WHAT THE FUCK !?

greece just beat the czech rep. to the finals
JUST
WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL

they made me wake up
gave me false hopes
and brought the rain.

i will never look at a skoda car again.

sweet.

if words could express

how awfully sweet

The O.C

is


my mouth would


have


bled to death

i'm still bleeding!?

wtf. woke up this morning to find my pillow full of blood
WTF?!?!
is this normal? or could it be the nachos/kfc chicken/ice cream/twisties which i ate yesterday?
hmm.....

now i know why girls get so pissed once a month
i myself hate my mouth being full of blood what more about them
seesh.

High class or High Crass?

in the midst of my personal "retreat" i have started watching the american drama series titled "The O.C"

For people who don't know what O.C stand for its "Orange County"
The series is about a high-class society of people living in this residential estate called orange county (or something like that) since i see the same group of high-class people living their so called high-class life, wearing the same high-class togs and whatever things high-class you can think of.
Predictably, hidden behind them are adultery, lies, fraud and whatever things un-high-class so it's pretty interesting to see how and what goes on in their lives.
Show's not bad with the main lead actress as a big big piece of yummy eye candy with similar dissappointing characteristics in the real world (having an ugly boyfriend and messed up parents and the likes.she's alright btw) not forgetting the many un-occassional instances of faux pas when the high class people just embarrass the hell out of themselves when they act totally immature and stuff.

a drama ? or the bare facts?
i'd choose the bare facts. many "high class" people are not what they seem. i have an aunt who's like that and i never fail to embarrass her when she brags about her high but low class of living.

branded stuff are for people who have low self esteem and need the brand name to give them the added confidence. credit cards? either for light travellers who do not like stuffing wads of money notes or for "act tough" people who enjoy oweing credit card companies money. for those who disagree with me, BITE ME. you're all gonna die one day and wealth will definetly not be a measure of your existence's worth.

The O.C is a cool show btw. catch it if you can. for the morals and the eye candy

blood and enamel




had my lower left wisdom and top left tooth extracted today. weird experience i must say
here were the procedures:

was made to wear spastic shower cap, shoe caps and robes in order to make me look as if i was going to give birth

was later injected with this bittersweet cough-syrup like substance which make me curse and swear cos of the piercing pain (4x) believe me , even with a numbed mouth you still can swear.

anyways the dentist tried to kill me by opening my mouth super wide and using all his strength to extract my top left tooth but in the end, i din even feel the absence of my teeth even after he had already taken them out. last minutes of surgery :

me : nurse, can i spit?
nurse: nono you can swallow
me: but i want to spit...this taste in my mouth is weird
nurse : ok la... nah (spreads out serviettes for me to spit)

i spat.
cool bloody oozy blood

i hate the taste of iron.

but i love the colour of blood.

YUM YUM!

5 days of mc coming right up!

dizzy

it's one of those days when i suddenly go panaroid and start thinking of things so spastic beyound imagination. first it started with the weird dreams in the afternoon and now it's this whole issue about being what i am today
wtf.

i'm going to have my wisdom tooth surgery tomorrow. hopefully everything will go well and the minimal amout of pain experienced. but then again, even in pain we can sleep.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

concussed



went home at about 1330 hrs today and went to sleep got the shock of my life when i found myself awake at 1845 hrs and cursed myself for wasting the day oh well guessed since i can't sleep i'd crap a bit here for the record my friend was telling me about this girl he so called met on friendster which led me to reconfirm my doubt the looks do matter altough THEY say that THEY do not but then again who they hell are the THEY when we usually say THEY its just like tradition i especially like the one about not eating your plate clean saying that your future husband wife will ahve pimples on their face etc when asked about who said it they will always say your grandmother and when you asked your grandmother she will say her grandmother and so on

is this it?

are we suppossed to follow tradition blindly without seeking the truth?

many things in life are not what it is said to be
though how pleasant and comforting words may be
hard cold reality will always hit you in teh face when you least expect it.

the irony of it all
in deeper darkness we will fall

'the truth will set you free'
indeed it is true.

anyway about the pic it was taken when i was taking a walk around my office area last night. found it really funny and decided to snap it

good morning sunshine

just woke up at around 8am
walked over to the office toilet and aimed some hot water at my head

yesh i did say office toilet.

i had spent the night in office. haha.

looking back it was a surreal feeling, machiam like hotel like that.

we had just completed our function and some of my colleagues suggested staying over to watch soccer in office. there was quite a number of people initially but slowly due to dobts about being caught and stuff only 3 were left. me and two others.

we did not watch soccer. we just idled the time away.

looking back, i could have lost quite a bit of money too if i did bet on this morning's game between greece and france. thank God i wasn't able to find a singapore pools outlet last night. (in the first place i actually wasn't suppossed to be betting)

oh well, spending the night in office was quite and emo experience. the silence which filled the walls last night....

was heavenly.

life just got crazier




went to work today expecting everything to be same and mundane but it did not turn out to be. i was informed that i was part of the team to revamp the stupid dept's website with the really long deadline of 3 months from today. sho clever of the higher ups.

to add to the burden, some idiot dragged me into this security campaign shit which required us to design posters on security--> wtf was that suppossed to mean?! crazy

as if i wasn't having enough fun, i'm also involved in the redesigning of the PNS ezlink cards--> i don't mind this cos this IS after all part of my JOB SCOPE

dammit dammit dammit

oh yeah.. bought a new fish tank and placed it on my desk. added 2 snakeheads into it to accompany me the rest of my NS-Life. hopefully they will ORD earlier than me so i won't have to bring them home when i ORD. heheh

STOP PISSING ME

somethins's pissing me off.
but i don't know what it is.
fug.

time

riding on the waves of time
suddenly it all makes comeplete sense
nothing lasts forever
there is no such thing as justice
if only thy mind was senseless
if only thy time was up

such pain would never be witnessed.
but even in pain, sleep is possible
and probably death and dying
pain and sufferring
is all part of that flow of time

if there was one thing i could ever change
it would be the existence of this world itself
but even if i tried
wouldn't it be meaningless
the reality of it all
yet irony of life

not everyone understands
this crap i just said
but even if i tried
to make you realise
what difference would it make
on the day you died

the moon would continue to wax itself
and wane when in due time
life would still continue
in its ironic purpose of living
cos even if it ceased to exist
what point would its existance have
on itself.

