24 more days...

FINALLY the damn exam is over. the essay questions were alright but the mcq ones are the ones which i'm more worried about. somehow or other either i'm stupid or the questions were so badly structured that i were not able to understand them. perhaps i'll never know. Hopefully by tomorrow i'll be able to know how i fare....
the week should be a boring one mostly occupied by drill drill and more drill for the passing out ceremony. FINALLY, i'll be ut of the shithole. what would really make me bored is to find out that i would be posted back there . please pray that i won't.

4 weeks more...

this is it... in 4 weeks time i wil be out of the shithole provided that i don't fail my exams which are to take place in 2 days time..somehow...the pressure to study is on but my environment stinks...wish me luck

what dreams are made of

for the 2nd time running i've been having dreams of a certain someone from so long ago. is she trying to tell me something?

success! (see prev. post)

here i am again. back from a shitty week full of tests. My IPPT was a success with my 2.4km run walk clocked at 9.56s instead of the previous 10.20s and 10.40s when i first came in. SOC was completed in a modest 7.46s judging that it was my first and last SOC test before i get out of PA. Drill test was just a breeze.

i was also had 2 unexpected interviews for positions witht he admin side shoud i be posted out. now my only wonder is whether i would regret going there or staying to the usual NPC shit. whatever will be will be i guess. going to catch the matirx : revolutions later which i think i would be wasting my money cos i've more or less forgotten what happened in the previous matrices...screw it

now all there's left is one more major exam next friday b4 i can really "relax" in camp until POP day.

survive this week (part 2)

i'm back home again and soon i'll be back out
the upcoming week is going to one shitty one cos apparently i have 3 tests to take this week. Scenario based test, my IPPT and my Drill test. sometimes i wonder if the "higher powers" up there really have brains or not. they cram so much shit into one pathetic week instead of spreading it out evenly. to top it off i have PT almost everyday.
so much bitching has been done...ultimately i'll still manage to pull through...somehow.
btw my tigerfish just died this morning. bastard jumped out of the tank.

7 more weeks to go, now did you just see this somewhere ?

the long weekend break is over. i'll be going back in in less than 2 hours time. the sky looks provoking and the worst thing that can happen to me right now is to rain when i reach PA. This week should be un uneventful week for me...first 3 days unarmed tactics with thursday and friday doing some drill i think. i hope it rains on thursday and friday. life should be getting better now that i only have about 3 more tests to take not forgetting the 113th intake people will be coming in this tuesday. i'll be a senior then.
sometimes i question myself on the things i what to do and the inability for me to do them. i've so many things that i've long wanted to do thats all been disrupted by this stupid regime of mine and to top that off the "higher powers" have extended my pop date. sometimes i want to scream. sometimes i just want to be. alone.

fug

i was just informed that my passing out parade date would be pushed back by one week. which would mean i would most probably pop on the 10th of dec instead of 2 dec provided i dopn't screw up anything. fug. btw happy deepavali guys public holidays are a godsend for ns men

survive this week

with a lot of green phelgm and a small possibility of obtaining the flu again i have set myself a simple but hard target : to survive this week without getting sick. simple cos its only 6 days....hard cos i have sentry duty yet again thios wednesday which is a 24 hr thing and you know how much your body heats up when u have irregular sleeping hours.....survive this week...cos next week is a holiday week

7 more weeks to go

it's good to know that the number of weeks that i have left have gone down to 7. Yes i have 7 more weeks to POP. Life isn't hard at PA. Just irritating. I guess having spent 13 weeks at PA alone by myself has made me stronger in the areas of tolerance of nonsense, to be able to sleep anywhere in almost any position as well as to be more alert so as to prevent my ass from getting into trouble.

i expect the next few weeks to be mentally and physically challenging as i still have about 4-5 more tests to undergo. but hey 7 more weeks should be bearable. the only bad thing at the moment happenning to me now is that i have this feeling that i am falling sick again. please don't.

sick

this is my 2nd day of mc and in about an hr's time i would be heading back to camp
the only problem that i am facing now is that i am still running a temperature of 38 deg. my best bet is that i would have a relapse tonight after spending the night in my bunk
i hate the flu
y must such shit happen during such important times of training

boring

the vicious cycle continues as i go about the day packing my bag in preparation of going back to camp tonight. the govt. currently owns my life...at least for the next 2.5 years. i don't remember selling/loaning it away to it though...

14 weeks to go (90 days)

the 111th intake batch just passed out yesterday.
leaving the 112th intake squads and a few regular squad in the academy
suppossedly our POP would be a grander one than yesterday's which was washed away in rain
everything's fine so far except for the usual suspects
should be back by friday if everything goes well.

