away
to their musty cells and vinyl boxes
to the darkest depths of hell
away from me
away from virtuality
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
crosell
i've tried to tell you
time and time again
the Elevator's broken
be the humble buffalo and pick up,
the yoke of selfless sin
but like the mustard seed in the sky
blatantly biting down on every
inch of my slivered spine
you continued to shine.
and from a distance i thought i heard
the wakening of the Behemoth
something wicked this way comes.
i've tried to tell you
time and time again
the Elevator's broken
be the humble buffalo and pick up,
the yoke of selfless sin
but like the mustard seed in the sky
blatantly biting down on every
inch of my slivered spine
you continued to shine.
and from a distance i thought i heard
the wakening of the Behemoth
something wicked this way comes.
my love has died
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
i wanna sell my 2 ft fishtank with pump n light
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
help me ask arnd if any1 wants
Ang's Foundation says:
wah, wat happen?
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
sian already
Ang's Foundation says:
liew... no care for your fishes
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
y
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
after the love is gone all that remains is dust
Ang's Foundation says:
fuck u
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
isn't it true
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
ang ki mou
Ang's Foundation says:
after love is gone, all that remains is nothing la
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
dust
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
dust remains so that there is a possibility that a tiny speck of it
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
could cause a spark and relight the fire
Ang's Foundation says:
idea huh....
Ang's Foundation says:
hehehe
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
but in my case for fishkeeping..
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
after the love is gone all that remains is nothing.
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
i wanna sell my 2 ft fishtank with pump n light
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
help me ask arnd if any1 wants
Ang's Foundation says:
wah, wat happen?
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
sian already
Ang's Foundation says:
liew... no care for your fishes
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
y
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
after the love is gone all that remains is dust
Ang's Foundation says:
fuck u
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
isn't it true
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
ang ki mou
Ang's Foundation says:
after love is gone, all that remains is nothing la
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
dust
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
dust remains so that there is a possibility that a tiny speck of it
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
could cause a spark and relight the fire
Ang's Foundation says:
idea huh....
Ang's Foundation says:
hehehe
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
but in my case for fishkeeping..
valiance <-> i would you were as if you would have me be. says:
after the love is gone all that remains is nothing.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Saturday, March 05, 2005
silent tears
sometimes i lie awake at night
wondering what my life was like
broken dreams and broken lies
wide awake,right thru the night
laws of time, laws of life
times of silence and times of tide
clueless as i may be
right up till this day
as this night goes on.
and i can't feel the pain
anymore unlike last time
the synapses have gone
to a faraway land
leaving my soul in greater disdain
no doctor, warlock nor priest can heal
this broken spirit of mine
except
206 teardrops
from a virgin's eye
weeping for me
every-Day
sometimes i lie awake at night
wondering what my life was like
broken dreams and broken lies
wide awake,right thru the night
laws of time, laws of life
times of silence and times of tide
clueless as i may be
right up till this day
as this night goes on.
and i can't feel the pain
anymore unlike last time
the synapses have gone
to a faraway land
leaving my soul in greater disdain
no doctor, warlock nor priest can heal
this broken spirit of mine
except
206 teardrops
from a virgin's eye
weeping for me
every-Day
Monday, February 28, 2005
Healthy Lifestyle '05
today was spent at the island resort of sentosa
with it's pseudo landscaping and psuedo beach(ches)
playing 7 rounds of volleyball.
it's my my dept's healthy lifestyle thingy alalbeit the ironic title
(ie you will not have a healthy lifestyle just cos' u go for the dept's healthy lifestyle campaign)
nevertheless, it beats being in the damn office where shit is perpetually flying aroud the office waiting to lend on the least unsuspecting person.
it was rather fun i should say, aimlessly running around playing vball and dragging people into the sea. not forgetting the posing. the beach is a place where you can legally be a poseur. but :
again. chicks were lacking.
wtf man to think that a part of saf had to be there literally made siloso beach A questionable beach in sentosa...but overall a fun day
especially swimming out to sea against the threatening waves. the feeling of helplessness...was like an orgasm.
today was spent at the island resort of sentosa
with it's pseudo landscaping and psuedo beach(ches)
playing 7 rounds of volleyball.
it's my my dept's healthy lifestyle thingy alalbeit the ironic title
(ie you will not have a healthy lifestyle just cos' u go for the dept's healthy lifestyle campaign)
nevertheless, it beats being in the damn office where shit is perpetually flying aroud the office waiting to lend on the least unsuspecting person.
it was rather fun i should say, aimlessly running around playing vball and dragging people into the sea. not forgetting the posing. the beach is a place where you can legally be a poseur. but :
again. chicks were lacking.
wtf man to think that a part of saf had to be there literally made siloso beach A questionable beach in sentosa...but overall a fun day
especially swimming out to sea against the threatening waves. the feeling of helplessness...was like an orgasm.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
fateless.
fate is for those who cannot change their destiny
i opened my eyes and i am
blinded by the white light
tried to make out the day
tried to make out the time
but all i made out was haze
And I can't stand the sound
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the rain
How could this happen to me
I was supposed to dive
and now with overcast skies
night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
soon my phone starts beeping
and everybody calls out to me
their silent anguish
and cheated hearts
lashing out at me
and for the added cut
my buddy's not coming
cos she is sick
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to return to a point
when i can respawn again
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
now the sky has cleared....right after this bitching
but i may still be unable to dive
fate is for those who cannot change their destiny
i opened my eyes and i am
blinded by the white light
tried to make out the day
tried to make out the time
but all i made out was haze
And I can't stand the sound
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the rain
How could this happen to me
I was supposed to dive
and now with overcast skies
night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
soon my phone starts beeping
and everybody calls out to me
their silent anguish
and cheated hearts
lashing out at me
and for the added cut
my buddy's not coming
cos she is sick
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to return to a point
when i can respawn again
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
now the sky has cleared....right after this bitching
but i may still be unable to dive
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
adjusting
it's been a week of adjustment for me...
one thing's for sure : the office is still a zoo.
and now w/o one of my clowniest colleagues, its a challenge trying to feel at ease in the loony bin. i've also started to take the bus back (instead of the mrt and then switching to a feeder bus).
it's hell.
firstly cos the bus smells of axe oil;
secondly, it's full and crowded with old people most of the time. and they always rush for seats and to get on/off the bus. sometimes they make me think that thay are rushing to die by doing that...
thirdly, it takes a bloody half an hour or more to reach home and it's damn slow.
but what to do? no kaki to go home with already.
i'm more or less alone again. with syl and ahpek back in australia (and the other aussie kids); justin's in brunei and more to leave in the near future. (think 110 intake kids). i need to ord soon.
i've been having weird dreams lately. the type that are kinda prophetic. so much that its scaring me once more. namely: car crashes and confrontational fights and on love.
and its strange that lately i've been thinking alot about love. how it spurs and motivates us; influences us to do the most ridiculous things just to obtain that very object of affection; of the passion ignited that to a certain floored extent, can even drive us to kill. to Death does it not end.
but when it's over, it's over.
i once believed in Love. until i gave it away.
and strangly after watching buffy tonight, in the last episode of season 6 ep where Xander tells Willow (who's now bent on destroying the world 'cos she was filled with grief upon the loss of her Love, Tara) he loves her ( as a friend), she woke up her idea and loses her power and eveyone lives happily ever after. Love conquers all huh.
Faith Hope and Love are the 3 greatest things
the greatest is Love.
maybe.
and maybe one day i'll find my way
out of the woods, into the day
where the pain has been embraced
and the tears, dried
that's where i'll want to be
in the silence of the Night.
it's been a week of adjustment for me...
one thing's for sure : the office is still a zoo.
and now w/o one of my clowniest colleagues, its a challenge trying to feel at ease in the loony bin. i've also started to take the bus back (instead of the mrt and then switching to a feeder bus).
it's hell.
firstly cos the bus smells of axe oil;
secondly, it's full and crowded with old people most of the time. and they always rush for seats and to get on/off the bus. sometimes they make me think that thay are rushing to die by doing that...
thirdly, it takes a bloody half an hour or more to reach home and it's damn slow.
but what to do? no kaki to go home with already.
i'm more or less alone again. with syl and ahpek back in australia (and the other aussie kids); justin's in brunei and more to leave in the near future. (think 110 intake kids). i need to ord soon.
i've been having weird dreams lately. the type that are kinda prophetic. so much that its scaring me once more. namely: car crashes and confrontational fights and on love.
and its strange that lately i've been thinking alot about love. how it spurs and motivates us; influences us to do the most ridiculous things just to obtain that very object of affection; of the passion ignited that to a certain floored extent, can even drive us to kill. to Death does it not end.
but when it's over, it's over.
i once believed in Love. until i gave it away.
and strangly after watching buffy tonight, in the last episode of season 6 ep where Xander tells Willow (who's now bent on destroying the world 'cos she was filled with grief upon the loss of her Love, Tara) he loves her ( as a friend), she woke up her idea and loses her power and eveyone lives happily ever after. Love conquers all huh.