39/03

i just got back from a former squad-mate's 21st birthday party.
somehow it felt great meeting up with the people whom i stayed with
in a dingy longhouse-styled bunk for 5 mths
and how time has flown.
(well at least at that time i couldn't say that cos i really hated living in the Academy)
spotted a few chicks at his party too and sent one home
but i guess after tonight they're unreachable
and its not as if i will remember their faces anyway....
this may sound crazy, but i kinda missed the happy shitty kampung styled days in TRACOM
although i so much hated the environment there.

all alone now

simple phonecall in twilight hour
few words spoken, much meaning achieved
early departure, happy for friend
disdain on other hand
loneliness is creeping up on me
this night, this hour
this era of uncertainty
please can anyone hear me
reply if you do
such joyful times we all enjoyed
less joyful ones too we all embroiled
i will continue learning
even after the teacher is dead
somehow

what's next

and so the story goes; you've probably heard that NS will be cut shorter to 2 yrs for kids who enlist in dec 2004 and existing kids will serve 2 yr 2 mths for fit people and 2 yr 4 mths for handicapped people and the likes. like every other NSF i am SOOooo elated. sense the sacarsm and happiness please. anyways the week was a pretty messed up one i can't really recall what i did all i knew was that tdy (or rather yesterday) was my supervisor's bday. went out with most of my dept's people to have lunch at COCA. i've run out of things to type already. life has just gotten to the max of mundaneness. now i know how my predecessor the cai tao king felt.....

tdy is friday. at least one mroe week is coming to an end though

the irony of living

so this is it, i've just lived though one more week
it's one less week to the 532 days till freedom
but at the end of the day i'm still unable to give myself an answer as to what i've achieved.
day by day i just live life as it is. but what's the point when there's nothing to be achieved. i've taken to task many things in order to make my day's worth. but still they are unable to fulfill my need for self achievement.

it just dawned on me : there are currently no girls in my life.

maybe it's time i settled down

getting the wisdom out of my head

and so the saga goes :

went to jurong east polyclinic to see the dentist cos i got really pissed with my left lower wisdom tooth and found out that it was partially erupted and impacted (common dentist terms i should say) and was given a choice of AH, NUH or NDC. I chose the National Dental Centre since it was just opposite my office and scheduled for an appointment there tdy. (or should i say yesterday)

went there at around 2.30pm and almost got the shock of my life. there were so many chicks there!!! but one thing was common among all of them: They all had messed up teeth. Anyways, for a moment i acted like a bloody fool as their system of queing was somewhat messed up with them referring you to this section and that. I swore i almost wanted to slap the rude bitch at the counter (of course i didn't lah)

i was assigned to a male dentist who told me what he was going to do to my teeth and stuff and later was sent to this nurse who was tutoring a very cute understudy. wtf shocked em againwas that she and 2 other nurses asked me if i was really 21..they said i looked younger sian diao.
wtf man! can't you see the sadness the world has nowadays?!

surprisingly, their rate of processing the paperwork was damn fast. went in at 2.30pm and went out at 3.30pm fast game man

i'm going to be stupid on the 29th of june. but who cares. intelligence was never a factor for NS.

dreams|reality

after a week of slacking, backstabbings, fun, boredom , having no money and of course anime; it is time to start another week. right now everyday is just another day to me and like the happy sign pasted on my office computer monitor "today is just another day. it would be over soon" shall ever hold true.

frankly speaking, i'm quite contented with the shit that i am in now, yes i am still serving shitty NS and yes i am still being used like a whore , and yes the bitch is still pissing me off although not so often now ; but after looking at all these, the people around me are still able to balance off the shittiness of everything. right now the only thing i am concerned is what would happen AFTER they ORD. then i will be stuck in the same shit, but without anything to keep my spirits up.

have been mercilessly watching anime for the whole week, i think i cleared about 4 series and still embarking on more. somehow whenever i indulge in anime i feel relaxed. perhaps its the only way for me to gain what those people call nirvana or an orgasm. just kidding. if only life was THAT surreal and perfect and full of vanilla skies like those in anime (a little bit of sword wielding and magic casting would also be nice)

OKAY i am sounding GAY right now with the "if only" , "if only", "if only" shit.

ask anyone what and why are they alive. other than the usual "i am living for GOD" many would be at a loss for words.

all i can say is :

argh! fuck it!

friends - i hate the word

it just pisses me off when i wake up to see a handful of sms and icq messages of the same handful of people asking me for help.

more like asking me to do something for them.

these are the same few who constantly bog me down in my continuation of daily life and only look me up when they need something from me.

i wish they could just fuck off and die.
i'm human too but do you see me asking for help all the fucking time ?

all systems are go

after spending like
a day of backup/installing of fiels and OS in the IDE hardisk and
another day of running to sim lim and then to macpherson to change the damn sata hardisk...and
about 7 hours of installing and re-transferring of files

i dare to say my system is up and running again

after sifting through all the anime songs which was part of the legacy left to me,

i feel so sad.

a tribute to ian

this blog entry shall be a tribute to ian (a.k.a cai tao king). why the tribute? cos this bugger just ord-ed today. (technically, yesterday since it is already the 29th of may now)
ian was the first person who spoke to me the moment my ass landed in PNS. he was the one who showed me around the office and taught me the mechanics how that shithole worked and i must admit, without him warning me about the dangers of the jungle out there, i would have probably got fucked big time countless times already. moreover, being the new kid on the block, i did not have an overstudy to guide me along the way and yea, he sorta played the part of being my "overstudy". whatever it is, he was a great friend who definetly made the interim period from my passing out to my posting to pnsd an effortless one. i still remember the many times of cock we talked about when we were bored and the trips to "hua san" (ian if you're reading this i bet ur head has ballooned but really, thanks for everything.) whatever it is, i wish him all the best in his newly-regained freedom.

i shall continue the heritage of that blind-spot corner which i now call my desk. and break the curse of that seat of being the cai tao seat.

the road is long and winding.
547 more fucked up days till i see my next sunrise.

a present to myself

nothing much happened tdy
cep't that i got myself a Freshwater Barracuda
it's still a pussy right now
probably not accustomed to its surroundings yet
hope it'll be the most xia lan fish in the tank though


my new babe 

yuna

i finally completed final fantasy x-2 just now..say arnd 2.49am
i would thus be a walking zombie later in office.
tdy was a pretty sad day for me

firstly its because it was the end of my conversion course
which would lead to the second reason :
which is that i would be returning to shitty office again later tdy
which leads to the third reason : i will be seeing the bitch
which would then make me depressed and want to kill everyone.
oh yea
and lastly, cos i've complted ffx-2
i won;t be seeing yuna for a very long time

back to reality

today is the last day of my conversion
sadly, i would have to return to the bloody office tomorrow
living my life aimlessly like the way i lived it 4 days ago.
seriously, i've never been so happy as i've been the past 4 days
in my entire NS life.

well atleast there is IDC to look forward to

gentlemen, start your engines

put on a halo and went to school today
gunned the engine and started moving
grooved and moved and made the ride smooth
the prize - a formula 1 licence.

i must say i felt like a bloody newbie with the "driver under instruction" plate
not forgetting the countless fuckheads who tried to make me fail

don't. let me see you on the roads

tomorrow's another day of stress free the bitch although there's talk that i'm in for a very BIG present when i get back on saturday.

kiss me.

cruise control

tomorrow's the big day
failure is not an option
i just hope everything goes well w/o any hiccups
before i suffer another battle at waterloo

the days are getting warmer
my patience shorter
in the dealings of
trival daily mankind issues
i hope their preparators can just go and die

what do you expect me to do now that
the mirror is broken
buy another one
or reflect thy beauty in me.

the reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

listening to the music in the background, i almost reached nirvana.

wtf ?

just when i thought i saw the ideal girl of my dreams
i woke up from my dream
literally
WTF?
could it be a sign? i've never seen her before though
but whatever remains is just a vague impression

oh fug...think i'll go wash up to remind myself that i'm still alive
and that nothing has changed.

code blue

i just finished my 2nd shift of exercise scorpious
gentlemen i have just earned 12 hours of "off" and although the amount is negligible
it nevertheless will succeed in pissin people in the SAF off. but seriously, do you think i care? answer is : i don't.
anyway, popped by at a friend's place to wish him well for his bday bbq celebration and left after awhile after it got too boring.
went to look for daren, the joker i was talking about and we went to holland v to chill and feed his sister's fat-assed cats. i think i've got fleas already cos i'm itching all over.