17 weeks to go

going back in tonight. this week would be an ass week cos i will only be going home on sunday morning and going back on sunday night. so much for the weekend break.....

in and out again

didn't really have time to bother abt this blog until when i am finally settled with all the shit to bring into camp tonight. bought a pack of uncle tobys muesli bars which apparantly have no "halal" symbol on it and so was contemplating whether to bring it in anot cos a rule of PA states that we can't bring pork in but pork also meant any other shit made from a pig. so shall it be then just hope no one visits me at night. going back to camp soon ----> the boredom. still alittle bit unsure of how to walk in but hopefully i will be able to cross the bridge when i get to it. right now time is such an ass. everything i'm donig right now is hyper i just hope i dun burn out. farewell to my home. farewell to my life

goodbye to my home. goodbye tomy life

this is the first time i have ever waken up at such an early hour ever since my holidays started in mid april. it shall however also be the first day i enter into the police academy. many thoughts fill my ever saturated mind right now as i try to construct this entry. for a start i would not be returning home until the 8th of august.

many things await me at pa. new friends, opportunities as well as challenges. the first hurdle would however be figuring out where to go once i reach that dreaded place. all i know is that the days of waking up at 3pm everyday are gone...well at least for 20 weeks. i can never roam the land as freely as i used to be.

many thanks be to those who supported me just before i enter pa. you will always be remembered as the few good friends who stood by me. for now i wish you well.

goodbye to my home.
goodbye to my life.

the last day of freedom

today is my last day of freedom before i begin my 20-week ns prep training into oblivion
somehow somewhere inside of me wants to go all out into having a full fledged day of fun by completing whatever things i had always wanted to do before ns. however, another part of me just wants to sit in my set apart space at home dwelling in solace getting prepared for the big day tomorrow because there's no escaping the day tomorrow. the former would just be running away from it. in my view ns would be fun though its the initial making of friends that would be hard oh well. 21 hours left.

my friends have been abducted

woke up this morning to find that my icq had 5 regular online names instead of 10.
well done. 4 of my friends have been abducted and 1 has gone to work

slowly my world is crumbing

farewell to carpe diem

counting the remaining days i have left to ns jail
there aren't many. only 7 days
i do recall the times when i was just waking up at this shameful hour just getting ready for school
or just waking up at hours later than this just to skip school
all these have now passed and are merely just a record in my memory
gone are the days of endless reverie and nights of muse

freedom was just a memory

why do i feel so sad

yesterday was a day of madness
2 rabbit cages, 3 habitrail space stations, 3 metal hamster cages and 7 medium sized pet habitat containers were all crammed into my dad's car to be cleared off at a number of pet shops around the island.
in the end almost everything was cleared off except for 2 breeding pairs of rodents and a few other critters. crazy day i must say
anyway, although we managed to pack the animals into the car, sell them off, wash the cages etc, have a so-so dinner and met up with old friends; (we as in me and satan child) i somehow feel a prescence of despair in me. as if something was missing. something which i always wanted to do, could do but have not done it. what a fucked up feeling right
damn if only i knew what was missing. probably i wouldn't be blogging right now.

suikoden

i just completed suikoden in less than 2 weeks
a week earlier then what my bet with a friend stated

the facts :

operation: complete suikoden 3 in 14 days
status : completed
date of completion 13th july 2003 0600 hrs
total airtime 72 hrs 39 secs

technically ended at 0430 hrs

6 characters

3 main : chris, hugo, geddoe
1 shithead : thomas
1 nonsense : koroku (dog)
1 bonus if you collected 108 stars : luc but basically it just wastes 1.5 hrs

death again

blogger is seriously screwed
my previous entries failed to be published

so shall it be whatsoever it 's free anyway
and free stuff usually satisfies the basic needs of the client

anyway yesterday another death was reported
yes my other rare snakehead died
not because of parasites
but extreme wounds inflicted by a low-life luohan
believe me i will avenge its death

tragedy

the car was a total wreck when we arrived at the scene of the accident
glass and firebreglass debris from both cars could be clearly seen at the surrounding
areas on the road where the two cars collided.
the driver in the other car had already been taken to hospital.
no wonder they said speeding was the no. 1 road killer

idiots should be no. 2 cos no matter how safe you are
there will always be someone to fuck you up.

death

i lost one of my rare snakeheads this morning to a fucking parasite
well at least i know ocean free products are useless
all i can do right now is look for a replacement to accompany the other one that's left
fuck parasites
fuck ocean free

nice

my exam results were out early this morning. was kinda surprised when i got an A for my fyp as my supervisor was quite demanding of my project and often said i could do better than the current standard. I guess he was steering me thru the direction of an a grade. thanx mr supervisor although i know you will never read this entry. well i guess i can really go all out tohave fun b4 i go for stupid ns now. hopefully i don't die b4 i go in

oh really

i was bored (as always) and stumbled uppon this trash :


Sunset - You are the spark of inspiration, the fuel
of the imagination, and the essence of
destruction. You are one of intense emotion
and passion, a creator and a destroyer.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

nice.

the words i feel

I've been watching you awhile
Since you walked into my life
Monday morning, when first I heard you speak to me
I was too shy to let you know
Much too scared to let my feelings show
But you shielded me and that was the beginning

Now at last we can talk
In another way
And though I try, I love you,
Is just so hard to say
If I only could be strong
And say the words I feel

My bleeding heart begins to race
When I turn to see your face
I remember that sweet dream
Which you told to me
I wanted just to be with you
So we could make the dream come true
And you smiled at me and that was the beginning

Now at last we can talk
In another way
And though I try, I love you,
Is just so hard to say
If I only could be strong
And say the words I feel

Tell me what you're thinking of
Tell me if you love me not
I have so much I long to ask you
But now the chance has gone
When your picture fades each day
In my heart the memory stays
Though we rant, you're always smiling
And I will hold it long

the matrix reloaded

trust me.
after the screening of matrix reloaded
many more people will start their pseudo philosopical nonsense again.