Faith Hope and Love are the 3 greatest things
the greatest is Love.
maybe.
and maybe one day i'll find my way
out of the woods, into the day
where the pain has been embraced
and the tears, dried
that's where i'll want to be
in the silence of the Night.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
8138
today is one of my most disappointing days.
i let god's gift slip past me (well not exactly god's gift i just said it to make the gift sound divine)
it all happened yesterday, the 18th of feb
my department was having this cny celebration and they hired a lion dance troupe to dance for them
at the end of the dance, the lion peeled the oranges and arranged them to form the numbers '8318'
but not wanting to be kiasu, i went to take a look at them at the end of the show
and so at the end of the show, i went ONTO the stage to look at the numbers (cos being me, i hate crowds and there was a crowd blocking my view off stage)
so they appeared as '8138' to me (cos mirror effect mah)
and i noted them in my hp
now i dun really gamble but the thought of buying the numbers did come to me while i was taking the bus to the public pool for a swim. but still...i din buy (cos i am not a goddamn gambler!~!!)
well anyways, i came home only to be greeted by the sharp tv set
with the 4d page and the yellow words "1st prize : 8138"
my first reaction was "ok..get ready to say "FUCK" "
and second reaction was to check my note which i wrote in my hp
well the order of reactions kinda switched but yeah you know the rest.
i let $2000 slip past me (if i bought $1 big i think; i'm not a gambler)
but hey maybe next time i'll strike 4d/toto with more money? or get a happenning girlfriend or something? or maybe win a sportscar ? or maybe be an unamed heir to a family of rich old men?
ok. stop consoling myself already.
i was the only idiot who saw it that way
and the bigger to brush aside the thought of buy 4d tdy
but then again,
eventually, everything is emotional.
today is one of my most disappointing days.
i let god's gift slip past me (well not exactly god's gift i just said it to make the gift sound divine)
it all happened yesterday, the 18th of feb
my department was having this cny celebration and they hired a lion dance troupe to dance for them
at the end of the dance, the lion peeled the oranges and arranged them to form the numbers '8318'
but not wanting to be kiasu, i went to take a look at them at the end of the show
and so at the end of the show, i went ONTO the stage to look at the numbers (cos being me, i hate crowds and there was a crowd blocking my view off stage)
so they appeared as '8138' to me (cos mirror effect mah)
and i noted them in my hp
now i dun really gamble but the thought of buying the numbers did come to me while i was taking the bus to the public pool for a swim. but still...i din buy (cos i am not a goddamn gambler!~!!)
well anyways, i came home only to be greeted by the sharp tv set
with the 4d page and the yellow words "1st prize : 8138"
my first reaction was "ok..get ready to say "FUCK" "
and second reaction was to check my note which i wrote in my hp
well the order of reactions kinda switched but yeah you know the rest.
i let $2000 slip past me (if i bought $1 big i think; i'm not a gambler)
but hey maybe next time i'll strike 4d/toto with more money? or get a happenning girlfriend or something? or maybe win a sportscar ? or maybe be an unamed heir to a family of rich old men?
ok. stop consoling myself already.
i was the only idiot who saw it that way
and the bigger to brush aside the thought of buy 4d tdy
but then again,
eventually, everything is emotional.
Monday, February 14, 2005
over
the main 2 days of festivities are over
and i'm now feeling emptiness within me
it's over
that's the problem.
what happens when something which you looked forward for,
waited for, hoped for, longed for, enjoyed for
has come and passed you by?
it basically means it's over doesn't it
which makes you question the wortiness of it all
whether the sweat, blood, tears heartache, perseverance is really worth
spending just for that one thing
which will eventually
be over?
maybe that's why i am the way i am
constantly thinking whether the motion of all that is really worth the extent
is what i always do.
but then again
thoughts can never be action thus never achieving a reaction.
i'm down with flu
but i'm recovering soon.
and tdy is sickening valentine's day
not that i'm a sour grape or what
but it sickens me to see the over commercialization of the death anniversary of Valentine. (now known as saint Valentine)
how many people actually know that
he was beheaded on the 14th of feb cos he defied the orders of Claudious II which were not to get married if not they would be wusses and stay home and not fight his wars.
hmm..feeling hungry
time to f.o
the main 2 days of festivities are over
and i'm now feeling emptiness within me
it's over
that's the problem.
what happens when something which you looked forward for,
waited for, hoped for, longed for, enjoyed for
has come and passed you by?
it basically means it's over doesn't it
which makes you question the wortiness of it all
whether the sweat, blood, tears heartache, perseverance is really worth
spending just for that one thing
which will eventually
be over?
maybe that's why i am the way i am
constantly thinking whether the motion of all that is really worth the extent
is what i always do.
but then again
thoughts can never be action thus never achieving a reaction.
i'm down with flu
but i'm recovering soon.
and tdy is sickening valentine's day
not that i'm a sour grape or what
but it sickens me to see the over commercialization of the death anniversary of Valentine. (now known as saint Valentine)
how many people actually know that
he was beheaded on the 14th of feb cos he defied the orders of Claudious II which were not to get married if not they would be wusses and stay home and not fight his wars.
hmm..feeling hungry
time to f.o
Thursday, February 10, 2005
constantine
my birthday was basically spent rotting at my uncle's place today (or rather yesterday)
seemed to me a waste of time but somehow i was either too lazy to jio my friends to hang out or a part of me just wanted to soak in the cny festival with the family.
well almost.
my aunt quarrelled with my other aunt cos my uncle did not want to go to her sister's place to show their faces for 1/2 hr
if u asked me, i quite agreed with my uncle..after all they ARE going to visit her sister tml
whatever. my mum asked me why didn't i flash my warrant at her when she was bickering with my aunt
my reason :i couldn't care less
my words "i would only do that if she started throwing things in teh house" were enough to justify my apathy
somehow, seeing so much arguments and shit in life has made me numb..really numb.
caught constantine with gerard his bro and sylvia tdy...
kinda funny cos at the strike of 12 i stopepd at the traffic ligh and wished hijm happy bday. he was 6 hrs later than me in reaching this goddamned earth. and like me
he doesn't know what's his purpose here. poor chap
constantine was sweet which made me think again (all movies somehow make me think)
this time i thought abt how he said there were half breeds which would goad and influence humans to do either good or bad and i was wondering , what if this were true? and all the people in my office were being goaded by halfbreeds? well to me even if it made sense the humans are idiots to me cos they can't even control their own minds...by letting themselves be influenced.
argh. there's just so many arguments.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the tv,
the harshly mouthed words
and the slamming of the door shut
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this day that we shared together.
and you stood at the door
with your hands on your waist
and you screamed like you meant it
and i knew, that you meant it
that you meant it, thet you meant it
and i knew, that you meant it
the you meant it.
feel like sleeping
shall stop bitching already
my birthday was basically spent rotting at my uncle's place today (or rather yesterday)
seemed to me a waste of time but somehow i was either too lazy to jio my friends to hang out or a part of me just wanted to soak in the cny festival with the family.
well almost.
my aunt quarrelled with my other aunt cos my uncle did not want to go to her sister's place to show their faces for 1/2 hr
if u asked me, i quite agreed with my uncle..after all they ARE going to visit her sister tml
whatever. my mum asked me why didn't i flash my warrant at her when she was bickering with my aunt
my reason :i couldn't care less
my words "i would only do that if she started throwing things in teh house" were enough to justify my apathy
somehow, seeing so much arguments and shit in life has made me numb..really numb.
caught constantine with gerard his bro and sylvia tdy...
kinda funny cos at the strike of 12 i stopepd at the traffic ligh and wished hijm happy bday. he was 6 hrs later than me in reaching this goddamned earth. and like me
he doesn't know what's his purpose here. poor chap
constantine was sweet which made me think again (all movies somehow make me think)
this time i thought abt how he said there were half breeds which would goad and influence humans to do either good or bad and i was wondering , what if this were true? and all the people in my office were being goaded by halfbreeds? well to me even if it made sense the humans are idiots to me cos they can't even control their own minds...by letting themselves be influenced.
argh. there's just so many arguments.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the tv,
the harshly mouthed words
and the slamming of the door shut
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this day that we shared together.
and you stood at the door
with your hands on your waist
and you screamed like you meant it
and i knew, that you meant it
that you meant it, thet you meant it
and i knew, that you meant it
the you meant it.
feel like sleeping
shall stop bitching already
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
genesis
and so today happens to be my birthday as well as cny 2005
i've been around here for 22 years now
still not knowing my real purpose here
sometimes i wonder what are we really working for
cutting each other down and competing just to get recognition, medals, money and fame, popularity, acceptance comedy and blame
when we take nothing back on the day we die.
we'd all be memories
and memories fade away
maybe it's passion
short spurts of interest
which keep us going everyday
and like the tides they ebb away
leaving us to wonder whether if it's really worth it
is there any point in all of this at all when the memory fades?
human memory is just a record.
we can erase that record.
and so today happens to be my birthday as well as cny 2005
i've been around here for 22 years now
still not knowing my real purpose here
sometimes i wonder what are we really working for
cutting each other down and competing just to get recognition, medals, money and fame, popularity, acceptance comedy and blame
when we take nothing back on the day we die.
we'd all be memories
and memories fade away
maybe it's passion
short spurts of interest
which keep us going everyday
and like the tides they ebb away
leaving us to wonder whether if it's really worth it
is there any point in all of this at all when the memory fades?
human memory is just a record.
we can erase that record.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
soft reboot
with so much to say ever since i last my last entry
laziness sinks in
a few things to note:
scuba is still lovely
i bought myself an ipod for my bday present
i got pissed off in office today
and my room smells of rubber which is coming from
the wetsuit i bought
i wonder how am i gooing to spend the remainder of the day...
or days so to speak
( i took leave until 14 feb which reminds me i still don't have a date for v-day)
cny is like a soft reboot to me (you know the type you do with CTRL-ALT-DEL)
unlike the new year NEW YEAR.
to me, it basically means lesser red packet money
and that i am ording soon.
soon is the word. not now.
it's still depresssing i know
to all the chinks out there....happy cliche new year
and the rest...enjoy the ba gua
with so much to say ever since i last my last entry
laziness sinks in
a few things to note:
scuba is still lovely
i bought myself an ipod for my bday present
i got pissed off in office today
and my room smells of rubber which is coming from
the wetsuit i bought
i wonder how am i gooing to spend the remainder of the day...
or days so to speak
( i took leave until 14 feb which reminds me i still don't have a date for v-day)
cny is like a soft reboot to me (you know the type you do with CTRL-ALT-DEL)
unlike the new year NEW YEAR.
to me, it basically means lesser red packet money
and that i am ording soon.
soon is the word. not now.
it's still depresssing i know
to all the chinks out there....happy cliche new year
and the rest...enjoy the ba gua
Sunday, January 30, 2005
scared of girls
i went for my first open water course yesterday. 1 full damn man imagine they crammed almost the whole bk of theory into one day. the feeling of being underwater was exhilirating...that few moments of peace away from the damn world was enough to keep me sane for 1 day.
....and what good news to hear that i was paired up with a girl! not that i am desperate or what but somehow i feel weird...not just because i don't know her and everyone else in my group (2 other guys from another dept were with me and i kinda forgot their names too..cos they weren't english names so next time you want me to remember you get yourself and english name) yeah. just plain weird. am i scared of girls? but i don't want to like guys. but fug there aren't many girls in my life right now.
maybe i'm sufferring from decompression sickness/nitrogen narcosis right now
but it is only when we are at our most in-sensible moments where true feeligns are let out.
i also did lots of stupid things during the practical man..stuff like losing balance in the water and not being able to swim straight. damn the fins...they were too big for me (ya ya blame the fins) but seriously, damn the fins. i bet her impression of me is "my buddy is a total idiot"
maybe i'm a little bit over my head
i come undone at the things she said
and she's so funny in her light grey suit
i was all in love and i got hurt
and maybe she'll remember me
what i gave her is hers to keep
in white houses
in white houses
(some people are going to kill me)
i went for my first open water course yesterday. 1 full damn man imagine they crammed almost the whole bk of theory into one day. the feeling of being underwater was exhilirating...that few moments of peace away from the damn world was enough to keep me sane for 1 day.