next week will be a better day as i won't have to face the bitch cos i won't be in office the whole week! reason? driving conversion. and although i forsee many instances of saikang awaiting me after that licence has been obtained, it is still good.


for every period of shittiness there is always a same period of rest

time to bathe bitch again later.

code orange

i can't help but feel enraged today after a case of backstabbing and a wasted tripdown to sim lim square...not forgetting a telephone conversation which i think i revealed too much of myself. that's it. i'm a cai tao for the day.

things are heating up in the workplace
the everlasting place of doom
which fills me with great joy
indeed.

i think i need a break away from this zoo.

clueless

looking at the pieces of my life
when will i ever get out of such strife
this unwanted luxury which fills me within

when will i ever realize
that things are never straight
and not to always compromise

to walk between the lines
is to make my life a mockery
the thing i ever so want to do

are obselete
a miscarraige of opportunity
a collapsed world

i am running out of time

just another night

just got back from watching Van Helsing. Damn bloody good show I must say. I think i have a crush on Kate Beckinsale arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. anyway shan't talk to much today cos' i want to show how boredom can really drive 2 people in office nuts. Ladies and gentlemen, meet daren my friend who also holds an office job in the spf --similar to me.

the story you are going to read is false. all of the characters are totally fictional. Any resemblence between the characters posted here and real persons, whether living or dead, is entirely coincidental unless explicit notice is given to the contrary for a specific instance. Enjoy.

the rule of the game ? only 4 words can be written in 1 sentence which will be completed by the other person.

Story by johnny and daren

"no more," he said
and left the room,
only to find sponges
all soaked with sprite.
a plague upon this
quiet,shitty office befalls
me. crestfallen, i take
a roadtrip up north
where frogs eat sandwiches
and flying cows sing
songs that enfold me.
i cry, so touched
by my big balls.
The sky was purple
with pink polka dots
like young rabbit's droppings
that drool down my
spanking new P4 computer.
cut me up into
a pretty paper doll
and string me together
like ugly voodoo beads.
this death darkens the
the bluest of skies.
what a daft will.
to speak with mushrooms
is to excrete footballs
and everytime i try
to excrete footballs, i
fall, without my wings
on my arse, with
shards of glass piercing
my broken head. it
gives me great joy
to see grasshoppers swim
on a tuesday afternoon,
in an summer month.
i yearn for oreos
that are blue, not
black, bitter they should
not think anymore about
green eggs and ham,
or eating blue spam.
it's time to end
but not right now
it is five o'clock
in my dreams, but
how is this possible?
is this love? or
a poem too long?
nay, for this is
a fruit of boredom,
or creation, depending on
a boring office day

*end of story cos it was 5pm and i wanted to go home.

pain

light within, wavering soul
darkness falls, weather's cold
whatever i could be
ambitions dwarfed
everytime i try to fly away
i fall
with broken wings
i fall
and every time i try to run
i slip
soon the dreams will fade away
slip away from my mind's grasp
why does the fickle tide move so fast
its ebbing slowly wearing me down
i slip
i slip
i slip
everytime i close my eyes
i see her face
she's haunting me
like a living ghost
crushing and suffocating me
i'm not living nor am i dead
why won't she just die instead.

of cycles and loops

i just watched "50 first dates" with my computer tonight (monday night cos it's already tuesday morning) and even though its a movie it reminded me that at least what i'm doing nowadays is not as silly as what Lucy's dad and brother are doing for her; but one thing's definetly for sure : both have pointless outcomes. maybe i should count my blessings for having a boring office job compared to the other kids who are always out chioning in a jungle and training for a useless war (we'll all still be dead) hmm..lets see other than that..i also have a few f-up superiors who are great for levelling up my tolerance levels for nonsense and unreasonable qualms, great peers who also share my shitty plight and so much extra time which i usually waste away.

every night i lie in bed
thinking what my life is going to be
and every time i try to fly away
i get shot down, blown away
all's left is but the chaff
what will i be
a rhyme without reason
a song without emotion
or a pretty flower on the wall
bright shining star, made to stand out
and everytime i close my eyes
i see Uncertainty
its haunting me

everything's pointless
all's but an act

quoting the famous words of Ozzy Osbourne : of all the things i miss, i missed my mind the most

that feeling of lan lan-nes (translation :being unable to do something when something shitty goes wrong)

i woke up this morning to the 5am sky cos i had volunteered my services for sai kang work for SPANS at PA. Woke up at 5 cos i was suppossed tio meet my friends at 6am at clementi mrt stn and what did you know.. apparently the first bus was able to get me there on time, but not my friends. the first train would only arrive at 6.10am and they stayed at boonlay and jurong east. wtf man i ended up waiting for them -> lan lan.

after meeting up with them to go to office, everyone except the driver was early and we couldn't get to pa on time --> lan lan

arrived at pa and i was tasked to be the waterboy as well as carpark warden with another friend of mine -> that wasn't too bad until some lame ass indian shithead thought that he was a big fuck and backed his car into a reserved lot by reversing over the cordon tape and walked away -> lan lan

after everything was done i went back to office and after showering and all i called my dad to check if he was in the area (cos he usually goes to bt merah to eat after chuirch svc with my mum) and i thought that maybe i could hitch a ride back home from them. he told me he was at home already. and so i proceeded back by the shitty public transpot.

went back home only to NOT FIND my dad's car in the carpark and no one at home. fuck. he lied to me. --> lan lan

after so much thought i just realised that nothing much can be done if a person does something against things they call rules, morals,protocol. so what if you complain about him and so what if justice has been done? can it bring back a life; can it bring back the love; can it undo the damage or rid the scars; can it buy back wasted time;missed opportunities and the list goes on... the fucking answer is NO. they always say "the customer is always right"-> which in itself that statement is already eternally wrong.

LAN LAN- the mother of all sianess (translation : boredom; apathy).

what is deemed socially unacceptable
is usually in itself ironically socially acceptable

i think i will be able to complile my blog into a thesis very soon with all this bitching.

ordinary day

woke up this morning at 1+pm feeling disoriented and messed up. maybe it's because of the previous night's episode with the runaway kid case and the flu medicine. turned on my cell phone to be greeted by 2 messages : one inviting me to go china black tonight with the guys and another by david to follow him to go and buy his track shoes for walking. the former was out of question cos i remembered i had to do sai-kang tomorrow to earn off hours and no way woud i be able to wake up so damn early if i were to party.

as i didn't feel like staying home i decided to accompany david to get his shoes--and mine too as i've felt i've reached the stage of getting walking shoes instead of wearing track shoes to go out all the time like your average poorly-dressed-singaporean-guy-who's-always-wearing-happenning-OP- t-shirts-and-levis-jeans. ok so i am guilty of that too but i have my reasons. what are they? well....since i am a slave to the nation and report to work in office (ok i am a lucky slave to the nation compared to other slaves) i don't see a point to dress up nicely unless i want to hook all my other MALE colleagues OR my older-than-me by at least 6-10 yrs FEMALE supervisors and have extra maritial affairs with them. And so that is my reason.