bumming ard

it's been 22 days since my exams ended and i just realised that 22 days have just been wasted on bumming around. how time files when you're really having fun. so far over the past 3 weeks i've been madly rushing all over the country's various fish shops in my ever fervent search for exotic fishes. the search is over although i can't really say that i WOULD not be getting any more specimens for my tanks. Have been looking at a breed of cichlids which i've seen before but did not bother to read up on. they're called "apistos" do a search on them if you can bother.

right now my life's a big MESS. so many things to do but it's either i am too caught up with the mad fish craze or i'm tired or basically "nuah". if everything works out and if they really do (my plans) i should be getting a webhosted site soon and then the real blogging would begin.

game over

my game just ended at 1530 hrs today
somehow the exam paper wasn't as easy as it was perceived to be
"fuck!" was heard behind me when i received the paper
"shit!" at the other corner
geez...some last exam paper huh
hopefully i'll pass this damn exam AND my final year project
cos i never wnat to go back to ngee ann to study again
right now all i can do is enjoy while i can
june shall be my judgement come

final heaven

this is it
the end of the road
the fork which meets the bend
tomorrow is my final exam before i would be officially out of school
somehow i feel sad
not because i'm leaving
but because my polytechnic life wasn't what i initially imagined it to be when i first got the enrolment package from the school
true i made quite a number of friends here..but somehow disappointment manages to sink in
where i would go now, what would i do i guess it's all up to me
the 95 days of free time before i go into PA would definetly not be spent mainly on working
for it is one of those times when a person can legally rest and do what he wants in this shitty nation
(ok the other such time was after the o levels)
oh well, i'm bored i guess
whatever.

this is it

i just handed up my final year project report today
realising the fact that i forgot to add in a few important documents
whatever
it was only at that moment when i handed up the reports that i wondered.
is this it? my 3 years of crap ass poly life gone just like that?

i've about a week more in school before i am considered out of poly (graduated? i don't know)
this period of time would probably make me wonder if i really enjoyed my stay here.

i am a sinner

as i listen to the never ending printing sounds of my hp 948c printer
i can't help but feel guilty
guilty of the act of killing the trees and wasting ink
yes i am printing out my final year report's 3rd draft.
and this time it's a whooping 119 pages excluding the appendix
single sided double spaced-guess how many pieces of paper that would be..
i'm sorry earth..but if my sup wasn't fussy and commanded such high standards..perhaps the world would not be so warm now...

preparing for Grand Retour

final year project start date has ended
wireless technology project start date has ended
final year project programming period has ended
final year project demo has ended
wireless technology project demo has ended

now all's left is the final year report
and a wireless technlogy exam
and Grand Retour would be born

......

woke up this morning with a sorethroat.
me : wat's for lunch ?
mum : fried rice.
me :fuck.
mum : fuck y?
me : i have a sorethroat
dad cuts in.
dad : got fever anot if got fever better see doctor!
me : i have SARS dun worry
silence.

S.A.R.S

apart from thw on-going war in the middle east
there is an even better thing to talk about today-SARS
everyday and everywhere i go i hear the word "SARS" being mentioned
everyone is so overly sensitive of contracting the disease that looking at them simply makes me laugh
the walking jokes of today are not your comedians, but rather the selfish and most ignorant people of singapore
this isn't the mass slamming of my fellow singaporeans, but rather one pointing at the above mentioned clowns
just today i was sitting a bus back from school when an elderly man started coughing
before i knew it (or rather, 2 stops later) the only people left in the same bus as me were myself, the elderly man and 4 other people
i mean WHAT THE FUCK man did they really have to do that? it's just a normal cough no? morons.
if everyone was so afraid of contracting SARS, why won't they just stay at home? or prolly commit suicide so that chances of getting sick and other dreaded diseases would be 0.
morons.
the least you could do is stop being stupid and eat well, sleep well and have the knowledge to not go to areas which would most likely help u contract it.

shock and awe

while most of us are sleeping in our beds at this moment
there is a fierce war raging on in teh middle east
who are we then to judge whether who is right or wrong
when we are not taking part in the war

hold me in your arms

hold me in your arms
never let me go
i want to spend eternity with you

to God be the glory

to God be the glory for everything that has happened to me

bring me back to life

why the hell am i feeling so spastic today
lethargic and mindless

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

-evanescence

I AM WISDOM whahahahahaa

i was so bored that i bothered to take this quiz :



Wisdom

oh well, better stop dreaming and get started on my fyp soon

rain

it seems to be raining everyday nowadays.
true i like rainy days cos of the coziness it brings
but it's screwing my life up because i tend to sleep more
not forgetting my ever recurring cough

the genelogy of morals

i just finished watching a film called "samsara"
in my opinion it is sort of an allegory to buddha (yes siddharta gautama's life)
well i'm not into buddhist shit but the show has left me thinking though
basically the story speaks of a young man who was involved in the monastry since the tender age of 5
apparently after serving 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days worth of meditation
he gained nirvana and got a degree for it (whatever)
however, the story begains to get interesting when he sees a woman breastfeeding her child by accident
and thus began the moral degradation of him.