....and what good news to hear that i was paired up with a girl! not that i am desperate or what but somehow i feel weird...not just because i don't know her and everyone else in my group (2 other guys from another dept were with me and i kinda forgot their names too..cos they weren't english names so next time you want me to remember you get yourself and english name) yeah. just plain weird. am i scared of girls? but i don't want to like guys. but fug there aren't many girls in my life right now.
maybe i'm sufferring from decompression sickness/nitrogen narcosis right now
but it is only when we are at our most in-sensible moments where true feeligns are let out.
i also did lots of stupid things during the practical man..stuff like losing balance in the water and not being able to swim straight. damn the fins...they were too big for me (ya ya blame the fins) but seriously, damn the fins. i bet her impression of me is "my buddy is a total idiot"
maybe i'm a little bit over my head
i come undone at the things she said
and she's so funny in her light grey suit
i was all in love and i got hurt
and maybe she'll remember me
what i gave her is hers to keep
in white houses
in white houses
(some people are going to kill me)
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
till the end of time
after months of procrastination and negligence,i finally maneged to complete one of the RPG games which i have been playing half-way. and defeated the final boss within 5 mins too
i hated that game
cos of its stupid storyline infact i did not want to complete it but judging from thefact that i'm already in so deep i might as well go further into the depths of hell.
one thing struck me though:
without perception, there can never be existence
after months of procrastination and negligence,i finally maneged to complete one of the RPG games which i have been playing half-way. and defeated the final boss within 5 mins too
i hated that game
cos of its stupid storyline infact i did not want to complete it but judging from thefact that i'm already in so deep i might as well go further into the depths of hell.
one thing struck me though:
without perception, there can never be existence
Saturday, January 22, 2005
kenneth
so much has happened within 5 days.
went for scuba swimming test on monday and almost died cos i ate too much and kept vomitting in the pool HAHA. other than that i passed it. more scuba shit to come.
did i forget to mention that another of my friends has orded...on sunday as matter of fact. he's kenneth. the first person who spoke to me when i came into the cursed department. i still remember his exact words "hey...ke yi zou le leh ni hai deng se mo?". he was referring to every monday's RT or recreational training where we can leave work at 4pm instead of 5pm (at that era when it was still a 5.5 day work-week). over the weeks i got to know him better and realised that his character is somewhat like mine...dislike magic mats, never afraid to challenge authority and of course detest idiots. yam seng man. really enjoyed the times of xialaning and ninja-ing man. it's quite sad to see all of them leave one by one...but it also means i am going to gain nirvana too. 248 more days.
went clubbing last night with the newer kids. the music wasn't too gd last night which resulted in us leaving at the sacriligious hour of 2am. where got pple leave at 2am one... sampled a new drink called martini bianco 7-up.if you ask me, it tastes like some kinda spice for some kinda pasta. but it's nice though at first sip it tastes like shit. but as you slowly get used to the shit, the shit engulfs you, enfolds you till it becomes you.
shit becomes you.
maybe that's what life is about.
getting used to shit.
all of us in a little dark room
each trying to free his soul
love ever seeking
hearts ever breaking
when will we all realise
that everything looks perfect
cos we're in a
little dark room
so much has happened within 5 days.
went for scuba swimming test on monday and almost died cos i ate too much and kept vomitting in the pool HAHA. other than that i passed it. more scuba shit to come.
did i forget to mention that another of my friends has orded...on sunday as matter of fact. he's kenneth. the first person who spoke to me when i came into the cursed department. i still remember his exact words "hey...ke yi zou le leh ni hai deng se mo?". he was referring to every monday's RT or recreational training where we can leave work at 4pm instead of 5pm (at that era when it was still a 5.5 day work-week). over the weeks i got to know him better and realised that his character is somewhat like mine...dislike magic mats, never afraid to challenge authority and of course detest idiots. yam seng man. really enjoyed the times of xialaning and ninja-ing man. it's quite sad to see all of them leave one by one...but it also means i am going to gain nirvana too. 248 more days.
went clubbing last night with the newer kids. the music wasn't too gd last night which resulted in us leaving at the sacriligious hour of 2am. where got pple leave at 2am one... sampled a new drink called martini bianco 7-up.if you ask me, it tastes like some kinda spice for some kinda pasta. but it's nice though at first sip it tastes like shit. but as you slowly get used to the shit, the shit engulfs you, enfolds you till it becomes you.
shit becomes you.
maybe that's what life is about.
getting used to shit.
all of us in a little dark room
each trying to free his soul
love ever seeking
hearts ever breaking
when will we all realise
that everything looks perfect
cos we're in a
little dark room
Sunday, January 16, 2005
personification
just got back from a movie titled "my brother"
uncannily, one of the characters reminded me of me
the fiesty one though not deviod of parental love
oftentimes i would wonder to myself "why me"
why would so much shit and celestial suayness always had
to be inflicted onto me and not the other high-headed
self righteous knuckleheads who deserved it more
until in the midst of the show, i realised that
tough times are meant for tough people
if the both of us were drowning
who do you think Mum would save first?>
mum would go for me cos you are the one
who knows how to swim
alittle cheesy, alittle corny
not everyone chose to be born
not everyone chose to be looked down upon
to forgive someone because he cannot help it
is remarkable
but to forgive someone because he's an idiot
is godly.
and in the land of stone and thyme
we will walk on the tides of winds
knowing that not all was in vain
just got back from a movie titled "my brother"
uncannily, one of the characters reminded me of me
the fiesty one though not deviod of parental love
oftentimes i would wonder to myself "why me"
why would so much shit and celestial suayness always had
to be inflicted onto me and not the other high-headed
self righteous knuckleheads who deserved it more
until in the midst of the show, i realised that
tough times are meant for tough people
if the both of us were drowning
who do you think Mum would save first?>
mum would go for me cos you are the one
who knows how to swim
alittle cheesy, alittle corny
not everyone chose to be born
not everyone chose to be looked down upon
to forgive someone because he cannot help it
is remarkable
but to forgive someone because he's an idiot
is godly.
and in the land of stone and thyme
we will walk on the tides of winds
knowing that not all was in vain
Saturday, January 15, 2005
spaghetti
it's one of those nights again
where i'm at a total loss of what to do
overwhelmed, overkilled by thoughts afringing
there's just so many things to be done
and decided upon.
but there's just so many things which i am doing
so much that it's killing me
giving me lesser or no time to think of the other things to be done
thoughts - the fuel for my insomnia
spaghetti thoughts - yummy fuel for my insomnia
it's one of those nights again
where i'm at a total loss of what to do
overwhelmed, overkilled by thoughts afringing
there's just so many things to be done
and decided upon.
but there's just so many things which i am doing
so much that it's killing me
giving me lesser or no time to think of the other things to be done
thoughts - the fuel for my insomnia
spaghetti thoughts - yummy fuel for my insomnia
Friday, January 14, 2005
retreat
just got back from loyang
yes chalets.
the only places where memories are made
and leave us ever remiscing
this time round it was with my dept's NSMEN branch's retreat
and although i'm from PLANNING i somehow got invited
i feel so honoured
anyways it was good
to have that moment of rest within such an interim part of the year
but alas i'm going back to work tomorrow
back to the zoo they say
somehow being there made me value the importance of the female sex
not that i'm horny or something
it somehow feels gay to have all guys in the same chalet
playing soccer games and gambling and all
certainly not my kind of pastime
the company was nevertheless good.
Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you.
just got back from loyang
yes chalets.
the only places where memories are made
and leave us ever remiscing
this time round it was with my dept's NSMEN branch's retreat
and although i'm from PLANNING i somehow got invited
i feel so honoured
anyways it was good
to have that moment of rest within such an interim part of the year
but alas i'm going back to work tomorrow
back to the zoo they say
somehow being there made me value the importance of the female sex
not that i'm horny or something
it somehow feels gay to have all guys in the same chalet
playing soccer games and gambling and all
certainly not my kind of pastime
the company was nevertheless good.
Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
unsettled
the days are getting stranger by the minute
just every day of every week is so damn different
people are nicer at a rate that scares me
and the stuff that happens is just..overwhelming
the end of the world is near
i took this quiz from sam's blog
seems trustable aha
Your dark side is centered around Death. Anger
running through your veins, your soul is
confused between staying or leaving in this
pointless world. All you want is an open
creative mind to go with your lifestyle, no
conditions or judges, just loyalty to each
other, so you can finally live your perfect
exicting world you always wanted, life will
worth something. You will find what you want
when you believe in something more valuable
then death and when you appreciate your life.
What is the center of your dark core? (updated)
brought to you by Quizilla
the days are getting stranger by the minute
just every day of every week is so damn different
people are nicer at a rate that scares me
and the stuff that happens is just..overwhelming
the end of the world is near
i took this quiz from sam's blog
seems trustable aha
Your dark side is centered around Death. Anger
running through your veins, your soul is
confused between staying or leaving in this
pointless world. All you want is an open
creative mind to go with your lifestyle, no
conditions or judges, just loyalty to each
other, so you can finally live your perfect
exicting world you always wanted, life will
worth something. You will find what you want
when you believe in something more valuable
then death and when you appreciate your life.
What is the center of your dark core? (updated)
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, January 10, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
the opera in the phantom
just caught (the remake) the phantom of the opera today with my poly friends. surprisingly after the many years of book-reading and fairy tales i've never once delved into "the phantom of the opera".
i quite like the idea of the story
that ignorance to aid
will lead to anger.
the anger that could make love
something to kill for
after all, no one can blame Mr P for the xialan stuff which he did.
his work was but magnificient,unrecognised,unappreciated
a man devoid of love
is love devoid itself
because eventually, everything is emotional.
Take the boat, swear to me, never to tell. The secret you know, of the Angel in Hell.
just caught (the remake) the phantom of the opera today with my poly friends. surprisingly after the many years of book-reading and fairy tales i've never once delved into "the phantom of the opera".
i quite like the idea of the story
that ignorance to aid
will lead to anger.
the anger that could make love
something to kill for
after all, no one can blame Mr P for the xialan stuff which he did.
his work was but magnificient,unrecognised,unappreciated
a man devoid of love
is love devoid itself
because eventually, everything is emotional.