we went to orchard to chk out the shoes (and the chicks with ugly boyrfiends) but did not find what we wanted there. so just like any other ordinary street-smart people we decided to go to queensway to check it out cos every average street smart person would know queensway is one of the places where you will be able to bag the best deals if you know whivh shops to go to and bargain.

i finally settled for a pair of gola shoes cos in my opinion it's unique and not overcommercialized or rather "spoilt". (Think nike. everwhere you go u see them.) and it can be matched easily. for the record the pairs which i actually had to choose from were from adidas,puma and diesel. puma did not have my size, adidas appeared weird and diesel apparead gay if you were to look at them from the top-view perspective. so what the heck.

getting bored of describing my shopping experience. i dunno but i feel that this entry is SO SO SO SO SO like a typical teeny bopper's blog bragging about their shopping spree shit. anwyay after that i left david cos he wanted to wait for his parents to come and buy the shoes with him so that he would not have to pay for them (what the fuck man?) for my uncle's place to celebrate his bday.

birthday was cool although i almost died from eating a hard to chew piece of fudge cake made by my auntie's friend and of course being such a diplomatic person i said it was yummy haha! but i soon regretted that cos she said she would make one for me (wtf again) that's it i will never lie again.

back home now fiddling with the com and writing this shitty blog entry and although i so much want to s\clear my table i just feel like sleeping. thinking of tomorrow's sai kang is enough to piss me off cos i have to wake up at like 5am?!?!? dammit. but what the heck i'll be gettign 8 hours.

people in the SAF say money cannot buy freedom
but i say time can. if you're in the SPF

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bye! (warning explicit lyrics inside)

it's a shitty day today. went to office half dead cos i was on flu medicine only to be greeted by 2 shitloads of work which was not actually within my job scope. being the only SA around at the moment i had no choice but to clear it. as i was slowly soaking in the quietness of the office, the silence was broken by the humming of a next door neighbour. (lets just call her "the hummer" from now on to protect her identity)

ok, so my peace was disrupted and so i went over to my colleague's place for a chat.( since office hours have not officially started it was legal) our conversation was broken by *ahem* the hummer. she questioned me in front of everyone about whether i finished her work or not in a "you owe me" tone of voice which i so blatantly replied "yes". afterwhich she lan lan-ed walked back to her workstation.

the story continues and our protagonist (if you still don't know who that is, it is me LAH) continues to mind his own business and do his own work when his boss came over to his workstation (heng he wasn't doing anything illegal).

me : "gd morning Sir."
boss : "morning,have you seen the hummer?"
me: "erm, i think she just left her workstation"
boss : "where did she go? "
me "sir i am not sure. i shall check it out for you and get back to you"
boss: "ok do that and tell her to see me in my office.

and so i called the hummer

me: "hello name ah ?"
the hummer: " yes?"
me : "may i know where are you? boss is looking for you"
the hummer : "oh tell him i will be back in 10 mins"
me: "ok he told me to tell you to see him in his office"
the hummer : "ok"

and so i called my boss and relayed the message to him.

10 minutes passed.

the phone suddenly rang.

me: "hello ?"
boss sounding pissed : "is the hummer back 10 minutes have passed already"
me : hmm..ok sir i shall call her to check again and get back to you"

and so i called the hummer, this time sounding damn kanchong to raise the pressure abit

me: "hello name ah ?"
the hummer: " yes?"
me : "eh are you coming back? boss says 10 minutes have passed and he still sees no sign of you. and he sounds angry"
the hummer : "aiyah tell him i am on my way lah!"
me: "ok lor..byebye"
the hummer : "bye"

and so i relayed the message to my boss

the hummer returned and went to see boss. afterwhich she called me to her workstation for a little talk.
that's it. i knew i was in for some shit whenever that happens.

well to cut things short she scolded me for calling her by name and for saying "eh" cos it sounded really unprofessional and rude and said that my phone ethics spoke of my personality blah blah and although it only appeared that she was scolding me, i wasn't surprised that the whole office heard our conversation. well done man. she just made my shit list.

anyway people who know me would know that i would only call people by their name and say "eh" ,"hey", "yo", "dude" , if i personally know them or know that the other party does not mind. as for the hummer, being my neighbour it is inevitable that i would definetly talk to her casually in office and i SWEAR i ahve called her by name on many occassions without her taking offence (cos if she did she would have already told me earlier). as for the "eh" part i guess she was just too professional for me. so professional that she had to leave office w/o letting anyu of us know to be accountable for her.

and so kids, this is a damn good example of "it doesn't pay to be kind"
i helped her to clear her shit work (she didn't even say please. she expected me to do it)
i called her to tell her that my boss is looking for her (i could have just heck cared and continued doing my own things)
i called her a second time to prepare her for the shit that's awaiting her
and i was her goddamn punching bag, letting her spam me with that fucking pep talk.

whatever.
i don't owe anyone a living.
and like any other ns boy i am going to use all this to train my tolerance for shit and become numb towards the daily office politics, backstabbings and spam sessions.

i foresee dark days ahead. and i'll enjoy it.

time to go for michael's party. he's celebrating it today. =p

copycat

ok i've got a new layout and ok it's copied from someone who already did it...i feel so lame right now but in time to come it should be customised so that it won't be so obvious that it's copied and i won't appear so gay then. anyway since i've already mentioned it here i don't think it would make a hell lot of difference if i did/did not make changes to it. dammit it's fugging 2am and there's still work tml *gone*

somewhere only no-one knows

i walk across the land/aimlessly without a care/tainted dreams in a tainted world/vanilla skies are once no more
with the back of my hand i wiped my face/wiped the perspiration off my gaze/one by one new found friends are leaving me/very soon i'll be all alone/time to wake up/time to get up/time to run the race again/time to kill/ time to heal/
time to put back everything with zeal/i'm all alone/i'm not alone/this feeling's pissing me to the bone/my life's getting old/
my life's getting cold/my life is never what i wanted it to be/deliver me/empower me/change the stars right above me/life's a journey/it is time to wake up/stand tall/i'm going in.

change

just got back from a movie with my colleagues/friends/nsfs *(delete where applicable)
the movie i watched was "dawn of the dead" and although there was a pretty actress in it i kinda felt cheated in a way that the storyline wasn't really sensible (actually most horror flicks aren't sensible) in a way that it was a-la resident evil style where the whole town is zombified and you have your usual motely crew of helpless victims trying to fend for themselves in a usual stereotyped hideout (this time a downtown mall). well in the end they all still died and ok so what if i just spoilt the suspense i think you'd be better off watching barbie or my little pony or even scooby doo considering the $7.50-$8.50 you'd spend on the movie (since i think today is friday and the weekend is near) trust me. although i do not smoke or encourage it, i think if you forked out maybe about a dollar more you'd be better off buying a pack of cigarettes and enjoying them. the movie lasts about 2 hrs. a pack of cigarettes, when well rationed can well last up to 5 days.

the week has also been pretty low profile for me as i followed my code of conduct (think smart, act blur, live longer) except for maybe one or 2 sai kang tasks to do. i also found out my friends email address so we can 'chat' during office hours using our email. life is changing quite well , considering that i'm pushing myself to do things with more effort instead of haphazardly. Well,at least i don't wake up saying "fuck. another *** no. of days to ord" (where *** is the number of days left to ord). i guess in a way ns is probably the only time where you can not worry about anything for 2 years-although risking abit of mental retardation and obeying stupid instructions-which is no different than a cow.