he began to question his faith , on why he had to be a monk since 5 years old when buddha himself gave up
his worldly ways at the age of 29.
to cut the story short, he left the monastry to become a world man
married the girl he liked, had a family, farmed etc until one day, his fellow ex-monk-mate
paid him a visit with a message from his dead mentor
the message said "would you rather satisfy a thousand desires or conquer just one?" (or something like that)
which left him thinking.
after much though, he decided to leave his family and go back to become a monk.
now i know its his choice but i think it's super selfish of him lor since he already had a family and stuff like that
anyway, so off he went to shave his head and change into his buddhist garb and was walking towards the monastry
when he saw his wife at the gate
with the look of disappointment and tearing eyes she mentioned "yashodhara"
yashodhara was the wife of siddharta gautama(or buddha as he is famously known)
she begain reiterating the story of how siddharta gautama had left his family (yashodhara, his wife and rahul his son)
to give up his worldy ideals and gain enlightenment (sounds familiar?)
and ultimately buddha
he had left his family silently one night. without saying a word
she continued to say that yashodhara had been showing compassion to the ailing
and sick long before siddharta did and questioned him on who can say that siddharta owed
his enlightenment to her
whoa this part was the killer man (see it to believe it)
anyways, the story ended with the confused chap seeing the answer to the question
"how can you prevent a drop of water from drying up?" which was "by throwing it into the sea"
i don't know about him but i perceived it as blending in to your circumstances
and since that his circumstance was that he already had a family, then bloody hell return to it and stop being a monk

this has perhaps been the longest entry since i started blogging. i'm just blogging for the record since the movie has left some sort of impression on me. the question of moral obligation vs current circumstance. if anyone reads this (though i don't think anyone would) and feels offended then i'm not sorry. cos this is my damn private space. i repeat. samsara rocks.

the day's business

the year's birthday celebration was a quiet one
spent in the dingy restaurant of swensen's orchard point with a handful of good friends
not that i had few good friends, but because most of them were either in ns jail
or couldn't make it because i didn't really plan on celebrating it big this year
a great time of idyllic chatter saw us through the entire meal before we decided to end it simply
by going home. sounds pretty lame or boring but at least it's something different from the previous years for the record.
somehow i've reached the state of nothingness. where nothing really matters much when it comes to outcomes.
call it bad call it good but i just call it emo

the day is slowly seeping through the sieve of time
what started with an unnatural wake up call by my parents to get ready for chuch
attending my church's 24th anniversary (and getting really woken up by being placd right in front of the stage)
a simple lunch at alexandra village
and the above mentioned dinner is coming to an end
in a few hours this great/good/ok/bad/shitty day (please do not delete as necessary as the day consists of many parts of the adjectives) is coming to an end
tomorrow would be my neighbour's birthday and probably a few others whom i've probably lost contact but still remember
and what is left of today would only be a fragment of time

this is me. aged 20 years born in this earth
raised up to face the world
ever learning from mistakes and the evils of this world
ever striving to distinguish friends from actors
ever searching for the one true love
ever pursuing the knowledge of this earth
for better , for worse, forever after more.

hooray. it's my birthday

many people fear growing older for me it's just the passing of time however as i grow older every year i feel that everything is reaching a standstill everything isn't as fresh as it was anymore everything is just so mundane the christmas of last year just came and went the new year wasn't as bad but the recent chinese new year was just so stale so unnatural so much so that it has also affected my mood to celebrate my birthday if i ever was going to anyway everything has seemed to have lost its meaning for me its just as if my world has just crashed everything which was once fresh is now so stale and cliche is this it is this how i am going to spend the rest of my life with so little possibilies of living it like i used to maybe its time i started to reflect on my past and present life configuration

of mice and men

i just spent the entire night trying to get my hamster which had escaped (i don't know how the fuck it managed to escape)
and crawled under the cupboard
those who had seen my cupboard would know that it was freaking heavy.
and yes, i had to empty the cupboard to tilt it abit and take the little bastard out.
total time taken for rescue mission? 3 hours
pics of the ordeal can be found in my online photo album

consider your needs

many of us claim we need a certain something when it actually should be considered a want
a need is considered the cause of the origin.
in truth it is often merely an effect of what originated

lunatic pandemonium

as i grow older, the lunar new year starts to become more of a dread than a festivity.
what were days of running about and playing pranks at my relatives's houses are no more
today was a real damper.
ever since the demise of my grandmother the family has invisibly broken up into smaller self-contained clusters
the mood of family seemed disturbingly off today, so much so that i just felt like asking everyone what the hells was going on
i hate the future. christmases, new years and birthdays were so much more enjoyable in the past

the motor shark

friend : hey johnny so is the shark in the wisma atria fishtank really a motorised shark?
me : what do you think....
friend : hmm..i say cannot be lar! who so stupid put a motor shark in the fish tank for what?
me : well..you've got your answer.
friend : *ponders for a while* hehe i think i wanna buy a shark too
me : there's this shop at serangoon which sells sharks
friend : how much?
me : $600 bucks i think
friend : fuck you lar! where got mechanical parts cost so expensive one?!
me : .......

against all odds

right now i am experiencing a psycological warfare
i am about to take my stupid napfa test in 2.5 hrs time
the results look bleak but the desire to pass it within today is my driving force right now
however, for every inspiration there is a damper
what if what if what if seems to ring continuously
droning into my head relentlessly

game over

last night was my last night at 7-11
the store was irritatingly busy when i was just about to leave
some farewell bidding huh

i reached home only to notice that the dead fish in the tank had floated up
and that my maid had helped me throw it away while i was in a hurry to go to work the previous night
and so here am i
free from work
but not from this mental prison

i have wasted yet another day

stoned

i can't believe i just wasted my day again
maybe i should stop working since it messes up my life so much so that i would not be able to complete my fyp in peace. i'm just wondering now what possessed me to work at 7-11 in the first place.