Take the boat, swear to me, never to tell. The secret you know, of the Angel in Hell.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
rain
this time i really screwed myself bad. i took a nap at 10pm earlier on only to wake up at 12am and now i can't get back to sleep. a time for self reflection perhaps? greatly apt. cos to add to the moment i can hear the soothing patter of the morning rain right outside my window admist the droning of the mistral fan
shut it off
it's not surprising that i'm still in such a disorganised state on the 5th day of the new year. so far things have been looking up considering the amount of shit that i had to face and how i handled it... great achievement indeed johnny, why don't you run along to 7-11 and buy yourself a chupa chup
i chanced upon
this empty night
thoughts embodying
the fervant mind
wandering through
the smouldered forest
unable to find
the One i've lost
born into confusion
in oblivion i grew
in reality
i simply stumbled
in pursuitof Sanity
beyond every moment
till the end of time
my mind is so full of thoughts and lists now so much so that i feel i'm going to have an anuerysm
indeed without passion, we would all be truly dead.
this time i really screwed myself bad. i took a nap at 10pm earlier on only to wake up at 12am and now i can't get back to sleep. a time for self reflection perhaps? greatly apt. cos to add to the moment i can hear the soothing patter of the morning rain right outside my window admist the droning of the mistral fan
shut it off
it's not surprising that i'm still in such a disorganised state on the 5th day of the new year. so far things have been looking up considering the amount of shit that i had to face and how i handled it... great achievement indeed johnny, why don't you run along to 7-11 and buy yourself a chupa chup
i chanced upon
this empty night
thoughts embodying
the fervant mind
wandering through
the smouldered forest
unable to find
the One i've lost
born into confusion
in oblivion i grew
in reality
i simply stumbled
in pursuitof Sanity
beyond every moment
till the end of time
my mind is so full of thoughts and lists now so much so that i feel i'm going to have an anuerysm
indeed without passion, we would all be truly dead.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
bewildered
as i was sitting in the usual corner seat of my bus on the way back today
a scrawny guy sat down next to me on my left
and then a girl
the most surprising thing (well in teh asian context) happened
the girl suddenly struck up a conversation with the guy
the guy obviously was stupified cos firstly, no one does that in singapore
and secondly, she was quite a chick
amusing i must say
i had to pretend to be asleep and laugh to myself LOL.
oh they were talking abt jc orientation
kids.
now i just posted crap.
as i was sitting in the usual corner seat of my bus on the way back today
a scrawny guy sat down next to me on my left
and then a girl
the most surprising thing (well in teh asian context) happened
the girl suddenly struck up a conversation with the guy
the guy obviously was stupified cos firstly, no one does that in singapore
and secondly, she was quite a chick
amusing i must say
i had to pretend to be asleep and laugh to myself LOL.
oh they were talking abt jc orientation
kids.
now i just posted crap.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Saturday, January 01, 2005
2005
just got back from cozy bay and then bedok 85 with justin and ah pek and another friend of his who wanted to tell me more about UNSW. Seems like almost everyone who has gone to australia to study is in UNSW. strange indeed. sylvie came to join us a little later and the usual talk cock session began. apparently she knows ahpek's friend and vice versa. small world indeed. which if why one of my new year's resolutions is to be nice to everyone. 2004 ended with rain. it's really silly the way i counted down....luckily for me my backup plan worked although the moment i reached the indoor stadium's carpark, opened my driver seat door and put my right foot down i heard "1..HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" i missed the moment, yet embraced it who knows what thaty meant for the rest of the year...
a new time a new mind
a new moment in
the same land of mine
will i be filled with sorrow
joy or despair
in such an era
of uncertain affairs
i wish for strength
courage and mind
to help me go through
life's issues of slime
just got back from cozy bay and then bedok 85 with justin and ah pek and another friend of his who wanted to tell me more about UNSW. Seems like almost everyone who has gone to australia to study is in UNSW. strange indeed. sylvie came to join us a little later and the usual talk cock session began. apparently she knows ahpek's friend and vice versa. small world indeed. which if why one of my new year's resolutions is to be nice to everyone. 2004 ended with rain. it's really silly the way i counted down....luckily for me my backup plan worked although the moment i reached the indoor stadium's carpark, opened my driver seat door and put my right foot down i heard "1..HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" i missed the moment, yet embraced it who knows what thaty meant for the rest of the year...
a new time a new mind
a new moment in
the same land of mine
will i be filled with sorrow
joy or despair
in such an era
of uncertain affairs
i wish for strength
courage and mind
to help me go through
life's issues of slime
Friday, December 31, 2004
so the year has not yet ended
woke up abt 20 mins ago to a blacked sky. i thought i had missed the countdown
but in the end i realised that it was only raining..heavily
2 groups have emerged. one wants to chiong and get wasted while the other just wants a peaceful one gathered at someone's place to chat the year away.
but it's raining
i don't wanna get wet
i hate to be wet
but time is running out and i think daddys going out with the the car.
woke up abt 20 mins ago to a blacked sky. i thought i had missed the countdown
but in the end i realised that it was only raining..heavily
2 groups have emerged. one wants to chiong and get wasted while the other just wants a peaceful one gathered at someone's place to chat the year away.
but it's raining
i don't wanna get wet
i hate to be wet
but time is running out and i think daddys going out with the the car.
so the year is ending
i just wasted 10 minutes while trying to open an opendiary a/c but got so pissed at the stupid offers and marketing shit which they so fervently bombard me with that i just decided to end the process by clicking on the "x" button at the top right hand corner.
it's almost 3 and i still have no plans on what to do for the night.
am i a loser? it's kinda sad realising that i was kinda late in planning for what to do. all my friends who have girlfriends are out with them the ones who don't are out with other friends. leaving me alone? have i no friends?
k lame attempt at acting pitiful there.
right now my main concern is getting sleep. worst come to worst i hang out with miss PS2 lor.
somehow i'm been having a bad bout of "bad luck/shit/suayness" (whatever you call it) and it seems to be stretching into the new year. i hope it ends soon even though i know life isn't fair. i hope 2005 will be a better one for me. 2004 gave me a hope that maybe love would find its way to me...it did...but it died. not having hopes of it resurrecting in 2005 though....we'll see
i hope the office will become a better place too...with me acting though and all maybe those tyrants will think that i'm a fiesty one and disturb me less....we'll see
but in the words of yunalesca from ffx "hope is comforting" - something used to console us in times of shit when it actually doesn't help the situation.
argh gotta sleep i sense insanity coming soon. like one big emotional tsunami.
i just wasted 10 minutes while trying to open an opendiary a/c but got so pissed at the stupid offers and marketing shit which they so fervently bombard me with that i just decided to end the process by clicking on the "x" button at the top right hand corner.
it's almost 3 and i still have no plans on what to do for the night.
am i a loser? it's kinda sad realising that i was kinda late in planning for what to do. all my friends who have girlfriends are out with them the ones who don't are out with other friends. leaving me alone? have i no friends?
k lame attempt at acting pitiful there.
right now my main concern is getting sleep. worst come to worst i hang out with miss PS2 lor.
somehow i'm been having a bad bout of "bad luck/shit/suayness" (whatever you call it) and it seems to be stretching into the new year. i hope it ends soon even though i know life isn't fair. i hope 2005 will be a better one for me. 2004 gave me a hope that maybe love would find its way to me...it did...but it died. not having hopes of it resurrecting in 2005 though....we'll see
i hope the office will become a better place too...with me acting though and all maybe those tyrants will think that i'm a fiesty one and disturb me less....we'll see
but in the words of yunalesca from ffx "hope is comforting" - something used to console us in times of shit when it actually doesn't help the situation.
argh gotta sleep i sense insanity coming soon. like one big emotional tsunami.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
a movie; the zoo; dead bodies
the past night i was out watching a movie with a girl friend of mine --something which i stopped doing since i entered the beautiful world of NS. the movie was crap; oceans twelve somehow didn't give me that sense of thrill which ocean's eleven gave when i watched the movie maybe like three years ago. and yes marina square cineplex is screwed i can't believe that i spent 15 minutes trying to locate the damn cinema cos of their concurrent renovation works for a better future. for those of you all who wanna watch a movie at marina, enter by the ritz side or the oriental side (walk to oriental's main entrace and go up the stairs there); movie aside, managed to catch up on things with reggie after like so long of not seeing her. i have to admit that maybe there's still hope for mankind. with a person like her who's so ever willing to help others (in the area of social work) and being optimistic and all. those who know me will know that i'm the opposite. mankind is doomed. anyways i wish her the best in her pursuit of finding a good husband and settling down. (that's her plan in 5 years,she's working on it)oh after that i went to meet up with another friend of mine: ah pek who just got back from sydney for his vacation. told me lots of shit abt the new uni life overseas and stuff. seems to me there're alot of stuff which i have yet to think about. my only big worry is i hope the friend i'm going with will be able to tahan all those shit..if not i will be shit too.
woke up at 1.45pm tdy and turned on my phone...only to realised that i have 7 missed calls and 7 smses. well done. i have failed in my maintanence of SQA by waking up late. i was suppossed to meet darryl at ginza plaza at 12.30pm and go to the zoo together with kennetha nd stanley. after abt 5 minutes of calling here and there to set new timings, i proceeded to take a 5 minute express bath while darryl made his way to my house. then the best thing happened. rain fell from the heavens. it was no damper though, we did go to the zoo in the end (it has changed incredibly the last time i visited it when i was still in pri 1) though we could have spent more time there. the animals was all kinda bored as usual. i must say the best occupation in life would be an animal living in the zoo. you get to slack and eat free food until the day you die.hate people looking at you? find a corner and sleep. if you're bored you can escape the zoo and have a little odyssey of your own and yes, you get to see chicks and hunks either through the looking glass or a few feet away from the moat of your enclosure. who knows, it may seem that the zoo has come to you instead. children and guys chasing girls are definetly animals. maybe i shall get free tickets again next year.
everyday from 4 days ago i can't help but hear/see news of the tsunamis that struck acheh every breathing moment of my life. in a way, looking at the dead bodies strewn haphazardly on the once prefect shorelines of the tourist islands of asia seemed like the scene from final fantasy x, where SIN attacked the coastal town of Kilika...and also the part where they tried to destroy sin but failed. now i know why they say Life's like a game. it's depressing. and with so many people missing at all. depressing. i guess the only thing i can do right now is say prayers to those affected. because eventually, everything is emotional.