the genology of morals

i just finished watching Dogville on dvd albeit occassional interruptions from the show (dinner/meet friend/feed pets/tv)
and what can i say?
IT IS THE MOST APT MOVIE which sums up the top brass of my office! it really hit the nail man and i can't help
but wonder why am i feeling so elated after watching it. basically it's about :

an expensive high class gal who wanted to to get away from the cannibism of the modern world and
yes her dad is a powerful gangster chief and somehting like that
and so she 'runs away from daddy' in search of her new life forgetting to take off her rose coloured glasses
and assumming that everyone was sugar and spice and everything nice
and then she came to dogville where the people initially did not accept her as she wasn't a PR or citizen there
however in exchange for physical labour (pun intended) they agree to harbour her and slowly accepted her.
but Greed formed in all Mankind
and they asked for more.
one fine day she decided she had enough and revealed all the messed up acts which they did to her
(ok apparently almost the whole town did shit to her by overworking her and screwing her and denying everything)
and the town got panaroid and decided to turn her to the gangsters but not knowing that her daddy was actually mafia king.
she was then given the choice like the Prodigal Son in the Bible
to cut the crap and all-she went back to daddy with power restored to her
and this time evil triumps against evil (at least the lesser of 2 evils)
and she gave the town a blazing end

beautiful.

moral of the story : the world will never be a perfect place if not it would not be called the world.
the toes that you are stepping on today may well be connected to the feet and
ultimately to the ass that you will have to kiss tomorrow.


maybe i should burn a copy for my boss to watch it.

to sidetrack abit yesterday was the 2nd anniversary for my class 3 licence. nothing big but i decided to write it here not to brag but for the record.

a dogville day awaits me tomorrow. hehe

storm

it is nights like these which i yearn for the most
with an eminent storm brewing in the distance
and with the whole household asleep
i used to savour nights of tranquility and undisturbed thoughts
moments of carpe diem and seconds of calm
but they are all gone now.
this is not a stereotyped scene from an RPG nor am i sounding whimsical and writing all these in caprice
it is just me
how long is the night?
i only have an hour left.

sometimes i just want to scream ---> i've already done that
sometimes i just want to run away from it all --> that's not solving the problem

i guess the only thing that i can do right now is wait for time to pass me by
how long is the night
for a nocturnal person like me it is an eternity of Day

where has everyone gone

dad is busy
mum is busy
no one really cares about me

since things are bad
and make me sad

i pack my bag
and don't come back

i don't know what's today's title

as i type :
the power over at cck would have probably been restored
i'm still 83% through ffx-2
and i am getting damn bored of ffx-2

life this week is probably the most irritating one
cos i will be out of office almost everyday for the police workplan seminar exhibition thingy
not that i don't like it...i hate being a mannequin at the booth smiling and answering questions like a receptionist
aiyah..i can't concentrate typing and playing i think i shall end here

bday party

just got back from my cousin's 21st bday and although i pretty much enjoyed myself there i still find it irritating when the "adults" keep on doing a product survey on my mum's son. "oh so how old is he tdy? oh now schooling ah? or ns? oh he's in ns ah how long more to ord" were the usual questions posed to my mum which she so desperately tried to answer the many voices. one thing's for sure : it never fails to amaze me how people will suddenly look at you differently when you tell them you are a police officer.
i like surprising people.

stressed ?

the area/muscle/tissue under my right eye has been twitching for 2 days already
some superstitious people i've spoken to say it's good luck; some say it's bad luck when i think i may well be dying soon
i checked it up from a website saying its a neurological condition called blepharospasm . OMG my brain is spoilt. Another website said it was stress .
me? stress?
ok lar other than :

1) dragging myself out of the house waking up daily at 7am to get to the office
2) making sure i've got my ass covered in office and staying out of "trouble"
3) wanting to complete ffx-2 by next week (i've only covered 20 hrs of the game so far)
4) wanting to complete the set of C.S Lewis Books which my friend has given me
5) having to convince myself to get my personal website up and running (haven't even reg for the domain yet)
6) having to force myself to learn PHP/PERL for fun laughter peace and joy
7) having to redo the PNS website for PNS (again)
8) constantly finding out what is wrong with me


i am not stressed.

things which i don't understand

i can never understand why this world is so messed up
about why everyone's blood is of the same colour
but yet their minds vary
why the pretty girls are doing with the ugly guys
and that bad things happen to good people.
why do complete pricks get the best of everything
while the humble and good ones wallow in shit
why bosses are always so fucked up
and that people can be so immature at times
on why people only come to me for help
and when i am in my hour of need everyone's dead
its hard lying to myself
that there are others worse off than me
to be contented with the pretty girls + ugly guys system
and the bastard having it everything system
and continuing to help the poor and needy
to be always there when friends call for me
and yes i don't understand
why there are so many poor and destitute people out there
when they should have been given a better life instead of starting off as being pitiful
the mainstream
it's always something which i've always hated
people may say this to me after reading this entry
"what's life without challenges"
you're put in such a situation for character building
to make u you a stronger person

my only answer is

it is life without you

change

the sky has lost its colour
the sun has turned ash grey
but at least i feel serenity
admist the blackened sky

there's a voice in my mind
some things were never meant to be
i've been hearing it over and over again
endearing memories of yesterday
there's a dream to be fulfilled
can never be remembered
but whatever surrounds me now
if i did not love thee
are but oceanic voices.

the reticence of stolidity

some things can never be explained
about why every sky still looks the same
some things can never be explained
about the hours of the day
the consistency of time
and why some people are gay
in every evil in every life
there is always someone in strife
if thoughts could be fully explained
there wouldn't be a need for words
or the fortune teller in the street
some things can never be explained
like the expectancy one feels
while opening a letter
about the bad things which happen to good people
some things can never be explained
of why the fact that love remains
in an imperfect world that kills it

the passion of the Christ

He lay in gethsemene
praying about His death for you and me
the serpent was there to taunt Him
He yielded not, but instead crushed it

the scene switches to the betrayer
30 pieces of silver was what He was worth
he kisses the Lord
and the trial begins

the delirious crowd jeered
insulted and cursed
oblivious to their heinous acts

they stripped Him, struck Him blow by blow
till wat was left were stripes and veal
layers of skin hung off Him
the devil stands by the distance
overjoyed
but a part of him knows
he's already losing the battle

my heart cries
for by His stripes
we are healed

the damage was done
His spirit broken
the unmoving crowed remain unfazed
they wanted Him dead
their desire blase

the via dolarosa was where he walked
that street of shame
that street of death
that street was all he ever had
my heart cries

His destination was golgotha
His final dwelling place in Heaven

nailed to the cross
His blood was tacit of his pain
eloi eloi lama sabathani
his bloodsmeared lips cried out
my heart cries my heart cries my heart cries

with daunting breath
He asked for water
It is finished. It is done

the devil cries
for he has lost the battle

greater-love-has-no-one-than-this-that-He-lay-down-His-life-for-His-friends

something isn't right here

somehow something isn't right somewhere
a heavy sense of foreboding seems to be lingering around me

saddy

saddy kept on jumping today
hey endless clamour emancipating my rage as i type
saddy is jumping right now just what is wrong with her
i guess she too senses the mental bondage that i am in

crap entry 1

this was written by my friend and together with him we shall spin the tale of the century