bad command or file name

recently things have been working out pretty fine for me
but being the ardent pessismist, how long would this last?

i'm starting on my fyp next week though
but right now i'm having the same retarded feeling which i have at all beginnings of a year
uncertainty
that which is hard to grasp and fathom
which disappoints when one expects

yes this is late

it is the year 2003. 5th january to be exact
if you're wondering why this is so late. blame it on blogger
blame it on 2002
i wrote 2 long entries on 31st dec 2002,
only to have some database error spat back at me.

anyway, i guess 2003 should look brighter
i saved $21 on what would be spent on celebration at the beginning of the year already
and with all the little things added up, things SHOULD be looking better
of course there's monday, when school starts. let's just hope it doesn't screw me up huh

looking back, i really wasted my holidays. working, sleeping, playing
omit the playing part. it's an obligation for me to play cos i am going to serve stupid ns soon

no new year's resolutions for me this year.
because they'll just be lies.

bought a ps2 game called total immersion racing
not bad.

ran out of nonsense to sprout.
farewell

anticlimax

i just opened my eyes to another sunday 10 minutes ago.
it's something to note as it's so hard for em to get up just to go to churhc on sundays
lying on my bed i thought of the stuff to do, things to buy before the new year starts
but i just remembered i'm left with $3.25 in the back and my paycheck hasn't arrived yet.
so much for having resolutions.
having nothing more to do now, i shall attempt to go back to sleep.

day after boxing day
shit. i just woke up.





You're ice! You can be very cold and distant and you are NOT a people person. You're pretty mean but you can be nice...to a select few.




What element are you

boxing day

on christmas day, this was what i did :
11am-12pm woke up, washed up and got ready for christmas lunch
12pm-9pm was at uncle's place for christmas lunch/dinner
9pm-10pm back home sleeping
11pm-7am worked
7am-11am biked the world
11pm-12pm was drained.
12pm-7.30pm - slept like a dog

and so this was christmas. a whole year of waiting. a whole year of disappointment
the warmth which christmas usually brings never really did touch me this year
perhaps it was me, perhaps it's the people i hung out with this year
no matter what, christmas is still over.
i guess the only thing to look forward to is NYE

christmas

8.pm - left house for church service
8.45pm - arrived at far east square for church service
9pm - service commences
10.30pm - service ends
10.45pm - left far east square for home
11.45 - left home again cos i was bored
12.56am - Holland Village with some friends
1.30am - Missed last train back home
2am - Arrived at pasir panjang for supper with daren
2.30am - Met another friend who came to my house to take photos of his rabbit
4.30am - Round 2 of supper downstairs
5.35am - Blogging again

that was how christmas was spent by me in 2002
right now i'm still contemplating whether of not to quit my job for good when school re opens

5.40am - deep sleep

the eve before christmas

cold and crisp afternoon
the way it should be
while throngs of people are out prowling the streets
on this day
while the many couples are out clasping hands and strolling
along on this day
i'm stuck at home.

i had just woken up after a 7hr sleep
somehow, i'm still jaded.
sunrise shift at 7-11 was alright
except that it was so damn boring i wished i had something to do

perhaps i should spend the entire day contemplating this
and wrapping presents

on the other hand, it's so sad that i'm spending the day at home
imagine waiting 357 days for christmas only to spend it at home.

back in prison

in case you're wondering why my previous entry did not have a title it was because i had only 5 minutes to blog at the internet kiosk in hong kong. yes internet kiosk. that is one of the things singapore needs to have. another is the train route information which tells u which part are u particularly at at any point of time just by looking on the electronic route information panel.

it sucks to be back (people would usually say it's great to be back but not for me)
my trip to hk has opened up eyes. and it's not visually.
though the living conditions there may be worse than singapore's, the people there really take pride in their work. no matter the working conditions or pay. it may be even a simple trash collector job and yet they'll still go all out. unlike the expensive cats of singapore. the streets are lined with colourful shadows and brightly gassed lights, adding to the vibrance of the city. wonder which idiot banned neon ads in singapore.
i've actually got more to say but i wouldn't want this blog entry to be a long china tale of a country bumpkin (yes there are alot of china fucks in hk too)

now that i'm back in prison, i'm contemplating on whether i should continue working or not
there's so much stuff i had planned to do earlier and have yet to accomplish it cos of the job as it has really messed p my bioclock.
save me from this zoo

this is my 3rd time blogging and i really hate to redo it
the shopping centre\s internet cafe sucks
other than that hk is cool to hate

long way from home

here i am sitting in fron of the com
just waiting for time to go by
i'll be off to Hong Kong in a few hours time later in the day
good bye to my home
good bye to my life

the irony of life

engulfed in blood you came to earth
an object of your parents love
with the blessings of the higher power above
you laughed you cried and lived your life

years go by and you got bored
rushed through your single childhood
to grow up

years go by and looking back
you long to be a child again

you lose your health making money
and in turn lose money restoring your health
in later years

you think anxiously about the future
forgetting the present
such that you live neither in the present or future

like a blooming flower
you live as if will never die
and die as if they never lived

such are the ironies of your fragile life
such are the ironies of your own destiny