the past night i was out watching a movie with a girl friend of mine --something which i stopped doing since i entered the beautiful world of NS. the movie was crap; oceans twelve somehow didn't give me that sense of thrill which ocean's eleven gave when i watched the movie maybe like three years ago. and yes marina square cineplex is screwed i can't believe that i spent 15 minutes trying to locate the damn cinema cos of their concurrent renovation works for a better future. for those of you all who wanna watch a movie at marina, enter by the ritz side or the oriental side (walk to oriental's main entrace and go up the stairs there); movie aside, managed to catch up on things with reggie after like so long of not seeing her. i have to admit that maybe there's still hope for mankind. with a person like her who's so ever willing to help others (in the area of social work) and being optimistic and all. those who know me will know that i'm the opposite. mankind is doomed. anyways i wish her the best in her pursuit of finding a good husband and settling down. (that's her plan in 5 years,she's working on it)oh after that i went to meet up with another friend of mine: ah pek who just got back from sydney for his vacation. told me lots of shit abt the new uni life overseas and stuff. seems to me there're alot of stuff which i have yet to think about. my only big worry is i hope the friend i'm going with will be able to tahan all those shit..if not i will be shit too.
woke up at 1.45pm tdy and turned on my phone...only to realised that i have 7 missed calls and 7 smses. well done. i have failed in my maintanence of SQA by waking up late. i was suppossed to meet darryl at ginza plaza at 12.30pm and go to the zoo together with kennetha nd stanley. after abt 5 minutes of calling here and there to set new timings, i proceeded to take a 5 minute express bath while darryl made his way to my house. then the best thing happened. rain fell from the heavens. it was no damper though, we did go to the zoo in the end (it has changed incredibly the last time i visited it when i was still in pri 1) though we could have spent more time there. the animals was all kinda bored as usual. i must say the best occupation in life would be an animal living in the zoo. you get to slack and eat free food until the day you die.hate people looking at you? find a corner and sleep. if you're bored you can escape the zoo and have a little odyssey of your own and yes, you get to see chicks and hunks either through the looking glass or a few feet away from the moat of your enclosure. who knows, it may seem that the zoo has come to you instead. children and guys chasing girls are definetly animals. maybe i shall get free tickets again next year.
everyday from 4 days ago i can't help but hear/see news of the tsunamis that struck acheh every breathing moment of my life. in a way, looking at the dead bodies strewn haphazardly on the once prefect shorelines of the tourist islands of asia seemed like the scene from final fantasy x, where SIN attacked the coastal town of Kilika...and also the part where they tried to destroy sin but failed. now i know why they say Life's like a game. it's depressing. and with so many people missing at all. depressing. i guess the only thing i can do right now is say prayers to those affected. because eventually, everything is emotional.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
boxing day
i'm finally back from around the world
from my previous entry till now i visited my uncle's place for christmas dinner, made a trip to sylvia's houses to fetch a damn bird only to deliver it to my other uncle's at kallang bahru. Felt bored so i decided to head on down to town to meet up with my colleagues from PNSD. headed back home to grab sylvia's present and my neighbour b4 reappearing at her place to give it to her.
so this is it. Christmas come and gone. it took so much effort to wait in expectation and now it's come and gone. sounds so much like a relationship which ended in breakup huh. 5 more damn days to the new year. 2004 has been a shitty year for me.
Another year, Another tree
But this year you won't be with me
and now it's gone leaving me
to wait one whole year
yesterday used to be, my favorite holiday
My Christmas Eve was filled with dreams
But Today came and chased them all away
Why did you leave me for Christmas?
You left me lonely its true
Could you have waited til New Years?
At least the year would be through
And now the misletoe's hanging
For no reason at all
And all the presents are unwrapped
But there isn't You.
because eventually, everything is emotional.
i'm finally back from around the world
from my previous entry till now i visited my uncle's place for christmas dinner, made a trip to sylvia's houses to fetch a damn bird only to deliver it to my other uncle's at kallang bahru. Felt bored so i decided to head on down to town to meet up with my colleagues from PNSD. headed back home to grab sylvia's present and my neighbour b4 reappearing at her place to give it to her.
so this is it. Christmas come and gone. it took so much effort to wait in expectation and now it's come and gone. sounds so much like a relationship which ended in breakup huh. 5 more damn days to the new year. 2004 has been a shitty year for me.
Another year, Another tree
But this year you won't be with me
and now it's gone leaving me
to wait one whole year
yesterday used to be, my favorite holiday
My Christmas Eve was filled with dreams
But Today came and chased them all away
Why did you leave me for Christmas?
You left me lonely its true
Could you have waited til New Years?
At least the year would be through
And now the misletoe's hanging
For no reason at all
And all the presents are unwrapped
But there isn't You.
because eventually, everything is emotional.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
reboot
woke up at 11.30am only to wonder how i managed to find my bed when i got home last night. surprisingly i had done everything that i should before i went to bed, which included:
-locking the damn door,
-taking off my shoes and socks and then putting my shoes on the shoe-rack and socks in the washer
-bathing and dumping my clothes in teh washer
-wrapping my parents's christmas gifts and placing them in the toilet where they would see them the first thing in the morning.
but i forgot i had 4 cuts on my hand and reality hit me back again
today, i was pissed at 2 things :
-at why my mum didn't refill the damn toilet paper in the toilet
-how a complete fucking mess my room is
and with that i shall spend christmas afternoon packing it up
woke up at 11.30am only to wonder how i managed to find my bed when i got home last night. surprisingly i had done everything that i should before i went to bed, which included:
-locking the damn door,
-taking off my shoes and socks and then putting my shoes on the shoe-rack and socks in the washer
-bathing and dumping my clothes in teh washer
-wrapping my parents's christmas gifts and placing them in the toilet where they would see them the first thing in the morning.
but i forgot i had 4 cuts on my hand and reality hit me back again
today, i was pissed at 2 things :
-at why my mum didn't refill the damn toilet paper in the toilet
-how a complete fucking mess my room is
and with that i shall spend christmas afternoon packing it up
Thursday, December 23, 2004
pre christmas
just returned from a rough night out at the movies and zouk
well intially i just headed down to town to pick up a few presents for my cousins...until we decided to watch a movie (national treasue); which not only had a fittingly nice plot but also a dash of ingenuity for factual fiction. after the movie, we initially planned to go home until i ahd the stupid idea of going to zouk/phuture to rave since i'll be taking leave the next day...and sure as hell did we rave. from running around between phuture and zouk till stoning outside and watching the chick go by...lol saw a few of them puking their guts out though..i think i took a videoclip of one..but fuck it i'm too tired to look at it anyway.
last christmas i gave you my heart
the very next day you gave it away
this year to save em from fear
i shot myself with shot eternal joy
just returned from a rough night out at the movies and zouk
well intially i just headed down to town to pick up a few presents for my cousins...until we decided to watch a movie (national treasue); which not only had a fittingly nice plot but also a dash of ingenuity for factual fiction. after the movie, we initially planned to go home until i ahd the stupid idea of going to zouk/phuture to rave since i'll be taking leave the next day...and sure as hell did we rave. from running around between phuture and zouk till stoning outside and watching the chick go by...lol saw a few of them puking their guts out though..i think i took a videoclip of one..but fuck it i'm too tired to look at it anyway.
last christmas i gave you my heart
the very next day you gave it away
this year to save em from fear
i shot myself with shot eternal joy
Sunday, December 19, 2004
my only wish
i just got back from hanging out with my usual gang-o-friends. its good to see them after like..4 mths? and wad the hell all of them are attached already which only leaves me and justin single. looking at Lip's newfound angel i can't help but feel happy albeit abit envious for him. eitherways, the meet and greet session was what the brits would term "brilliant" / or "lovely".
Santa can you hear me
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
She's all I want just for me
Underneath my christmas tree
I'll be waiting here santa thats my only wish this year
I hope my letter reaches you in time
Bring me love can call all mine
cause I have been so good this year
well if you can't i'll just settle for an ipod
i just got back from hanging out with my usual gang-o-friends. its good to see them after like..4 mths? and wad the hell all of them are attached already which only leaves me and justin single. looking at Lip's newfound angel i can't help but feel happy albeit abit envious for him. eitherways, the meet and greet session was what the brits would term "brilliant" / or "lovely".
Santa can you hear me
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
She's all I want just for me
Underneath my christmas tree
I'll be waiting here santa thats my only wish this year
I hope my letter reaches you in time
Bring me love can call all mine
cause I have been so good this year
well if you can't i'll just settle for an ipod
Thursday, December 16, 2004
passion
the source of our finest moments
the joy of love
the clarity of hathred
and the estacy of grief
it hurts sometimes
more than we can bear
if we could live without passion
maybe we would know some
kind of peace
but we would be hollow.
empty rooms, shuttered and dark
without passion
we would be truly dead
the source of our finest moments
the joy of love
the clarity of hathred
and the estacy of grief
it hurts sometimes
more than we can bear
if we could live without passion
maybe we would know some
kind of peace
but we would be hollow.
empty rooms, shuttered and dark
without passion
we would be truly dead
Monday, December 13, 2004
drusilla
does it ever get easy?
you mean life?
yeah, does it get easy?
what do you want me to say?
lie to me.
yes, it's terribly simple
the good guys are always stalwart and true
the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats.
and we always defeat them and save the day
no one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after
liar.
-Lie To Me
does it ever get easy?
you mean life?
yeah, does it get easy?
what do you want me to say?
lie to me.
yes, it's terribly simple
the good guys are always stalwart and true
the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats.
and we always defeat them and save the day
no one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after
liar.
-Lie To Me
Saturday, December 11, 2004
out of Tracom 1 year 1 day on...