Karkait bought toto last week and striked $1million
So he bought a cool blue skyline and drove it to orchard. Karkiat looking as handsome as ever drew the attention of the chiobu.this chiobu drives a porsche boxster and thought she can outrun my skyline. So so ... she gave me that look )-Tsk low class jap car-( and ramp her engine.... broom broom BBROOM... I gave her a allan toh look and broom broom also. So the last mat skater cheong past the traffic light(the one right ouside the conical borders building and there goes.... She was fast!! real fast.. .think she floor. Ha! but i mod my skyline engine earlier... have changed it to the prototype proton wadja babi engine earlier at johor and pumped my tyres with nooze... the mats told me they make ur car go faster... And Vrrroroooommm... My speedo meter reached a shocking 70 km/h ... nv have i pushed this beast so far. Well well... girls been girls will nv catch up. So i lead her all the way to east coast carpark K ... she tailing behind me... hot on my twin exhaust. tskk..drove to a dead end and she got out of the boxster! ... Its Xiaxue!!! my idol... She took off the bun on the hair and ..............

I woke up.... the traffic light just turned green... Vroomm.... my fateful L300.. cruising my way through geylang serai
to buy the famous ketupat which yummy king so fervently advertised saying that whoever eats it would strike toto./4d
apparently it doesn't work cos i still see so many puny mortals queuing up at singapore pools and turf club outlets dotting the island marking their bets on high class hell money. this is high class hell money cos you don't have to burn it to get it to hell you just mark it and feed it through the high tech machine and your money would go straight to hell...talk about the advancements of technology nowadays.

i arrived at the stall.. wet with perspiration as my cool L300's air-conditioning was spoilt. i placed my order for the ketupat but the aunty was too busy to even look at me. Feeling rejected i went to eat macdonalds instead. Over at macdonalds i decided that i needed to pee so i went into the toilet and saw this old uncle peeing at the urinal . the problem is he was peeing through his pants and being PGO and all that i asked him "uncle...y are you peeing in your pants? " the uncle looked at me witht he classic lao ren chi dai zheng look and said he had struck toto 1 million and suddenly he swung around to face me.. well done..now i ahve his pee on my legs. i threatened to beat him up by grabbing him with the Undertaker stance in WWE and out of fear he said " dun send me to the old folk's home i got money money i give u money!" and began stuffing SGD notes by the wads into my pocket. I humble accepted the moneyt and walked out of macdonalds, pee-stained feet and all to the bank.

totalling up the money at the bank, i realised that the senile ah pek had given me $400,000k in total..what a mad shit...and so i decided to get a car for myself since the l300 was torturing me. I went to the net and bought the toyata silly car (celica) for 50k on yahoo! auctions.
the car was driven to me by the afternoon by a cool ahbeng which had "Jin Zhong Bao Guo" tatooed on his back..and lots of coloursful cartoon characters on his body. He accepted the money and i began speeding off in my secondly-new celica.

after awhile i decided that singapore was boring and so i went across the bridge to the island nearer to hell and decided to test the top speed of the car there. I started off at the NS highway and managed to bring it up to 220km/h. i tell u it's like flying life seems to flash past u as all the slowmos just disappear from your rear view mirror as if they were vapourised. soon.. i got bored and settled down at the roadside sarabat stall and ordered teh tarik from the the friendly mat brudder over there. as i was about to leave for temasek a local policeman there walked up to me and said that i was caught speeding on my way here..feeling pissed by his evil aura i just paid him the price along with the additional 100 bucks for him to clear the roads for my entourage back home.

i arrived home safetly at 10pm just in time to see lana lang in smallville. it has been a cool to hate day.









what a load of crap.

my life got cold

the annual bad luck streak has come and gone again
i guess everyone gets it
it a period of time (usually a day / week) of shitty things happenning to you for no goddamn reason
mine started last tuesday when i went back to malaysia for some pig herding
apparently it started off when one of my friends was late (can't blame him yeah it's the evil aura)
due to a stomachache which led me to speeding down to malaysia
afterwhich everything was pretty alright and i was getting ready to exploit the short period of carpe diem with my half day leave when suddenly another colleague of mine insisted that i go back to office and work instead of taking leave.
i was like ..fuck. cos i already brought the car out and would incur high parking fees if i parked for the remaining day at chink land. moreover i won't be in time if i left the car at home and took the world-crass public transport system which would get me to work. i settled for parking at sgh though, after that the evil aura continues to spread as i slowly realise that work wasn't THAT urgent and i have gotten a $30 un-redeemable voucher from URA for a parking offence - courtesy of the friendly hoodie who's probably making satay right now. anyways...to top it off i scrapped daddy dearest's fron skirt on a curb which going to watch a movie. You may think wow...that's quite a load of shit i've been through juging fromt eh no. of lines of bitching here but that's not all. the next day i got a free para-counselling session from good 'ol banshee next-door just because i did not do the simple task of drawing paper for her. wtf if it was simple can't she do it herself. anyway to end that highly unpleasant session i just took to blame and just regarded that her brain's iq and eq was probably the no. of her shoesize and shrugged it off. wednesday thru friday were uneventful when saturday brought the shitty news that the freshwater barracuda that i so long wanted ot get was bough up by a rich sod. (apparently he bought the whole tank of 10+ barracudas at $40 each) i have come to a conclusion that rich people are damn stupid..take the merc and bm drivers who drive so slowly even a chinaman riding his golden wheel bicycle can over take them. not to digress i cursed and swore when my wolf fish died suddenly on sunday. piece of shit it did not deserve a water burial and so i tossed it out the window for the friendly magpie to have it. tdy's pretty ok and since it'll be 1 hr 52 mins to tuesday --exactly a week after i visited malaysia..the curse of the lesser mortals should have died off.

*this entry wasn't made to inform/impress/entice/undermine anyone of my past week. it is just to serve the purpose as a record for the shittier times in my life*

life's a joke

just when i thought my office life would be pretty slack
i was proven wrong and bombarded with lastminute ad hoc work
the one thing that pissed me off the most was that some of the work was not within my jurisdiction
and even though the other part of work beloged to me
what was actually a simple practice of maintaining files and paperwork was made
long and tidious by a mat
why?
some damn thing always happens thay say

what's life without challenges again i ask?

it is life without you.

i just realised NS has changed me into another person.
one thing's for sure
i'm not going to be all sugar and spice and everything nice anymore.

f*ck you

etched in my heart
a nondescript scar
those painful words spurn my anger
it takes one wrong move
before we lose it all

images of you images of me
images of everything it could ever be
what's life without challenges ?

it is life without you.

feel my pain, anima

the interesting part of life is its gradual degradation
often caused by people less capable, less deserving,
less experienced,less deserving and less intellectual then you.
the word apathy is becoming my middle name.

ennui

with the sounds of melancholic music playing in the background
complemented by all issues of confusion and strife in my mind
the scene was perfect
i can almost cry

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

so many CHOICES
1 big DECISION
1 significant OUTCOME
so little time

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

product of boredom





Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

whatever it takes

what does it take to make one happy?

perfect

cos' we lost it all
nothing lasts forever
sorry , i can't be
perfect
now it's just too late
and we can't go back
i'm sorry, i cant be
perfect

she's gone

she's gone....probably one of the closest gal-buddy i have has gone away to australia and will only be back in arnd dec.