the girl who stole the stars

My dear Kid
How are you doing?
I wonder how old you are
as you read this letter
Perhaps you've matured into
a beautiful woman, raising a
happy family, by now
I was hoping to talk to you in
person when you were old enough,
but just in case something happens,
I'm writing my feelings down on paper and leaving it to Luccia.
Perhaps you already know...
or perhaps you yourself are
also caught up in some
historic crisis as a result
of all this.
but anyway...
My friands and I did something which changed your future
in order to save the world
but sometimes I think of the darker side of what we did
what has become of the future that was "once" suppossed to have existed?
where did the "time" that now is no longer allowed to exist "go"?
though it is true that thanks to our altering of the flow of history
we were able to save so many lives
and prevent so much sadness and suffering..
but we have also caused the deaths of so many that were meant to have come
into existence in the timeline we destroyed as well as the sadness which
you are encompassing now
Kid. when i think of you
i remember someone i once
met a long long time ago
in the distant past
someday i'll tell you about her
when you are ready to know of your real name and heritage
i'm not the slightest bit worried about you
for i know out there "he" will always be there for you
of perhaps he has already found you
and is there by your side as you read this?
well anyway kid.
until we meet again
farewell

F.U.C.K

my fucking IBM hardisk just crashed today
well not really...
well at least my other valued possesions are still intact
well anyways the os sector is gone
well it's going to get smashed by me later...once i transfer all my important stuff to other storage media
well... FUCK IBM
cos i'll never get another IBM hardisk again

a hl la

this morning dew the morning's crisp
smelled no different from a crypt
countless lost souls walk the streets
leading straight ones to doom

a homeless man sleeps on the bench
not knowing really he's half in his trench
a drunkard spews the merlion's glory
who'll deck the halls with boughs of holly?

the day is breaking, it has broken
the gates of hell reopen
don't worry if you haven't the slightest clue what this is
for it is about what it is.

crossroads

it's been awhile since i had a time like this
everyday used to be a living dream
not until recently when my other life took a turn
of which the biggest bend would be reached later today

undisputed obligation

I FUCKING NEED TO COMPLETE CHRONO CROSS BY THIS WEEK!!!!!!
if not i'll go crazy

fark

what do you do when you are chasing after a bus and when u finally reach the bus
the door closes. and the driver speeds off

that's the feeling that i'm having after 2 days of work.

november rain

it's been like...6 weeks since school closed and looking back in hindsight,
i haven't really done all that i've wanted to do.
well, at least i have a fugging job right now which i can hold when school reopens...

i seem to have lost touch with the people around me
strange...it's a certain emptiness that is bridging the comunication channel between us..

i got my examination results yesterday
they were pathetic

the november rain is getting to me
it's colder than it'll ever be in march
and i still have a day or two ahead of me
before i reach oblivion

she's perfect

She's perfect in her own way.
Smoke rings rising to the winter grey.
She's perfect in her own way.
Shining, stepping off a silver train.

Now I'm getting that sick taste in my mouth
from the medicine that I can't keep down.

She's amazing in her own way.
Always moving to a better place
She's amazing in her own way.
Laughing, you won't get to her better traits.

Now I'm getting that sick taste in my mouth
from the medicine that I can't keep down.
You know time heals nothing by itself.
I see that ever so clearly now.

She looks just a little bit different now.
Maybe a little bit softer around her eyes.

She looks just a little bit different now.
Maybe a little bit softer around her eyes.

The lights had just gone out at Rockerfeller Center.
Take it slow and make it softer.
Easy likes it nice and steady.

Now I'm getting that sick taste in my mouth
from the medicine that I can't keep down.
You know time heals nothing by itself.
I see that ever so clearly now.

the price of blood

stepped out of 189 after a crazy journey to tampines mall (to get my 2nd ps2 controller)
just in time to see a sprawled motionless body on the road.
laid out artistically in front of it was a mess of newspapers and uneaten food
question is : did he jaywalk or was the driver negligent?

gray

as i speak gray skies surround me
the land of the lost, the isle of conformity
i've never felt so happily sad than today
so gladly mesmerized by the gray sky's candescence
there's just so much to be done
things yet to be explored
but the wintry skies of today
crushes all hope for new found love

psyche

the night is quiet, divine serenity
which reigns in my every yearning
just as much as ever seeping knowledge
in the root of this world
in the light of today
i am not what i used to me
in the shadow of the past
needing is often chastised by wanting
and the will to love another
is no longer alive
only in dark skies will a zephyr occur to me
and only in brighter days
will my heart be found

mangled

somthing amusing just happened today when i peered into my hamster's cage
i saw a bloody mangled carcass of the robovoski
to top it off
i am formatting my com right now
cool~

silhouette

i was with 2 of my friends awhile ago when we started talking about our own personalites
one of them commented that i'm the carefree type of person whose ideal girlfriend
would be one who isn't possessive and wouldn't mind where i went or did (of course not to the extremes)
that the latter was quite true...
but carefree? hmmm...