I just got back from the wedding earlier mentioned. i'm quite surprised i survived it cos it wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. Lucky for me i sat next to my dad's best friend who told me about what he and my dad and his gang of monkeys did while they were young. No wonder my dad was so afraid that i would become a bastard when i grew up...cos he was one when he was a kid...from stealing fruits to killing rats with home made "guns" with the tips of bicycle spokes as ammo to killing dogs and king cobras and other stuff which i shan't mention wtf.
i must surpass my dad one day.
anyway, back at the topic of tracom. it's been 1 year and 1 day since i left that shitty place. looking back, i'm quite lucky to have an office job unlike the other police officers. i get to earn hours, keep my public holidays and have a pretty much normal life than the other people in the defective force as well as divisional police officers.
i'll just have to survive 290 more days
not forgetting as an when i can just take leave to hit the beach like yesterday,
where me and another like minded idiot decided to take the 2nd half of the day off to go to sentosa to chill. we chose tanjong beach cos i decided that if he were to drown, at least we wun sia suay as much as if he were to drown at palawan or siloso beach cos tanjong beach is the most remote of the 3.
he didn't drown.
and there weren't many chicks too
at least i managed to get a tan or something.
I just got back from the wedding earlier mentioned. i'm quite surprised i survived it cos it wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. Lucky for me i sat next to my dad's best friend who told me about what he and my dad and his gang of monkeys did while they were young. No wonder my dad was so afraid that i would become a bastard when i grew up...cos he was one when he was a kid...from stealing fruits to killing rats with home made "guns" with the tips of bicycle spokes as ammo to killing dogs and king cobras and other stuff which i shan't mention wtf.
i must surpass my dad one day.
anyway, back at the topic of tracom. it's been 1 year and 1 day since i left that shitty place. looking back, i'm quite lucky to have an office job unlike the other police officers. i get to earn hours, keep my public holidays and have a pretty much normal life than the other people in the defective force as well as divisional police officers.
i'll just have to survive 290 more days
not forgetting as an when i can just take leave to hit the beach like yesterday,
where me and another like minded idiot decided to take the 2nd half of the day off to go to sentosa to chill. we chose tanjong beach cos i decided that if he were to drown, at least we wun sia suay as much as if he were to drown at palawan or siloso beach cos tanjong beach is the most remote of the 3.
he didn't drown.
and there weren't many chicks too
at least i managed to get a tan or something.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Saturday, December 04, 2004
untitled
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Friday, December 03, 2004
disappointment
staring into hyperspace
in the night at Time's pace
tears well up in bloodshot eyes like
a thousand nails piercing
through thin ice
a heavy heart, an empty soul like
the joy of Death, on a newborn holds
thoughts of self, thoughts of life
thoughts of never having a wife.
thoughts of failure, thoughts of doubt
thoughts of achievement, of
beating the crowd
thoughts of you, thoughts of me
thoughts of going on
a killing spree
thoughts of summer, thoughts of joy
thoughts of paradise
lost
like a broken toy.
waiting is a painful task
knowing and waiting makes twice the fuss
i want to know the meaning of
peace and love of
kindness, joy and blissfulness
till the whole earth is shrouded in ash
till the sunlight burns all sight
till the end of time and space
give me This Moment's grief with grace
staring into hyperspace
in the night at Time's pace
tears well up in bloodshot eyes like
a thousand nails piercing
through thin ice
a heavy heart, an empty soul like
the joy of Death, on a newborn holds
thoughts of self, thoughts of life
thoughts of never having a wife.
thoughts of failure, thoughts of doubt
thoughts of achievement, of
beating the crowd
thoughts of you, thoughts of me
thoughts of going on
a killing spree
thoughts of summer, thoughts of joy
thoughts of paradise
lost
like a broken toy.
waiting is a painful task
knowing and waiting makes twice the fuss
i want to know the meaning of
peace and love of
kindness, joy and blissfulness
till the whole earth is shrouded in ash
till the sunlight burns all sight
till the end of time and space
give me This Moment's grief with grace
Monday, November 29, 2004
kenneth
the day was spent by first driving my director to tracom and wasting 3 hours of my life there waiting for him. Of course, i didn't just waste it by rotting in the car, i went to the canteen and library. Afterwhich it was back to PCC where we had this redundantly important deeparaya celebration cum ord party and then driving my supervisor and mugly to cmpb and phq and then heheh...
the end is near.
people in the 109 Intake will be leaving soon.
one of them is kenneth.
the man whom i felt who's character is closest like mine
hating stupidity. dissing ah bengs. fucking authority.
fucking authority. respecting the righteous.
expressing our thoughts.
practical.
logical.
ruthless.
kind.
that's us. i must say it was fun having him in office
and just like darryl and ian and the rest of the gang
he's leaving for a better life.
i'll always remember the secret missions
the silent plans of strict restriction
of arduous journeys to the east and north
and dangerous voyages to the west and south
the times spent at fishops and sim lim sq
the time in bangkok where we almost wanted to kill
everybody for being so slow
they're great memories
of a life once spent
and just like what memories do
they make me sad
realising that i'm more alone now
stuck in that shithole.
nevertheless i wish you godspeed in your endeavors in life
continue to fuck the world
cos' it's only right.
yam seng.
the day was spent by first driving my director to tracom and wasting 3 hours of my life there waiting for him. Of course, i didn't just waste it by rotting in the car, i went to the canteen and library. Afterwhich it was back to PCC where we had this redundantly important deeparaya celebration cum ord party and then driving my supervisor and mugly to cmpb and phq and then heheh...
the end is near.
people in the 109 Intake will be leaving soon.
one of them is kenneth.
the man whom i felt who's character is closest like mine
hating stupidity. dissing ah bengs. fucking authority.
fucking authority. respecting the righteous.
expressing our thoughts.
practical.
logical.
ruthless.
kind.
that's us. i must say it was fun having him in office
and just like darryl and ian and the rest of the gang
he's leaving for a better life.
i'll always remember the secret missions
the silent plans of strict restriction
of arduous journeys to the east and north
and dangerous voyages to the west and south
the times spent at fishops and sim lim sq
the time in bangkok where we almost wanted to kill
everybody for being so slow
they're great memories
of a life once spent
and just like what memories do
they make me sad
realising that i'm more alone now
stuck in that shithole.
nevertheless i wish you godspeed in your endeavors in life
continue to fuck the world
cos' it's only right.
yam seng.
social worker
2 new kids in the pen
totalling 6 in the den
it's driving me mad
making me scared
waiting to get out of
this crazy mess
fear of tonight
fear of sight
of future of past
of present this night
fear of rejection
truth and lie
fear of all things
dead or alive
sitting right here
in lighted virtuosity
blinking, clicking, tapping away
in the life of darkness
dead of the night
feels so much like Home
yet doesn't
feelings wax and
feelings wane
feelings are but temporal
about personal gain
without the right moment
at the wrong time
it feels like fish sex
in the end, it's just feelings
notice how it gets crappier 6 lines above? cos' i was being distracted by a girl called regina. she wants to be a social worker and is leaving on friday. i noe she's reading this and probably wants me to say i will miss her
ok. i will miss her
2 new kids in the pen
totalling 6 in the den
it's driving me mad
making me scared
waiting to get out of
this crazy mess
fear of tonight
fear of sight
of future of past
of present this night
fear of rejection
truth and lie
fear of all things
dead or alive
sitting right here
in lighted virtuosity
blinking, clicking, tapping away
in the life of darkness
dead of the night
feels so much like Home
yet doesn't
feelings wax and
feelings wane
feelings are but temporal
about personal gain
without the right moment
at the wrong time
it feels like fish sex
in the end, it's just feelings
notice how it gets crappier 6 lines above? cos' i was being distracted by a girl called regina. she wants to be a social worker and is leaving on friday. i noe she's reading this and probably wants me to say i will miss her
ok. i will miss her
Monday, November 22, 2004
the edge of reason
every day i would wake up to this :
until i got so pissed with it that not wanting to be like the man in my nasi lemak joke, i decided to do this :
for the whole damn day...cep't maybe at night to prevent ninjas from coming into my room.
feels better without those grid lines. i never liked constraints anyway maybe that's why i find it so hard to commit to things.
after a 2 week "holiday", think back --
8 Nov - Worked
9 Nov - Half day MC
10 Nov - MC
11 - Deepavali
12 - Worked
13-15 - Weekend + Holiday in Lieu of Hari Raya
16 - ORD Shoot
17-19 -Flash course
i'm beginning to feel the boredom of working later today sink in.
i thought about the following while taking a shit in the loo:
if telling the truth isn't always good
then lying isn't always bad
and if telling the truth makes someone feel bad
then lying can be good
if good things can come from lying
and bad things can come from telling the truth
then although sometimes telling part of the truth
has the same end result as telling a lie (that is if lying would hurt)
sounds like programming huh.
argh fuckit.
i conclude that
lying is good.
if it isn't, i would be lying.
every day i would wake up to this :
until i got so pissed with it that not wanting to be like the man in my nasi lemak joke, i decided to do this :
for the whole damn day...cep't maybe at night to prevent ninjas from coming into my room.
feels better without those grid lines. i never liked constraints anyway maybe that's why i find it so hard to commit to things.
after a 2 week "holiday", think back --
8 Nov - Worked
9 Nov - Half day MC
10 Nov - MC
11 - Deepavali
12 - Worked
13-15 - Weekend + Holiday in Lieu of Hari Raya
16 - ORD Shoot
17-19 -Flash course
i'm beginning to feel the boredom of working later today sink in.
i thought about the following while taking a shit in the loo:
if telling the truth isn't always good
then lying isn't always bad
and if telling the truth makes someone feel bad
then lying can be good
if good things can come from lying
and bad things can come from telling the truth
then although sometimes telling part of the truth
has the same end result as telling a lie (that is if lying would hurt)
sounds like programming huh.
argh fuckit.
i conclude that
lying is good.
if it isn't, i would be lying.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
flashing and dashing
day 2 of the flash course. i just realised that i'm the youngest in the class full of korkor-ish and jiejie-ish people not forgetting the handful of aunties...so far so good pace and all cept that i think i'm down with the damn flu.
bored as hell. waiting for the lecturer to continue with class while the slower ones hang on with life.
i noticed i always try to be different while flashing
thus the phrase
kiang ju hoh...mai ge kiang
day 2 of the flash course. i just realised that i'm the youngest in the class full of korkor-ish and jiejie-ish people not forgetting the handful of aunties...so far so good pace and all cept that i think i'm down with the damn flu.
bored as hell. waiting for the lecturer to continue with class while the slower ones hang on with life.
i noticed i always try to be different while flashing
thus the phrase
kiang ju hoh...mai ge kiang
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
i'm a flasher!!.
day one of the flash course. everything's cool and fun. in fact, my course mate said this "i like this class...all very slow learners"
there are no chicks though.dammit! but at least it's very near holland village
lol
having break now...and messing
around with the flash environment.
heck i'm beginning to feel the "designer" in me.
day one of the flash course. everything's cool and fun. in fact, my course mate said this "i like this class...all very slow learners"
there are no chicks though.dammit! but at least it's very near holland village
lol
having break now...and messing
around with the flash environment.
heck i'm beginning to feel the "designer" in me.
human memory is just a record.
we can erase that record. really?.