meanwhile to recap on the days since the last post:

yes i had a really shitty bday cos i was refused leave for the stupid retreat
and yes i had fun too but the shitty feeling overwhelmed the fun part of my bday
the stupid retreat turned out alright with me not being screwed as otherwise thought so
v-day continued to be a farce to me and i did not go out with my gf cos i had the flu
yay i still have the flu maybe tml or tue take mc hahaha

but she's still gone...

surprise surprise

surprisingly i did not have a bad day at all though i was forced to drink a large can of barons shit brew by aloysius and kar kiat and almost made a fool out of myself at spans trying to not let them smell my stench. was really surprised that pple in the office would remember my bday judging from the amount of time i just got to know them.

let's just hope i don't get screwed by mr fat tomorrow at the retreat.

happy ? b'day to me

hah the irony of it all
my icq was flooded with happy bday wishes at teh strike of 12 this morning
and i was refused leave for tomorrow all because of one goddamed retreat which i was to be involved with the co-ordination only.


more rantings to come tlater today.

lenne

endless joy, endless sorrow
endless winds of tomorrow
endless laughter, silent cries
endless hues of the skies
endless tension sleepless nights
cowering darkness, northern lights
endless sadness endless grief
endless tears that i weep

my compass has been broken
i seem to have lost my way

who's lenne?!
why am i so angry
i think i shall go to bed right now

breakout

i'm slowly going under
the days seem long but yet so short
i seem so free yet so busy
in my endless pursuit of learning
can you hear me God?

oblivion

the christmas holiday is gone
the new year holiday is gone
the chinese new year holiday is gone
the hari raya haji holiday is gone
what's left is 2 months of pure shit before the next holiday greets me.

somehow a part of me wants to scream out loud for all the shit i am going through right now
on the outside everything looks fine
but there's actually a great big mess inside of me

...........

sometimes things don't always go the way we want them to be.
it's the minor things that fuck us up.

Happy CNY .

happy CNY guys
wtf am i doing up at 5am?

screwed over .

hey guys and girls it's time to bitch again
tdy's the worst day of my life in 2004 so far i got screwed over twice at the office cos of some really really small shit ....really unbelieveble man there are still people out there who can't differentiate a cd-writer from a cd-r disc oh wth. anyway i was so pissed i decided to take my gary fisher out for spin. and spin it did. i returned home with a punctured tyre apparently acquired after negotiating a sudden drift in the park not forgetting i hit a small kid who was on the cycling track too haha! that really made my day man who told him to walk on a cycling track. argghhhh screw it. it's a new day tdy and i won't let it bring me down.

my life needs a re-org! .

with the new year rolling in and the new change of life at the office my life definetly needs a reorg. what would my after office hours life be like? passive or active? fun-packed or dull? should i take up a part time degree/course? can i cope? all these shit have been running through my mind ever since the first few days of the New Year has passed....i think i'm in for a jolly good ride

farewell 2003 .

the year is coming to an end
a rather good year tough things strarted to screw up towards the end
i acquired a screwed up computer and a messed up xbox which created an impression that the xbox is no better than a calculator
other than that thigns have been alright
my love life is still stagnant ...maybe she will come into my life next year?
things are hard to predict though
anyway screw 2003 be it good or bad
it's time to bring on 2004.

bring it on.

limbo.

as i wait in mindless stupor
the com is drawing lines of lore
i've finally gotten my computer
set it up and gunned it hilther
but what went wrong i do not know
which left me wondering here in limbo

office space

the droning of the air conditioner
fills me in dreamy state
as i lay in the easy chair of my cubicle
i'm a loner, a vagrant, shifting thorough the sands of time
the mere act of pretence being my guide
and protector of my hide

i feel so bored
i think i shall go and shit right now

christmastime has ended once more

and yes christmas day is coming to an end
what an anticlimax to have to work again tomorrow
anyway i managed to get the aprts of my new desktop system tdy minus the lcd monitor and the damn casing. hopefully i can stop using my friend's laptop and begin using the super charged p4 ..... but somehow ...i still feel sad man...wondering what's happenning to me of late....i seem to have lost my drive and passion for the things which matter to me....maybe it's time i settled down and re-evaluate myself... in the meantime i can only enjoy the last hours of christmas day....(although christmas has 12 days..singapore only recognises 1...)

it's christmas time once more

it's been awhile since i had my last christmas.....365 days in fact. and to date many things have happened and changed in my life since then.....this year's christmas is rather different for me. cos i spent the first half of it at home with a gang of close buddies from sec. school....although it sounds gay...we still had a great time witht he ps2, the ever slow outdated laptop and the mandatory booze and snacks....right now everyone is stoned except me....to be continued

where are you christmas

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here in silence
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fills your heart with love

wake me up.

and so here i am sitting in my room at 7.10am wondering what went wrong. i have been posted to the police cantonment complex over at new bridge road and work starts at 8.30am everyday the only problem being---i can't wake up. this isn't the first office job i've held but surprisingly i don't know why i can't wake up or at least wake up without feeling sleepy. wtf man is this what i'll be doing for 2 years? if so i should be in deep shit. things over at the office are crazy right now with alot of admin shit not properly done. i don't even know what's my post and purpose in the dept and even my pass to certain area have not been made. crap i hope i would meet someone at the door later when i report for work.

home.

the parade began with a wet start albeit the prescence of rain. uncertainty engulfec me as i marched towards the front to receive my rank as i was unsure whether my dad and uncle could find me amidst the sea of brown. (you know what i'm talking about.) an inner bonding of faith fuelled me when they put on my rank for me. happiness was what i felt as i did the last march off and ultimetly, a feeling of relief as i knew my days of shit was over

everything happened so fast, that i felt out of control.

but hey. i'm back. back in action

goodbye PA
hello PNSD.

PO PO POP. Goodbye Mangkok

every beginning has an end. today marks the end of my 20-week long training at PA. It however marks a new beginning cos i would be starting on next ns phase in 5 days time. i don't think it would rain later today during the parade since most of the "mana" was used up last night and is still continuing to be wasted right now as i write...perhaps the sky doesn't want to disappoint those who are coming to support me but whatever the case; i'm coming home.

the final 3 days.

going back to camp later and this time it would be my last 3 days in there before i officially pass out on wednesday evening. somehow i wish that it would rain on wednesday so that i would have a passing out ceremony haha. right now the only problem is my exit permit---will i ever see it..will i ever get to fly away or remain in this place for those 3.5 days of understated rest

4 MORE DAYS TO POP !!!...

well it's 2 actually if you minus tomorrow and the actual day. it's great to know that i would soon leave that shithole at thompson road. the very home that wasn't. many people asked me if i would miss them or think about the place. my non-impulsive reply was of course a straight emotionless "NO". However, i would always remember that place as one which helped build up my tolerance for nonsense and the very test grounds for myself in terms of independence whenever i felt lonely, helpless and basically just fucked up about everything. yes. i have passed the test and after all that shit i should be rewarding myself i guess

10 more days...