just as i expected?
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wet,dazed and sick

come to think of it
my days of staying up late to play elancia have finally caught up on me
i'm down with a worsening sore throat and the best thing is that tomorrow is my
medical checkup at cmpb. wonder if they would take the sore throat part seriously

my day today was spent sleeping and drinking sleeping and drinking
which suddenly reminded me of the hong kong ad of shopping and eating shopping and eating
everyone says drinking a lot of water would help
but it doesn't to me
i guess i shouldn't ahve started on that damned game in the first place

elancia. the curse of all mankind

elancia found

the exams are finally over
well..4 days ago to be exact
to think that i was so overjoyed that i forgot to blog
but...there's always a but

every year around this time i would feel a certain kind of calm
every year around this time i would feel a certain kind of chaos
it's a feeling of comfort-danger feeling

everyday everynight i would dream dreams of wonder
filled with the fury of spiritual recrudesce
just what are they trying to tell me

elancia.the city of lost dreams and eternal addiction

paradise lost

my dad's back.
there goes the car
there goes the late nights
there goes the "there goes the neighbourhood" phrase
%^#%#@#^%@

i have 2 more exams to die in
and the worst one is tomorrow
somehow i have this feeling of disengagement
i don't feel smarter after studying
neither do i feel dumber after studying

just did a online purity test
and found out that i am onl 35% online pure (65% of my life is spent online)
THE INTERNET HAS CORRUPTED ME
oops.

out of control

it's been a crazy week since my dad left
and he's coming back tomorrow
i'll miss the long emo drives i had with his car
pet hunting day
the various suppers i had with friends
and the high enery drives to school during the exam period
it's been a mad week

right now the love birds are making a helluva din in my room
i think i'll slap them later.
STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY
jamie yeo is crapping on air....
STUDY STUDY STUDY
oh shit i have to wash the car later
STUDY STUDY STUDY
which would you rather have :
self - edification or
societal obligation for the sake of self edification?
you decide

goodwill hunting

i just had a crazy day yesterday and got so burnt out that i did not bother to blog the day's adventures
i went pet hunting yesterday with satan child. after making like 5 trips to and fro from the car to dump the shit we have bought
we left serangoon at 7+ with 4 robovoskis and 2 lovebirds helplessly hanging on to life while i drove back home
i just realised that the boards notifying the predicted time to ur destination was full of shit
CTE - PIE was said to be 11 mins
i did that in 7 minutes. what a load of bullshit. save the money please....and buy more air fresheners
it's so bloody smelly in this damned country

i woke up with a shitty feeling tdy
so i decided to do a shitload of tests just for the fun of it

btw goodwill is the name of one of the stores which sells damn tame birds

Which Is Thy Element

Show Me Your True Colours
brought to you by Quizilla

it is a good day to die

last night was a fucked night for me
apparently i couldn't sleep again and kept on tossing turning
what made matetrs worst was that i'm having a paper at 9am later today
in other words...I DIDN'T FUCKING SLEEP WELL
i'm so screwed

the joke of life

i've got to put this down cos i think it's the reason to my negative outlook towards life
LIFE'S A FREAKING JOKE
i just checked up one of my module marks a few minutes ago
wasn't surprised to see the hard evidence smilign at me
those who were diligent and commited throught the semester got Cs and Ds
while those fuckers (excuse my french) who fooled around got As and Bs
i admit i'm one of them , but hey...it's my experiment isn't it?
that sums it up
oh...and i've found the most calculative person on earth today
go figure.

great

and so here i am sitting in front of the com blogging
i should be awake since 11am when i just woke up 10 minutes ago
i should be studying but what am i doing now
i hate this feeling of not being worried for my exams
great

frail

aware of my obligations i am still unconvinced
with sound and fury i dreamt on
this waking life , this living dead
this undeniable doubt of impeding despair
another day is just another yesterday
without the sweet memory of us
like lighted fools and haunting aspirations
i sink deeper with life's petty cycle

the farplane

one of my pets left for the farplane early yesterday morning
you could imagine how pissed i was to see a dead feathered paperweight lying face downon the floorboard of the birdcage
life really stinks. it wasn't tortured, hungry or anything
the night before it was still happily chirping
wonder wtf happened to it
oh well

insomia

it is nights like these where i can't sleep
where i would like to smear these pages of my heartfelt feelings
but the frustration of not being able to sleep overwhelms the desire to write

wasting time

waste is the 8th deadliest sin
and i just commited it by coming up with my horrendous gantt chart for my fyp
it's ridiculous how Man was given the liberty to do anything EXCEPT one thing
in the beginning and yet he could mess up.
remembering not to do ONE thing is better than having to remember ALL the things he could do
what an idiot
this is ladies and gentlemen is a very hard fact that MAN is stupid

and because of that, stupidity flowed down its bloodline
why should there be rules when in the first place life was free
why build roads when we can walk
why is there this piece of paper called a driving licence
which merely seperates the drivers from non drivers
what's with this word "Convenience" which actually spells i-n-c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-t
for the people who make things convenient
what a farce
life is a farce with Man around
and for matter, why the hell did i actually do that stupid gantt chart knowing that i wouldn't use it
i hate stupid rules, people and authority

the higher up you are, the dumber you get
the dumber you get, the faster you die
which actually makes no difference for death is only time delayed

what the fc*k man

i can't believe i'm being prevented from sleeping by a computer
a computer which is NOT MINE so to speak
the cause of this synthetic insomia was because of my nosiness

apparently my mum's com's harddisk died a few days ago.
all i could have done (for my own good ) was to mind my own business
and leave the matter alone. but NO NO NO i had to be so fugging kaypo as to install a backup hardisk for the com

a simple installation of a hardisk takes no more than 2 minutes
but with an ancient network adapter...it takes one allah year.
maybe i shld stop being so nice in future
life's a bitch and so am i

obligation vs true feelings | white lies vs the painful truth | hapiness vs simple joy | being cruel to be kind | untimely death before imminent evil | social bondage vs personal dreams ...