-went for ord shoot tdy. almost messed up if not for Grance
lately Nostalgia has been haunting me in my wakefullness and in sleep. so much more that sleep is no longer sleep for me.
images of the past keep flashing back everytime i space out or seconds after i close my eyes and delve into the perfect vortex of darkness.
i recall the time while i was in primary one doing my Nespe maths workbook while lying on the walkway in the master bedroom;the time i was walking in the garden of my late granfather's garden, how i used to lie fully stretched out on the backseat of my old man's green SBB7573H Honda Civic every sunday while we head to my grandmother's house; the time when i pulled the sofa in the hall to the middle of the hall to play street fighter on my sega genesis; switching on my first computer to play duke nukem and typing on wordperfect 6; eating this yellow chicken flavoured snack called "kaka" after going swimming with my dad after school. (he would wait for me to sing the damn national anthem at the end of the day at school on fridays); how my mum would take me to the arcade to play after am/session school and recently after cleaning out my den, this weird feeling of "everything is clean and proper and neat ---> just perfect for starting out on a new school year" keeps getting to me.
in a sense it's soothing, surreal yet scarey.
i mean wtf am i having these flashbacks and feelings? is Instinct telling me something (normally bad) is going to happen? having memories of the past suddenly coming back to me and that doesn't usually happen. and if they do, there has to be a reason.
what's the worth of a happy memory when it comes back to mind when you're sad, further burying you into deeper joyful sadness.
i think i need to see a shrink.
but maybe i can self medicate
redbull gives me wings
i did this earlier tonight on freehand. and realised that i don't like freehand cos somehow it messed up my dimension and resolution (it's damn bad but when printed it's ok) thingy. maybe i'm a noob that's why.
i just realised. all those memories, they made me feel safe at the time they happened.
but not now.
maybe this is the end of reason
maybe this is where realisation sinks in
for right now i know
i am all alone.
laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone
we can erase that record. really?.
-went for ord shoot tdy. almost messed up if not for Grance
lately Nostalgia has been haunting me in my wakefullness and in sleep. so much more that sleep is no longer sleep for me.
images of the past keep flashing back everytime i space out or seconds after i close my eyes and delve into the perfect vortex of darkness.
i recall the time while i was in primary one doing my Nespe maths workbook while lying on the walkway in the master bedroom;the time i was walking in the garden of my late granfather's garden, how i used to lie fully stretched out on the backseat of my old man's green SBB7573H Honda Civic every sunday while we head to my grandmother's house; the time when i pulled the sofa in the hall to the middle of the hall to play street fighter on my sega genesis; switching on my first computer to play duke nukem and typing on wordperfect 6; eating this yellow chicken flavoured snack called "kaka" after going swimming with my dad after school. (he would wait for me to sing the damn national anthem at the end of the day at school on fridays); how my mum would take me to the arcade to play after am/session school and recently after cleaning out my den, this weird feeling of "everything is clean and proper and neat ---> just perfect for starting out on a new school year" keeps getting to me.
in a sense it's soothing, surreal yet scarey.
i mean wtf am i having these flashbacks and feelings? is Instinct telling me something (normally bad) is going to happen? having memories of the past suddenly coming back to me and that doesn't usually happen. and if they do, there has to be a reason.
what's the worth of a happy memory when it comes back to mind when you're sad, further burying you into deeper joyful sadness.
i think i need to see a shrink.
but maybe i can self medicate
redbull gives me wings
i did this earlier tonight on freehand. and realised that i don't like freehand cos somehow it messed up my dimension and resolution (it's damn bad but when printed it's ok) thingy. maybe i'm a noob that's why.
i just realised. all those memories, they made me feel safe at the time they happened.
but not now.
maybe this is the end of reason
maybe this is where realisation sinks in
for right now i know
i am all alone.
laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone
Monday, November 15, 2004
the big cleanup
as i mentioned earlier. i did wake up (at 1pm) to clean my stupid messed up room. the whole operation took 4 hours....
i cleaned and cleared my room. cleaning was easy although it involved shifting whatever was on my L-table off into somewhere and getting rid of the stupid wires which ensued :
after 2 pail changes of detergent and alot of dust later i had to wipe all the appliances one by one. (my favs were my ps2 and lcd monitor so i took extra care to wipe them) and since you take off your pants b4 ur underwear and put on ur underwear b4 ur pants i had to do the same to the whole damn table. dummies read : take off appliances--> clean table --> clean appliances --> put back appliances on table--> connect the cables.
now came the clearing part. it was harder as it involved throwing away stuff which i may be emotionally attached to and although i clean my room bi-annually i still have alot of junk cos either i can't bear to throw them away; or i'll have this stupid aunty thinking of "i may need it next time"
so i started with the 2 plastic boxes under my table. This time i had grown stronger. i managed to throw most of the stuff in it away.. camp books (screw the memories, most of the people prolly won't remember me anyway) test-tubes and other stuff from school (yes i was a cheeky one) toys etc
until i came across a sealed up pack titled "regrets". my first thought was "wtf? how come i had a pack of regrets hiding in my room (think lit guys lol) and thus i opened it..
fuck.
it was a pack of consolidated paraphernalia (ie notes, letters, photographs, a ring and a breakup letter) from my prev prev prev relationship. (well at least i was smart enough to not leave them around EVERYWHERE in the room i kept them in a pack) funny how it still existed although i've thought that i've thrown it away so many years ago. i thought back and wondered for awhile on what we could have been and shit..the feeling sucks. after reading the stupid breakup letter i realised (and remembered) that the reason why it didn't work out was cos she felt that i did not have enough time for her and didn't show her enough love. hmm.. come to think of it maybe i wasn't too obvious in those little actions of love (not that i'm superstitious i'm a damn aquarian and they aren't gd at expression) and shit and yeah maybe i was easily distracted (she did mention i did not hear her out when she called me and i was playing cs) but one things for sure i did love her. i realised i was retarded too cos i dun recall going back her. bastard right? we all make mistakes i guess. well at least i'll know what to take note of next time i have a girlfriend (if i ever have one right now there seems to be NO FUTURE.)
ah. fuckit. it's over 5 fucking years ago man
and so i tore and slashed and burned the happy meal pack to the high heavens
and got on with my life (clearing my room)
lit guys will prolly think "oh johnny's got rid of the chain that's binding him and maybe you're right cos i thought of that too
hmm i threw away alot of computer stuff and books which i thought i was being stupid cos i recall at one point of time i just bought books for the sake of buying and reading which meant buying books with no value like "flight of the eagles" ...wtf man how sad was i. and did i meantion i was sad enough to listen to backstreet boys and ott? FUCK. well. got rid of them.
all in all it was quite a happy day. 11 ntuc bagfulls of trash, 1 happy pack (the regrets pack) and 1 kg of dust (k i was kidding)
now i have to get a new watch for myself next month.
it's the last thing that's binding me.
right now, i'll just live for the moment.
as i mentioned earlier. i did wake up (at 1pm) to clean my stupid messed up room. the whole operation took 4 hours....
i cleaned and cleared my room. cleaning was easy although it involved shifting whatever was on my L-table off into somewhere and getting rid of the stupid wires which ensued :
after 2 pail changes of detergent and alot of dust later i had to wipe all the appliances one by one. (my favs were my ps2 and lcd monitor so i took extra care to wipe them) and since you take off your pants b4 ur underwear and put on ur underwear b4 ur pants i had to do the same to the whole damn table. dummies read : take off appliances--> clean table --> clean appliances --> put back appliances on table--> connect the cables.
now came the clearing part. it was harder as it involved throwing away stuff which i may be emotionally attached to and although i clean my room bi-annually i still have alot of junk cos either i can't bear to throw them away; or i'll have this stupid aunty thinking of "i may need it next time"
so i started with the 2 plastic boxes under my table. This time i had grown stronger. i managed to throw most of the stuff in it away.. camp books (screw the memories, most of the people prolly won't remember me anyway) test-tubes and other stuff from school (yes i was a cheeky one) toys etc
until i came across a sealed up pack titled "regrets". my first thought was "wtf? how come i had a pack of regrets hiding in my room (think lit guys lol) and thus i opened it..
fuck.
it was a pack of consolidated paraphernalia (ie notes, letters, photographs, a ring and a breakup letter) from my prev prev prev relationship. (well at least i was smart enough to not leave them around EVERYWHERE in the room i kept them in a pack) funny how it still existed although i've thought that i've thrown it away so many years ago. i thought back and wondered for awhile on what we could have been and shit..the feeling sucks. after reading the stupid breakup letter i realised (and remembered) that the reason why it didn't work out was cos she felt that i did not have enough time for her and didn't show her enough love. hmm.. come to think of it maybe i wasn't too obvious in those little actions of love (not that i'm superstitious i'm a damn aquarian and they aren't gd at expression) and shit and yeah maybe i was easily distracted (she did mention i did not hear her out when she called me and i was playing cs) but one things for sure i did love her. i realised i was retarded too cos i dun recall going back her. bastard right? we all make mistakes i guess. well at least i'll know what to take note of next time i have a girlfriend (if i ever have one right now there seems to be NO FUTURE.)
ah. fuckit. it's over 5 fucking years ago man
and so i tore and slashed and burned the happy meal pack to the high heavens
and got on with my life (clearing my room)
lit guys will prolly think "oh johnny's got rid of the chain that's binding him and maybe you're right cos i thought of that too
hmm i threw away alot of computer stuff and books which i thought i was being stupid cos i recall at one point of time i just bought books for the sake of buying and reading which meant buying books with no value like "flight of the eagles" ...wtf man how sad was i. and did i meantion i was sad enough to listen to backstreet boys and ott? FUCK. well. got rid of them.
all in all it was quite a happy day. 11 ntuc bagfulls of trash, 1 happy pack (the regrets pack) and 1 kg of dust (k i was kidding)
now i have to get a new watch for myself next month.
it's the last thing that's binding me.
right now, i'll just live for the moment.