10 MORE DAYS TO POP!!! FINALLY my fingers are able to count the number of dammed days in the shithole that i am in. this week would probably be a damn torturous one as i'll be spending 5 fucked up days at the damned parade square with the blazing scorching sunrays aimed at me. sometimes i wonder why did they need 3 weeks to practise for one stupid POP parade which no-one seems to bother about. It's just a passing out parade in my opinion. Nothing GRAND about it. it's either that i've grown out of such trival extravagances or SOME people have really never seen the world so much that they are so siao on about the parade. whatever la i'll be out in 10 days anyway and i won't be missing the people there.

18 more days...

the days are finally getting lower. it's just 18 more damnned days in camp before i finally get out of it.

nothing eventful happened this week except that i came home for 2 days cos of diarrhea on tuesday and wed. next week would be a holiday week for the beginning of the week cos only he real traiing for the parade will commence on wed.
i've finally registered for my lon procrastinated SAT exams with that monkey friend of mine today. and FFX-2 eng ver is in my hands too. i feel spastic writing in such a jolly way but who cares POP lo..!

24 more days...

FINALLY the damn exam is over. the essay questions were alright but the mcq ones are the ones which i'm more worried about. somehow or other either i'm stupid or the questions were so badly structured that i were not able to understand them. perhaps i'll never know. Hopefully by tomorrow i'll be able to know how i fare....
the week should be a boring one mostly occupied by drill drill and more drill for the passing out ceremony. FINALLY, i'll be ut of the shithole. what would really make me bored is to find out that i would be posted back there . please pray that i won't.

4 weeks more...

this is it... in 4 weeks time i wil be out of the shithole provided that i don't fail my exams which are to take place in 2 days time..somehow...the pressure to study is on but my environment stinks...wish me luck

what dreams are made of

for the 2nd time running i've been having dreams of a certain someone from so long ago. is she trying to tell me something?

success! (see prev. post)

here i am again. back from a shitty week full of tests. My IPPT was a success with my 2.4km run walk clocked at 9.56s instead of the previous 10.20s and 10.40s when i first came in. SOC was completed in a modest 7.46s judging that it was my first and last SOC test before i get out of PA. Drill test was just a breeze.

i was also had 2 unexpected interviews for positions witht he admin side shoud i be posted out. now my only wonder is whether i would regret going there or staying to the usual NPC shit. whatever will be will be i guess. going to catch the matirx : revolutions later which i think i would be wasting my money cos i've more or less forgotten what happened in the previous matrices...screw it

now all there's left is one more major exam next friday b4 i can really "relax" in camp until POP day.

survive this week (part 2)

i'm back home again and soon i'll be back out
the upcoming week is going to one shitty one cos apparently i have 3 tests to take this week. Scenario based test, my IPPT and my Drill test. sometimes i wonder if the "higher powers" up there really have brains or not. they cram so much shit into one pathetic week instead of spreading it out evenly. to top it off i have PT almost everyday.
so much bitching has been done...ultimately i'll still manage to pull through...somehow.
btw my tigerfish just died this morning. bastard jumped out of the tank.

7 more weeks to go, now did you just see this somewhere ?

the long weekend break is over. i'll be going back in in less than 2 hours time. the sky looks provoking and the worst thing that can happen to me right now is to rain when i reach PA. This week should be un uneventful week for me...first 3 days unarmed tactics with thursday and friday doing some drill i think. i hope it rains on thursday and friday. life should be getting better now that i only have about 3 more tests to take not forgetting the 113th intake people will be coming in this tuesday. i'll be a senior then.
sometimes i question myself on the things i what to do and the inability for me to do them. i've so many things that i've long wanted to do thats all been disrupted by this stupid regime of mine and to top that off the "higher powers" have extended my pop date. sometimes i want to scream. sometimes i just want to be. alone.

fug

i was just informed that my passing out parade date would be pushed back by one week. which would mean i would most probably pop on the 10th of dec instead of 2 dec provided i dopn't screw up anything. fug. btw happy deepavali guys public holidays are a godsend for ns men

survive this week

with a lot of green phelgm and a small possibility of obtaining the flu again i have set myself a simple but hard target : to survive this week without getting sick. simple cos its only 6 days....hard cos i have sentry duty yet again thios wednesday which is a 24 hr thing and you know how much your body heats up when u have irregular sleeping hours.....survive this week...cos next week is a holiday week

7 more weeks to go

it's good to know that the number of weeks that i have left have gone down to 7. Yes i have 7 more weeks to POP. Life isn't hard at PA. Just irritating. I guess having spent 13 weeks at PA alone by myself has made me stronger in the areas of tolerance of nonsense, to be able to sleep anywhere in almost any position as well as to be more alert so as to prevent my ass from getting into trouble.

i expect the next few weeks to be mentally and physically challenging as i still have about 4-5 more tests to undergo. but hey 7 more weeks should be bearable. the only bad thing at the moment happenning to me now is that i have this feeling that i am falling sick again. please don't.

sick

this is my 2nd day of mc and in about an hr's time i would be heading back to camp
the only problem that i am facing now is that i am still running a temperature of 38 deg. my best bet is that i would have a relapse tonight after spending the night in my bunk
i hate the flu
y must such shit happen during such important times of training

boring

the vicious cycle continues as i go about the day packing my bag in preparation of going back to camp tonight. the govt. currently owns my life...at least for the next 2.5 years. i don't remember selling/loaning it away to it though...

14 weeks to go (90 days)

the 111th intake batch just passed out yesterday.
leaving the 112th intake squads and a few regular squad in the academy
suppossedly our POP would be a grander one than yesterday's which was washed away in rain
everything's fine so far except for the usual suspects
should be back by friday if everything goes well.

17 weeks to go

going back in tonight. this week would be an ass week cos i will only be going home on sunday morning and going back on sunday night. so much for the weekend break.....

in and out again

didn't really have time to bother abt this blog until when i am finally settled with all the shit to bring into camp tonight. bought a pack of uncle tobys muesli bars which apparantly have no "halal" symbol on it and so was contemplating whether to bring it in anot cos a rule of PA states that we can't bring pork in but pork also meant any other shit made from a pig. so shall it be then just hope no one visits me at night. going back to camp soon ----> the boredom. still alittle bit unsure of how to walk in but hopefully i will be able to cross the bridge when i get to it. right now time is such an ass. everything i'm donig right now is hyper i just hope i dun burn out. farewell to my home. farewell to my life

goodbye to my home. goodbye tomy life

this is the first time i have ever waken up at such an early hour ever since my holidays started in mid april. it shall however also be the first day i enter into the police academy. many thoughts fill my ever saturated mind right now as i try to construct this entry. for a start i would not be returning home until the 8th of august.

many things await me at pa. new friends, opportunities as well as challenges. the first hurdle would however be figuring out where to go once i reach that dreaded place. all i know is that the days of waking up at 3pm everyday are gone...well at least for 20 weeks. i can never roam the land as freely as i used to be.

many thanks be to those who supported me just before i enter pa. you will always be remembered as the few good friends who stood by me. for now i wish you well.

goodbye to my home.
goodbye to my life.

the last day of freedom

today is my last day of freedom before i begin my 20-week ns prep training into oblivion
somehow somewhere inside of me wants to go all out into having a full fledged day of fun by completing whatever things i had always wanted to do before ns. however, another part of me just wants to sit in my set apart space at home dwelling in solace getting prepared for the big day tomorrow because there's no escaping the day tomorrow. the former would just be running away from it. in my view ns would be fun though its the initial making of friends that would be hard oh well. 21 hours left.