it the end , it equates to nothing at all

strange dreams

a face of a mask and a masked face
two strangers with me in a haunted house
a girl in a cab with the same destinaion

dreams or prophecy time will only tell

shit i just remembered i have a test in an hour's time

it is a good day to die.

the price of being nice

it's a shitty day today. i kinda got "caught" for "cheating" in a sacred open book test just cos i told my classmate to "flip to unit 2". looking back in hindsight that was a super spastic thing to do since i already knew that it wasn't worth helping others anymore in this world cos the more you offer your help, the more you would be exploited. How could i forget that?!. i'm such an idiot. looked through my past entries and realised that my whole freaking blog is full of sad morbid and cynical writings. i probably blog when i'm having such feelings i guess...but all the time almost everyday? i think i'm super bitchy for a guy. riiiiiight. ARGH LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE

but,

when you walk away you don't hear me say please oh baby don't go simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
it isn't hard to let it go for human memory is just a record and we can rewrite it the daily things that keep us busy which end up being nothing ultimately are confusing me about the very existence of life itself why the world works this way of malice and selfishness and greed and lust it's giving me too many things lately so much that i would break anything which has a nice crashing sound i wish i could prove to you that i'm able to love you but some things are so hard to say and if such words would make your day i would say i love you but does that mean i have to walk on water i hope you understand that when you're older some things are simple some things are complicated but what is deemed complicated is never simple when we think too hard whatever lies this morning regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all nothing's like before for the tide has changed.

AAAAAGHHHHHHH

after a crazy week of j2me programming i finally threw in the towel
yesterday yesterday yesterday
which was actually friday
i'm supposed to hand in another assignment later today

it doesn't end here though

more tests and agony will be coming my way soon
and all i can do is embrace it
well at least there's a break in my stereo-typed routine nowadays

the tide has changed.

it's funny how the person you can hold a the best conversation with
only appears to you when he's unavailable and going away
pinch me

the tide has changed.

of saints & sinners

don't you just like it when people make a promise to you
only to break it the next day
don't you just like it when people smile at you sweetly
only to maul you from behind
don't you just like it when people talk so much it makes you full
only to end up being the majestic fool of their very pathetic selves
don't you just like it when people say they won't do anything
only to end up doing all other things which would really make your day

i don't.

to all you hypocrites,backstabbers and liars out there.....
every action causes a reaction.
what goes around comes around.

right and wrong

let's face it. we all live in a world of darkness, selfishness and malice
and because of that i can't seem to trust anyone anymore
everyday i see friends playing the fool when in actual fact
the biggest fool of all is right here blogging away
i never liked assignment/exam periods ....until then

help me figure out the difference between right or wrong

will there be a war

it was a lethargic day for me without school today. actually the time could have been used for my damned PWA programming assignment. however as any other person would have done so, the day was spent doing other things EXCEPT doing my damned programming. i wonder what the end result would be.

i flipped through the news today , totally amused by the US - Iraq issue. It's amazing how the Asians aren't really in favour of the US attacking Iraq. In my opinion, the US is trying to be a big f*** by threatening to bomb the Iriqis asses. But you can't really blame them as a lot of shit has already been thrown onto them since the 911 incident. As for Iraq, I don't give a damn on whether they're bombed or not because it may well be the entrance to hell. whatever. the world is coming to an end soon. and everyone's bitching about it.

i just did my registration for NS. they had a really weak web application i must say. wonder why they even dared to encourage us to use it even though it was full of bugs. well. everyone's doing IT i guess. pun not intended. poseurs. i just hope ns life would be fun.

everything sucks right now. i can even foresee it'll suck until the end of my exams.
btw my webhost currently sucks too.

pointless

another day another life
another dosage of mental strife
all's spent wasted breath
wasted strength towards endless death
what had seemed useful
what had seemed good
only turned out to be recycle bin food
the hour is near this timeless year
has only to breed failure's fear
feelings of me feelings so free
are but now
feelings which disagree

september 28th

september 28, 2002.
the monsters had arrived.
j2me is the biggest monster of them all.

just came back from another strenous biking session with a group of friends
got a few injuries too. an overstrained knee, a grazed shin and very worn out tyres
right now i;m waiting for my friggin hair to dry b4 i call it a night
or should i say day
buddha has awoken by the gong of the damned temple near my residence
how irritating
perhaps ...he's one of them

rain

it is raining outside right now
each drop of skyjuice a symbol of our heartfelt regrets
they say the rain cleanses everything
but what they failed to consider
is that everything flows back to us eventually
just like a vicious cycle of everyday life
so there is rain

ennui

gleaming moon, hazy bane
silent darkness in endless night
briight shining star
veiled in cloud
restless soul, in a rabbit hole

ticking clock, screaming pain
when all that screams
is ear-piercing silence

glistening blood with tainted love
beating heart, iced vigour
an effigy of love, delineating hathred
the beginning of an ending era

promise me.

feelings

mind is full of depth charged feelings
the feelings of nostalgia and security i used to have
the feelings of uncertainty and mystery the future beholds
the feelings of raciness and urgency
the feelings of quitting and letting it go
the feelings i would hide and never show
the feelings of comfort and solace to hold

there are just so many things on my mind
so much to do
but time seems so little everyday
a day of procrastination breeds joy for my soul
but sorrow for tomorrow
when will i find utopia

just another week

it's the beginning of yet another week
a mundane chore which i can never escape from
everyday is an aimless quest to know today and discover a new tomorrow
i'm beginning to get sick of this routine.