what am i doing
surprisingly, when i plan for stuff to do, it always gets screwed up but when i don't, weird shit starts happenning to me. take today for eg. i wanted to "not waste the night" since tomorrow's (or rather tdy)a holiday. problem was, everyone on my msn/icq/phone book list was either occupied or were the people i figured spending the night with would not be o-so-smooth for me. except for one guy. deenie. was hanging with him when one of my friends called me and asked if i wanted to go hang out. being bored and for the fact deenie was about to leave i agreed. and so the saga with another close buddy of mine and 3 girls started.
it was weird. maybe cos i wasn't prepared. but still weird.
if today's incident was an rpg battle., i would have levelled up a pathetic 2 exp points
dumb. after hearing from most of my friends that they have or are "cleaning up my room" i decided i shall pack my room later when i wake up. it's in the same state ass my mind right now -- MESSED UP. unless of course something else interesting pops into my face for the day.
making out with people
i hardly know or like
I can't believe what I do
late at night.
holding up the book in my hands
i read the last page so well
but i can't see the first
standing at the gates i see
the beauty above
and not feel it
i just had a bad night.
i just had a bad night.
surprisingly, when i plan for stuff to do, it always gets screwed up but when i don't, weird shit starts happenning to me. take today for eg. i wanted to "not waste the night" since tomorrow's (or rather tdy)a holiday. problem was, everyone on my msn/icq/phone book list was either occupied or were the people i figured spending the night with would not be o-so-smooth for me. except for one guy. deenie. was hanging with him when one of my friends called me and asked if i wanted to go hang out. being bored and for the fact deenie was about to leave i agreed. and so the saga with another close buddy of mine and 3 girls started.
it was weird. maybe cos i wasn't prepared. but still weird.
if today's incident was an rpg battle., i would have levelled up a pathetic 2 exp points
dumb. after hearing from most of my friends that they have or are "cleaning up my room" i decided i shall pack my room later when i wake up. it's in the same state ass my mind right now -- MESSED UP. unless of course something else interesting pops into my face for the day.
making out with people
i hardly know or like
I can't believe what I do
late at night.
holding up the book in my hands
i read the last page so well
but i can't see the first
standing at the gates i see
the beauty above
and not feel it
i just had a bad night.
i just had a bad night.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
complicated
i long for the
warmth of days gone by
where innocence was still a virtue
and lies were considered sacriligeous
lately apathy has sunken into me, not that it wasn't already resident in me.
there're so many movies/anime/tv drama episodes for me to clear. so much that i have no time. not forgetting the many things i have yet to learn which i have used the phrase "not enough time" as an excuse to procrastinate.
the things we possess will ultimately possess us all.
maybe i should just close my eyes, highlight all the files and hit shift+delete followed by a space? or close my eyes and smash the com?
why close my eyes?
the heartache would still be there. it doesn't help in anything
we do so many things, write up SOPs and instructions on how to do certain things on the pretext of "for smoother transmission", "for proper channelling", "for ease of pain", "fo convenience"; basically "for the better". when actually everything can be cut down and simplified into a single step.
which reminds me...the bitchlorette just sent me an email telling me to minimise on the word "fuck" in my conversations with the peeps when obviously the person who was saying "fuck" in all previous message history wasn't me.
is "fuck" that really bad a word? if so, why would it be in a dictionary.
it's useful. that's why it's in the dictionary.
maybe that's why we live in a complicated world.
one day technology will burn itself out
winter's warm and summer's cold.
it's raining here almost everyday.
how i wish hail would just fall and
kill everyone else.
i long for the
warmth of days gone by
where innocence was still a virtue
and lies were considered sacriligeous
lately apathy has sunken into me, not that it wasn't already resident in me.
there're so many movies/anime/tv drama episodes for me to clear. so much that i have no time. not forgetting the many things i have yet to learn which i have used the phrase "not enough time" as an excuse to procrastinate.
the things we possess will ultimately possess us all.
maybe i should just close my eyes, highlight all the files and hit shift+delete followed by a space? or close my eyes and smash the com?
why close my eyes?
the heartache would still be there. it doesn't help in anything
we do so many things, write up SOPs and instructions on how to do certain things on the pretext of "for smoother transmission", "for proper channelling", "for ease of pain", "fo convenience"; basically "for the better". when actually everything can be cut down and simplified into a single step.
which reminds me...the bitchlorette just sent me an email telling me to minimise on the word "fuck" in my conversations with the peeps when obviously the person who was saying "fuck" in all previous message history wasn't me.
is "fuck" that really bad a word? if so, why would it be in a dictionary.
it's useful. that's why it's in the dictionary.
maybe that's why we live in a complicated world.
one day technology will burn itself out
winter's warm and summer's cold.
it's raining here almost everyday.
how i wish hail would just fall and
kill everyone else.
Friday, November 12, 2004
home
you tell me that i'm home
but why, why don't i ever feel it
like a fish out of living water
ice in the fire
and love dances on our minds
and we fall into each other's eyes
time passes us by
talking at starbucks
over coffee and a biscotti
and that was when; when
you made me feel human
part of this universe
slamming; slamming down the receiver
is it over; our little adventure
and now; bottle of merlot later
i feel so much sober
its like runing through the rain
you tell me that i'm home
buy why, why don't i ever feel it
were the higher powers having fun
making love a big great pun
got to the heart of the matter
and lingered
problems unsolved, feelings dwindled
shouldn't have let go, persisted
and now, now's a case of tristan and isolde
the settling of a story
you tell me that i'm home
and now; i feel the pain of silence
biting into my selfless state of mind
and home feels cold indeed.
you tell me that i'm home
but why, why don't i ever feel it
like a fish out of living water
ice in the fire
and love dances on our minds
and we fall into each other's eyes
time passes us by
talking at starbucks
over coffee and a biscotti
and that was when; when
you made me feel human
part of this universe
slamming; slamming down the receiver
is it over; our little adventure
and now; bottle of merlot later
i feel so much sober
its like runing through the rain
you tell me that i'm home
buy why, why don't i ever feel it
were the higher powers having fun
making love a big great pun
got to the heart of the matter
and lingered
problems unsolved, feelings dwindled
shouldn't have let go, persisted
and now, now's a case of tristan and isolde
the settling of a story
you tell me that i'm home
and now; i feel the pain of silence
biting into my selfless state of mind
and home feels cold indeed.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
understand this is a dream
so quiet. another wasted night.
winamp steals the conversation
i can't believe i sprained my back
for the first time in my life. must be getting old. anyway 2 days of mc was nice
the only regret i had was not taking leave for friday.
if i did, i would literally not be working for one week.
been playing star ocean : till the end of time lately
nice game but full of shit cos their maps are horrendous
just got back from a failed attempt to enter phuture
watched some thai horror movie called "shutter" instead.
predictable yet intriguing
my adidas watch is going crazy. the time keeps on jumping towards the future
maybe my time is up?
there's just so many things that i wanna do
but can't find the time to
we are all in love
and we all got hurt
so quiet. another wasted night.
winamp steals the conversation
i can't believe i sprained my back
for the first time in my life. must be getting old. anyway 2 days of mc was nice
the only regret i had was not taking leave for friday.
if i did, i would literally not be working for one week.
been playing star ocean : till the end of time lately
nice game but full of shit cos their maps are horrendous
just got back from a failed attempt to enter phuture
watched some thai horror movie called "shutter" instead.
predictable yet intriguing
my adidas watch is going crazy. the time keeps on jumping towards the future
maybe my time is up?
there's just so many things that i wanna do
but can't find the time to
we are all in love
and we all got hurt
Monday, November 08, 2004
mind in death in mind
the universe looks down on june
every night, every hour
the only thing that looks back at it
her lifeless soul within her eyes
she looks so pretty in her bloodstained dress
like pinot noir in the old winepress
but it served well
it served well
across the ocean tim's body lies
full of maggots and squatter flies
malnutrition and mercury
the culprits of his misery
amber hangs upon a tree
her broken neck her spirit free
she looks so peaceful and oh so sweet
who'd have known about this heartless deed
three tragic deaths on the
very same day
what could be said
come what may
that life's as short as a butterfly's
colourful flippity and after awhile
it dies
the universe looks down on june
every night, every hour
the only thing that looks back at it
her lifeless soul within her eyes
she looks so pretty in her bloodstained dress
like pinot noir in the old winepress
but it served well
it served well
across the ocean tim's body lies
full of maggots and squatter flies
malnutrition and mercury
the culprits of his misery
amber hangs upon a tree
her broken neck her spirit free
she looks so peaceful and oh so sweet
who'd have known about this heartless deed
three tragic deaths on the
very same day
what could be said
come what may
that life's as short as a butterfly's
colourful flippity and after awhile
it dies
Friday, November 05, 2004
the last juror
i've just finished reading "the last juror" by john grisham and sad to say, it was quite disappointing 'cos the outcome was clearly predicatable. true, he did try to keep his story interesting by creating the ocassional twist; but i've also noticed that there's too much wastage of paper in the inclusion of so many importantly redundant characters which do not really affect the story at all. crap. is this it? are his books really going down the drain? or was "the last juror" actually aimed at a racial/political topic rather than the usual legal one?
lately i've been filled/motivated to do a lot of things. but the stupid problem is time. with 8.5 hours a day that'll only leave me with another 8hrs b4 i hit the sack. it's no wonder the working class people are so moody. they literally don't have a life.
i'm falling sick.
the runny nose came yesterday
the dry cough today
tomorrow my ears will be blocked
and by sat i would have acquired full fledged bird-flu from bangkok
kiss me. we shall enjoy death in eternity.
i've just finished reading "the last juror" by john grisham and sad to say, it was quite disappointing 'cos the outcome was clearly predicatable. true, he did try to keep his story interesting by creating the ocassional twist; but i've also noticed that there's too much wastage of paper in the inclusion of so many importantly redundant characters which do not really affect the story at all. crap. is this it? are his books really going down the drain? or was "the last juror" actually aimed at a racial/political topic rather than the usual legal one?
lately i've been filled/motivated to do a lot of things. but the stupid problem is time. with 8.5 hours a day that'll only leave me with another 8hrs b4 i hit the sack. it's no wonder the working class people are so moody. they literally don't have a life.
i'm falling sick.
the runny nose came yesterday
the dry cough today
tomorrow my ears will be blocked
and by sat i would have acquired full fledged bird-flu from bangkok
kiss me. we shall enjoy death in eternity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)